Why Is It So Difficult To Find A Good Friend In Thailand

[bendix]

Hi TQM,

It’s a bit of a nightmare isn’t it?

Actually, no it's not a bit of a nightmare.

I'd call it self-indulgent and maudling, but not a nightmare.

I think people need to get a grip and stop being so sentimental. What has happened to stoicism? Have we all become Americans?

[thequietman]

When pressed, the OP vaguely states 'the sticks' so appears quite happy to erect his own barriers to finding buddies even via this medium.

For example, had he said that like me, he is near Nong O outside Nongwuaso, I would have PM'd him with an invite to pop 'over the mountain' to Nong Bua Lamphu on Saturday afternoon and hang with Canuck Eddie who is promising treats from the new BBQ that his wife got him for his birthday (about time Eddie, eh?).

Hope it doesn't rain!

you are correct. sorry. i live near Phrae. it would be great to meet people from near there. thanks.

[GuestHouse]

What ever the causes, I don't regard a scarcity of likely candidates for friendship as any good reason to lower the standard of people I'm willing to ascociate with.

[bendix]

I dont know what people expect. They voluntarily leave their lives and families to come to live in a country where they will necessarily be isolated, where learning enough of the local language to have meaningful conversations is beyond 99% of us, and where a pool of 'friend' candidates is obviously limited and then complain that it's hard to find friends.

Then - to compound matters - you live in Phrae!

Seriously, it's like deciding to go and live in Dubai and complaining that it never snows.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

For those needing more companionship I question why they've chosen to commit to a particular rural location. I'm frequently amazed the degree to which farang guys allow themselves to become obedient appendages to the extended in-law tribe.

For those in the early stages of a SO relationship, there are many reasons to resist living near her family. This is just another one.

From the very beginning you should try to overcome the feminist cultural programming you've received since birth and realize you're in a very different position here. When she says "up to you" take her at her word, and when it turns out to have been a lie put your foot down and be ready to walk. You're the boss now, but only if you're consistent about keeping that role. Not suggesting being unreasonable here, completely isolating her from friends and family, but the default should be a fair distance, and she can always go home for visits on her own.

This and the rent-vs-buy argument. IMO don't let yourself get tied down by your material "stuff". Why stay in the same place for years and years at a time, especially if it isn't perfect for you? Travel light so when the fancy strikes you can hit the road and settle somewhere else more to your liking.

Your life is what you make it, but you have to exercise your ability to make decisions and carry them out or it withers away.

Edited April 27, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[NanLaew]

.... Then - to compound matters - you live in Phrae! ....

LOL... I had to google for Phrae and even that veritable search engine asked, "Hold on.... give me a clue. Where's that?"

[wana]

For those needing more companionship I question why they've chosen to commit to a particular rural location. I'm frequently amazed the degree to which farang guys allow themselves to become obedient appendages to the extended in-law tribe.

For those in the early stages of a SO relationship, there are many reasons to resist living near her family. This is just another one.

From the very beginning you should try to overcome the feminist cultural programming you've received since birth and realize you're in a very different position here. When she says "up to you" take her at her word, and when it turns out to have been a lie put your foot down and be ready to walk. You're the boss now, but only if you're consistent about keeping that role. Not suggesting being unreasonable here, completely isolating her from friends and family, but the default should be a fair distance, and she can always go home for visits on her own.

This and the rent-vs-buy argument. IMO don't let yourself get tied down by your material "stuff". Why stay in the same place for years and years at a time, especially if it isn't perfect for you? Travel light so when the fancy strikes you can hit the road and settle somewhere else more to your liking.

Your life is what you make it, but you have to exercise your ability to make decisions and carry them out or it withers away.

this is great advice

going to an asian country ,AND THEN choosing to live in the middle of nowwhere is a bit hardcore for my liking

some people cant even handle living in the most westernised of thai cities like bkk or pattaya

ok,theyre far from perfect ,but youre unlikey to be lonely or bored in them

there is hundreds of thousands of farangs and no shortage of thai ladies either ....

[bendix]

I like the fact that the OP is politely 'Likeing' posts which are a bit critical of his position.

He seems nice and pleasant.

thequietman, can we be friends please?

[Darrel]

And if you're really lucky in Pattaya you might even meet a real estate agent or a crooked lawyer or a sleazy media mogul.

In Pattaya you could easily meet someone who is a real estate agent and a crooked lawyer and a sleazy media mogul.

I think I had a beer with him the other evening.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

this is great advice

going to an asian country ,AND THEN choosing to live in the middle of nowwhere is a bit hardcore for my liking

some people cant even handle living in the most westernised of thai cities like bkk or pattaya

ok,theyre far from perfect ,but youre unlikey to be lonely or bored in them

there is hundreds of thousands of farangs and no shortage of thai ladies either ....

Personally I've no trouble with the idea of living in the middle of nowhere surrounded by aliens, but I'm "hardcore" that way - obviously language skills are critical in that situation.

Obviously the idea would be to feel happy to put roots down, build a homestead, plant trees and perennial gardens for the benefit of your descendants, but only *after* you've found the perfect spot, and of course for many that includes a certain level of companionship outside family and romance.

My point is stay free to easily relocate from one place to another as the fancy strikes you, don't get bogged down to the point where you feel "stuck" in one spot, so you can keep looking until you find that perfect spot.

[DLock]

Guesthouse, I dont get why the guy launched into a tirade against you. I might just be being thick, but the 3 questions he asked seem quite normal, or am I abnormal. Anyway anyone want to fill me in?

Regarding the op, I think that expats are are funny bunch. Many will completely blank me as I say hello or pretend they didnt here. I have a running joke with my wife that whenever we see a farang and he sees me that he will look at the floor immediately. Are they all international criminals. At this point I must point out that I dont live in an area with lots of farang. One guy was even behind me in the queue in Tesco's and ignored me and looked at everything he could, except my way. Maybe I'm scary looking or such an arsehol_e that people know not to talk to me.

Many farang I've met like to turn every conversation into a pissing contest. One guy would always tell me whatever I bought was shit and that his was the best........and I mean everything fridge, sofa, car, even said to me, 'my wife speaks better english than yours'.

I wonder why so many farang see each other as direct competition??

MJJ, I have noticed this behavior.

It's like every farang where I live wants to be the "..only gay in the village..." (from Little Britain).

I must admit I do not go out of my way to initiate conversation with random farang, but in places like Big C or Tesco the behavior you note is consistent.

I would think that 2 Thai's that spotted each other in the West would say hello, or have a conversation, but farangs in Thailand seem to do all they can to not acknowledge the other guy.

It's odd....but it does mean I rarely have to endure meaningless conversations about things I care less about.

There is probably 4 or 5 guys on Thaivisa that I think I'd like to meet in real life...and 2 of those I'd probably meet just to slap silly.

[Beetlejuice]

I first arrived here during the late 1970s and have a few very selective farang friends.

I consider myself extremely fortunate because back 20 years or more there wasn’t that many farangs here and when it was rumoured that there was another farang in the area we would make an effort to meet and once introduced it was sort of like a magical moment and instantly became friends. Later on we even named some of our kids after each other, because we became so close.

Have known the guys for donkeys years, most of us first arrived in Thailand at the same time, we are all of similar ages, married to Thai ladies, have kids, share similar interests, are on equal levels status and financially wise, our native languages is English and live not too far apart.

Sadly over time some had died and when this happened it was like mourning a brother. Now there is only 4 of us old school left, the brotherhood as we describe ourselves.

These days that’s all changed, there seems to be a new breed of farang entering the country, many living on a shoestring budgets, have financial problems, what they do in Thailand is suspect and they can be very unsociable, even outright rude in some cases.. Quite simply the types that I would not want to associate with. Also taking into consideration that back then it was much more difficult for those of little wealth or had no bona-fide work skills to come and settle in Thailand because the Immigration regulations were much tighter enforced, so as a whole, the farangs that moved here in them days, were higher educated, were top of their trades and a valuble asset to Thailand or financially better off and could be a lot more hospitable than they are today due to the fact that they had nothing to hide and all above board.

It can take a lifetime to acquire good friends and it`s now very difficult to meet people that are compatible and those that one can hit it off with right away, especially with the types of farangs that have been plonking themselves in Thailand over the last few years.

This means that for those who are hoping to discover great new ex-pat friends here in Thailand are really up against the thin end of the wedge when it comes to what’s on offer here at the present, the crap of the crop.

As far as I`m concerned I have seen the best of it and I consider myself very lucky to have met and befreinded the farangs and Thai people now in my social circle of trusted long term friends and I do feel sorry for the newbies because I don`t believe they will have it so good.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[cup-O-coffee]

I totally appreciate the op. Hang in there and keep on searching your inner self and don't be afraid to press on. You'll get where you'll find that nice chat and ice cold beer.

One bit of advice is that you should put too much value on what it is to have a nice chat. Don;t make up rules in your head. Don't decide what is good banter and what is not. Just enjoy the flow and be flexible.

Decide if you need listening to or you want to listen, or simply take what cards are dealt and enjoy the moment.

Only you can choose to be flexible in any given situation. Only you can choose to be happy, and to do so when that moment of chatting arrives. Just the sound of hearing mates sitting around and sharing a beer and cracking up with each other is like tonic to my ears. Sometimes just listening is fun. But again, it is really difficult to get the other guy or guys to begin to notice you and to bring you into their loop or his loop.

Friendship involves trust and loyalty, and a lot of guys here have been burned... and the environment here in Thailand does not necessarily nurture trust and loyalty. Most mates are together because they have something in common, and the biggest thing is their nationality.

It takes time for the other guy to get to know you and show interest in you. It is very rare to find someone who is going to be seriously interested in you in the first year of sitting and chatting and enjoying a cold one.

I wish you well my friend; and I mean that simply because you took the time and effort to pose a question that most people do not do; and you weren't afraid of the hardcore responses from the self-appointed mysterious warriors! I admire that and it tells me you are truth seeker at heart.

All the best!

[chonabot]

. Also taking into consideration that back then it was much more difficult for those of little wealth to come and settle in Thailand because the Immigration regulations were much tighter enforced, so as a whole, the farangs that moved here in them days, were higher educated, financially better off

I kind of see your point here , but can also see why some(..them.. ) may infer a sense of elitism from your implications.

ps I have a degree and a Post Office savings account

Edited April 27, 2012 by chonabot

[samsiam]

I lowered my standards and made friends with a Pom once.

[edwinclapham]

I lowered my standards and made friends with a Pom once.

I am sure he was eternally grateful

[bendix]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

[samsiam]

I wear name tags at parties.

[mjj]

Its not necessarily the lack of conversation part that I find odd. Its just the simple smile or hello. As for the looking at the floor, they act like a small child that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. If someone doesnt want to acknowledge me, thats fine and ok, granted I find that behaviour a trifle weird, but to shy away from me is .................erm, well, not normal.

Or are they just really insecure and shy?

[samsiam]

Its not necessarily the lack of conversation part that I find odd. Its just the simple smile or hello. As for the looking at the floor, they act like a small child that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. If someone doesnt want to acknowledge me, thats fine and ok, granted I find that behaviour a trifle weird, but to shy away from me is .................erm, well, not normal.

Or are they just really insecure and shy?

Do you shave your legs and wear a dress ??

[mjj]

Yes, why?

[Thaddeus]

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Would large breasts make a difference

[pattayadingo]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Maybe some of us are more civilised and polite and see nothing wrong with a friendly hello. That friendly hello is not an interrogation. No-one is applying thumbscrews to force you into a conversation.

Don't do it back home? Why ever not?

It is not an invasion of their lives or of their privacy. People do not have to partake in a conversation if they do not want to do so. And they definitely do not give private information either unless they want to.

[samsiam]

Yes, why?

You are male right ??

If yes....can you send me some photos ??

[UbonOz]

When pressed, the OP vaguely states 'the sticks' so appears quite happy to erect his own barriers to finding buddies even via this medium.

For example, had he said that like me, he is near Nong O outside Nongwuaso, I would have PM'd him with an invite to pop 'over the mountain' to Nong Bua Lamphu on Saturday afternoon and hang with Canuck Eddie who is promising treats from the new BBQ that his wife got him for his birthday (about time Eddie, eh?).

Hope it doesn't rain!

A little strange that.

Why have a post and not know where you are, maybe a troll.

Can't help someone who can't help themselves.

I would have offered to meet if local, I don't go out much, I like home, have a couple of good friends and we travel nearly every three months.

[mjj]

Yes, why?

You are male right ??

If yes....can you send me some photos ??

With or without the butt plug??

[samsiam]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Maybe some of us are more civilised and polite and see nothing wrong with a friendly hello. That friendly hello is not an interrogation. No-one is applying thumbscrews to force you into a conversation.

Don't do it back home? Why ever not?

It is not an invasion of their lives or of their privacy. People do not have to partake in a conversation if they do not want to do so. And they definitely do not give private information either unless they want to.

I bet Bendix could play Moses in a crowd quite well.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I would think that 2 Thai's that spotted each other in the West would say hello, or have a conversation, but farangs in Thailand seem to do all they can to not acknowledge the other guy.

1 Thais have much stronger national/tribal bonding than even say a couple taffs, much less farangs from completely different cultures, only a little DNA in common.

2 Overseas Thais are in the top tiny percentage of their gene pool and can assume it's worthwhile at least exploring the possibility of a friendship, while many farangs here not so much, may even be on the slippery slope to irrecoverably last-legs down and out, or even a crim on the run.

[samsiam]

Yes, why?

You are male right ??

If yes....can you send me some photos ??

With or without the butt plug??

I don't see the sense of butt plugs.

[necronx99]

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

That's just what the Poles said.