'Bought' A House But Getting Cold Feet

[chonburi12]

Hi all,

I have bought a house with my wife, by that I mean we have signed the housing contract, made a deposit and been approved by a local bank for a mortgage. However, I am getting cold feet and not sure I want to go through with it.

I can't really see myself living in Thailand for the foreseeable future and I like to move around countries with my job. My question is, can I just pull out? I don't care about the deposit money and we have not signed with the bank yet so am I right in saying its not too late.

I'm not sure why it was such a great idea four months ago and now I feel like it will be like a ball and chain. It feels like I am getting married to a chick I don't know. What are your thoughts guys?

[chiang mai]

If you're not happy doing what you had planned, get out now whilst you still can, especially if you are having strong doubts, don't wait, just do it. It's your life and you need to be comfortable with the decisions you make, you wouldn't be the first person to change their mind on something like this and it's OK that you do that.

[cardholder]

If you're not happy doing what you had planned, get out now whilst you still can, especially if you are having strong doubts, don't wait, just do it. It's your life and you need to be comfortable with the decisions you make, you wouldn't be the first person to change their mind on something like this and it's OK that you do that.

I agree 100%.

This is not about buying a house, it is about buying a 'chick'.

You are not ready to buy this one so walk away with the only loss being the deposit - and the probably the 'chick'..

There are plenty more houses - and chicks - in the sea.

[losworld]

run don't walk... if you are at all unsure... can always get another house or another gal in Tland for that matter...

[meatboy]

do what you want to do,not what others want you will soon find out if you have the suport

[ballbreaker]

First check the contract to make sure loss of deposit is only down side if you pull out of deal. The norm is loss of deposit but remember TIT.

I don't know about you but I believe most people if not everyone has sixth sense. You know that gut feeling you have inside that speaks to you from time to time when your about to make a decision or do something. I look back on my life and every time I did not listen to that voice I regretted the decision but when I listed I was happy with the outcome. If you have sixth sense how accurate has it been over your lifetime?

[richard_smith237]

If you have valid doubt, that should be enough. Pulling out of the house deal is easy enough, you'll only loose your deposit. Under some circumstances you might get your deposit returned (unlikely though).

Given the information you have provided - Renting would seem the ideal alternative. This will also help you 'know your chick' more, her response to not buying the house will provide you and backup or throw out any doubts you may have about her.

For some not being financially tied down may offer the level of freedom to permit a healthy relationship to develop.

[chonburi12]

Thanks guys, some good advice there!

I think its more of an issue by being tied down financially and the commitment a house brings.

If I moved to another country, I could always repay the mortgage from my salary, however, I cannot guarantee I will ever visit BKK again. My wife hasn't really got any connections with Thailand now as unfortunately her parents passed away. She has citizenship in my country so other than a holiday there would be no need to come back thus leaving a house we would either have to sell or leave to become derelict.

There are no issues by putting the house in her name as she has been there for me when I have had real difficulties in my life and we have come out much stronger for it. I trust her with my life which is kind of good when you find someone like that.

Jesus this sounds like I need counseling does it

Many thanks guys.

[transam]

Thanks guys, some good advice there!

I think its more of an issue by being tied down financially and the commitment a house brings.

If I moved to another country, I could always repay the mortgage from my salary, however, I cannot guarantee I will ever visit BKK again. My wife hasn't really got any connections with Thailand now as unfortunately her parents passed away. She has citizenship in my country so other than a holiday there would be no need to come back thus leaving a house we would either have to sell or leave to become derelict.

There are no issues by putting the house in her name as she has been there for me when I have had real difficulties in my life and we have come out much stronger for it. I trust her with my life which is kind of good when you find someone like that.

Jesus this sounds like I need counseling does it

Many thanks guys.

Nice to read the important thing in your life is the mrs, and visa- versa. As your not chained to Thailand renting is surely the option take. Good luck.

[Khun Jean]

Is it maybe that even if your wife does not have family ties in Thailand that house is a form of security.

In my experience that is the most important for a Thai woman.

Want i mean to say is that cancelling this house should not be detrimental for your relationship.

If she was very happy with the decision to buy it would she not be very disappointed by withdrawing from it?

Maybe you are not ready to settle but is she?

Sometimes spending a bit money to give a partner a sense of security is worth it.

With world economies in bad shape some realestate in another country is not a bad deal.

Just some things to consider.

[yoshiwara]

Are you 100% sure it is not just Buyer's Remorse?

[NanLaew]

If you are in a solid marriage, not being pressured into buying the property and you can handle the mortgage then why not? It may be a cheap investment and if rented out, could provide income while you work and travel elsewhere. If something untoward happens, be it with your work or your health and your spouse has to pull through for you again, maybe having a roof over your heads in a country with possibly a lower cost of living than your own and where you would both be comfortable while you 'recover' may be an asset.

[SOTIRIOS]

.....if you don't care about the deposit, can you send me the details......maybe sign an M.O.U or some authorization........I do care about it

[Hostile17]

rent it. I have hated this country ever since the thaksin fiasco started and have my own house that i will rent once everything is done and we can finaly leave for good. Just makes sure its somewhere that the value will go up even if the country gets even worse.

[transam]

rent it. I have hated this country ever since the thaksin fiasco started and have my own house that i will rent once everything is done and we can finaly leave for good. Just makes sure its somewhere that the value will go up even if the country gets even worse.

Adios Ame egos.

No balls eh. Back to A nanny state and mum. Good luck.

[bangkokbruce]

You have every reason to have your doubts. Your probably about to get scammed like alot of foreigners have in the past 40 years by Thai women. If you can afford to lose what you have in it lick your wounds and run as fast as you can BEFORE you lose everything you have worked so hard for. We have a saying here in Thailand, if you feel like your about to get scammed, you are...trust me...and you already feel it. Run dude, leave her behind because you are feeling it for a reason. I have been married to a "good" Thai lady for 23 years, her family loves me and never asked for a dowry or even any money even though we give her parents money to live on. NEVER give her relatives money or they will be back for more...trust me. Thailand is going to hell in a hurry and there will be bloodshed if Thaksin is let back in.....take a look in Da Nang Viet Nam, its much better there and as soon as we are done taking care of my wifes parents we are moving there. Lower cost of living and most ladies are honest and will take much better care of you. Run, don't walk!

[jboras]

When I signed a heap of documents in Chiang Mai (all in Thai) translated to me by my ex-wife (then pregant with our son)... I thought I was signing (as she said) for the house, land, etc.. it turned out I was signing documents to the effect that; I had not contributed any funds towards the purchase of the "real estate" and all funds towards the purchase was from my ex-wife.

Get out while you can.

Kiss your deposit good-bye!

Get a condo in your name or rent.

You will find a lady that will stay with you without having to buy her a house.......or pay for her ailing Mum or Dad who are on a detah bed somehwere, or fix her sisters teeth, or pay for her brother's car as he needs it for work, or fix the toilet because she is shy for you to use the exisiting one ..... I should make a list of all the ones I have heard in my 20 odd years here...

BUT I did find a nice lady (still together after all these years) that works and contributes (sometimes more than me) to the running of the household; and has raised my son (who is now a teenager) that was abandoned by the mum for whom I built and purcahsed a hosue/land for her then unborn son.

Fellas beware!

She abandoned me and her newborn son as soon as the house was completed and fully paid!

[23962323]

When I signed a heap of documents in Chiang Mai (all in Thai) translated to me by my ex-wife (then pregant with our son)... I thought I was signing (as she said) for the house, land, etc.. it turned out I was signing documents to the effect that; I had not contributed any funds towards the purchase of the "real estate" and all funds towards the purchase was from my ex-wife.

Get out while you can.

Kiss your deposit good-bye!

Get a condo in your name or rent.

You will find a lady that will stay with you without having to buy her a house.......or pay for her ailing Mum or Dad who are on a detah bed somehwere, or fix her sisters teeth, or pay for her brother's car as he needs it for work, or fix the toilet because she is shy for you to use the exisiting one ..... I should make a list of all the ones I have heard in my 20 odd years here...

BUT I did find a nice lady (still together after all these years) that works and contributes (sometimes more than me) to the running of the household; and has raised my son (who is now a teenager) that was abandoned by the mum for whom I built and purcahsed a hosue/land for her then unborn son.

Fellas beware!

She abandoned me and her newborn son as soon as the house was completed and fully paid!

You forgot the sick buffalo

[jboras]

You have every reason to have your doubts. Your probably about to get scammed like alot of foreigners have in the past 40 years by Thai women. If you can afford to lose what you have in it lick your wounds and run as fast as you can BEFORE you lose everything you have worked so hard for. We have a saying here in Thailand, if you feel like your about to get scammed, you are...trust me...and you already feel it. Run dude, leave her behind because you are feeling it for a reason. I have been married to a "good" Thai lady for 23 years, her family loves me and never asked for a dowry or even any money even though we give her parents money to live on. NEVER give her relatives money or they will be back for more...trust me. Thailand is going to hell in a hurry and there will be bloodshed if Thaksin is let back in.....take a look in Da Nang Viet Nam, its much better there and as soon as we are done taking care of my wifes parents we are moving there. Lower cost of living and most ladies are honest and will take much better care of you. Run, don't walk!

Paying for parents?

Sounds like you are paying already!

[bangkokbruce]

You have every reason to have your doubts. Your probably about to get scammed like alot of foreigners have in the past 40 years by Thai women. If you can afford to lose what you have in it lick your wounds and run as fast as you can BEFORE you lose everything you have worked so hard for. We have a saying here in Thailand, if you feel like your about to get scammed, you are...trust me...and you already feel it. Run dude, leave her behind because you are feeling it for a reason. I have been married to a "good" Thai lady for 23 years, her family loves me and never asked for a dowry or even any money even though we give her parents money to live on. NEVER give her relatives money or they will be back for more...trust me. Thailand is going to hell in a hurry and there will be bloodshed if Thaksin is let back in.....take a look in Da Nang Viet Nam, its much better there and as soon as we are done taking care of my wifes parents we are moving there. Lower cost of living and most ladies are honest and will take much better care of you. Run, don't walk!

Paying for parents?

Sounds like you are paying already!

Yes, that IS the custom here....maybe you haven't noticed. Most Thai perents do not recieve a pension or social security like some countries do so it's up to the kids to take care of the parents, not all do, especially these days due to greed but if your parents raised you right and you werent born with a silver spoon in your mouth you learn to respect them and take care of them. Now did you learn anything?

[cardholder]

You have every reason to have your doubts. Your probably about to get scammed like alot of foreigners have in the past 40 years by Thai women. If you can afford to lose what you have in it lick your wounds and run as fast as you can BEFORE you lose everything you have worked so hard for. We have a saying here in Thailand, if you feel like your about to get scammed, you are...trust me...and you already feel it. Run dude, leave her behind because you are feeling it for a reason. I have been married to a "good" Thai lady for 23 years, her family loves me and never asked for a dowry or even any money even though we give her parents money to live on. NEVER give her relatives money or they will be back for more...trust me. Thailand is going to hell in a hurry and there will be bloodshed if Thaksin is let back in.....take a look in Da Nang Viet Nam, its much better there and as soon as we are done taking care of my wifes parents we are moving there. Lower cost of living and most ladies are honest and will take much better care of you. Run, don't walk!

Paying for parents?

Sounds like you are paying already!

Yes, that IS the custom here....maybe you haven't noticed. Most Thai perents do not recieve a pension or social security like some countries do so it's up to the kids to take care of the parents, not all do, especially these days due to greed but if your parents raised you right and you werent born with a silver spoon in your mouth you learn to respect them and take care of them. Now did you learn anything?

I believe it is called "The Debt".

[junglejimbo]

how long are you with the girl? how much do you know her, thats the real question here.

[55Jay]

I do not think the OP meant "marrying a chick he doesn't know" literally.

Think he meant buying a house is always a gamble from just that point of view, which always creates anxiety, and his perspective changed in 4 months. I got what he meant once I read it twice.

Now that we've slagged off his wife as a scamming thai bar girl.....

Edited June 27, 2012 by 55Jay