Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[thequietman]

Oh tut tut, another foolish falang!

l

welcome to thaivisa, oh wise and worldly one.

[mjj]

When it's all over...

[mjj]

Oh tut tut, another foolish falang!

l

welcome to thaivisa, oh wise and worldly one.

A first post so good, it was worth repeating. Lol.

[junglejimbo]

Seemingly ignored, loh?

Well....try an old social trick.

Ignore them in kind....and see where that goes.

You'll be asked why, I'm sure.

Then point out the contradictions.

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

Seemingly ignored, loh?

Well....try an old social trick.

Ignore them in kind....and see where that goes.

You'll be asked why, I'm sure.

Then point out the contradictions.

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

see your getting a load of negitive unhelpfull comments on here ( the norm on tv, ignore the wan***s ) i strongly sympathise with you. i been with my wife 6 years and she is yet to apologise to me whenever we have a fall out, she gives me the silent treatment for days on end untill i crumble and give in and run back to her, i try to ignore her too but we have a kid and i cant stand that type of atmosphere in house around my child. start thinking of yourself more, ive spoilt my wife rotten with 3 holidays a year to thailand, loads of gold, 2 houses in thailand, wish i could turn back the clock but i cant. just learn to be selfish if your like me its probably not in your nature. im still trying to understand thai woman and thai people after 12 years in thailand.

[pauljones]

Little Thai farm girls pushing around their 'rich' foreign husbands.

Good entertainment for the entire village.

[GreenSnapper]

i been with my wife 6 years and she is yet to apologise to me whenever we have a fall out, she gives me the silent treatment for days on end untill i crumble and give in and run back to her, i try to ignore her too but we have a kid and i cant stand that type of atmosphere in house around my child. start thinking of yourself more, ive spoilt my wife rotten with 3 holidays a year to thailand, loads of gold, 2 houses in thailand, wish i could turn back the clock but i cant. just learn to be selfish if your like me its probably not in your nature. im still trying to understand thai woman

Thai women act like women everywhere: if you are the nice guy, white knight, apologizing beta-male... they will use you as a doormat.

This is textbook behaviour.

Learn from Thai men, who instinctively know much better than the average Western man how to get along with women.

[TommoPhysicist]

i strongly sympathise with you. i been with my wife 6 years and she is yet to apologise to me whenever we have a fall out, she gives me the silent treatment for days on end untill i crumble and give in and run back to her, i try to ignore her too but we have a kid and i cant stand that type of atmosphere in house around my child. start thinking of yourself more, ive spoilt my wife rotten with 3 holidays a year to thailand, loads of gold, 2 houses in thailand, wish i could turn back the clock but i cant. just learn to be selfish if your like me its probably not in your nature. im still trying to understand thai woman and thai people after 12 years in thailand.

I just don't understand what's wrong with some men.

Any daft behaviour from mine and I take a little trip, phone off, don't even say I'm going (Thai style). Come back after a few days to hear plenty of apologies, begging and groveling. Couple of times a year sorts it all out, and a nice little trip for me to see my mates in the big city.

[samsiam]

she gives me the silent treatment for days on end untill i crumble and give in and run back to her,

You must be French...

[weary]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Not really. Internet addiction is a symptom of unhappiness.

[NCFC]

You simply got to man up and start taking responsibility instead of dumping on your wife. Have a problem with the ppl on your land? Go sort it out yourself and then come back and tell the wife. Don't like her attititude then tell her don't like it and she's better change sharpish. Tell her how it's going to be, tell her what actions you've taken and be the boss in your household.

Don't take crap from the family either. Tell them how it's going to be. In the short-term they'll hate it but in the long term they'll respect your leadership.

If they don't respect you it's because you are not showing them that you deserve respect. And just handing over cash to your wife without expectations on your part will show you to be a fool in the eyes of the family.

[cardholder]

You simply got to man up and start taking responsibility instead of dumping on your wife. Have a problem with the ppl on your land? Go sort it out yourself and then come back and tell the wife. Don't like her attititude then tell her don't like it and she's better change sharpish. Tell her how it's going to be, tell her what actions you've taken and be the boss in your household.

Don't take crap from the family either. Tell them how it's going to be. In the short-term they'll hate it but in the long term they'll respect your leadership.

If they don't respect you it's because you are not showing them that you deserve respect. And just handing over cash to your wife without expectations on your part will show you to be a fool in the eyes of the family.

With an approach like that, the NC cannot stand for Notts County, can it ?

[mjj]

You simply got to man up and start taking responsibility instead of dumping on your wife. Have a problem with the ppl on your land? Go sort it out yourself and then come back and tell the wife. Don't like her attititude then tell her don't like it and she's better change sharpish. Tell her how it's going to be, tell her what actions you've taken and be the boss in your household.

Don't take crap from the family either. Tell them how it's going to be. In the short-term they'll hate it but in the long term they'll respect your leadership.

If they don't respect you it's because you are not showing them that you deserve respect. And just handing over cash to your wife without expectations on your part will show you to be a fool in the eyes of the family.

I think you are confusing respect with something else.

[Oli23]

My thought... a straight discussion with her. Make it clear, maybe there is a misunderstand between you both. IF not, go on with your life, you can't take years back.... and the earth will keep turning and turning

[DaffyDuck]

i been with my wife 6 years and she is yet to apologise to me whenever we have a fall out, she gives me the silent treatment for days on end untill i crumble and give in and run back to her, i try to ignore her too but we have a kid and i cant stand that type of atmosphere in house around my child. start thinking of yourself more, ive spoilt my wife rotten with 3 holidays a year to thailand, loads of gold, 2 houses in thailand, wish i could turn back the clock but i cant. just learn to be selfish if your like me its probably not in your nature. im still trying to understand thai woman and thai people after 12 years in thailand.

How much did the divorce finally cost you?

[barefoot1988]

no offense but in my opinion people are clearly making use of your kind nature. sometimes in life you have to be firm, aggressive and authoritative. on regards of money issues, you will need to treat it firm, its for your own goodness sake. you should tell your wife and the locals what to do instead of asking them. give them a reasonable limit of time to scram off your plot, really you are too kind in the first place to allow them to do this, you are asking for trouble.

you should also remind your wife who is being in the alpha role. there is simply no future with a wife that doesn't even respect you (from what i see). have a firm talk with her, move out or whatever. if she still doesnt change or do anything at any bit of effort, move on. whats the point seriously?

money lost could be earn back, don't be afraid of cutting loss. as long as you are covered, have a stable job, doesnt have kids, you are one bloody lucky freebird. always remember, the value of us men appreciate with our age

[villagefarang]

I suspect the wife already knows “who is being in the alpha role” in their family.

[aneliane]

I suspect the wife already knows “who is being in the alpha role” in their family.

I also suspect she had sniffed what her husband thinks of her little sister

[Ron19]

Nocturn said :

and i must admit, i think it is bad enough that you talk about moderation, but bringing religion into the whole thing is just low

This post was never directed at a moderator.If you read the 2nd last paragraph,I would hope you would realise that.Surely you must know that there are many of those people around in Thailand and quite often they use religion as thier justification.

Edited June 8, 2012 by sbk
removed quoted material

[tinfoilhat]

Nocturn said :

and i must admit, i think it is bad enough that you talk about moderation, but bringing religion into the whole thing is just low

This post was never directed at a moderator.If you read the 2nd last paragraph,I would hope you would realise that.Surely you must know that there are many of those people around in Thailand and quite often they use religion as thier justification.

good lord mate, did the rotweiler eat your sense of humour? i reckon there is little hope for you.

[BookMan]

However, I vehemently dispute I'm angry and bitter. On the contrary. I think I'm one of the happiest members on TV.

classic.

[transam]

However, I vehemently dispute I'm angry and bitter. On the contrary. I think I'm one of the happiest members on TV.

classic.

Classic yes, from Bens posts l think he has all our problems put together. He's NOT a happy bunny.

[aneliane]

However, I vehemently dispute I'm angry and bitter. On the contrary. I think I'm one of the happiest members on TV.

classic.

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow ...

[transam]

However, I vehemently dispute I'm angry and bitter. On the contrary. I think I'm one of the happiest members on TV.

classic.

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow ...

For he's a troubled fellow,

For he's a troubled fellow.

[aneliane]

However, I vehemently dispute I'm angry and bitter. On the contrary. I think I'm one of the happiest members on TV.

classic.

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow ...

For he's a troubled fellow,

For he's a troubled fellow.

Yeah "happy" is really the first word that comes to mind

[jinjinswing]

Well ii think if i wanna stay in the marriage i just would shut up and let it go..do my own thing at the end of the day its her kid her land.....i would make my money go somewhere else so i wont have demands made on me in 7 ys.

But in my case when i was married to a Thai when trouble hit the fan and she wouldnt talk about it as well as discuss a few plans we had etc that required attention before i invest in her i ended it.

Of course once she realized all the perks were drying up she changed her tune quickly.

Since those days i have raised the bar and wont consider a thai woman who isnt equal of me financial at least in her own country that doesnt mean your not going to have problems but it does lessen them.

If your happy stay if your not go pretty easy really.

[pauljones]

Thai women like to run the household so the men are often compelled to be out with their #2.

Go native and find a nice gik to hang out with.

[Ron19]

Nocturn said :

and i must admit, i think it is bad enough that you talk about moderation, but bringing religion into the whole thing is just low

This post was never directed at a moderator.If you read the 2nd last paragraph,I would hope you would realise that.Surely you must know that there are many of those people around in Thailand and quite often they use religion as thier justification.

good lord mate, did the rotweiler eat your sense of humour? i reckon there is little hope for you.

No he usually chews my ankles.There has been some deletions from this post.If you go back and look at post #236 on page 10 and you will find the full story there.

[lkc121]

To an Asian, face is everything. Even the Thai word for sorry seems to be difficult to pronounce; "khotod ". I suggest you just keep to yourself at the moment quietman. Keep the finances tight stating you need the capital to something. You may or may not see instant and remarkable change in attitude absent the all important word khotod still. Remember,its still face we are talking about here! As for the finance stunt that i pulled, that's how I keep my other Thai half well behaved

Remember, its a Mai pen rai world to them. Our equivalent would be que sera sera! They believe everything would right itself eventually. So to them,we will cross the bridge when we come across it, and not before that. Sorry to put things in perspective, but you are not the first and only man in her life, with the son to prove it. Nothing to stop her from getting on with someone richer down the line if things don't work out with you. I am sorry, but that's the Mai pen rai to the Thais that I mentioned about!

IMHO, work on the relationship if you really gonna miss her and the kid! All the best!

MARK

Sent from my GT-P6200 using Thaivisa Connect App

[catbird]

One poster suggested that your request is not a major one to fuss about. But I think the issue is not merely one incident, but a longstanding pattern of being ignored and of one's heartful, devoted, contributions being met with disinterest or ingratitute. If any party suffers a loss, in most cases the other party ought to be supportive, in some way, regardless of cultural differences. The loss here seems to be that of being treated with dignity.

When some groups slight other groups based on their nationality, it is called jingoism or racism, and whether or not that sounds too strong to some readers, it is a major set back in life to find after time that one is not given that human dignity. She broke her marriage vows to love, the information suggests.

As a reader from far off, I am not positioned to know whether some creative steps or interventions might be worth trying. But I can say this, that when I am in despair, some practical options require massive will and courage and luck to notice them, the implication being that the passage of time, the rhythm of the moment, and steps of self compassion, or vacation, might create an inner opening to impel you to give something a try that you previously felt doubtful about.

Ask yourself, does she *want* you to leave?

If no, then could the matter be framed in this way to her: "I need your help." Now how the next bit is expressed is the hard part that at present seems hopeless.

[catbird]

You simply got to man up and start taking responsibility instead of dumping on your wife. Have a problem with the ppl on your land? Go sort it out yourself and then come back and tell the wife. Don't like her attititude then tell her don't like it and she's better change sharpish. Tell her how it's going to be, tell her what actions you've taken and be the boss in your household.

Don't take crap from the family either. Tell them how it's going to be. In the short-term they'll hate it but in the long term they'll respect your leadership.

If they don't respect you it's because you are not showing them that you deserve respect. And just handing over cash to your wife without expectations on your part will show you to be a fool in the eyes of the family.

This sounds good to me. It need not mean shouting, although whether it does or doesn't is a side bar.

A related option is to turn off a few bills, and put the money aside for couples counseling so she can't try to twist it into a negative. If you don't have any formal power over the employees, then the matter of whether creative ways could be found to get them to clear the land (eg paying them as a secret birthday gift to your wife?) becomes much harder. The land might not be the base issue, but ingratitute and perhaps unwillingness to listen, be equal, be multi-cultural.