Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[thequietman]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

Not inappropriate at all: just another sympton of the disconnected world we live in where some people feel more comfortable expressing deeply personal problems to strangers rather than addressing it to the proper person - his wife.

Let's face it: the OP has previous form with this type of thread. Wasn't it thequietman who was complaining he can't find a friend recently?

This from a guy who has a hissy fit about me saying he only posted on here to piss people off and then complains and has a post removed. As I always say, TV is a fun and informative outlet. If posters want to blow some steam off then so be it. It made me feel better and I got some good advice. The problem is sorted now. Just miscomunication on both our parts.

You sir are a very angry and dare I say it, lonely person. It might just do you some good to communicate your frustrations, even little ones. we dont know you so we wont judge (the opposite of yourself) Someone has to have done something really bad to you previously , to be this bitter and condesending towards strangers. christ I fear to think what you are like in real life. Have a nice day and stop being so negative..

[BigJohnnyBKK]

The problem is sorted now. Just miscomunication on both our parts.

Don't leave us hanging man, maybe give it a few days to settle if you like, but full details please!

[nocturn]

Im not so sure. I have never been shy to give the wife or child a good clout upside the head. Fear and respect are so essentially similar that ill take either in a pinch.

i also find a bit of a slap keeps the maid honest as well

Well not me, much rather get a new wife or maid than use violence, if they know I'm willing to replace them that will usually be sufficient to keep their respect. But no bluffing of course.

I will spank my kids once in a blue moon for being willfully naughty, reset the boundary back, but never to the face or head and in fact not so hard it actually hurts. My 5-year-old son's had one smack in the past six months - ironically for slapping his little sister when wrangling over toys, but she hasn't required any in over a year.

perhaps that post was a touch too dry, i have never raised a hand to my child or a woman. fear is hardly a substitute for respect

[hopdafru]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

Not inappropriate at all: just another sympton of the disconnected world we live in where some people feel more comfortable expressing deeply personal problems to strangers rather than addressing it to the proper person - his wife.

Let's face it: the OP has previous form with this type of thread. Wasn't it thequietman who was complaining he can't find a friend recently?

This from a guy who has a hissy fit about me saying he only posted on here to piss people off and then complains and has a post removed. As I always say, TV is a fun and informative outlet. If posters want to blow some steam off then so be it. It made me feel better and I got some good advice. The problem is sorted now. Just miscomunication on both our parts.

You sir are a very angry and dare I say it, lonely person. It might just do you some good to communicate your frustrations, even little ones. we dont know you so we wont judge (the opposite of yourself) Someone has to have done something really bad to you previously , to be this bitter and condesending towards strangers. christ I fear to think what you are like in real life. Have a nice day and stop being so negative..

I'm not sure about thequietman's motives but this thread has surely been very interesting,,, 170+ interactions! time to go sleep now, noon laap fan dee!

[Johnniey]

Guys I married this lady for better or worse and I have found it the norm to be ignored or simply tolerated when I express my opinion

I can't understand this mentality. If I were you I'd make her listen to you or else leave.I've been married longer than you and it would be hard for me to leave but I would have to be true to myself.

I've a friend who is intent on giving his step kids a great future when they don't show the slightest bit of respect for him. Why? Fk them I say. He's given them( poor rice farmers) a beautiful mansion and many rai of land - that is more than enough.

I've known other guys who set up their stepkids for university etc and they generally never even go, get pregnant or take drugs - probably due to their farang stepfathers being a pushover.

Pack your bags and have a little holiday and tell them you'll come back when they start listening/respecting you. Rent or buy a condo on the beach and find out if you are happier without the ungrateful sods.

[bina]

the road to hell is paved with good intentions.....

if u werent asked to help out, then dont. and if u volunteer, dont expect anything in return apart from a good feeling of volunteering.

the same as animals. u can feed a dog daily but it still might prefer the mother in law that throws water at it daily...... so either continue feeding it cause u enjoy that, or stop cause your not getting the response you desire.

it has nothing to do with respect or face. people see the same situation differently. she probably doesnt understand why u are worrying about something five years down the road when u have no control over most things that occur even tomorrow. you feel she should be worrying about things far downt the road exactly fro that same reason. you both just have to decide which way you want to think and then act on it.

on saturday, while at the beach (near gaza strip) at six in teh a.m. the siren went off. i jumped out of my skin, out of my sleeping bag and opened the tent to see where we should run off to (bomb shelter/concrete pipe shelter). he grabbed me, and said, whats the point in getting out of 'bed' , there isnt anywhere to go too, there's nothing u can do about it, so go back to sleep.

no worries, be happy. two different ways to see a situation.

bina

israel

[DaffyDuck]

I pay the mortgage,phone bill, internet, pickup, electric, school bus, water bill and school bus. If the house needs something I do it myself. I look after the garden, paint the fence and whatever else.

In return, a little consideration............... maybe ?

Stop paying them. Let's see what happens.

I understand you love the kid and want him looked after, but that is simply not going to happen. She clearly doesn't care for her child's future,mand you can't make her.

- get yourself a nice little apartment close to work.

- leave for work.

- don't come back.

- stop paying *everything*.

- retain a lawyer to file for and finalize a divorce.

- you'll be able to have your say in the divorce documents.

Most importantly: MOVE ON and find a nice new girl, preferably not from the same village or the same economic situation.

[mca]

If the culture didn't program monogamy so strongly I think long-term marriages could be a lot more likely to support happiness.

Yeah. After all there are other types of wood available.

[BookMan]

The problem is sorted now. Just miscomunication on both our parts.

Don't leave us hanging man, maybe give it a few days to settle if you like, but full details please!

+1

[samsiam]

Im not so sure. I have never been shy to give the wife or child a good clout upside the head. Fear and respect are so essentially similar that ill take either in a pinch.

i also find a bit of a slap keeps the maid honest as well

Well not me, much rather get a new wife or maid than use violence, if they know I'm willing to replace them that will usually be sufficient to keep their respect. But no bluffing of course.

I will spank my kids once in a blue moon for being willfully naughty, reset the boundary back, but never to the face or head and in fact not so hard it actually hurts. My 5-year-old son's had one smack in the past six months - ironically for slapping his little sister when wrangling over toys, but she hasn't required any in over a year.

perhaps that post was a touch too dry, i have never raised a hand to my child or a woman. fear is hardly a substitute for respect

It was sopping wet actually.

[FOODLOVER]

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

You won't get the words, doesn't necessarily mean no respect, IMO it's just not done here, full stop.

But once you've truly decided to move on, do it fast and do it clean.

Hmm, have you googled "the Alpha Male" ?

You say: Good Morning.

And she doesnt answer. (Using some old tactics of power fighting, unspoken).

If she does not answer would your normal way of continuing be: I grab her by the arm/hair and ask again?

Many people accuse me of being an abusive misogynist, and by western PC standards I may well be.

However violence is never justified except when truly necessary to defend yourself from attack.

Even if you realize that your woman actually expects - or even seems to want - a "good slap to keep her in line", never

And certainly not for simply not answering a "good morning". If you need to use such tactics just to get basic civility from your partner the relationship was long past worth being salvaged long ago, better to just walk away.

I hope what goes around comes around in your case sooner rather than later. . .

Im not so sure. I have never been shy to give the wife or child a good clout upside the head. Fear and respect are so essentially similar that ill take either in a pinch.

i also find a bit of a slap keeps the maid honest as well

You probably wont do that much after your wife cuts your hoo-ha off! Edited June 4, 2012 by FOODLOVER

[TomTao]

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

You won't get the words, doesn't necessarily mean no respect, IMO it's just not done here, full stop.

But once you've truly decided to move on, do it fast and do it clean.

Hmm, have you googled "the Alpha Male" ?

You say: Good Morning.

And she doesnt answer. (Using some old tactics of power fighting, unspoken).

If she does not answer would your normal way of continuing be: I grab her by the arm/hair and ask again?

Many people accuse me of being an abusive misogynist, and by western PC standards I may well be.

However violence is never justified except when truly necessary to defend yourself from attack.

Even if you realize that your woman actually expects - or even seems to want - a "good slap to keep her in line", never

And certainly not for simply not answering a "good morning". If you need to use such tactics just to get basic civility from your partner the relationship was long past worth being salvaged long ago, better to just walk away.

I hope what goes around comes around in your case sooner rather than later. . .

Im not so sure. I have never been shy to give the wife or child a good clout upside the head. Fear and respect are so essentially similar that ill take either in a pinch.

i also find a bit of a slap keeps the maid honest as well

There was a man from a large country in Europe who was living in Chumphon until recently, he liked to slap his wife around, his wife's family split his head open as payment for the slaps, he is no longer among the living.

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect App

[cooked]

if you kid insist on sticking a screwdriver into the electrical socket, you 'it 'im. If he hits his youger brother, you let him know wh^wt it feels like. I 'it 'em both maybe 5 times in total. Last time was when the older one was drunk and decided to try it on. Just stay rational about it, never hit your wife (unless she hits you first) as you will find out that the next time, it's easier.

[YipYipYa123]

Sometimes a slap sinks in better than words ever could .........

[theblether]

Fascinating thread, I was going to answer a lot earlier however I deleted my reply. I deleted my reply as I reckoned what I had to say was far too abrupt and unsuitable. I can now see it was not, so here goes.....

The OP, you are chronically isolated and chronically lonely, walk away.

Instruct a divorce lawyer and go for your share of the assetts. Change your sim card and disappear.

Don't continue enduring this drip drip drip of emotional torture, just walk away, silently.

...........

That was the reply I had deleted earlier, I stand by it. The land issue is a red herring, the issue is that the brother has more authority than the idiot farang.

The OP is far from an idiot, he is a thoughtful, trusting and loving man that is being undone for the crime of planning for the future. Not even his future, but the future of his step son.

To me it shows a quite scandalous lack of respect by the OP-s wife. Phuturica said trust your instincts, others mentioned listening to the little voice in your head.

I agree, walk away, take out of the marriage what you are due, not a penny more, not a penny less. Do it quietly, do it clinically, do it without drama.

You will feel a massive weight lift from your shoulders, I would say most of your fellow members here remember that feeling, including me.

It's almost a cliche, this is not the end, this is a new beginning, life is too short to be servile to someone who is treating you like a clown.

Walk away Quietman, with a clear conscience, you tried your best but it was never going to be enough to make up for your wife's lack of respect for you.

That's an error on her part, don't compound the error and misery by staying with her.

Let the divorce lawyers do their work, take what you are due and allocated by the courts, and get ready for the new chapter in your life.

Your too good a man to endure any more of this misery.....and I believe that many of our fellow members will join with me in telling you that in retrospect, the day they got divorced was one of the best in their lives.

From the wreckage came a new beginning.

Edit, oops, I see the OP has sorted the problem out, that's really annoying, it took me ages to write this reply.

Edited June 4, 2012 by theblether

[nocturn]

Fascinating thread, I was going to answer a lot earlier however I deleted my reply. I deleted my reply as I reckoned what I had to say was far too abrupt and unsuitable. I can now see it was not, so here goes.....

The OP, you are chronically isolated and chronically lonely, walk away.

Instruct a divorce lawyer and go for your share of the assetts. Change your sim card and disappear.

Don't continue enduring this drip drip drip of emotional torture, just walk away, silently.

...........

That was the reply I had deleted earlier, I stand by it. The land issue is a red herring, the issue is that the brother has more authority than the idiot farang.

The OP is far from an idiot, he is a thoughtful, trusting and loving man that is being undone for the crime of planning for the future. Not even his future, but the future of his step son.

To me it shows a quite scandalous lack of respect by the OP-s wife. Phuturica said trust your instincts, others mentioned listening to the little voice in your head.

I agree, walk away, take out of the marriage what you are due, not a penny more, not a penny less. Do it quietly, do it clinically, do it without drama.

You will feel a massive weight lift from your shoulders, I would say most of your fellow members here remember that feeling, including me.

It's almost a cliche, this is not the end, this is a new beginning, life is too short to be servile to someone who is treating you like a clown.

Walk away Quietman, with a clear conscience, you tried your best but it was never going to be enough to make up for your wife's lack of respect for you.

That's an error on her part, don't compound the error and misery by staying with her.

Let the divorce lawyers do their work, take what you are due and allocated by the courts, and get ready for the new chapter in your life.

Your too good a man to endure any more of this misery.....and I believe that many of our fellow members will join with me in telling you that in retrospect, the day they got divorced was one of the best in their lives.

From the wreckage came a new beginning.

i can almost hear the triumphal theme music swell as you you reach your crescendo.

nice phoenix imagery too, i now see the quietman as a big burning bird.

[theblether]

[quote name=theblether' timestamp='1338

799180' post='5360283]

Fascinating thread, I was going to answer a lot earlier however I deleted my reply. I deleted my reply as I reckoned what I had to say was far too abrupt and unsuitable. I can now see it was not, so here goes.....

The OP, you are chronically isolated and chronically lonely, walk away.

Instruct a divorce lawyer and go for your share of the assetts. Change your sim card and disappear.

Don't continue enduring this drip drip drip of emotional torture, just walk away, silently.

...........

That was the reply I had deleted earlier, I stand by it. The land issue is a red herring, the issue is that the brother has more authority than the idiot farang.

The OP is far from an idiot, he is a thoughtful, trusting and loving man that is being undone for the crime of planning for the future. Not even his future, but the future of his step son.

To me it shows a quite scandalous lack of respect by the OP-s wife. Phuturica said trust your instincts, others mentioned listening to the little voice in your head.

I agree, walk away, take out of the marriage what you are due, not a penny more, not a penny less. Do it quietly, do it clinically, do it without drama.

You will feel a massive weight lift from your shoulders, I would say most of your fellow members here remember that feeling, including me.

It's almost a cliche, this is not the end, this is a new beginning, life is too short to be servile to someone who is treating you like a clown.

Walk away Quietman, with a clear conscience, you tried your best but it was never going to be enough to make up for your wife's lack of respect for you.

That's an error on her part, don't compound the error and misery by staying with her.

Let the divorce lawyers do their work, take what you are due and allocated by the courts, and get ready for the new chapter in your life.

Your too good a man to endure any more of this misery.....and I believe that many of our fellow members will join with me in telling you that in retrospect, the day they got divorced was one of the best in their lives.

From the wreckage came a new beginning.

i can almost hear the triumphal theme music swell as you you reach your crescendo.

nice phoenix imagery too, i now see the quietman as a big burning bird.

Thanks very much but it was a waste of time as quietman is all loved up with the wife again.

Maybe he'll go tell her that's it, we're finished, theblether says we've to get a divorce.

I'm feeling guilty now.

[jimbeam1]

To thequietman. This is the third time to my knowledge that you have washed your dirty linen in public. All three times are very much on the same theme and finish the same way, with you saying, the problem is now sorted, it was just a misunderstanding.

It appears to me that you just like to put on a post, on this topic, get some replies that you want to hear, some you don't, get a little irate and announce problem sorted. OK if that is what works for you then alls well that ends well. But me thinks That'll be the day.

Best wishes

jb1

[seasia]

Fascinating thread, I was going to answer a lot earlier however I deleted my reply. I deleted my reply as I reckoned what I had to say was far too abrupt and unsuitable. I can now see it was not, so here goes.....

The OP, you are chronically isolated and chronically lonely, walk away.

Instruct a divorce lawyer and go for your share of the assetts. Change your sim card and disappear.

Don't continue enduring this drip drip drip of emotional torture, just walk away, silently.

...........

That was the reply I had deleted earlier, I stand by it. The land issue is a red herring, the issue is that the brother has more authority than the idiot farang.

The OP is far from an idiot, he is a thoughtful, trusting and loving man that is being undone for the crime of planning for the future. Not even his future, but the future of his step son.

To me it shows a quite scandalous lack of respect by the OP-s wife. Phuturica said trust your instincts, others mentioned listening to the little voice in your head.

I agree, walk away, take out of the marriage what you are due, not a penny more, not a penny less. Do it quietly, do it clinically, do it without drama.

You will feel a massive weight lift from your shoulders, I would say most of your fellow members here remember that feeling, including me.

It's almost a cliche, this is not the end, this is a new beginning, life is too short to be servile to someone who is treating you like a clown.

Walk away Quietman, with a clear conscience, you tried your best but it was never going to be enough to make up for your wife's lack of respect for you.

That's an error on her part, don't compound the error and misery by staying with her.

Let the divorce lawyers do their work, take what you are due and allocated by the courts, and get ready for the new chapter in your life.

Your too good a man to endure any more of this misery.....and I believe that many of our fellow members will join with me in telling you that in retrospect, the day they got divorced was one of the best in their lives.

From the wreckage came a new beginning.

Edit, oops, I see the OP has sorted the problem out, that's really annoying, it took me ages to write this reply.

Why annoying?

I don`t know if you are right or wrong in this case and I hope the OP reaches a satisfactory conclusion whatever that may be but you, amongst others have at least expressed views that might provide guidance/warning signs for others.

It`s not only the OP that is reading your response.

Fascinating thread.

[theblether]

@seasia

I was only kidding about being annoyed, I'm pleased the OP appears to have resolved this issue. Equally I agree this thread has been fascinating reading for many of us, and certainly an education for me.

I used the word chronic in my response, it is possible for someone with a chronic problem to get temporary relief, maybe that's what has happened here. Temp relief from an ongoing battle to gain respect and authority within his own home.

If he has won some respite he should use it and take the best of the advice from this thread and put a marker down. Otherwise we'll all be reforming for another thread on this subject in 6 months time.

[YipYipYa123]

@seasia

I was only kidding about being annoyed, I'm pleased the OP appears to have resolved this issue. Equally I agree this thread has been fascinating reading for many of us, and certainly an education for me.

I used the word chronic in my response, it is possible for someone with a chronic problem to get temporary relief, maybe that's what has happened here. Temp relief from an ongoing battle to gain respect and authority within his own home.

If he has won some respite he should use it and take the best of the advice from this thread and put a marker down. Otherwise we'll all be reforming for another thread on this subject in 6 months time.

If he can put up with this kind of <deleted> in his own house from his own wife for 10 years hes probably beyond help anyway......

I would have already left on "business trip " and see how they like it when nobody is supporting the house financially

It sounds like hes doing everything like a slave and being treated worse than a dog in the street for it ............

no wonder they think farangs are stupid ............

[transam]

@seasia

I was only kidding about being annoyed, I'm pleased the OP appears to have resolved this issue. Equally I agree this thread has been fascinating reading for many of us, and certainly an education for me.

I used the word chronic in my response, it is possible for someone with a chronic problem to get temporary relief, maybe that's what has happened here. Temp relief from an ongoing battle to gain respect and authority within his own home.

If he has won some respite he should use it and take the best of the advice from this thread and put a marker down. Otherwise we'll all be reforming for another thread on this subject in 6 months time.

If he can put up with this kind of <deleted> in his own house from his own wife for 10 years hes probably beyond help anyway......

I would have already left on "business trip " and see how they like it when nobody is supporting the house financially

It sounds like hes doing everything like a slave and being treated worse than a dog in the street for it ............

no wonder they think farangs are stupid ............

BUT, BUT, learning how to deal with it is a BIG learning curve. IF folk have been showered with cash THEN .....A.............BIG......PROBLEM for the farang.

[metisdead]

Another troll post has been removed.

[Ijustwannateach]

OP, it sounds like after 10 years you've reached a 'straw on the camel's back' moment. I agree with previous posters who've advised you it SOUNDS like it's time to move on. However, as you point out, you've got 10 years invested in this and it might not feel right just to quit with no notice.

Perhaps your wife isn't aware- well, of many things- but especially how close you are to leaving her. One way to signal this with a face-saving maneuver built in, is to suggest to her that things aren't going well in your relationship and you think that the two of you should seek marital counselling to help deal with your problems. I'm aware that Thais don't go in much for counselling, and this may simply be ignored or refused as well, but in that case you really won't have much reason not to leave.

Eventually unreasonable people wind up alone- and there's a reason for that.

[pauljones]

Some people just can't get enough drama.

I remember a guy in my hotel in Bangkok. Left his wife but would call and argue on the phone for hours and hours every day.

[DaffyDuck]

However, as you point out, you've got 10 years invested in this and it might not feel right just to quit with no notice.

Perhaps your wife isn't aware- well, of many things- but especially how close you are to leaving her. One way to signal this with a face-saving maneuver built in, is to suggest to her that things aren't going well in your relationship and you think that the two of you should seek marital counselling to help deal with your problems. I'm aware that Thais don't go in much for counselling, and this may simply be ignored or refused as well, but in that case you really won't have much reason not to leave.

That's bunk - the "long investment" argument. Do you dump more money into a genuine bad investment, just because it's consistently lost you money for 10 years, hoping to reverse the trend? Come on, be serious.

Counseling is a pointless "message" to send to a Thai woman, from a village. It's just more waste of time. IMO.

[CiaranO]

What's most annoying in my opinion is how the OP-the quietman, comes on TV and pours his heart out, tells us his story, then 160 replies later its all sorted, no explanation etc and just disappears.

Im sure he will be back again soon with some more problems, maybe we shouldnt give him as much time, next time....

[edwinclapham]

What's most annoying in my opinion is how the OP-the quietman, comes on TV and pours his heart out, tells us his story, then 160 replies later its all sorted, no explanation etc and just disappears.

Im sure he will be back again soon with some more problems, maybe we shouldnt give him as much time, next time....

Or just maybe he is the proverbial "Quietman" and happens to be digesting all the posts.

I dont find it annoying at all... in fact I find some of the answers a wonderful insight into the minds of some of the members .

[BookMan]

What's most annoying in my opinion is how the OP-the quietman, comes on TV and pours his heart out, tells us his story, then 160 replies later its all sorted, no explanation etc and just disappears.

Im sure he will be back again soon with some more problems, maybe we shouldnt give him as much time, next time....

To be fair, if he hadn't posted, we all would have had less ThaiVisa time this last week.

[Ron19]

OP, it sounds like after 10 years you've reached a 'straw on the camel's back' moment. I agree with previous posters who've advised you it SOUNDS like it's time to move on. However, as you point out, you've got 10 years invested in this and it might not feel right just to quit with no notice.

Perhaps your wife isn't aware- well, of many things- but especially how close you are to leaving her. One way to signal this with a face-saving maneuver built in, is to suggest to her that things aren't going well in your relationship and you think that the two of you should seek marital counselling to help deal with your problems. I'm aware that Thais don't go in much for counselling, and this may simply be ignored or refused as well, but in that case you really won't have much reason not to leave.

Eventually unreasonable people wind up alone- and there's a reason for that.

I agree with your comment on counselling,but unfortunately they have no hesitation in going to seek counsel from one of those shysters that set themselves up as fortune tellers/counsellers. Edited June 5, 2012 by Ron19