Why Does Thai Woman Like To Shy Away From Small Minor Problems ? Instead Of Solving It ?

[ttthailand]

I'll chime in to the tune as well. Once you start accelerating downhill, you will be aware of the sensation but can't connect the dots. By the time you do, you've gathered maximum speed and can see the concrete wall looming ahead. There are no brakes, so brace for impact.

Experience will help in identifying and avoiding the starts of a downfall. But nothing is guaranteed. If you do find yourself headed to a wall, jumping off and breaking a few bones is a superior alternative to being utterly destroyed. Live to play another day.

I like the way you said that. Sometimes you are heading downhill the moment you start. Once you start to see problems it is time to get out before you fall in love too deep...The same problems you see early on will continue to the end.

[boisian]

I have had my TGF apologising to me for issues she realised were upsetting to me, when actually I had blown small infractions out of all proportion. The next day (or even later that night) I am apologising for creating problems when none should have existed. I had raised stakes though.

[samjaidee]

why do you think its only the thai woman who does that?

20 replies and i shall start the ball rolling first

its a Buddhist thing

I see your point but I think you need to qualify it a little bit. It's a Thai-Buddhism thing.

Thai Theravada Buddhism is by no means pure Buddhism. It has a lot of superstition and ancient cultural additions that are nothing to do with Buddhism itself.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

[warmob]

this is laughable the only person that is shutting down are guys who can't read the signs to start with and ignoring all common sense. The signs all start on day one but because they wearing love goggles they can not see straight. Then all of a sudden oh oh i can see and hear straight again why did she change. In fact the behavior is cultivated from the first meeting so she is not the one who has change its all those guys wearing those love goggles

[MeHere]

WOW.. nonono.. you guys got it all wrong !!

ITs is because i do not know why she had to lied & hided such a trivial stuffs. They knew all along to go with the party. No Thais will ever suddenly wants to jump out of the bed at 12.30 am and go to a party. Do you ?? When u already made up ur mind to sleep the night off.

What i am sore about this. IS the lying, not being open enough. Not admitting wrong for hiding. And reversing of blaming pushed to me ! She partied hard that time. Returned home in the late morning.

Wait mate...

1. She said she didn't want to disturb you (Thai cultural trait), which is probably completely true, as you are her husband/bf

2. She said it was last minute (Buddhist cultural trait), which is probably completely true as well

3. She partied hard that night... human cultural trait if wanting to bury some bad feelings

4. You POOD MAK sure and think too much too 100%, you should've just left it alone

A woman of few words? How lucky are you??!!

If she's too cold for you, you're not happy anyway... time to move on before you get too old and all your worth to a woman is what's in your wallet.

[blazes]

...her friend had just met another man who was stupid and gave his new Gf 50k a month, put 1M in her bank and got a 25K month apartment for her to live. he only knew her for 3 months. My Gf wanted same.....I think you know the rest of the story...she is now my X....

Boy, talk about a guy ruining it for everyone else. Of course, some girls will make this stuff up (or fudge the figures a bit) to make you feel like a cheapskate. Good you didn't fall for that.

It broke my heart to let her go and sometimes I regret not trying harder to find a solution. I knew our relationship was based mainly on money but always thought it would someday turn into something special...stupid man !!! No relationship based on money will ever be what we really want, a caring relationship based on love.

But Western relationships are also based on money, ultimately. You discover that when divorce time comes around and you start estimating your net worth and get forced to divvy up all the "profits" of Marriage.

In some ways, the Thai way is more honest and open. You be generous with me, and I will be generous with you. For the farang, that means opening his wallet. For her, it means lots of little things, even something as slight as making sure you miss that little hole in the sidewalk....

It's like a contract.

[lounger]

At riskof alienating the PC crowd my suggestion is a lot of rural Thai women are thick. Abhisit said they are stupid getting zero marks on a multi choice question paper....

The main advantage of intelligence is being able to hold more than one thought in your head at a time. My wife is thick as chocks this manifests itself in not understanding anything the first time around. I know a guy who says his wife is always three sentences behind him. Then she misses out a bunch to catch up. Another guy says his wife never hears the first half of a sentence. This is all to do with intelligence.

On the other hand my wife is a real tryer and if a tap needs fixing she wont notice until you point it out, then she will fix it. Give thoughts and ideas time to settle and so long as something more stimulating doesn't come along ( within the next few weeks) then she understands in her basic way what to do.

There is no point disliking this trait in Thai women, it exists and the only way round it is to meet someone more intelligent.The bars are loaded with bright young women, Talk to them and they say ' cant get boyfriend farange prefer stupid'.

So 'we are hoist with our own petard' as someone said, or in English 'you made your bed so lie in it;.

[lounger]

why do you think its only the thai woman who does that?

20 replies and i shall start the ball rolling first

its a Buddhist thing

I see your point but I think you need to qualify it a little bit. It's a Thai-Buddhism thing.

Thai Theravada Buddhism is by no means pure Buddhism. It has a lot of superstition and ancient cultural additions that are nothing to do with Buddhism itself.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

The Bhuddhist thing is totally separate. People in the villages are brought up to go to the temple. Its a meeting place, a place to get some luck and earn merit. people go to the temple to calm down, to recharge their batteries, to straighten out any misdemeanour's.

The way the people behave is based on needs and personal experience. We not like it but knocking Buddhism isnt the answer. The Temple culture is holding the country together let it continue; why should we replace cohesion with the modern gods: football, drunkeness, deceit, competitiveness, materiality, the culture of I am better than you and I know my rights!!!

[YellowHouse]

This may be true for lots of Thai women, especially those you might meet in a bar who will sell their bodies to foreign men stupid enough to fall in love with them.

Like any relationship that is to be successful, there has to be openness, honesty and trust. If your Thai girlfriend can't speak English or whatever your own native tongue is, then you can do no less than expect communication problems.

A good way of working out early on if your relationship is going to work and stand the test of time is to ask yourself some basic questions.

1: IS there a genuine mutual attraction, both physically and emotionally.

2: Can you share a joke and general sense of humour?

3: Can you discuss topics openly that are close to your heart?

4: How quickly can you resolve minor conflicts?

5: do you share a similar economic background?

6: do you share similar beliefs, spiritually and philosophically?

7: Are you in a similar age-bracket?

8: Do you share similar aspirations?

The key to successful relationships are usually based on factors of similarity and not differences. Entering into serious relationships are hard enough at the best of times, as both parties have to try to bring all the years that they have NOT been together, into alignment with each other, which undoubtedly is going to be a challenge at times.

If you cannot answer yes to at least 50% of the above questions, then I would surmise that you might need to re-start your search and find someone who does share a majority of similarity.

Cross-cultural relationships are always challenging, but we have the freedom to use common sense and wisdom and also - of course - to look in the right kinds of places for the partner we desire.

I suspect that might probably rule out 99.9% of bars where you can pay for the pleasure of any of the staff's company.

I am from Scotland and have been happily married to a Thai girl of the same age as myself . for 10 years and we have 3 children.

we answered YES to every single one of the above questions.

So it is possible.

Make your choice wisely and avoid women who are skilled in the art of wallet extraction as a very logical starting point.

There are millions and millions of amazing women in Thailand, and if you can't find a smart sexy girl out of all of that lot, then I suspect the problem probably lies with YOU.

[Holysteel]

This may be true for lots of Thai women, especially those you might meet in a bar who will sell their bodies to foreign men stupid enough to fall in love with them.

Like any relationship that is to be successful, there has to be openness, honesty and trust. If your Thai girlfriend can't speak English or whatever your own native tongue is, then you can do no less than expect communication problems.

A good way of working out early on if your relationship is going to work and stand the test of time is to ask yourself some basic questions.

1: IS there a genuine mutual attraction, both physically and emotionally.

2: Can you share a joke and general sense of humour?

3: Can you discuss topics openly that are close to your heart?

4: How quickly can you resolve minor conflicts?

5: do you share a similar economic background?

6: do you share similar beliefs, spiritually and philosophically?

7: Are you in a similar age-bracket?

8: Do you share similar aspirations?

The key to successful relationships are usually based on factors of similarity and not differences. Entering into serious relationships are hard enough at the best of times, as both parties have to try to bring all the years that they have NOT been together, into alignment with each other, which undoubtedly is going to be a challenge at times.

If you cannot answer yes to at least 50% of the above questions, then I would surmise that you might need to re-start your search and find someone who does share a majority of similarity.

Cross-cultural relationships are always challenging, but we have the freedom to use common sense and wisdom and also - of course - to look in the right kinds of places for the partner we desire.

I suspect that might probably rule out 99.9% of bars where you can pay for the pleasure of any of the staff's company.

I am from Scotland and have been happily married to a Thai girl of the same age as myself . for 10 years and we have 3 children.

we answered YES to every single one of the above questions.

So it is possible.

Make your choice wisely and avoid women who are skilled in the art of wallet extraction as a very logical starting point.

There are millions and millions of amazing women in Thailand, and if you can't find a smart sexy girl out of all of that lot, then I suspect the problem probably lies with YOU.

This is very good & true.

[Chads]

Firstly I would never date anyone from a bar. There are lots of Thai women out there who have regular jobs. Try getting to know some of them. Most would not know as much English as the ladies from bars, so brush up on your Thai. You'd probably get a better woman who is more trustworthy.

Secondly, if you want warmth, communication, and tenderness in a relationship then you should know you're not going get it with the woman you're currently with. So leave her. And if all Thai women are giving you the same experience (or you haven't met one who's good for you), then maybe you can't date Thai women.

I know leaving a relationship may cause heartbreak initially. But better get over something that doesn't make you happy, rather than being unhappy for years. You may even lose your partner after all that time so who was the biggest loser?

Thirdly, I like the post where someone said try going to some bars late at night with your guy friends without informing her. See how she reacts. If she gets angry tell her she did the same before, so you thought that it's ok.

Lastly, my personal opinion is that you should never give your partner too much money. It's best if she works too, so her time is taken up by work routines, she has a social circle with colleagues, and earns her own money.

[TommoPhysicist]

If there is any technique or tips on countering back against such emotionless person. Post it here. I am dam_n happy to listen it 100%

Or there is not a chance in the world to counter such people ?

The trick is to understand all women are the same and therefore completely interchangeable.

Once you learn this trick, when one wanders off, invariably another wanders in, and you still have a sex partner, so no loss.

As long as you never spend a heap of your cash on any particular one of them (no house, no car, no gold), it doesn't matter which female you are sleeping with.

[pxlgirl]

Holy crap, 38 pages!!! I learned one new thing though: Ladyboys are not a kind of their own (like I thought before), they are transsexuals. Once they adjusted their bodies, they are to seen as women and most of them are straight. For many farungs however, the fact alone that they (still) have male genitalia seems to be the only dominating issue about them. As stated in the documentary, many prostitute themselves in order to be able to pay the surgery. So technically, they are women, and it wouldn't be a big deal anyway.

[DrTuner]

If there is any technique or tips on countering back against such emotionless person. Post it here. I am dam_n happy to listen it 100%

Or there is not a chance in the world to counter such people ?

The trick is to understand all women are the same and therefore completely interchangeable.

Once you learn this trick, when one wanders off, invariably another wanders in, and you still have a sex partner, so no loss.

As long as you never spend a heap of your cash on any particular one of them (no house, no car, no gold), it doesn't matter which female you are sleeping with.

Well the best way to guarantee steady sex supply is to have three. One coming in, one current and one going out. Rotate to and from the pool as necessary. More than three and it becomes a 24/7 job.

[JurgenG]

Found it in a newspaper this paper :

Don't sneer at your wife's choices, you're one of them.

[jshorts]

Others have eluded to it, but here it is. Thais in general do not handle criticism of any kind very well. It goes to their concept of "face". So if your girlfriend interprets your "advice" as being critical or badgering or confrontational, then she shuts down. You have to provide her an incentive to do the things that she needs to do, without appearing dominant.

Very well put and includes an example FOC.

Farang: I agree with what you said the other night babe.

Missus: About what?

Farang: About 'x' (knowing full well they have never spoken about it)

Missus: I don't remember

Farang: We were busy but I agree, we should do 'x'

Missus: OK. Up to you. As she wonderes off to adjust her makup when in fact she's off for a dump having drunk a Fitna after Som Tam for breakfast.

.... Life goes on.

I should say that I couldn't live like that though.

So eloquent!

[jshorts]

Others have eluded to it, but here it is. Thais in general do not handle criticism of any kind very well. It goes to their concept of "face". So if your girlfriend interprets your "advice" as being critical or badgering or confrontational, then she shuts down. You have to provide her an incentive to do the things that she needs to do, without appearing dominant.

Very well put and includes an example FOC.

Farang: I agree with what you said the other night babe.

Missus: About what?

Farang: About 'x' (knowing full well they have never spoken about it)

Missus: I don't remember

Farang: We were busy but I agree, we should do 'x'

Missus: OK. Up to you. As she wonderes off to adjust her makup when in fact she's off for a dump having drunk a Fitna after Som Tam for breakfast.

.... Life goes on.

I should say that I couldn't live like that though.

So eloquent!

[jpinx]

So far doesn't look very good Holysteel............time to have a sit down and ask yourself some serious questions as to what you want out of life.

....and being with this current lady, would you be happier with or without her.

Sorry to say, but sounds like it is time to weigh-up all your losses and move on while you can, before you start to regret it.

Good Luck.

Seriously. I have been thinking of this exact question myself. It does not look good for sure. I have been thinking whether this woman is the 'defect' or is it just me who is the 'prob' just like some posters here said. I do not understand Thai woman..I should not have asked.

So what now? I am in the wrong?

Hey don't put yourself down.......Nobody understands Thai women or women of any nationality, so don't worry yourself about that one.

You are not in the wrong, you cannot be happy trying to make other people happy when they in turn make you unhappy.

You must first find out what makes you happy..........then continue along that road. Once you are in a comfortable situation where you are happy, then everything will fall into place.

If you stay where you are not happy......you will always be "not happy", no matter how hard you try to improve the situation.

Sounds like you are just not meant to be together......trust me, when you find the right one.....you will know.

Life is too short, this is not a rehearsal......get out there and find your own happiness.

Cheers.

sooooooooooooooo.. true

[ttthailand]

So far doesn't look very good Holysteel............time to have a sit down and ask yourself some serious questions as to what you want out of life.

....and being with this current lady, would you be happier with or without her.

Sorry to say, but sounds like it is time to weigh-up all your losses and move on while you can, before you start to regret it.

Good Luck.

Seriously. I have been thinking of this exact question myself. It does not look good for sure. I have been thinking whether this woman is the 'defect' or is it just me who is the 'prob' just like some posters here said. I do not understand Thai woman..I should not have asked.

So what now? I am in the wrong?

Hey don't put yourself down.......Nobody understands Thai women or women of any nationality, so don't worry yourself about that one.

You are not in the wrong, you cannot be happy trying to make other people happy when they in turn make you unhappy.

You must first find out what makes you happy..........then continue along that road. Once you are in a comfortable situation where you are happy, then everything will fall into place.

If you stay where you are not happy......you will always be "not happy", no matter how hard you try to improve the situation.

Sounds like you are just not meant to be together......trust me, when you find the right one.....you will know.

Life is too short, this is not a rehearsal......get out there and find your own happiness.

Cheers.

sooooooooooooooo.. true

I think we enter into these relationships blinded by a beautiful girl, sometimes half our age or less, and once we see it going south ( bad) we start looking at saving it at all cost. We fall in love so quickly and hate thinking about someone else being with her...the lady we love. I think if you really did something wrong you would know it and it can be fixed. The problem is that you may be doing everything correct but she is just not the one. It is difficult but sometimes you just have to cut them loose. There are many girls out there and I am sure you can fine one that can make you happy. If she was from the bar perhaps you want to look in other places. Bar relationships sometimes work but they are much more difficult.

[ttthailand]

Firstly I would never date anyone from a bar. There are lots of Thai women out there who have regular jobs. Try getting to know some of them. Most would not know as much English as the ladies from bars, so brush up on your Thai. You'd probably get a better woman who is more trustworthy.

Secondly, if you want warmth, communication, and tenderness in a relationship then you should know you're not going get it with the woman you're currently with. So leave her. And if all Thai women are giving you the same experience (or you haven't met one who's good for you), then maybe you can't date Thai women.

I know leaving a relationship may cause heartbreak initially. But better get over something that doesn't make you happy, rather than being unhappy for years. You may even lose your partner after all that time so who was the biggest loser?

Thirdly, I like the post where someone said try going to some bars late at night with your guy friends without informing her. See how she reacts. If she gets angry tell her she did the same before, so you thought that it's ok.

Lastly, my personal opinion is that you should never give your partner too much money. It's best if she works too, so her time is taken up by work routines, she has a social circle with colleagues, and earns her own money.

good statements..... you also need to give them something other to do than sit around wondering how to get into trouble.

[amccbkk]

I think a lot of people have already said this but it's a very Thai thing, in my opinion. I have a Thai boyfriend of 2 years and he also shuts down and refuses to talk about small problems, miscommunications. From what I understand, having talked to people here in similar relationships and having talked to Thai people now living abroad, Thais are conditioned to think that any kind of talk of a problem is akin to being criticized or told their doing something wrong or being a "bad" person. They hate any kind of confrontation and so they are unable to talk about things they way we do. I often wonder if it will be the demise of my relationship because I think unless we can fix these small parts, the whole will not work eventually. But who knows. He is coming around a little bit and starting to understand where I am coming from but very very difficult for him to understand the concept of talking through things and clearing the problem. In his mind it only goes away if you pretend it isn't there.

I noticed even children aren't really scolded. Or at least the ones I know. The parents just let them do what they want and if they cry because they can't have something -- it is immediately given to them to avoid the spectacle of them crying. I've seen it countless times and now I am a mother -- so when my baby cries and I don't immediately give in to his demands, other Thais act as though I'm heartless.

Anyway good luck with your challenge. If you love this girl as you appear to do just be patient and try to make her see where you're coming from. Maybe she'll only really be able though once/if she travels to the west and lives there for a while.

[Chads]

Thais are conditioned to think that any kind of talk of a problem is akin to being criticized or told their doing something wrong or being a "bad" person.

In his mind it only goes away if you pretend it isn't there.

How very strange to me, even though I'm Asian too (from Singapore).