If The Man You Were Interested In Had Been With Another Man, Would That Turn You Off?

[submaniac]

This is a spin off from the humungous general forum question of "Can coming to Thailand make you bisexual?" This is being posted here as it really is a question to be answered by the ladies. The other topic involved whether a man who was interested in ladyboys was gay or bisexual or normal. My question is if you found out the man you were interested in had ever been with another man--lady boy or not--would that be a "turn off" for you (like it would make you not want to be in a relationship with him). This hypothetical could apply to a man you just met and are interested in getting to know better, or you are already in a relationship with him and he dropped a bombshell on you. I am just curious as to what the thoughts are. My thinking is most women would not be interested even if it was way in the past, a one shot deal, experimentation, etc. Of course I could be wrong. I am just throwing it out there as a thought.

And if you are wondering what it would it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot, and what a man would think of a woman that has ever been with another woman, I don't think that that would be a dealbreaker for most men.

[sbk]

Depends on the guy and the relationship I would think.

(hows that for a nice 'Thai' answer? )

[submaniac]

^^

Very diplomatic (way of saying it would be a turn off! )

[necronx99]

From the title I thought this was going to be some sort of confession.....

What about the ones who try to convert gay guys? "Rescue them" as such.

[submaniac]

From the title I thought this was going to be some sort of confession.....

Erm...Submaniac is making this clear this is not a confession.

What about the ones who try to convert gay guys? "Rescue them" as such.

The "rescuing" usually never works.

[Boo]

deal breaker for me as imo someone who likes having sex with men is gay. That said, if it were a lady boy I would have to know if they were pre or post op. that would have a major influence over my view.

Sure there is bisexualism but tbh, that is more of a female thing imo,, every man I know who claimed to be bi when younger now identify as fully gay. Massive generalisation I know but only basing on the people I know.

[krading]

deal breaker for me as imo someone who likes having sex with men is gay. That said, if it were a lady boy I would have to know if they were pre or post op. that would have a major influence over my view.

Here's a weird thought.

If a woman had an affair with a pre-op ladyboy would that make her a lesbian?

[phuturatica]

I have in the past and it didn't really bother me.

[Boo]

deal breaker for me as imo someone who likes having sex with men is gay. That said, if it were a lady boy I would have to know if they were pre or post op. that would have a major influence over my view.

Here's a weird thought.

If a woman had an affair with a pre-op ladyboy would that make her a lesbian?

no cause he still had man bits but I would if they were post op.

[mls]

A man who has sex with men is not necessarily gay. Bisexuals are of both sexes. For a relationship to work, the woman has to understand that there are some things, sexually, that only a man can give a man, as there are things that only a woman can give a man. If the man is truly bisexual it is unlikely that he would be able to stay sexually faithful to the woman as his needs might change. However, a relationship with a woman is more likely to last in terms of love and affection. If as a woman you can understand his needs, then I would say it is easier to deal with him having sex with another man than another woman as it would more likely be only sexual gratification and not emotional.

As for ladyboys, a lot of men are attracted to someone who has both breasts and male sexual organs as they get the best of both worlds!

[ajarnyai]

I think it depends on how long she knew this guy, if she really loved him or not, and when he had the "gay" sex.

I don't think you could tell her your freaky ass sexual history on the second date and have her be comfortable with it, nor do I think if she found out that your last "girlfriend" "Noi" was a ladyboy she would feel you and her have a stable future; no matter how beautiful "Noi" was.

If it was one of those......., "When I was in college, after a long night of drinking (or drugs might be a better explanation), the peer pressure, or 10+ years ago, I once had sex with....., or I don't know what came over me..... THINGS........... It probably would be acceptable, after a lot of confidence boosting later on.

Saying anything that would make her feel like what she is/has isn't enough for you, or that going out drinking with the "fellas" will turn into an orgy, is going to cause you unending grief.

"What do I do If he wants a man?" she says

Most women want your undivided attention, and hate competition of any kind; bringing this kind of question into her mind is nothing but trouble.

It's best to keep the past in the past when it comes to such sensitive matters. I've always wanted my girlfriends to accept who I am in total, but I now know that you can say too much. Sure, if your sexual history with men is relevant to your current one, talk about it, but I don't think she will love you more when she finds out what you did.

Never introduce some new freaky, acrobatic sex position with the phrase "The last time I did this......"

So, the answer to the OP is..... It will probably turn them off. Say 70% chance or more. This, I say from personal experience, although what I said was a lot lower on the Shock-O-Meter.

[pxlgirl]

Well, it depends... Sex is one thing, but when emotions come to play, it's better to let it go. Many people realize about themselves quite late, some when being in a straight relationship for many years. It's better to stick to yourself and be true with yourself and others, anything else would be fake and living a lie.

[Carry]

My ex [not Thai] s in a relationship with a guy now, after me...it explains why we didnt work I guess...

[Krupnik]

It depends on the extent of the relationship that you are currently in, and the relationship that was currently had between the guy and another. If my boyfriend told me something like that happened in the past, I would not care too much as I already feel secure. If it was a relationship, rather than a one off thing, it would make me more uncomfortable but I could live with it. If it was something I'd found out on meeting a new guy, I doubt I'd have bothered with him - it's too much of an extra thing to worry about (that he might sway that way again.)

[katana]

Funny thing is, if the reverse situation were considered ie would a guy be bothered if a girl he was interested in had been with a woman before, would there be less of a problem?

[pxlgirl]

Well, most guys seem not to be bothered by it when a woman identifies herself as bi. Apart from some arousing fantasies they have, another reason might be, that they think it's not the real thing anyway, a temporary condition or a phase. Even though many bi's had relationships with women, they always get back together with men at the end of the day. That's fine for them, but unfortunately lesbians are being put in the same category.

[LadyHeather]

Well, yes mainly I think its the fantasies, that this means the gf would be up for a theesome which is of course not really the same thinking as liking both.

I dont think I would mind previous relationships with men but I recently met a guy who seemed to have had gay relationships, not an issue except of course he kept the often non-monogamous lifestyle that many gays have into his heterosexual life which is certainly not acceptable.