Sin Sod For 39 Yo Woman With Kids?

[mesquite]

My Thai gf is 39, divorced with two kids. I'm 61. How much should the dowry be? I haven't talked to the parents yet and would like to have a clue going in. I've read stuff on the internet with dowries in this type of situation ranging from 0 to a million baht.

Anyone have any first hand experience with this that you'd be willing to post?

[transam]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

[BookMan]

39, divorced, with two kids?

She should be paying you

[mesquite]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

[transam]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

No you don't. YOU have relieved the family of a burden. They should pay you.

Must ask, is the/her ex paying towards the kids lives/upbringing. ?

[rgs2001uk]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Ok asuming you aint a troll, I will indulge you.

My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Talk about what exactly/

The g/f is Thai as her father and brother, they know the Thai rules and protocol in situations like this.

Frankly with an attitude like hers I wouldnt even consider her as a g/f never mind marriage material, move on.

Your g/f already knows their is no sin sot to be paid, so I dont know what there is too discuss.

Learn to say the following in Thai,

Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot.

Translates as, second hand, no need to pay sin sot.

Her reaction will tell you if this relationship is worth persuing.

[cardholder]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Unfortunately, I fear you are applying a western logic transam.

I am fairly certain that there will be an 'expectation'.

If you are a Brit, explain that she (and the kids) could be entitled to significant benefits from the state and/or private pension providers upon your death (by natural causes ). These benefits would far exceed any sin sit.

SIN SOT........... FARANGS, JUST SAY "NO" !

[transam]

I hope the OP is not joking with his post, but seen many an older guy fall foul to stuff cos they don't understand or are blinkered by a nice cuddle.

Whether a new farang OR Thai guy for the lady, with the info you have given, you pay nothing. If folk starts to talk cash, walk away. Many more fish in the sea.

[Sharp]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Rip off written all over it ...

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[rgs2001uk]

I hope the OP is not joking with his post, but seen many an older guy fall foul to stuff cos they don't understand or are blinkered by a nice cuddle.

Whether a new farang OR Thai guy for the lady, with the info you have given, you pay nothing. If folk starts to talk cash, walk away. Many more fish in the sea.

Sadly I fear its another deluded fool being passed off with a load of tosh dressed up as "Thai tradition"

Here is another line for this guy to learn,

Pua gao jaai hai laew, the previous husband has already paid.

I am not allowed to write Thai here, if the Op wants it written in Thai for his tee rak to understand, all he has to do is send me a pm.

[Happy Go Lucky]

Lets not get all so negative here first.

She might just want you to speak to her father and brother with regards to getting married again and to recieve blessing from them. Also out of respect for the father and elder brother. They might not want any sin sod. Is a Thai culture to respect and inform the elders in the family.

If everything is good and going to be a wedding ceremony , then you should cover the expenses for it.

However if they start to talk about sin sod then you might want to follow other advises..

[transam]

Lets not get all so negative here first. She might just want you to speak to her father and brother with regards to getting married again and to recieve blessing from them. Also out of respect for the father and elder brother. They might not want any sin sod. Is a Thai culture to respect and inform the elders in the family. If everything is good and going to be a wedding ceremony , then you should cover the expenses for it. However if they start to talk about sin sod then you might want to follow other advises..

The wedding fees are the business of the OP. NOT, sinsod OR making cash from the OP to fix up a wedding. Been there, seen it and got the T-shirt. OP, lady was lost, now she isn't, your cash, you control.

[Boo]

simple answer - zero.

[fletchsmile]

It's less common to pay sin sod for a woman who has been married before. It does happen though.

Find out what her extended family usually pay for Thai-Thai. So what her brothers paid to their wives. What her sisters received from their husbands. Cousins, close friends, etc.

For that same circle find out what happens to the sin sod, whether returned in full or part, or kept by parents.

Find out the practice on whether a woman is married or not.

Based on those you'll have the best idea of what the practice is in their circles. As a foreigner who is probably wealthier, consider paying more but certainly not multiples more.

Don't benchmark yourselves vs other foreign-Thai marriages there's a good chance you're setting yourself up for trouble.

To overpay significantly is often worse that digging your heels in and refusing in the long run.

After that it comes down to personal choice where you go from there, and whether you can sensibly afford it. Life's full of differences. Either learn to adjust and enjoy them together or be self centred and choose based on what you want and what suits you.

I chose to go with the cultural norms in my wife's family. Very happy to have done so. It's largely about face. Don't care much for the idea myself to be honest, but seeing as everyone else in the family circles did (all Thai-Thai), I thought it more important to give my wife face, and put the views of the most important person in the world before my own.

Small concession for a wonderful wife and now 2 kids in my case.

BTW: She buys Xmas presents for my family members back home and none for her own. Easter eggs too, and so on. Don't think I'd enjoy our marriage as much if she refused to give to gifts to my family for our traditions because it wasn't her way.

Fletch

Forgot to add: it's very common to give a gift of gold at the same time. I chose 9 baht as it's a lucky number - all for face and show. The Mrs.kept that afterwards. Later sold most of it and proceeds ended up back in our joint account, with the exception of one piece now in the safe as a keepsake.

Edited April 18, 2013 by fletchsmile

[pilm]

My Thai gf is 39, divorced with two kids.

None.

It will be your duty to care for the kids though.

I also presume you will be the father's retirement fund and health insurance with a monthly payment plus his health bills, etc. etc.

[Neeranam]

I paid 100,000 baht sinsot - my wife was working and 24, no kids.

The wedding party was 40,000 baht of that. The other 60k went missing which was fine by me - they never played by the rules so got nothing off me for years.

OP, if you can afford it, sin sot might be a good idea(just for show) but MAKE SURE you get it all back. I suggest about 50,000 baht.

Edited April 18, 2013 by Neeranam

[fletchsmile]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Ok asuming you aint a troll, I will indulge you.

My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Talk about what exactly/

The g/f is Thai as her father and brother, they know the Thai rules and protocol in situations like this.

Frankly with an attitude like hers I wouldnt even consider her as a g/f never mind marriage material, move on.

Your g/f already knows their is no sin sot to be paid, so I dont know what there is too discuss.

Learn to say the following in Thai,

Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot.

Translates as, second hand, no need to pay sin sot.

Her reaction will tell you if this relationship is worth persuing.

"Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot" would more likely come out as "second pig, no need to pay sin sod". Her reaction would be interesting to say the least

If you really want to go that route, I'd suggest "meur song...." "Meur" being "hand" and "moo" being "pig" (approx transliteration). Either way not the most tactful thing to say.

For your future mother-in-law the words "maa" (dog) and "mae" (mum) could be an interesting mix up too when you're talking to her about the subject. You know something along the lines of "listen dog, there's no need to pay for a second (hand) pig"

Cheers

Fletch

Edited April 18, 2013 by fletchsmile

[BookMan]

OP, how do you feel about paying Sin sod?

Edited April 18, 2013 by BookMan

[soi41]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Ok asuming you aint a troll, I will indulge you.

My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Talk about what exactly/

The g/f is Thai as her father and brother, they know the Thai rules and protocol in situations like this.

Frankly with an attitude like hers I wouldnt even consider her as a g/f never mind marriage material, move on.

Your g/f already knows their is no sin sot to be paid, so I dont know what there is too discuss.

Learn to say the following in Thai,

Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot.

Translates as, second hand, no need to pay sin sot.

Her reaction will tell you if this relationship is worth persuing.

"Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot" would more likely come out as "second pig, no need to pay sin sod". Her reaction would be interesting to say the least

If you really want to go that route, I'd suggest "meur song...." "Meur" being "hand" and "moo" being "pig" (approx transliteration). Either way not the most tactful thing to say.

For your future mother-in-law the words "maa" (dog) and "mae" (mum) could be an interesting mix up too when you're talking to her about the subject. You know something along the lines of "listen dog, there's no need to pay for a second (hand) pig"

Cheers

Fletch

Thanks Fletch, you made my day !

A perfect end to another meaningless sin sod thread !

[mesquite]

Lets not get all so negative here first. She might just want you to speak to her father and brother with regards to getting married again and to recieve blessing from them. Also out of respect for the father and elder brother. They might not want any sin sod. Is a Thai culture to respect and inform the elders in the family. If everything is good and going to be a wedding ceremony , then you should cover the expenses for it. However if they start to talk about sin sod then you might want to follow other advises..

Yes, that is it. No one has mentioned money.

[mesquite]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Ok asuming you aint a troll, I will indulge you.

My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Talk about what exactly/

The g/f is Thai as her father and brother, they know the Thai rules and protocol in situations like this.

Frankly with an attitude like hers I wouldnt even consider her as a g/f never mind marriage material, move on.

Your g/f already knows their is no sin sot to be paid, so I dont know what there is too discuss.

Learn to say the following in Thai,

Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot.

Translates as, second hand, no need to pay sin sot.

Her reaction will tell you if this relationship is worth persuing.

"Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot" would more likely come out as "second pig, no need to pay sin sod". Her reaction would be interesting to say the least

If you really want to go that route, I'd suggest "meur song...." "Meur" being "hand" and "moo" being "pig" (approx transliteration). Either way not the most tactful thing to say.

For your future mother-in-law the words "maa" (dog) and "mae" (mum) could be an interesting mix up too when you're talking to her about the subject. You know something along the lines of "listen dog, there's no need to pay for a second (hand) pig"

Cheers

Fletch

Hilarious! Thanks so much for the Thai lesson I'm quite impressed you know the Thai words for dog, mother, hand, etc. (rolls eyes)

Edited April 18, 2013 by mesquite

[mesquite]

I hope the OP is not joking with his post, but seen many an older guy fall foul to stuff cos they don't understand or are blinkered by a nice cuddle.

Whether a new farang OR Thai guy for the lady, with the info you have given, you pay nothing. If folk starts to talk cash, walk away. Many more fish in the sea.

Sadly I fear its another deluded fool being passed off with a load of tosh dressed up as "Thai tradition"

Here is another line for this guy to learn,

Pua gao jaai hai laew, the previous husband has already paid.

I am not allowed to write Thai here, if the Op wants it written in Thai for his tee rak to understand, all he has to do is send me a pm.

I'm *so* impressed you know Thai. Hilarious!

[mesquite]

Thanks for the serious replies. I already speak Thai but was just looking for info on Sin Sod. I did, however, get a good laugh about learning to say moo, muer, and all the other advanced Thai vocabulary.

Edited April 18, 2013 by mesquite

[mesquite]

You pay nothing. Mum has had her payout previously. BUT, you can give mum a few baht. Mum is, or should be, happy you have taken her daughter and kids off the ''families'' hands. End of story.

Actually I mis-wrote. Mother passed away a few years ago. My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Ok asuming you aint a troll, I will indulge you.

My gf says I need to talk to her father and older brother.

Talk about what exactly/

The g/f is Thai as her father and brother, they know the Thai rules and protocol in situations like this.

Frankly with an attitude like hers I wouldnt even consider her as a g/f never mind marriage material, move on.

Your g/f already knows their is no sin sot to be paid, so I dont know what there is too discuss.

Learn to say the following in Thai,

Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot.

Translates as, second hand, no need to pay sin sot.

Her reaction will tell you if this relationship is worth persuing.

"Moo song, mai tong jai sin sot" would more likely come out as "second pig, no need to pay sin sod". Her reaction would be interesting to say the least

If you really want to go that route, I'd suggest "meur song...." "Meur" being "hand" and "moo" being "pig" (approx transliteration). Either way not the most tactful thing to say.

For your future mother-in-law the words "maa" (dog) and "mae" (mum) could be an interesting mix up too when you're talking to her about the subject. You know something along the lines of "listen dog, there's no need to pay for a second (hand) pig"

Cheers

Fletch

The mother is dead as I mentioned in my post above.

[TexasRanger]

I'm not saying it's moraly right or wrong but in our village there is a girl with a 15 year old son, she has had a second and third marriage since I have known her (mainly due to her control freak father driving them away). Anyway, point is she got sinsod everytime, now, granted it us not a huge amount but just making the point that the people gobbing off about previously married women not getting a dowry are wrong.

Edited April 18, 2013 by TexasRanger

[wellred]

Maybe you can pay a bit to make her family feel good. Something like 25k maybe.... It's not a huge amount of money but enough to make her dad say ok it's a nice gesture.

But generally if she's been broken in and has kids you don't pay squat.

[angiud]

Closed as OP request