The OP doesn't know the age of the love of his life????

The OP doesn't know the age of the love of his life????

I know but don't want to tell!

ok, certainly your perogative to withhold it... but age certainly does have a bearing on the advice that you are seeking.

I don't think so, I would sleep with her if we ever got married. Yes, she lives by her standard. I mean you can think that it is unusual for an American woman. But it's usual in her family! I lived in the states before so I had known families of that kind. She is still young but mature enough (I cannot you the exact number). Yes, I was her first serious boyfriend that she thought we had great chance to get married.

It's not that unusual in the States for American women to be celibate. A lot of Americans are quite conservative, despite the images portrayed by singers and countless films. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the media from the States that make it to Thailand implies that all Americans are easy-going in relation to matters like sex and that all young Americans are like the teens in American Pie or Jawbreaker. I'm a young person too, and I find it grating when Thai people my age imply to me that they think that all Westerners are slutty overall, with no exceptions. My Thai teacher has commented on this as well.

The strange thing is that the OP knew this girl came from a conservative family, knows other families like hers and yet chose to be unfaithful. We're only confirming something he already knows - that there's no way she'll take him back.

Edited March 31, 200620 yr by skylar

I don't think so, I would sleep with her if we ever got married. Yes, she lives by her standard. I mean you can think that it is unusual for an American woman. But it's usual in her family! I lived in the states before so I had known families of that kind. She is still young but mature enough (I cannot you the exact number). Yes, I was her first serious boyfriend that she thought we had great chance to get married.

It's not that unusual in the States for American women to be celibate. A lot of Americans are quite conservative, despite the images portrayed by singers and countless films. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the media from the States that make it to Thailand implies that all Americans are easy-going in relation to matters like sex and that all young Americans are like the teens in American Pie or Jawbreaker. I'm a young person too, and I find it grating when Thai people my age imply to me that they think that all Westerners are slutty overall, with no exceptions. My Thai teacher has commented on this as well.

The strange thing is that the OP knew this girl came from a conservative family, knows other families like hers and yet chose to be unfaithful. We're only confirming something he already knows - that there's no way she'll take him back.

Women tend to lie when asked about sexual partners. In a study done by Fisher and Alexander surveyed over 200 unmarried, heterosexual college students aged 18 to 25. They found when women were asked anonymously about their number of sex partners the answer was 2.6. When they were hooked up to a lie detector it changed to 4.4. Men on the other hand had approximately the same response with or without the lie detector about 4 partners. If you use statistical data to derive your conclusions you can double the number partners females have or cut in half the number that claim celibacy.

I don't see what these statistics have to do with the above discussion.

I don't like to sound mean, but maybe there's not much that you can do to restore trust. To me, there are only 3 things that could kill a relationship 1)Death 2)Cheating 3)Physical Abuse. All those crimes are highly unpardonable and unforgiveable when it comes to relationships.

Maybe, it's simply time that you move on.

Sometimes, we just have to lay on the bed that we made!

Edited March 31, 200620 yr by the_heart_thief

I don't see what these statistics have to do with the above discussion.

You stated, “It's not that unusual in the States for American women to be celibate. A lot of Americans are quite conservative, despite the images portrayed by singers and countless films.”

That opinion is contrary to most studies currently available on sexual partners for American college age women.

I assumed you were getting your information from some reputable source as opposed to just stating your opinion based on a few people you knew personally.

I wanted to point out if your sources were the standard sociological studies available that they were negatively skewed by the fact that women normally understate their number their sexual partners by 100%.

If you want to speak of personal experiences I would say that the average American woman goes out with a serious boyfriend 3 to 6 months before having sex and the average Thai woman 1 to 2 years. Factor in the study that contends that women understate their sexual activities by 100% and that means 3 months for Americans and 1 year for Thais. I would say that is accurate but have no hard evidence to back that up.

At any rate, I think that celibacy is unusual (less than 20%) in most young American women. Though certainly this would depend on many factors such as place of residence and religion and ethnicity. I am sure there are many places in Utah where celibacy among young women is 80% this would not hold true in Miami.

What do I base this on? I had three restaurants in Utah and two in Miami. I listen to the kids talk. Nobody was doing anybody in Utah. My God in Miami they were, well I won’t go into it but I normally knocked before I entered the Walk in cooler.

There are numerous examples of celibacy in ethnic communities in America and in smaller towns and rural areas. In big cities with large black and Latino populations sex occurs more frequently and at a much earlier age. There is more drug usage in urban areas and a more liberal attitude to pre marital sex.

I think living in LA or NY or Miami the movie stereotypes are more accurate than Idaho falls or Elizabethtown KY.

I did say it wasn't that unusual, but I also didn't say it was widespread. Unusual for me is less than significance - 5%. Perhaps 'a lot' was the wrong term to use. I also said 'quite conservative' in relation to media that is pumped out.

I would like to point out some irregularities in this study. You certainly cannot generalise to the point where you say 'Women tend to lie when asked about sexual partners' (everywhere in the world!). The study cannot claim that, or anything else. The study is done on only n=200 male and females or so, and that's on a college campus in only one state. Each gender was divided into three groups. One third of each group took the lie detector method. That would be around n=30. n=30 for each gender is too small a sample from which to draw such a broad conclusion. The absolute minimum is n=60 for each group and ideally n=100, and the sample must be representative. This sample is not representative.

Therefore, you may say that the results could possibly be representative of female college students in the state of Ohio, if they had interviewed at least twice as many women, but not beyond that.

The women in this study are not 'college age women'. They are all college students, at one college, and do not come from backgrounds, say with no college education, or postgraduate education and do not have a wide age range. You have said so yourself that attitudes towards sex differs greatly between states.

I am saying that despite young Americans/Westerners being viewed in the eyes of Thai people as free and easy is not consistent with images in the media. You are saying that based on a 'study' of women aged 18-25 who are going to a particular college in Ohio are understating the amount of sexual partners they have had, and are trying to apply it to a general comment I have made.

In relation to the discussion, the age group in question for this study is 18 - 25. That's 8 years. Obviously someone who has been sexually active for 8 years (meaning that they are 25) would have more opportunity over time to have more sexual partners. 4.4, a mean across the female group as a whole cannot be classified as slutty in the West in this day and age. When I say slutty, I really mean someone having different sexual partners on a regular basis.

Edited March 31, 200620 yr by skylar

I never said or meant slutty. I don’t know if numbers has anything to do with that. I think we could both agree that in studies of this kind all over the world men tend to answer in higher numbers of partners than women. Of course this can’t be accurate. It has to be the same if it is not either men are exaggerating or women are under reporting.

I think the study points out that the men in it were not exaggerating. I think there are all sorts of reasons for this. The most obvious is that in most societies women are expected to be more chaste than men. Most people in studies report what the dominant culture wants to hear. In this case the only reason men are honest is because it is expected that they have more partners than females.

If I remember correctly the American reported average is around 4 partners and British ladies come in around 6.9 but that’s just a recollection and not based on info I have recently gathered.

Asian and Muslim communities in the States are of course drastically lower, if you believe the statistics. I think it is normal for an Asian male to think Western women are more liberated in most things than Asian women.

I think the salient point in this thread are Western women are much less forgiving than an Asian male would expect even though on the surface they may come across as quite liberated.

The Dude feels that cheating on an american chick is uncool and that the OP cannot get her back no matter what he does. My question is, did he ever have her in the 1st place?

. Americans are not like Thais or Europeans when it comes to infidelity.

I love this statement! Yeah, in Europe we are shagging like dogs, it's a part of culture, didn't you know that? I happened to come from a place where loads of American expats work in oilfields. What a bunch of saints! Indeed their blood should be bottled, I'll notify all the Churches next time when around.

. Americans are not like Thais or Europeans when it comes to infidelity.

I love this statement! Yeah, in Europe we are shagging like dogs, it's a part of culture, didn't you know that? I happened to come from a place where loads of American expats work in oilfields. What a bunch of saints! Indeed their blood should be bottled, I'll notify all the Churches next time when around.

According to statistics by Durex 2005:

The Americans 10.7 compared with the French (8.1), and Canadians (10.7), United Kingdom (9.8).

The Turks have had more partners than any other country (14.5), compared with Australians (13.3), New Zealanders (13.2) and Icelanders (13)

Indians have had the fewest sexual partners (3) compared with the Chinese (3.1), the Vietnamese (3.2) and those from Hong Kong (3.7)

Almost two thirds (65%) of people in Hong Kong have had just one sexual partner, compared to 12% in Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Greece

Edited April 1, 200620 yr by mark45y

According to statistics by Durex:The Americans have had more partners than anyone else - 14.3 compared with the French (13.2), Australians (11) and Canadians (10.6).

The Chinese have had the fewest sexual partners - 2.1 compared with the Indians (3), Taiwanese (3.3) and Poles (3.6).

Interesting website...thanks

""Globally, people are having sex an average of 103 times a year with women (106) having sex more frequently than men (101)""

Now, Ladies...please behave

http://www.durex.com/cm/gss2004Content.asp...&intMenuOpen=11

Lucky French and poor Japanese

number of sexual partners:

http://www.durex.com/cm/gss2005Content.asp...64&intMenuOpen=

Thailand: 10.6 partners

LaoPo

Edited April 1, 200620 yr by LaoPo

According to statistics by Durex:The Americans have had more partners than anyone else - 14.3 compared with the French (13.2), Australians (11) and Canadians (10.6).

The Chinese have had the fewest sexual partners - 2.1 compared with the Indians (3), Taiwanese (3.3) and Poles (3.6).

Interesting website...thanks

""Globally, people are having sex an average of 103 times a year with women (106) having sex more frequently than men (101)""

Now, Ladies...please behave

http://www.durex.com/cm/gss2004Content.asp...&intMenuOpen=11

Lucky French and poor Japanese

LaoPo

Sorry I had to edit that post Those are the stats for 2004 I reposted for 2005.

I did call up a couple of Aussie ex pats that I know in Pattaya and ask if the 13.2 figure was accurate. They said, that’s too much for me mate. They only averaged 5 each last week.

Edited April 1, 200620 yr by mark45y

Hi There!,

I am new to this forum! However, I have been reading this ladies forum for quite a long time. First, let me introduce myself. I am a Thai guy who lives here in BKK and falls in love with an American girl. I finished my graduate study in US several years ago but I am not a rich guy.

I have an issue to ask for you guys opinions.

Last year, because of infidelity (my fault) , I broke up with my ex-girl friend (we never sleep together), a wonderful and lovely American girl whom I met in Thailand. Also she was my first and only american/western girlfriend. Now, She is in US. And we have known each other for two years now. Recently, I wrote her an e-mail and asked her to be friends again: kind of wanting to initiate a relationship. But she wrote me back and said "No" as part of the letter:

"........I will continue to .... and think of you, and hopefully continue to hear from you through my dad".

Actually, I still communicate to her Dad by e-mails once a month. Her dad wants me to keep in touch. But she won't allow me to talk or call her directly. It's so hard for me because I know I still love her. So, I don't know if I still have a chance or if she really means it when she says that she still thinks of me. But one sure thing I know is that she felt hurt deeply for what I did in the past.

Anyway, just want to know your girls' thoughts since I don't have many American/western girls to talk to. I want to understand her better. So my question is:

1. Do I still have a chance?

2. How can I win her back or what I should do?

Thanks

Ticger

PS. I am sorry if my English writing is not that well. And hopefully my post would give some insight about infidelity and Thai guys. You can ask me questions if I can answer.

The only reason you're after this girl is that you never consumated the relationship in bed,so you're fantasizing about it. Only you can know why you and her did not get it on,but it's unnatural to have a platonic relationship in this day and age for 2 years, give it up and move on!

Before I add my opinion I need some more infor from the OP. As Pearl mentioned, it seems strange you and she never lsept together. What's the story? Had you only recently become boyfriend/girlfriend? Or some other reason? Please explain because it is relevant to understanding her and the relationship. Also -- what exactly was the extent of your reltionship with her? Did you ever discuss living together or marriage? Had you made any commitment to her about seeing other women? Do you think she was going to sleep with you soon ((if the relationship hadn't broken up)? How old is she? Were you her first serious boyfriend? Is she unusually conservative? It is unusual for an American woman to expect exclusivity from a man she is not yet having sex with so please clarify.

just get a thai girl and and, bobs ur uncle....

yanks wont last long anyway

yanks wont last long anyway

What insight. I am American and I have only managed to live here (and be married to a Thai guy) for a mere 17 years. What superior wisdom you possess to make such a statement. Better warn my husband that it must all be coming to an end soon since, after all,

yanks wont last long anyway

hehe

Read this thread through the other night and really found everyone's comments very interesting.

My naive comment is that if this girl is only communicating through her dad I think she may just be letting the OP know (without being nasty) that there is and will be no future. It may have nothing to do with his infidelity, just that she doesn't like him anymore.

I mean, I would never let my dad read or write my personal e-mails for me!! Would you?

I agree with comments about not doing anything for 2 years. What were you waitting for and what was she expecting.

You need to be two to tango and girls are as unfaithful as men. Based on my experience it does not matter if they are in a relationship or not, they just do it as well. Only very few don't give in if you are persistent enough and give them a bunch of flower "once in a while". Their BF/Husband don't do it anymore so you become "Mr. Romantic"

My advice is that you should be more careful when you are cheating on your GF. I've been unfaithfull with most of my girlfriends hundreds of times and I never got caught. They are golden rules to follow but I guess this is for another post.

Your GF/Wife is probably cheating on you right now. Get real, it's life..... Enjoy it while it lasts.

Edited April 5, 200620 yr by Kupal

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

Well after 8 years as a husband and 3 as her boyfriend I have yet to cheat on my wife.

Go get your gun boy........

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

Well after 8 years as a husband and 3 as her boyfriend I have yet to cheat on my wife.

Go get your gun boy........

Cheers Chon!

Why is it that guys who cheat automatically assume all men are the same as they are? Does it make them feel that their cheating ways are justified or somehow ok because, after all "everybody else does it" or "its nature" or "its instinct" or any of those other tired arguments?

What a real wierdo Alexth seems to me!!

I wonder what he would say if the tables were turned and his "girlfriend/wife" gave him a taste of his own medicine. I'm sure he would have lots to say - but he thinks he can do it and life goes on hunkydory. I pity any woman in his life.

Egocentric, sexist, ###### comes to mind. And I am not a Feminazi... yet..!!

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

Well after 8 years as a husband and 3 as her boyfriend I have yet to cheat on my wife.

Go get your gun boy........

Cheers Chon!

Why is it that guys who cheat automatically assume all men are the same as they are? Does it make them feel that their cheating ways are justified or somehow ok because, after all "everybody else does it" or "its nature" or "its instinct" or any of those other tired arguments?

I have a friend from England who lived in the United States. We were in business together for a while. He was a handsome bloke. Not only was he handsome he was talented, congenial, wealthy and intelligent. His wife was an American lady a beautiful woman and a friend of mine also. Handsome bloke and I used to have drinks together after work on numerous occasions. American women love British accents and each and every time we went out he was accosted by hoards of lovely young women.

I had a brother in law who was a large rancher who was a double for Sam Elliot (the movie actor) and the same thing used to happen to him every time we went out together.

When I was a young man in Thailand the same thing used to happen to me. I felt like a rock star (not to worry it doesn’t happen anymore).

I was in the hotel business for a long time with Hilton Hotels. If you registered with local license plates I checked your room three hours after you checked in and in most cases I could re sell the room four or five times a night. It is called the hot sheet trade.

Statistically about half of men cheat. If you are married to a good looking man the odds go much higher.

I don’t assume all men cheat because I have. Nor do I assume all women cheat although that has been my experience. There is an old Bahamian song that says “Never make a pretty woman your wife” I think those are words of wisdom and also one could say “Never make a handsome man your husband”.

I think if you took all of the ladies on TV and counted their relationships you would find about 50% have been involved at one time or another with a man who cheated. It would be an interesting poll.

Edited April 14, 200620 yr by mark45y

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

In the past year I have not cheated on my significant other. She is out of town this week with her family for the holidays.

Yesterday was difficult. There were a thousand beautiful women running around in wet tee shirts and dancing up a storm within a block of my front door. The beer was flowing and most of them were drunk by 3 PM. Sanuk sanuk! I couldn’t take the temptation any more so I retired to my computer.

A lady friend of mine messaged me and we were pleasantly chatting. Her husband is out of town too. She lives in a beautiful mountain town and is well employed and speaks and writes English very well. She opened up photo sharing and started sending me graphic pictures and conversation to go along with it. I am tempted to cut and paste the conversation because it was quite interesting but I am sure I would get banned or something. The one line that really cracked me up was “Yes, everything but my foot”.

She checked the airline schedules for me, it is only a $55 dollar flight round trip. I can make it there and back for two days before my lady gets back and her husband gets home. I was really tempted.

She is a beautiful and well spoken woman. But I got out a six pack of Red Horse and I am not going anywhere for a while after six of those.

Why did she do this? Like a lot of Thai women she has a Farang fantasy. No money involved. No love involved just a fantasy an evening or two of pretending and getting out of a marital rut.

I am sure you all know how it works. The excitement of someone new and the adrenal rush from sneaking around and playing like new lovers. The romantic dinner, the holding hands and confiding secrets.

Oh well I think I will go get a massage and a steam bath and have a few beers by the pool. I must be getting old or getting morals at this late stage in my life.

What a real wierdo Alexth seems to me!!

I wonder what he would say if the tables were turned and his "girlfriend/wife" gave him a taste of his own medicine. I'm sure he would have lots to say - but he thinks he can do it and life goes on hunkydory. I pity any woman in his life.

Egocentric, sexist, ###### comes to mind. And I am not a Feminazi... yet..!!

The truth does hurt, doesn't it? Since this world was done, men cheated women, my only principle is respect your soulmate and if and only if, you will cheat, don't make it a habit and don't make it a love affair, I am 25, Patsycat, never cheated on any of all the girlfriends I had, thanks for the good wishes anyway and also for the profile you've rushed in to create.

Cheating is innevitable, if you don't believe me...ask the men in your family and try to get an honest answer, if a man has reached his fifty's and is telling you he never cheated...he's even a liar or a coward and if YOU bielive him, you can start bieliving in fairytales...

P.S.: Next time you characterize somebody, please don't be so keen on jumping to conclusions

Name ONE man, who NEVER cheated on his girlfriend...Girls, I dont want to be rude, but if you think that you're bf/husband never cheated on you or at least after a considerable time spent together...you are sooooooooooooooooooo wrong, it's important that he loves only YOU and that he is coming back to YOU, the rest are just short and meaningless adventures, note that adventures that are getting serious, the guy needs to be shooted at , I would personally do it, as a man

What a real wierdo Alexth seems to me!!

I wonder what he would say if the tables were turned and his "girlfriend/wife" gave him a taste of his own medicine. I'm sure he would have lots to say - but he thinks he can do it and life goes on hunkydory. I pity any woman in his life.

Egocentric, sexist, ###### comes to mind. And I am not a Feminazi... yet..!!

The truth does hurt, doesn't it? Since this world was done, men cheated women, my only principle is respect your soulmate and if and only if, you will cheat, don't make it a habit and don't make it a love affair, I am 25, Patsycat, never cheated on any of all the girlfriends I hadcolor=#FF0000], thanks for the good wishes anyway and also for the profile you've rushed in to create.

Cheating is innevitable, if you don't believe me...ask the men in your family and try to get an honest answer, if a man has reached his fifty's and is telling you he never cheated...he's even a liar or a coward and if YOU bielive him, you can start bieliving in fairytales...

P.S.: Next time you characterize somebody, please don't be so keen on jumping to conclusions

No wonder Patsycat characterized you .... in your post you said to name one man who never cheated on his girlfriend .... you are implying that every man cheats, including yourself .... but then you go on to say you've never cheated????? You didn't respond to Patstcat's thoughts ... how would you feel if it was your girlfriend cheating on you? Obviously cheating was the norm in the environment you grew up in and now live in, but don't assume that all men are like the men you know and seem to aim to become yourself.

You are in a position of weakness now in this relationship; she will always be able to remind you of what you did to her. You might reconsider wanting to pursue a relationship.

Best advice yet. Even if she comes back to you, you'll be engratiated to her and any arguement you have, you'll be reminded of the infidelity. Time to move on.