Why is being single in Bangkok so offensive?

[granuaile]

"hard city to meet men in" Never! Walk into any bar, and there are dozens of great guys sitting (sometimes horizontally) there, ready to be your new friend.

Hard to meet men worth being with (or in my case substitute tomboys/lesbians).... Good men (and tomboys and lesbians) exist are hard to find anywhere, in Bangkok I think even more so... I'd rather be single than perpetually broke or catch something... just my view, as I said there are good people here - men, women, toms, and 99% of the Thai are great, but for a bf/gf/tf is really hard... I'm happy with y many friends, if i find a good partner here (whether Thai, farang, Chinese, Filipino, whatever) cool. If not I am happy in Thailand, the people are wonderful, the living easy, and I have my friends... And I know many lesbians here who have found their soulmates, just not me, too freaking old I'm afraid... I did eet a really sweet tom, never asked me for a penny, carried my bag, held the door open, but her undergrad friends told her I was too old, could be her auntie but not gf.... sadly I guess she listened to them, but we remain best friends...

Bangkok is a great place, I can't say I want to be any other place, but to find a nice partner I think small towns are better,... But I won't leave Bangkok for small towns I guess... unless I find the right tom/girl And at my age sex is not a need,... dinner, holding hands, a movie, someone to hug, those are needs, but most i can do with my friends...

Just my thoughts...

[somtampet]

Not sure what u mean by OFFENSIVE

If i lived in Bangkok,probably be difficult for me as i wouldnt be interested in a Bangkok thai woman,much prefer anything but that

[somtampet]

"hard city to meet men in" Never! Walk into any bar, and there are dozens of great guys sitting (sometimes horizontally) there, ready to be your new friend.

Hard to meet men worth being with (or in my case substitute tomboys/lesbians).... Good men (and tomboys and lesbians) exist are hard to find anywhere, in Bangkok I think even more so... I'd rather be single than perpetually broke or catch something... just my view, as I said there are good people here - men, women, toms, and 99% of the Thai are great, but for a bf/gf/tf is really hard... I'm happy with y many friends, if i find a good partner here (whether Thai, farang, Chinese, Filipino, whatever) cool. If not I am happy in Thailand, the people are wonderful, the living easy, and I have my friends... And I know many lesbians here who have found their soulmates, just not me, too freaking old I'm afraid... I did eet a really sweet tom, never asked me for a penny, carried my bag, held the door open, but her undergrad friends told her I was too old, could be her auntie but not gf.... sadly I guess she listened to them, but we remain best friends...

Bangkok is a great place, I can't say I want to be any other place, but to find a nice partner I think small towns are better,... But I won't leave Bangkok for small towns I guess... unless I find the right tom/girl And at my age sex is not a need,... dinner, holding hands, a movie, someone to hug, those are needs, but most i can do with my friends...

Just my thoughts...

A very good,honest post,straight from the heart,not many posts on here like that.WOuld be proud to have u as a friend

[CIHUAHUA]

You never know what life will hand you so strive to be happy, what ever that means to you and the universe will take care of the rest. The tone of you post sound like you are happy. If people think you are strange maybe that is a good thing at least if you are strange you are in a good way. I really liked your post and never considered the situation you are in.

[HeavyDrinker]

This seems more like an attempt to be a BKK style Bridget Jones to me.

She says she only goes out once a week and already has, what I understand is called a "<deleted> buddy". Therefore I'd suggest she tries socialising a little more or makes things more serious with her lover.

Cities are by their very nature hard and often lonely places for many of their denizens. Why should BKK be any different to that? There isn't something in the water which makes people fall in love at first sight with everyone they meet.

My advice to the writer of this navel gazing dross would be to apply the same rules as per finding a bloke as you would in your homeland and crack on with it.

Yours HD (Thai Visa Agony Uncle)

[djlest]

Absolutely nothing wrong with being single
One of my best friends (female) stayed single for 10 years straight, she had the usual nosy interference from family and friends, but she hung on to her singularity.
Now she has finally settled down with someone and is happy, she didnt jump on every bus that stopped but waited for a vehicle more worthy.

As far as Thais thinking its a crime to be single, yes they do! As do a lot of other Asian countries
Many are very insecure and are not very independent, they also cannot get their heads around how single female travellers can travel the world, or anything else that isn't Thai.
they only travel in packs, look at the chinese tourists, you wont see less than 10 in any group.

[Sheryl]

She says she is happy being single. Her complaint is that family/friends give her grief about it.

This has nothing to do with Thailand. Single people have this problem all over the world.

[LadyHeather]

This seems more like an attempt to be a BKK style Bridget Jones to me.

She says she only goes out once a week and already has, what I understand is called a "<deleted> buddy". Therefore I'd suggest she tries socialising a little more or makes things more serious with her lover.

Cities are by their very nature hard and often lonely places for many of their denizens. Why should BKK be any different to that? There isn't something in the water which makes people fall in love at first sight with everyone they meet.

My advice to the writer of this navel gazing dross would be to apply the same rules as per finding a bloke as you would in your homeland and crack on with it.

Yours HD (Thai Visa Agony Uncle)

Please do everyone a favor and take this wonderfully pragmatic "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sort of advice and apply it the seemingly endless line of men whinging about Thai women that do post on Thai visa,

I for one do not see that she is actually saying she wants to be in a relationship, I know many women who do not, in fact. To paraphrase another poster "It is better to be single than to be in an unhappy relationship".

[HeavyDrinker]

Others presume that I am desperately trying to meet someone but I can’t.

Maybe it started off that way. Bangkok IS a hard city to meet men in and God knows I have tried. But now I’ve stopped.

I for one do not see that she is actually saying she wants to be in a relationship,

I'd say she does judging from the opening quote but seems to have given up the ghost and now only goes out once a week...

[Nooky2]

"hard city to meet men in" Never! Walk into any bar, and there are dozens of great guys sitting (sometimes horizontally) there, ready to be your new friend.

But have these guys come seeking farang women or are they running away from them.

Running away.

My question to the OP is: Why do you care what people think? Thailand is not a good place to wear your feelings on your shoulder. Most people here don't care, so why should you?

[nickmanchester2]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks. 

 

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

You are right, if you look at Mollys other articles you will she has a gik

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[HeavyDrinker]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

You are right, if you look at Mollys other articles you will she has a gik

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Ah! She's a 'sexpat'...sweet!!!

[Spare]

Sex is cheap here.

Anyone wanting to remain single must be out of their mind; or absolutely broke.

[sbk]

Interesting how judgemental some men are when it would appear a woman has more than one sexual partner Or even has a sexual partner with whom she is not in a serious relationship. The words Pot kettle and black spring to mind.

Boys, hypocrisy is an unattractive trait...

[Spare]

Interesting how judgemental some men are when it would appear a woman has more than one sexual partner Or even has a sexual partner with whom she is not in a serious relationship. The words Pot kettle and black spring to mind.

Boys, hypocrisy is an unattractive trait...

This is how the world works and have been accepted has far back as man kind can remember.

How many Queens have have than 1 husband? Can't really think of one.

How many Kings have more than 1 wife? King David, Solomon, Henry VIII, Mswati III, etc.

[marell]

I don't think you should see it as offensive. It's not. Actually, it shows you know how to take care of yourself (not nearly as common as it might be) and is becoming more popular all the time. It's only a problem if you allow it to be a problem. How people feel about these things is largely a matter of choice; so it's up to you. And if some guy is put off by your being a farang, then you'd have been wasting your time anyway. Don't worry about it. Incidentally, your reason for being single is perfectly logical and you don't owe anyone (except maybe your mother...mothers, by defintion, are obligated to interfere) any explanations. Good luck.

Edited September 4, 2013 by marell

[ableguy]

Thats a really lovely picture

[ableguy]

Interesting how judgemental some men are when it would appear a woman has more than one sexual partner Or even has a sexual partner with whom she is not in a serious relationship. The words Pot kettle and black spring to mind.

Boys, hypocrisy is an unattractive trait...

This is how the world works and have been accepted has far back as man kind can remember.

How many Queens have have than 1 husband? Can't really think of one.

How many Kings have more than 1 wife? King David, Solomon, Henry VIII, Mswati III, etc.

Ethelreds wife married two kings and gave birth to two kings

[ableguy]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

You are right, if you look at Mollys other articles you will she has a gik

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

gik ???? i have had a protected life inform please.

[CHRISTIANa9]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

Damn I'm in the wrong place

[lucifer666]

I'm 50 years old, single, from England ( and i teach English)here in Hua Hin and no matter where i go, shops, bars, restaurants ETC they ask me if i have a madam. When i say no they usually ask if i'm gay, When i reply that i'm not, they always start to get their phones/ ipads out and show me pictures of their single daughters lol

[HeavyDrinker]

If I could do my time over in Bangkok I'd not have got married first...I don't mean that.....

The first bit of advice I give any bloke coming here on an expat junket is to stay single and enjoy the crumpet...They never listen and....

In fairness, I'd probably advise a woman to do as the woman in the OP has done, now I've had time to think on it but I'd not whine about it on the internet....and I'd get really into Opeth and Enslaved...

I'm man enough to admit I was nearly (40%) wrong. Is that admirable sbk?

[rene123]

She says she is happy being single. Her complaint is that family/friends give her grief about it.

This has nothing to do with Thailand. Single people have this problem all over the world.

As usual, Sheryl understood the topic and answered it succinctly. Men here seem to have their own agenda and try to change the topic.

I'm also a happily single woman. I don't want to do the married thing again. My Thai friends don't give me any grief about being single, but my Canadian friends do. My parents know I enjoy being single, so they don't bother me, but some of my female friends are always trying to hook me up with some guy. I think a few of them are secretly jealous of my freedom.

[Lite Beer]

An inflammatory post has been removed. Also a troll post by the same member.

Also a rather crude post containing a profanity

It's not going well is it?

This forum is for women to discuss women's issues.

Not for men to air their prejudices against women.

[ChrisB87]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

Exactly!! This is so true. On my last visit to Bali, 20 years ago, it was the same: all the horny white chicks scoring a sensitive, long-haired, guitar-playing Bali dude, haha...human beings are SO predictable. and it didn't cost them TOO much (yes, it's sex work...deal with it)

That's it, the solution to the farang-woman-in-SEAsia's dilemma...Bali is paradise for white girls, just like Thailand is paradise for white boys. Deal with it, go where you're WANTED, folks... just sayin'!!

Yeah, i will never figure that out: why western women seem to like Bali guys but not Thai guys.

I noticed it in Bali many times. The guys do quite well out of it too (its a complete turn around from here )

[rene123]

This forum is for women to discuss women's issues.

Not for men to air their prejudices against women.

So true. I can never understand why people can't accept the poor choices they've made in life and then want to blame others. That is true for women as well as the bitter men here.

[beautifulthailand99]

The Thai language I'm led to beleive says something like 'dtair nahng layo reu yang' - 'are your already married or not' which is the polite question to ask and assumes you will be married sometime in the future. To say are you single 'bpen soht' then this is regarded as pejorative and has the implicit assumption that you are unable to get married. I'm married but without kids (we are both over 50) which is another source of concerned sorrow from the unwitting Thai interrogator of your status. Asian culture strongly supports and encourages marriage and children and to not conform to this labels you to many as a person of strange beliefs and habits I'm afraid.

[Sheryl]

The Thai language I'm led to beleive says something like 'dtair nahng layo reu yang' - 'are your already married or not' which is the polite question to ask and assumes you will be married sometime in the future. To say are you single 'bpen soht' then this is regarded as pejorative and has the implicit assumption that you are unable to get married. I'm married but without kids (we are both over 50) which is another source of concerned sorrow from the unwitting Thai interrogator of your status. Asian culture strongly supports and encourages marriage and children and to not conform to this labels you to many as a person of strange beliefs and habits I'm afraid.

The "yang" part of this presents a particular challenge to those ever married but not currently so. If you say "no", they take that to mean never married, which among other things makes them then think you are much younger than you are and all manner of confusion follows. If you say "yes", then all sorts of questions follow re your spouse. And of course no one wants to get into the story of a divorce, separation or death of a spouse when talking to a casual acquaintance or taxi driver etc.

I don't think saying you are single is considered a perjorative in Thailand though. But it can often lead to unwanted advances, so I've learned that honesty is not always the best policy when dealing with this question.

[beautifulthailand99]

The Thai language I'm led to beleive says something like 'dtair nahng layo reu yang' - 'are your already married or not' which is the polite question to ask and assumes you will be married sometime in the future. To say are you single 'bpen soht' then this is regarded as pejorative and has the implicit assumption that you are unable to get married. I'm married but without kids (we are both over 50) which is another source of concerned sorrow from the unwitting Thai interrogator of your status. Asian culture strongly supports and encourages marriage and children and to not conform to this labels you to many as a person of strange beliefs and habits I'm afraid.

The "yang" part of this presents a particular challenge to those ever married but not currently so. If you say "no", they take that to mean never married, which among other things makes them then think you are much younger than you are and all manner of confusion follows. If you say "yes", then all sorts of questions follow re your spouse. And of course no one wants to get into the story of a divorce, separation or death of a spouse when talking to a casual acquaintance or taxi driver etc.

I don't think saying you are single is considered a perjorative in Thailand though. But it can often lead to unwanted advances, so I've learned that honesty is not always the best policy when dealing with this question.

Thanks for the insight.

[MacChine]

Because it's a man's world, and men get more of an advantage through marriage.

Imagine having someone else take care of all your personal day to day care and feeding needs, for free !! What a colossal advantage it is, and who is the recipient of this advantage ?

. This is why single women are sexual suspects. They aren't buying the con.

Plenty of other women have bought the fairy tail, they want others to buy it, too so they feel more ...worthy? Justified? Well I'm sure plenty are happy, but marriage is a burden to women

It's the patriarchal religious doctrine of marriage I find most objectionable.

We need to stop breeding, too so why not resist?