Married Or Not? Cultural Difficulties

[Kf6vci]

Hi All:

recently, I found a Thai girlfriend (no financial interest or sex for cash) with a MA degree who has ham radio as the same hobby. Well, we communicated for 2 months and then some guy wrote, claiming he was her HUSBAND. Would I please stop any contact? He included photocopies of their passports (hers read "Miss ..."), a pro photo shot showing them as a couple and a few of my own letters without any indecent content.

She claims, he is a man from the past. Who visited her radio station and "stole" the correspondence. ** She denies ever having been married. ** DON'T RESPOND, she urged me. - But suddenly, requests for good and money are appearing: "a car" and "30,000". // Her brother-in-law severed all relations when I ICQed him about the news.

What do you think? There is no fool like an old fool and I'm an overweight 36 y.o. Kraut. // BTW, I sent some American Express travellers cheques made out and an AMEX "$ gift cheque". I thought that would be the safest and cheapest way to send money to Thailand. But she claims she could not cash them (but when I asked for their return to replace them with THB cheques, that didn't happen). *** Sorry about the long-winded post. I need a reality check. Cheers!

[Pink Mist]

I think you know the answer to that already!!! The sick buffalo is next

[pnustedt]

I have seen this many times before - a girl meets a farang and relations and past relationships do come out of the woodwork. A German friend is marrying a Thai girl where a similar thing happened - her "past husband" showed up and started making demands. When they were met with a refusal he started putting up notices around the district that the girl was an aids carrier!

He may well consider that he was "married" to the girl without having been legally married.

My wife is Thai and we are planning to settle in her family village - she still has local Thai men coming on to her trying to convince her that they always had a love for her etc. etc. and looking for some support.

You obviously have strong feelings for the girl and I would suggest that you don't be dissuaded by her "relatives and past relationships". Take it a step at a time but don't invest more than you are prepared to lose - and don't put yourself down, there are plenty of fish in that sea for you.

[Pink Mist]

When you get a post like that pnusted, want car, send money, can't cash it, I get that same old feeling.

Go slow for sure, 30000baht isn't a huge amount, but if the demands continue??

How does the brother-in law fit in here??

and you havn't yet met her in the flesh, really sounds suspiscious.

[Spellbound]

This post has all the Hall Markings of a thread that was started a while ago about Money - Girfriend - Family and then a Liquidiser.

Be intersting to see where this is going to end up.

[pnustedt]

When you get a post like that pnusted, want car, send money, can't cash it, I get that same old feeling.

Yeah, I agree - ignore all relatives and hangers on, only talk/give to her and no more than you are prepared to lose. Have you met in the flesh yet?

[Pink Mist]

This post has all the Hall Markings of a thread that was started a while ago about Money - Girfriend - Family and then a Liquidiser.

Be intersting to see where this is going to end up.

My immediate thought was troll, but he wanted advice and got some.

You're right see where it goes.

[adjan jb]

Sanity must prevail: Get the fukc out of here and get a new life !

This story will lead you nowhere, will bring you nothing but pain. As soon as it's not simple, a relationship is doomed to failure.

(your story smacks of swindle)

[peteypie]

I wouldn't, by a long chalk, consider myself the brightest bulb in the socket but let's get real here. I would love to compile (maybe someone has already done this) a book on 'Thai Scam Tales'. The problem is that no one would buy it because the tales would be just too unbelievable!! I mean, there are the dim but gullible and the plain brain dead! How come so many of the brain dead seem to find there way, either physically to Thailand, or by correspondence, and then enter into 'relationships' that are one-sided financial transactions? Meaning from your bank account to theirs. The stories are endless but unfortunately, as the old saying goes, 'cock rules brain'.

[mrentoul]

How come so many of the brain dead seem to find there way, either physically to Thailand, or by correspondence, and then enter into 'relationships' that are one-sided financial transactions?

Western rules which keep you at a safe distance from trouble and temptation are not so easy to apply here. In the West, people are pretty much as ugly as each other, and tend to marry into a similar social and economic background.

Here, people look much more exotic, speak a different language, hold by a different culture, and are much poorer. Thais are also fascinated by the things which make us different from them, and are less judgemental.

All of which, to a new player, can seem rather appealing, and can result in some odd matches: 60 year-old men with 18 year-old women, and suchlike.

In the West an ugly 60 year-old would be lucky to find an attractive 18 year-old unless, of course, he was rich. Why should it be any different here?

Men succumb easily to flattery and in such circumstances can end up doing mad things.

I do believe a girl can love you at the same time as she asks you for money for her family. I do believe she can love you at the same time as she steals money, lies, shamelessly feathers her own nest.

She hasn't had it for so long, and if you were to leave her tomorrow she'd have nothing again. Who wouldn't want to catch up?

[Gatsby]

Ouch. Sounds to me like you are being taken for a ride my friend. Just a gut instinct. Too many fishy stories in too short a time if you ask me.

[Dove]

Well do you love her? The answer is within you. If she truly has got an MA then it may be a different case then a man meets bargirl case.

I guess it all depends on you at the end of the day. If you think that you love her then go for it, if you wanna be cautious hire a private eye to find out more but don't let her suspect anything adn pretend to ignore the other guy for now while the P.I. works.

[NedKelly]

After just 2 months you send her money ??!! Keen as mustard I would say and not too smart. Save your money Fred or if you must send money send it to a registered chairty instead. Your 'ham radio' affair is suspicious in the least.

[cdnvic]

I think, if you are serious about pursuing this that the 30000B would be better invested in a plane ticket. Having your feet on the ground here (without warning her you're coming) would give you a much better perspective on whats really going on. If it is just past loves or whatever that are the problem then maybe your presence will serve notice that you are serious about her and aren't just some dummy to be taken for a ride. If you find out the whole thing is a scam, or at least too untennable for your tastes, then I can't suggest a much better cure for your frustration than a holiday in sunny Thailand forgetting about the whole thing.

If she's educated, and has a ham radio station and so on, it sounds like she either has some assets, or at least good earning potential. So, seeing from the experience of relatives and female friends here, its not unusual for lazy males to be drawn to them in hopes of an easy life.

cv

[Kf6vci]

Yeah - we have been together. She is pretty and the first weeks, there was no financial interest aparent. Well, I'm not uptight and would be happy to h e l p (say, buy a new moped). But I don't intend to pay for - you know.

Thanks for so many postings, I appreciate them all! Chris

[orasa]

well, another sad story with thai woman. but you are 30 year olds that is still young man!

[Bluecat]

well, another sad story with thai woman. but you are 30 year olds that is still young man!

Do you have another one? But not so young anymore,...?

[elsie]

I think you know the answer to that already!!! The sick buffalo is next

And follow by "Papa need baby buffalo"

[mrmnp]

As ###### say, when a Thai is poor or comes from a poor background, you can't expect them to not try and catch up. Buddhist traditon holds that the rich gain merit by helping the poor and the poor, knowing you are earning merit, may not thank you.

Westerners, including myself, find it difficult to accept the cultural difference when a tax official returns a whiskey bribe as not being high class enough, and insists of Chivas Regal. If you understand that he loses face unless he receives a bribe that gives him face in his office or with his boss with whom he may share the bribe, even though he has never had such a high priced whiskey in his life, as you may not have, he can insist on it without trepidation, while we from the west lose face in accepting the bribe in the first place.

In the west, many beautifful women marry 'well", men of power and wealth and usually much older. The bargain is youth for privilege and wealth and the woman is rarely critisized unless she fails in her wifely duties of being the beautiful and charming hostess he expects, as well as her other wifely duties in bed.

In Thailand, at least in the past, age was respected, not marginalized as in the west. So a young person could love and respect a much older person without a problem providing the older person had something to give in return. There is no community condemnation of the Spring-Winter relationship here as there would be in the west.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

God gave man a dick and a brain ... but not enough blood to run 'em together

[elsie]

Haha.. good one ka, Dr

[et33.com]

mmm... if you still love the woman... you may think about giving a max monthly allowance per month and that's it... at least till you are married for five years or more... else she won't be able to stand you and will disappear for good...

[mrvietnam2001]

God gave man a dick and a brain ... but not enough blood to run 'em together

Hahahahaha well as I get older Doc, I do hope it's my dick that gets the majority of the blood flow

They say that Ponce De Leon found that fountain of youth ( that IS what they meant right?) in Florida although not too sure about that!

You get the post of the week award Doc

Rgrds

Mr Vietnam

[dr_Pat_Pong]

God gave man a dick and a brain ... but not enough blood to run 'em together 

Hahahahaha well as I get older Doc, I do hope it's my dick that gets the majority of the blood flow

They say that Ponce De Leon found that fountain of youth ( that IS what they meant right?) in Florida although not too sure about that!

You get the post of the week award Doc

Rgrds

Mr Vietnam

Thank you Mr Vietnam

[Yohan]

My radio-amateur-callsign is 7J1AQB. Radio Amateur is not a cheap hobby, despite in Japan you expect 40 percent discount of the regular price of transmitters. Japanese Government is very open-minded to technical hobbies and to get the required papers is fairly easy. Still, radio amateur is an expensive hobby - see my homepage!

In Thailand, radio-amateur activity is not promoted by Government, mistrusted by police and military and beside expenses of your own equipment, you cannot expect your operating permit so easily like in Japan. - Transmitters were always restricted in Thailand. In fact, only Thai people with a fairly good income and higher education can even think about it. -

YOUR PROBLEM and THE FACTS:

1 - A man has photos showing him and her together, has copies of their passports and claims to be her husband. (What about the copy of the marriage certificat? what about a photo of the marriage?)

Possible true, what the girl says, a lover of the past and a disappointed one, for sure he had any relationship with the girl, however.

(why he is disappointed in her? Did he also pay money?)

2 - The girl tells you, he visited HER radiostation (did she let him in?) and claims he has stolen all her correspondence. Beside that she is asking for money from you. - Not so little, I would say....various goods - a car....(what kind of car?) and just for now baht 30000,- as pocket money..... does not give you back your unused travellers cheques.....

(seems this girl is really out of a well-off family and money does not mean very much to her - rather pampered, I would say - I am worried this girl will cost you a lot of money in the future)

3 - Brother-in-law is not responding any more.... seems he feels not really comfortable with that at all..... (This makes me worried too - You should have some connections to the family of this girl)

WHAT TO DO NOW?

A - Easy and quick solution: just forget about that all, and keep a nice rememberance of a former girl-friend from Thailand ...just say good-bye

B - Difficult and slow solution (might be time-waste):

- Write to the man and ask him for very much more explications.

- Write to the girl and ask her also for very much more explications....and tell her, until all and everything is totally clear to you, no money will come and no marriage will be considered. You will see then, if she loves you still without money and if she is doing something about to be your future wife.

- Take a plane-ticket and go there without telling it to anybody....as a surprise.....see her face - unexpected.....see her reaction....

Up to you! It is you who must decide!

WHAT WOULD I DO IN YOUR CASE?

(I am married 27 years with a Japanese woman, living in Tokyo, visiting Thailand since about 30 years, many friends in Thailand, condominium in Jomtien Beach)

I would choose the easy and quick solution, looking again for somebody, who fits me better, and not only in Thailand..... check out for Vietnam, for Philippines.....

many women will accept you and there will be no problem like that you have now.

Why to accept a woman who makes you problems, while there are plenty of Asian women, who will not make you problems?

Finally, to give you a warning: There are plenty of very modest and kind Thai women in Thailand, however there is quite a good number of girls there too, who are totally selfish, greedy, demanding and will love you only because of your wallet.

Johann