Christmas in Thailand....My daughter

[beachproperty]

I know....I know....its Way too early to talk about Christmas. But, for me. the most fabulous thing just happened. The wife and I were away for the weekend. When we came back today my adopted Thai daughter (She's 21 now ...raised her since she was 14)...had bought a small fake Christmas tree with ornaments. Kinda made me go all soft inside at her thoughtful jester.

Have to go back when she was 14.....That's when her mother, this daughter and I started to live together...Well from day one, at 14 years old, she used to stay out EVERY night until 2am -3am. I live in Bangkok and at the time we were living near Su On Puu/ Sathorn. WELL.....I told my wife this has got to stop.....and she agreed but didn't know what to do....I told her No Problem ....let me handle it. So that night at dinner I told her she can go out but be home at 10pm...she said OK....10pm comes and she's nowhere in sight.....Told my wife lock the door (with the inside latch) and lets go to bed....Darned if at 2am the doorbell rings....I tell my wife don't answer it...so she rings and rings ...then she calls my wife on the phone ...I tell my wife don't answer it.....so she doesn't.....after a few minutes the phone stops ringing ....soon thereafter I hear some racket on the aluminum awning ( she climbed up and went through the window to get into her room....Thought to myself ...OK...

Next day we don't say anything to her ...she goes to school ...comes home for dinner ....and says she's going out....OK but be home by 10pm...she says OK

NOW when 10 pm comes and NO DAUGHTER I tell my wife lock the doors (again with the inside latch) AND this time I go upstairs and LOCK all the windows and any upstairs access.....And as the night before she comes home at 2am and we go through the same routine except this time the daughter CAN'T get in the house. She rings the doorbell again, call again, rings the doorbell again...and on and on for 15 minutes....'

My wife is crying now and begging me to let her in......I tell her OK BUT ...tell our daughter that in the future if she wants to come home after 10pm ...DON'T BOTHER...if her friends are that important to her she can go live with them ....

Long story short ....she NEVER came home after 10pm again....and is the most thoughtful, loving and caring daughter a father could ask for....

The Christmas Tree jester is just one of the few thoughtful and kind thing she has done (My wife and daughter are devote Buddhists so Christmas is something not celebrated by them)

Now maybe I'm reading too much into this and she is just hinting not to forget her for Christmas...but I still thought is was nice

Anybody else have great stories to tell about their wife or children....Please do ...would love to hear them

Edited October 28, 2013 by beachproperty

[CharlieH]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

Edited October 28, 2013 by CharlieH

[beachproperty]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

Edited October 28, 2013 by beachproperty

[donniereadit]

Glad it worked out that time, but could have resulted in an unwanted pregnancy.

[beachproperty]

Glad it worked out that time, but could have resulted in an unwanted pregnancy.

Well I guess we all wish we could lock up our daughters until their grownups ....but that's not the reality.

As for getting pregnant ...its not something that just happens when the sun goes down, could've happened anytime...

For whatever reason ...she and I bonded after this incident...I guess by giving her some discipline or guidelines it showed her that I cared

[kevvy]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

 

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

 

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

 

but still appreciate your input.

 

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian 

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

[ywamer]

Good on ya! I think you did the right thing. It's easy for others to play the devils advocate and pick on everything (this is TV after all!), but don't let them get you down.

The proof is in the pudding, as they say. If your daughter tuned out right, you did well. Congrats!

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Edited October 28, 2013 by ywamer

[LemonSqueeza]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

sigh

[LemonSqueeza]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

[chuckd]

You took the correct action with the right person at the appropriate time.

If you had not, it would have failed and there would be no need for this thread.

Forget the monday morning quarterbacks.

Enjoy your family Christmas together.

Edited October 28, 2013 by chuckd

[beechguy]

Glad it worked out that time, but could have resulted in an unwanted pregnancy.

Gee, the girl was staying out until 2:00 a.m. do you think she already had a chance to drop her panties?

[LemonSqueeza]

people who say "panties" make my skin crawl.

[kikoman]

I think you did the right thing, sometimes it takes tough love, it saved yourself many years of battles and heartaches.

No 14 year old should dictate to her parents that she will do as she wants, and only needs them to provide her food and shelter between her party time.

The comments you are getting is indicative to why children in the west are as wild as they are..Sure a lot of thing could have happened but they did not,

You were right!

Cheers:

Edited October 28, 2013 by kikoman

[farang000999]

I am happy it all worked out but not really sure that your method was ideal. What if she decided to run away or go live with an adult male? You called her bluff but what if she was not bluffing?

Edited October 28, 2013 by farang000999

[Jayroo]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

I am interested to know how you would have handled the exact same situation as the OP?

[klubex99]

To be honest.

If someone did that to my daughter, I wouldn't stop punching him until his heart stopped beating.

That is NOT the only way to cure the problem. You took that decision because she simply was not your real child, so thought little of her safety. If some guy did that to your estranged blood child, I doubt you would think it was justified.

Bangkok of all places... Did it never cross your mind at the time that it was dangerous?

What you did was not the right thing to do and you just got lucky. Many 14 year olds would fight back harder at you if you did that.

Edited October 28, 2013 by klubex99

[Patsycat]

You should have just grounded her. No child, even a grown up (in her mind) 14 year old should be left outside.

You sound to me to be a dominating person. It's good that she has turned out to be how she is, it could have gone terribly wrong.

My parents were strict, in so far as cutting off my pocket money when they discovered i was smoking. But they would never have left me out in the cold.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Patsycat

[beachproperty]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

WOW!!! ....gotta say I disagree....She was locked out for 5 minutes on the first occasion.....and maybe 15 on the second....she got the message! No violence ....As for scared of me (its totally the opposite;;;they treat me like a best friend) .....ALL my children come to me for advice when it is needed, include me in many of their activities (even though they are adults now) etc.

I gotta think you either have no kids or ....well don't know what else to think, other than you read the post the wrong way with a malicious mind....

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[beachproperty]

You should have just grounded her. No child, even a grown up (in her mind) 14 year old should be left outside.

You sound to me to be a dominating person. It's good that she has turned out to be how she is, it could have gone terribly wrong.

My parents were strict, in so far as cutting off my pocket money when they discovered i was smoking. But they would never have left me out in the cold.

Well it wasn't cold outside ....now was it....this is Thailand. I have already responded to the "grounding theory" ....AND as for being a "grown up" ....well at 14 and being Thai....I think most understand she was still a child...... If she were a "grown up" I would have treated her as such....IN FACT I attempted to do that in a civil manner by asking her to be home by 10pm...,to which she agreed.... DIDN'T KEEP her word....NOT very grown up of her.....wouldn't you agree????

Amazing ...how some people ....can take what was a good thing (the bonding of a father and daughter)....and only see the "ugly" in it......Yes I understand that your parents were "mean" because they cut off your allowance....WOW...really strict parents, soooooo cruel, ....Did you call social services on them?, Did you hire an Attorney? You MUST be young.....AND your parents must have done a lot worse to you than "cutting off your pocket money"....

[kikoman]

It is very easy to attack an action of another, your method of grounding, cutting off spending money (if any money was involved) is ineffective against a child that refuses to comply with your house rules. "If you live under our roof you must abide by these rules",

As an 5 year investigator for the Office of Child Protective Services, in Arizona, I many times would have to intervene in the parents decision not to allow the child back into their home. It is a parents duty to safeguard the environment of the other children in the home. The allowing of the mal-adaptive behavior from the child as a negative roll model to any other children living in the home and also the laws dictated that in the State, the parents are financially responsible for their child's actions away from the home.

Many parent's decision that the child not be allowed back into the home, for cause were supported by the Courts, An investigator is tasked with the responsibility of investigating the case to assure the child was not the victim of neglect exploitation or abuse. The decision was based on the child's actions were not caused by abusive action by the parents (by the way, most of the time were biological parents).

That's what happen in a society that people are ready to sue anyone at the drop of a hat!

Cheers:

Edited October 29, 2013 by kikoman

[beachproperty]

This post was supposed to be one of those "Ahhhhhhhhhh" moments....The bonding of a Father and Daughter....that's something special...but I forgot to take into account the TV mentality of negativity.............yes, maybe a ugly incident is what brought us together and maybe I handled it wrong (but it worked out right)....All kinds of maybe's....with that said this post has turned into a "what's the right thing to do when disciplining your child" ....and that's fine ...We all have our thoughts but there is no need to get ugly about it......

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”

“...I've made it my business to observe fathers and daughters. And I've seen some incredible, beautiful things. Like the little girl who's not very cute - her teeth are funny, and her hair doesn't grow right, and she's got on thick glasses - but her father holds her hand and walks with her like she's a tiny angel that no one can touch. He gives her the best gift a woman can get in this world: protection. And the little girl learns to trust the man in her life. And all the things that the world expects from women - to be beautiful, to soothe the troubled spirit, heal the sick, care for the dying, send the greeting card, bake the cake - allof those things become the way we pay the father back for protecting us...”

[Noistar]

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

I would like to think my 17 year old step-daughter sees me as a friend, as well as providing her with the fatherly love her biological father seems unable to give her.

Certainly, she is able to speak to me when similar conversations seem to end in an argument with her and my wife.

Probably just comes down to different definitions of friend and father. Perhaps a 7 year old thinks of a friend as a playmate. Whatever it is, you share my good fortune of having a loving father-daughter relationship

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[benalibina]

@OP

I advise you not to comment on posts deemed to state that you were too hard, irresponsible or whatsoever and/or done a good job in handling with your stepdaughter. People read your OP how they want to read it. You cant change that. You already stated the outcome, hence the OP, so just sit down and read the comments.

Have a nice Christmas !

[kevvy]

 

 

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

 

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

 

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

 

but still appreciate your input.

 

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian 

 

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

 

 

I am interested to know how you would have handled the exact same situation as the OP?

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

It has happened to my wife and i. She got home late and we sat up waiting fot her.when arrived home she was scared because she felt she would be punished. We first asked her is she was ok; then told her the worry she had put us through and she could see the worry in our faces. We did not punish her .she never came home late again. And to make yor daughter climb up to her room is good parenting .

[beachproperty]

Kevvy.....you seem intelligent enough to understand that each situation is different.....I tried to keep the story short and to the point

FACT IS ....we did try it your way at first.....for a few times.....got tired of staying up all night and then talking to a brick wall.....changed tactics and it worked....

I didn't force her to climb the awning.......Guessing your one of those overprotective parents that don't even let their children Climb trees or go exploring on their own ....good luck with that.....NOT my style

[kevvy]

Kevvy.....you seem intelligent enough to understand that each situation is different.....I tried to keep the story short and to the point 

 

FACT IS ....we did try it your way at first.....for a few times.....got tired of staying up all night and then talking to a brick wall.....changed tactics and it worked....

I didn't force her to climb the awning.......Guessing your one of those overprotective parents that don't even let their children Climb trees or go exploring on their own ....good luck with that.....NOT my style

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Yes you are right. I would not let my daughter climb up to her room at 2 am and just sit there to teach her a lesson. Sorry to say this, but if she fell and hurt herself or even died who would have learnt the lesson then? I am so glad we were loving and caring parents to our daughter .

[beachproperty]

Kevvy .....not wishing to make this a pissing contest....But you are obviously very upset that I have allowed my children freedom to make their own choices ....including my daughter.....thereby giving them better opportunities to learn ....especially whats right and wrong...

You cannot put your children in a cage and throw the key away until they are adults to protect them.......as much as we may like to ....

You cannot and should not hover over them all the time and say "NO, don't touch that"..."NO, don't do that"....children are like flowers and need room to grow....best not to suffocate them...

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[JLCrab]

Twitter version of OP:

@beachproperty My daughter bought us a Christmas tree and we are all looking forward to putting gifts under it .. & a hot toddy 4all to boot

(140 characters)

[kevvy]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

Yes I do understand about discipline, really do . I dont care what the OP says about his veiws, if letting his daughter to be lock out of the her home and then making her climb up to her bedroom , is just a crazy way of giving discipline.

Tell me this ...would you lock your daughter out of the home and listen to her climb up to her bedroom ?

[kevvy]

Kevvy .....not wishing to make this a pissing contest....But you are obviously very upset that I have allowed my children freedom to make their own choices ....including my daughter.....thereby giving them better opportunities to learn ....especially whats right and wrong...

You cannot put your children in a cage and throw the key away until they are adults to protect them.......as much as we may like to ....

You cannot and should not hover over them all the time and say "NO, don't touch that"..."NO, don't do that"....children are like flowers and need room to grow....best not to suffocate them...

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

OP said:

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

Agreed, but a true father would not lock their daughter out of the home and then let her climb up to the bedroom where if he was a true man would know how dangerous this could have been.

kevvy

Edited October 29, 2013 by kevvy