Are You Friends With Any Thai Men?

[eldragon]

I've lived here almost three years and it recently dawned on me there are no Thai men I'd call my friend. There's a couple guys I message now and then. But we rarely, if ever spend time together. And then there's the male friends of my Thai female friends. But I never meet up with those guys independently.

Not saying anything negative about Thais here. I realize some people just don't connect or relate. And it's hard to understand where an immigrant/expat is coming from. I had a lot of foreign acquaintances growing up in USA, but outside of kids I grew up with I can't say any of them were my friend either.

That being said, people I know that have lived in neighboring countries (Laos, Cambodia, etc.) say the men there are very approachable and easier to connect with. I've sensed it too. The attitude seems more westernized in those countries.

Anyway, just wondering what the rest of you think. Are you friends with any Thai men (not counting boyfriends or giks, if you're a woman or gay man)? And what's your general feelings towards Thai men?

[kaspercat]

I have plenty of Thai male friends both younger and older. They are not much different from expat friends except type of activity relax and location. My Thai male friends do like to hang around in large groups and drink. Some groups regularly play golf or go to massages. Other groups like to play football or tennis.

They do tend to get quite chatty but mainly in Thai.

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[choochoo]

if you r here for the thai girls the thai guys would sense that and things could get testy.

[MB1]

@OP

Only Lady Boys...

[eldragon]

@OP

Only Lady Boys...

Fair enough. Almost forgot about them. Some of the best advice I've been given by Thais has come from ladyboys.

[Gsxrnz]

@OP

Only Lady Boys...

Fair enough. Almost forgot about them. Some of the best advice I've been given by Thais has come from ladyboys.

.....and not foregetting the best haircuts.

[Pattaya Pat]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

[Metapod]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

[FiftyTwo]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

No, I agree with Pat.

I've made many friends here, none of them Thai.

[INDI12]

in 20+ yrs coming backing and forth here i have a total of 3. there not rich by any means but i would trust them with my bank account. (not that I am wealthy either) but to them i probably look like I am doing ok.All 3 are educated and quite knowledgeable of the west on politics, sports, culture all at different degrees depending on what they are more interested in. they have steered me in the right direction many times. now that i think of it they are all Chinese Thai........

but i think it is strange that after all the time here its a total of 3.....

[jarrcbb]

I have a Thai group of friends that I can go out and party with any time. They regularly invite me out. They're decently educated, wealthy and many of them have lived/studied overseas. That being said there are still major cultural differences that prevent us from clicking. It's much easier for me to make close friends with westerners, especially the ones from my own country.

[transam]

OP, my best Thai friend is like a brother, he is an ex Thai kick boxing champ, my other Thai friend was a Magistrate, they both know l am not a rich farang but we can talk and laugh. Can't get better than that.

BUT, others make out to be friends, I have sussed them, they know it.

[Hedghog]

Racist and homephobic comments in abundance.

What a small minded lot.

When does the rot set in.

Is it years old,or years in country.

[Marcel1]

I know a few good Thai males who I hang out with sometimes but I wouldn't call them best friends, my wifes family has also great males in the fam. who are not bad to have around.

must say that if I had to pick 2 'favorites' it comes down to 2 gay guys, while I am happy with the missus they seem to be more interested or less scared for western culture. or maybe they just not have to be jalous I pick on their gf's

[FiftyTwo]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

No, I agree with Pat.

I've made many friends here, none of them Thai.

I'm sure you might agree with him, that just makes both of you odd to me. You move to a foreign country and spend most of your time around other foreigners. 14 years in a foreign country and not 1 friends from there is weird. That is not normal social behavior. What would you say of someone who immigrated to your home country and didn't have a single friend from there after 14 years?

You are a self admitted sexpat though so that is par for the course for your type. Hard to meet anything other than foreigners and hookers in a beer bar. In your 'reality' it is normal, but that is a very small portion of the country and the foreigners living in it.

And Yet,

When I lived in France, I had French friends.

When I lived in Canada, I had Canadian Friends (French and English speaking).

Skin colour, not a problem, I have black friends.

And here I've made friends with Americans, Australians, Koreans, Dutch, .....

I even met a Nazi German, and he was a lot more interesting than the Thai guys.

It's only Thais that failed the friend test......

I agree it shouldn't be normal ........

Something wrong with me? ... or something wrong with their education and feudal system?

Edited March 12, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[piersbeckett]

I've encountered a lot of resistance from farangs both back at home in the UK and in Thailand when I've talked about how it is here, generally between Thais and foreigners. A farang who came here in 1985, still here, lives in Chon Buri said to me that 'in the early days' he sensed an exotic interest from the Thai in Johnny Foreigner but that disappeared probably about 15 years ago and since then it's really only the money.

When I asked another farang about ten years ago, he'd been here then for about 20 years, if he thought there was a Thai class system he said with a straight face 'yes', there's those that go down on you and those that don't. Foreigners apart from the Chinese who've bought their way in and from a long time hitherto are a 'section' of the population, legally, socially, pyscologically, educationally and physically different; there's basically no integration; it could be something to do with the fact that the Thai's have never been colonised.

Thailand's not just a S.E. Asian country it's more another planet. I remember many years ago visiting Kao Wang in Phetchaburi during the year that I was teaching English and a Thai teacher recognised me and came running towards me; I was flabaghasted, I honestly thought, just for a minute that she wanted to speak to me as friend/associate/fellow teacher only to discover she'd got a new teaching job in another area and wanted to know if I'd teach for free there on Saturdays.

I think a valid comparison with the Thais is 'the police'; I think most people know that in the main, police mix only with other police - as a farang instead of imagining or 'liking to think' that Thais are your friends better to imagine them as police.

I'm still here because I love it here but there's a lot of 'accepting' to be done and it takes time.

[eldragon]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

No, I agree with Pat.

I've made many friends here, none of them Thai.

I'm sure you might agree with him, that just makes both of you odd to me. You move to a foreign country and spend most of your time around other foreigners. 14 years in a foreign country and not 1 friends from there is weird. That is not normal social behavior. What would you say of someone who immigrated to your home country and didn't have a single friend from there after 14 years?

While I agree it's difficult to connect with Thais, I'd say it's a bit harsh to call any foreigner with Thai friends an odd person. At the same time, I don't feel it's abnormal to admit you don't connect with locals. I know plenty of immigrants in USA that stick to their own kind. They may have several American acquaintances, but the connection that's necessary for true friendship is just not there for many of them.

[transam]

So why aren't they my friends?

Well, I would say, their limited education, lack of world travel, and limited opinions, all imposed on them by their state and their society.

Not to mention their xenophobia and love and support for everything Thai, the new master race.

You may want to read that back to yourself. I think it contains a hint as to why you don't have any Thai friends.

Yes, they aren't interesting enough to be my friends.

My friends are currently snowboarding in the USA, others are hiking in Nepal (next week), yet more are going on Safari and walking up Kilimanjaro. In the west. Summers were spent scuba diving or sailing somewhere warm, in winter I went skiing and skeet shooting.

How can any Thais match up with that lifestyle?

I'd rather read a book on my own!

Or hike in the jungle.

I guess you guys that have Thai friends are just as dull as the Thais, not everyone can be interesting.

You have never met my ex kick boxing champ pal, so how can you say he is dull. ?

I can tell you he is far from dull and we have a good laugh.

[kizz06]

Do you speak Thai?I think this is a huge different between those can speak Thai and those can't.

[n210mp]

Friends, what is a friend?

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

Being as most of my compatriots here have come through the system in the West from childhood, I dont expect many Ex pat friends in Pattaya simply because they have brought all their learned and narrow minded idiosyncrasies here with them.

They like me were brought up to have few real friends, Oh yes pub friends ,beery friends, football friends but real friends NO!

I think its the system in the West, selfishness and materialism that is to blame, the almost built in need to have more and more at any expense and to hell with anyone who gets in the way.

Then in near middle age comes the disillusionment with their lot, could be the breakdown of their marriage, a feeling of being unfulfilled, dissatisfied, the knowledge of their mortality, who knows what brings them here.it certainly isn't the scenery is it.

Users, losers, scammers, pimps, con men, alkies, sexual or drugs junkies, Billy Liars, dreamers, schemers, they are all here in abundance in this cesspit of iniquity.

To find a genuine friend amongst this list is almost impossible but still worth the effort and I feel lucky that I have found just two or three from the many people who attempted to qualify.

Most Friends are back home, people you grew up with and had a meaningful relationship, you knew their credentials, their potential and without a doubt whether they were to be trusted or not.

Here you need to develop a healthy paranoia, eyes in the back of your head just to get through and never taking people at face value, never showing any weakness, this is the way that it need to be for anybody that you meet up with here in Pattaya.

​The reason for my rant is because of the negative posts about Thai men, talk about the kettle calling the frying pan black arse!

Just recently whilst cycling walking I was trying to get rid of my hangover from the previous night and decided that I would walk with the cycle for a bit.

Four Thai cyclists passing bye, stopped and asked me if I had a problem or a puncture, I said no, just wanted to have a walk and thanked them for their offer of help.

Next thing we are chatting like old friends and they are inviting me to follow them on their trip around the area, I did and had a great 35K ride with them, they showing me some of the roads that I would otherwise never have found.

I am 69 and the youngest of the Thai lads was 62, they regularly ride around this area two or three times a week and have invited me to accompany them.

Had a bit of a row with the wife last week and decided to sulk down at a golf course in Sattahip, I normally love to play with my mates but on this occasion because the game was unplanned no one could come so here I am billy no mates on a course full of Thai golfers.

Just as I approached the first Tee I noticed that there were three Thai golfers just going on to the same Tee,

They saw me and as etiquette demands asked if I wanted to go in front of them,another one of them asked me if I wanted to join in their game, which I did and I had a great game even though we barely understood each other

Thai or otherwise, friends are there to be found and maybe it depends on where you hang out whether you will meet people of a similar good quality, on the other hand maybe you get what you deserve, could it be Karma?

Edited March 12, 2014 by n210mp

[transam]

Do you speak Thai?I think this is a huge different between those can speak Thai and those can't.

I do not speak Thai, my Thai chum understands very little English but we get by with our eyes and face stuff. Good fun, course Mrs.Trans helps out too with the difficult translation stuff. Must admit, we have one thing in common though which I cannot reveal here.

No, we are not gay............

[eldragon]

Friends, what is a friend?

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

Being as most of my compatriots here have come through the system in the West from childhood, I dont expect many Ex pat friends in Pattaya simply because they have brought all their learned and narrow minded idiosyncrasies here with them.

They like me were brought up to have few real friends, Oh yes pub friends ,beery friends, football friends but real friends NO!

I think its the system in the West, selfishness and materialism that is to blame, the almost built in need to have more and more at any expense and to hell with anyone who gets in the way.

Then in near middle age comes the disillusionment with their lot, could be the breakdown of their marriage, a feeling of being unfulfilled, dissatisfied, the knowledge of their mortality, who knows what brings them here.it certainly isn't the scenery is it.

Users, losers, scammers, pimps, con men, alkies, sexual or drugs junkies, Billy Liars, dreamers, schemers, they are all here in abundance in this cesspit of iniquity.

To find a genuine friend amongst this list is almost impossible but still worth the effort and I feel lucky that I have found just two or three from the many people who attempted to qualify.

Most Friends are back home, people you grew up with and had a meaningful relationship, you knew their credentials, their potential and without a doubt whether they were to be trusted or not.

Here you need to develop a healthy paranoia, eyes in the back of your head just to get through and never taking people at face value, never showing any weakness, this is the way that it need to be for anybody that you meet up with here in Pattaya.

​The reason for my rant is because of the negative posts about Thai men, talk about the kettle calling the frying pan black arse!

Just recently whilst cycling walking I was trying to get rid of my hangover from the previous night and decided that I would walk with the cycle for a bit.

Four Thai cyclists passing bye, stopped and asked me if I had a problem or a puncture, I said no, just wanted to have a walk and thanked them for their offer of help.

Next thing we are chatting like old friends and they are inviting me to follow them on their trip around the area, I did and had a great 35K ride with them, they showing me some of the roads that I would otherwise never have found.

I am 69 and the youngest of the Thai lads was 62, they regularly ride around this area two or three times a week and have invited me to accompany them.

Had a bit of a row with the wife last week and decided to sulk down at a golf course in Sattahip, I normally love to play with my mates but on this occasion because the game was unplanned no one could come so here I am billy no mates on a course full of Thai golfers.

Just as I approached the first Tee I noticed that there were three Thai golfers just going on to the same Tee,

They saw me and as etiquette demands asked if I wanted to go in front of them,another one of them asked me if I wanted to join in their game, which I did and I had a great game even though we barely understood each other

Thai or otherwise, friends are there to be found and maybe it depends on where you hang out whether you will meet people of a similar good quality, on the other hand maybe you get what you deserve, could it be Karma?

I like a lot of things about this post. But mostly you've reminded me of the fact that I live in central BKK. And large international cities are never an easy place to make real friends. I sense life might be a little different for me elsewhere in TH.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[kizz06]

Do you speak Thai?I think this is a huge different between those can speak Thai and those can't.

I do not speak Thai, my Thai chum understands very little English but we get by with our eyes and face stuff. Good fun, course Mrs.Trans helps out too with the difficult translation stuff. Must admit, we have one thing in common though which I cannot reveal here.

No, we are not gay............

How do you know he is not gay if you haven't seduce him.

[BlackArtemis]

Typical to see people here claiming staying a decade and having few friends, especially few to no Thai friends.

I have plenty of male Thai friends.

Some are mechanics, many artists of varying success and mediums. I hang out and ride with a group of businessmen and one is a professor.

Some are poor yet have never asked me for money, and some drop 1 million+ Baht in cash for new Harleys because they just want it.

The common thread? I took the time to learn the language.

If you think Thai's have nothing more to talk about than food, football, and ghosts then you

probably cannot speak the language

are a very shallow person

or are just a schmuck

Possibly a combination of the above.

Please note, I did not say "if you don't have Thai friend's".

[pokoal2000]

Same here.Lived in for 10 years and no Thai men friend.Had many friends in England,but here ?

Sent from my GT-I9070 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Dave 74]

To be fair, the only Thai males I get on well with are those with substantially more than me.

Those with less always seem to have some underlying issues about it, even if they aren't aware of them.

I couldn't give a crap how much somebody has, and have no ego, resentment or jealousy issues, not having these on both sides helps.

Just 3 days ago I pulled in to get gas in a suburb of BKK, as I stood off my bike a Thai punk shouted out 'Ai Farang' from an area where there was a few small groups of Thai guys.

I said it to my mother when I got home (she's here on holidays) and she said that sure, your bike is probably much nicer than his. I said yes, but so what? 3 of my clients live in US$1 Million+ houses, one has two 50 Million baht houses in one big plot so her parents can use the other one when they come by. I have no sense of envy, jealousy, resentment, or any sort of negativity.... but then again, I'm not Thai.

[Robininbkk]

I don't have any male Thai friends because we are not on the same level in... everything. Except the love for sexy Thai ladies.

I seriously don't think any farang can be real friends with a Thai, in the same way as westerners do. Sure we can have some occasional karaoke, BBQ party, soapy massage hangouts with Thai males, but no way you would hangout with them and talk about everything that challenges one's mind and no way to have an honest conversation with their opinion without that face value bullshit in play. And then there is this concept of ''I can count on my friends'' that I do have with good friends from my hometown. Reliability is also a concern to be friends with Thais. Not to mention their hidden agenda's to be even friends with a farang. You that stigma and xenophobica they have? forgotten about that? I would also be careful not to hurt their little face and not to loan them money or let them pay for everything without paying it back so to not have ''credit'' with them.

Basically, a Thai male (or female for that matter, but more so with the males variant) always have an ulterior motive to be friends with a farang.

PS. the only Thai friends I have who I consider real friends are ladyboys. They do really seem genuine and be friends with me for fun. They are intelligent as well.

[Dave 74]

What Thais and Westerners consider friends are very different.

Thais cringe (inside) at other's opening up about problems, genuinely asking advice or suggestions, etc. etc.

I think that those Westerners who genuinely believe that they have Thai raised friends don't really understand genuine Thai culture. Not fitting into a Pi/Noi relationship and following the heirarcy of that is frigthening to Thai raised Thais who have never expereinced anything but it. The Thai response is likely over friendly smiles and compliments and joking that the Westerner would consider friendly, not knowing that it is really just a defense mechanism.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Dave 74

[anotheruser]

I have Thai male friends but the fact that I am gay means I am shagging them. Otherwise I have no use for them same as women.

[Donnie Brasco]

if you r here for the thai girls the thai guys would sense that and things could get testy.

Naw. Their more than happy to play a part in setting you up with Thai girls they have been through or Thai women that are looking for a gringo partner. Your part of the deal is to live up to everyone's expectations.

And that's where the difficulties can arise.

Friends though ?

No.

You'll do business together, get drunk together, play golf, watch a sporting event on TV, even chase tail together but if you were not "in their year" at Uni, or even High School you will not be seen as buddy material. They'll be polite. They'll call you to play a team sport maybe. That's it.

Unless you were in Uni with them back in the Old Country or you have some serious professional connection that makes you useful to them there's not going to be much hanging out.

Anyway, let's be truthful here. You might possibly end up with a good friend who just happens to be Thai but that isn't the norm.

And anyway here in Thailand, aside from farangledangle village bros you may tolerate and who may tolerate you, how many REAL European homies to you have as you get older.

Be honest with us and yo'sef.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."