My GF might have short term memory loss.

[Sheryl]

A key question is whether she does this with other things or only with things you have said.

Is she having trouble retaining things hern Thai friends say to her? Forgetting what she was doing in the middle of a task?

If not then indeed, she is either not really listening or it is a language problem. If this is new, it may be that there is something on her mind that is preoccuping her.

If on the otjher hand she is unable to retain what anybody says tio her (in which case Thai friends and family will have noticed too), forgetting where she is/what she is doing then indeed a visit to a neurologiost is indicated.

Thanks to everyone for for all the answers.

Well, come to think of it, she does not do it with everything. She does not forget what she was doing in the middle of a task, she can sit for endless hours working and concentrating. And once I teach her to do something, she remembers every single step, that was one of the most amazing things I found about her when we first met and started working together.

If a person is not really listening, could they actually take part in a conversation? Im not being facetious or sarcastic, but how could she share in a conversation and then forget 5 minutes later? Maybe she is just so relaxed after a long Songkran weekend, not sure.

I will give it some more time and see how it is after a week or two. If its the same and she forgets after a few minutes, then maybe I am in the same boat with many posters here that she is pretending to listen just to be polite, but is actually tuning me out.

Does not sound then like there is any neurological issue.

Certainly a person can take part in a conversation without really listening, I do it all the time. Especially with people or topics I find boring, to be frank.

It really does sound like she is tuning you out, either because of boredom, linguisitic issues or because she has something more pressing on her mind, but is nodding and semi-participating in the discussion to be polite.

[Krataiboy]

I had the same problem. Then one day, talking to my missus over lunch, the penny dropped. I realised she hadn't been taking in a word of what I said. So I asked her if she was listening to me. "No," she retorted. "I'm eating."

Mystery solved. Now I save my breath at mealtimes.

[In Search of Space]

I have to repeat everything over and over again, they don't listen or don't understand the first time. However I speak to the wife in the same way that I would speak to a native English speaker, but a bit slower, I don't ever used thailish or other silly accents.

[mogo51]

It is because they are not interested. Answer, find an educated Thai or preferably an educated Filipino and you can all have some intelligent conversation. Or as previously sad, tell her you are broke! She sure as hell will remember that.

[DLP]

It is because they are not interested. Answer, find an educated Thai or preferably an educated Filipino and you can all have some intelligent conversation. Or as previously sad, tell her you are broke! She sure as hell will remember that.

You have to talk slowly and repeat everything. Same as speaking to my six year old daughter, only difference is my daughter understands me.

[rideswings]

Thanks again for all the great responses/ I feel a little better knowing that I am not alone, and to be honest, sometimes I do feel that she is tuning me out, and many times she doesnt answer me about things right away because either she is trying to figure out how to explain her answer, or simply doesnt know the answer or just doesnt want to answer the question, but thats a whole different story. Its my problem for not learning to speak fluent Thai, so I have to learn to accept the consequences. Really, one time I asked her a question and she answered an entire day later without even acknowledging that she even heard my question. It was then that I made an understanding with myself that she has up to 24 hours to answer a question that I asked, however trivial it might be.

The difference to me was that last night when we were talking, she seemed so interested and took an active part of the conversation. Thats why it was so shocking when she asked me the question I had answered 5 minutes earlier.

will reread all of your responses and try to learn from all of them.

P.S. I always try to talk very slow and understandably. And I always try to ask her if she understood everything I said especially when no answer was forthcoming. I gotta learn to speak Thai!

Edited April 19, 2014 by rideswings

[Gracas]

They either don't pay attention or don't understand, the problem becomes even worse if the TV is on and they are watching a Thai soap.

[ukrules]

I've come across something similar to this phenomenon. For example I've gone to the kitchen, made myself some food then sat down in the living room and ate it in front of my girlfriend only for her to ask me about half an hour later when I'm going to eat as it's getting late !

I diagnosed her with Candy Crush addiction right away.

[Otis]

Hearing impaired and unwilling to admit it.

Language impaired and unwilling to admit it.

Lead poisoning and unable to process it.

[Sheryl]

Or just bored.

OP in addition to language you may need to consider if you might be going on and on for too long at a stretch, or talking about yourself too much, and/or getting into overly minor details that would not be very interesting to hear. (Frankly I would be bored and tune out a description of a visa run that was more than 2-3 sentences long, particularly if it got it into such detail as where you sat in the van...). Thais are very polite and will try to feign interest whereas a westerner would be more obvious about being bored.

Not saying this is it, obviously I don't know you, just a thought.

[bina]

my husband listens and lets it go... its tuning out, not interested in the conversation, and the language barrier all rolled up in one. so for very very improtant things i will ask him to write a note to himself in thai... often though, he will jsut agree, but when the time comes to do or act on the conversation, he doesnt remember. its not improtant to him (usually concerns thigns that need planning, and if the time comes up and he doesnt feel like doing the action, its cause he doesnt feel it ws important in the first place but was just agreeing to have things go smoothly).

ive seen him do it with thais also; they talk alot but not always good listeners, just babble converstaionally regardless with eachother along with movie on, music playing and sms 'ing. they dont see that as a problem really.

we were taught to 'really listen' with our whole body and brain and respond to the person to let them know we are paying attention and givng attention. it just doesnt seem that important to them.

when things are important to a person, attention is paid.

[mrfaroukh]

You should surely take her to the doctor, but I am thinking may be she is just double checking your story by asking again to make sure if you were in the car with another lady etc. Try to notice when she ask you the same type of questions again.

[rideswings]

Or just bored.

OP in addition to language you may need to consider if you might be going on and on for too long at a stretch, or talking about yourself too much, and/or getting into overly minor details that would not be very interesting to hear. (Frankly I would be bored and tune out a description of a visa run that was more than 2-3 sentences long, particularly if it got it into such detail as where you sat in the van...). Thais are very polite and will try to feign interest whereas a westerner would be more obvious about being bored.

Not saying this is it, obviously I don't know you, just a thought.

Sure she might be bored, but in all my relationships, when we finally get a chance to relax together after work, I have always asked my partner, "How was your day?" and in return I tell her about my day. And when she asked me about my trip, it wasnt like I was droning on for an hour, it was all of one or two minutes.

Thanks again to everyone for all your responses.

[rideswings]

my husband listens and lets it go... its tuning out, not interested in the conversation, and the language barrier all rolled up in one. so for very very improtant things i will ask him to write a note to himself in thai... often though, he will jsut agree, but when the time comes to do or act on the conversation, he doesnt remember. its not improtant to him (usually concerns thigns that need planning, and if the time comes up and he doesnt feel like doing the action, its cause he doesnt feel it ws important in the first place but was just agreeing to have things go smoothly).

ive seen him do it with thais also; they talk alot but not always good listeners, just babble converstaionally regardless with eachother along with movie on, music playing and sms 'ing. they dont see that as a problem really.

we were taught to 'really listen' with our whole body and brain and respond to the person to let them know we are paying attention and givng attention. it just doesnt seem that important to them.

when things are important to a person, attention is paid.

I have this problem too, and I also think its tuning out, not interested in the conversation, and the language barrier all rolled up into one.

[rideswings]

You should surely take her to the doctor, but I am thinking may be she is just double checking your story by asking again to make sure if you were in the car with another lady etc. Try to notice when she ask you the same type of questions again.

Yes she is a little jealous and that is possible.

[infinity11]

This happens way often:

What i am saying now is the answer to the question they will ask right after i finish the sentence.

It is a cultural thing?

A simple but maybe not the best example:

person A: I am hungry.

person b: Are you hungry?

[In Search of Space]

No matter how many times I tell the wife something, she always comes back asking again - repeatedly. It is a combination of not understanding, not listening, not wanting to understand because she wants a different answer and generally being pig-headed ! Oh, and she always wants to do the opposite of what I say, no matter how stupid that might be

[Wordworx]

Will get to OP's specific point below, but first --

A few days ago had a quasi business meeting with a Thai hotel owner. It's a nice place, for sure, a substantial investment. Meeting was not initiated by me, rather by him. I'm not looking for business, but I basically live at this place part of the year, so happy to provide input, website, internet marketing, marketing in general. Sat there and ATTEMPTED for about 30 minutes to convey. The guy has good English skills, but I can see in his eyes as I am telling him, for instance, pretty easy principals about SEO, other elementary marketing stuff, he is checking out.

I 100% guarantee the guy retained nothing (zero / nada) of what I told him. Not hard to believe. About six months ago, tell him his otherwise pretty decent website has major language errors, like real pronounced misspellings on the homepage, for instance. He ASKS ME to send him corrections. I did. Going so far as to do a screenshot, graphically designate the errors, detail corrections. Fixing would have taken a web guy about 1 minute. All he had to do was forward my email. Never happened. Like I said, that was six months ago. About a week ago he asks me to send again. Still in files so I did, Corrections never happened.

In short: They really are not interested. Your gal is just trying to do her part, make you think she is interested. But her brain is way, way, somewhere else. She asks you a question to accommodate you (she thinks), turns off the mental tap before you even reply.

Btw - Was married to a Thai woman. Got her a green card (three years of my life), cut her loose. And she was a university grad (for whatever that's worth). More important, from a good family and she had traveled the world by the time I married her. Conversations? Forget about it. Worlds apart.

[In Search of Space]

I have just finished working in Bangkok, some of the reason attributale to the current political issues. However during my 18 months working in a major US IT company with around 1,200 Thai staff I was extremely impressed with their capabilities and professionalism. I guess that the company had done a great job in recruitment and installing the company culture. On a personal level, I went out for lunches and evening drinks with 3 or 4 of the staff and we always had a great time.

[wprime]

Does she complain about headaches a lot?

Has she ever been in a car/motorbike accident or had another type traumatic injury to the head or neck?

Has she been tested for syphilis?

Does her posture appear curved?

Does her sclera appear yellow?

[rideswings]

Does she complain about headaches a lot? YES, about 3 times a week.

Has she ever been in a car/motorbike accident or had another type traumatic injury to the head or neck? Not as far as she can remember.

Has she been tested for syphilis? Not sure but I will ask.

Does her posture appear curved? No not really. She is has a pretty straight posture.

Does her sclera appear yellow? No but she has had pink eye that keeps coming back every few weeks, and red eyes a couple of times a week. Maybe unrelated.

[Sheryl]

Are the headaches new? 3 times a week is a lot.

[rideswings]

The headaches are not new, she has had them since I have known her, and she tells me they are migraines and that she has had them for a long time. She just takes a Sara pill, but sometimes she still has the headache in the morning. Sometimes she will go to the pharmacy to get a different pill. I give her massages on her head and shoulders, and sometimes that doesnt even help. Sometimes the headaches go on for 2 or 3 days, sometimes they stop for a day or two. I thought it was just because she uses the computer all day, thats what she told me. Then I thought maybe she just needs glasses or something. I never correlated it or attributed it to memory loss, but Im not a doctor. I have been wanting to take her for an eye exam but we never took the time to do it.

Edited April 20, 2014 by rideswings

[Sheryl]

It would be advisable for her to see a neurologist to work up possible causes of the headaches.

I doubt these are migraines from what you describe. But something is certainly off.

There is a specialized headache clinic at Chulalonghorn Hospital. Or (at greater cost but also greater convenience) can privately consult the docs who heads the clinic:

Prof. Anan Srikiathachorn
BNH Hospital
Wednesdays 5-6 PM only.

or

Assoc. Prof Nijasri Charnnarong Suwanwela
Bumrungrad
4- 6 PM Mondays & Fridays

If she has not ever had a scan (CT or MRI) to rule out a serious structural cause (e.g. tumor), she should.

[rideswings]

Thanks for that information. Unfortunately her only day off is Sunday, and she will not take a day off to go the doctor. I have been trying to get her to go for a full checkup, but it seems like every Sunday something else comes up. She doesnt like going to the doctor, but maybe now is the time. And maybe we can go see the neurologist on the same day and possibly a cat scan.

[Sheryl]

Thanks for that information. Unfortunately her only day off is Sunday, and she will not take a day off to go the doctor. I have been trying to get her to go for a full checkup, but it seems like every Sunday something else comes up. She doesnt like going to the doctor, but maybe now is the time. And maybe we can go see the neurologist on the same day and possibly a cat scan.

The doctors recommended are neurologists.

[Johnnie99]

Genetic.

[Johnnie99]

Genetic. She won't 'not hear' if you whisper "Do you want 50 000 baht?", believe me. Nor will she forget.

[kaldoverde]

Same with my wife.

I think Thais get bored easily, and since most of them need to make a huge effort just to understand the words you're saying, their brain gets bored and zones out. They probably make an effort to understand the words you're saying but that isn't 'sanuk' for a very long time, so by the time you finish the sentence the overall message already got lost.

Then again, I am exactly the same when I am on the computer (which is always). My wife has entire conversations with me that I later can't recall, so can't really blame her much.

But yeah, when you're just talking to someone face to face, doing nothing else and the other person zones out without apparent reason it can be quite frustrating.

Edited April 24, 2014 by kaldoverde

[F4UCorsair]

What are the three best things about having dementia?

1. You can hide your own Easter eggs

2. You meet new people every day.

3. You can hide your own Easter eggs