Thai neighbour regularly abuses his girlfriend/wife

[Lancelot]

I'm with the "stay out of it " posters.

If you do intervene, remember that the Thai guy can make a few phone calls and have 10 buddies there in five minutes. Can you match that?

[Jimmu]

Nothing to do with 'Western' values. It has a lot to do with a man beating up a woman! It is a worldwide concern... Especially for a woman, it would seem, from reading the posts on this thread.

[dluek]

Do whatever you can without actually putting yourself or your girlfriend in danger.

[kurnell]

Thai men are essentially cowards. Nothing more to say really.

[MILT]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

It's Thai Buddhism, you're not a Buddhist Thai so you wouldn't understand. Best stay out of it unless you really want a lesson in Buddhism here.

Some whatever?

Edited May 17, 2014 by MILT

[benalibina]

A couple of months ago at around 5 pm in my appartmentbuilding i heard a, couple shouting and somewhat fighting. The lady cried and the guy was speaking loudly. I didnt know their privatesituation but i knew there were 2 kids living in the appt with a woman. I am not a strong guy but i was thinking about go upstairs yes or no. I decided to wait. After 30 min it was all quiet again and 30 min later i went upstairs to the appt with a ,valid, excuse. The lady opened the door and acted normally, no tears or so. I did not need to talk about what happened before.

Now i know they are seperated and she takes care of the children of 4 and 1.

It was only a 1 off till now but surely made me wonder about what to do if it would happen regularly. In cases like OP it is difficult to do due dillegence and factfinding. But staying silent, regardless of country, is the worst thing 1 can do IMO.

[SOTIRIOS]

...you have no idea of what is going on....nor why....

...don't play the hero or the good guy.....

...management will be asked....'Says who?'....and....will clearly point you out.....then....who knows.....

[kandi]

Thanks for all the answers so far. Looks like it may really be the best just to stay out of it, as hard as it is. Of course the continous screaming and shouting annoys me, too, but complaining about noise doesn't sound like the wisest approach either with guys like that.

It's just sad to see how nobody gives a &lt;deleted&gt;, even the people who actually could do something (condo management, police). I'm absolutely no white knight, but this is going a little bit too far now. Whenever they fight I expect him to actually kill her.

Weird is also that none of them seems to have a regular work. Two days ago, they started fighting at noon, fighted again in the early evening throughout the night (until 5am) and again at 7am.

I must also add that I have absolutely no clue who they are. Chances are high that I've seen them in the 2 years I've been living her, maybe I've been in the same elevator with one of them. I have no idea.

[ggt]

Next time you hear them going at it...run up stairs...knock on the door...and demand an explanation...

Then post your results here on Thaivisa...

[kandi]

Next time you hear them going at it...run up stairs...knock on the door...and demand an explanation...

Then post your results here on Thaivisa...

Do they have wifi in the ICU?

[godden]

Whats wrong in the lady leaving the &lt;deleted&gt;.

[mdmayes]

Thats one aspect of thainess...beat your wife/gf. Stay out of it. If she has had enough she will take a knife to him. Thats the thai way :}

[jpeg]

I was in a similar situation when renting a condo in Bangkok some years ago. The young guy would always make a point of being overly friendly/polite to me, but then I'd be wakened every night at 4 am, regular as clockwork by very loud thumps (I'd thought he was weight training, seriously) but shortly after heard the girl whimpering. The creepiest part was he was completely silent himself, no shouting. I made a point of completely ignoring him whenever greeted, he and the girl knew I knew what was going on. She merely looked sheepish and tried to hide her bruises with her hair.

My take is, do as you would in your home country. Ignore it. If the police are called, it's a 'domestic' and they'll do little to nothing as the girl will usually retract any statement against him anyway. She has two legs, better she pack a bag and use them. Although I do believe there are certain places set up to support abused women and perhaps, to make it really obvious someone's sussed him, you might get someone to write down the address and slip it under the door.

And there are those who say 'never buy a house, condo better'. I bought a house on a large plot. No neighbours, no hassle

[jpeg]

I would add though, if there were children present, I'd stalk the bastard and put a bullet in his head soon as we were alone.

[belg]

no need for a tv then, you have your daily soaps live

[tubby johnson]

Calling the Cops won't help, as there's no money for them to be made.

[bigehitewarrior]

Stay well out of it. I can talk from personal experience. I used to live in a Bangkok condo and one day I was waiting for the lift in the foyer, as it arrived and the doors opened I saw a Thai man crouched over a Thai female raining punches on her. I acted instinctively and stepped forward to try and stop him. In what seemed like a split second he produced a gun and pointed it straight at my head. I immediately backed off.

Never introduce western values to a Thai on Thai dispute.

You should have disarmed him and stuck the gun up his a** and let rip

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[arminbkk]

I had the same thing in my building in the room next to me, except in this case it was the woman doing most the

screaming.

It was almost on a daily basis.

Did not hear much hitting, mostly screaming and stuff being thrown around.

One day the building manager stopped me as I came home and he apologized for the noise

and said that the couple had been warned that if they continued they would be removed.

It did continue and eventually I guess they were removed.

There is now an older police man staying in that room, who before was staying a few doors down.

Maybe he helped with the situation also.

But yes, in all the time it was going on, I never heard anyone knocking on their door.

Even though quite a few times they had their door open when going at it, so

the whole floor could hear it.

I would want to intervene but think it would usually be a bad idea.

Unless the person intervening is an authority figure, police or security or building staff, the intervener

will always be seen by the abuser as an aggressor.

Then here there is also the language barrier and the 'face thing'.

Actually I think any abuser who, while abusing his partner, gets a knock on the door and some stranger

telling him to stop and maybe 'stop or else', will feel losing face and probably get angered more.

I could imagine someone going in and go about it in a certain manner, say 'settle down folks, what's the problem, lets see if we can talk it over' etc,

would be considered by the abuser as someone butting in his business.

The person intervening might think he is setting a good example but the abuser will just see it differently.

It's not a 'teacher intervening between two school kids having a fight on the playground' situation.

Edited May 17, 2014 by arminbkk

[wow64]

Dont get involved unless you are Nicholas Cage trying to make a sequel to Bkk dangerous.

She has obviously done something to cause him to bash her. Maybe she burnt the rice??

If its too loud just play the rocky theme song full blast.

Sent from my c64

Edited May 17, 2014 by wow64

[bigehitewarrior]

Don't let these wife beaters intimidate you.. i have travelled extensively and i am fortunate to have a martial arts background .. If I see a man hit a woman or abuse her or children .. i give him some of his own medicine..and it doesn't matter where he is from.. Some years ago I had a situation in soho London ..where a Chinese man (in chinatown) pushed his lady friend into a wooden structure outside of a shop being refurbished. He wasn't alone either and as I pushed him up on the wall has mate pulled a knife .. i gave his mate one look and he put the knife away... afterwards I helped the lady up and made sure she didn't require medical attention. My take on this... if you can...and only if you can .. you should always help a person if they cannot defend themselves... There is nothing worse than bullies ..and it doesn't matter where they come from... and as far as his friends on 15 motorbikes come to your front door... he pick up the phone call the cops... then deal with the bullie again amd again until he gets the message !

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[MantisMan]

Stay completely out of it

Why stay out of it when he doesn't have to?

This is completely misleading advice.

It is stipulated in the contract when purchasing/leasing a Condo to "keep the peace". If you don't, you are breaking one of the rules.

This is a justified reason to get the management involved.

He can even knock on the door as it is happening and ask "Is everything OK?"

He can call the police.

He can get other neighbors involved.

He can get the cleaning people involved.

Condo's have monthly or bi-annual meetings. Somebody would naturally bring it up.

No one should have to live with that crap and telling someone because it's not "Thai custom" to get involved is giving the wrong information.

Living in a Condo, which is a completely Western concept and invention means living under Western conventions. Keeping it clean, keeping it repaired and keeping the peace is all part of the deal.

[Addonvalue]

PLEASE, please save this poor victim of abuse! How would you feel if she died? Well, she is dying from this abuse -- on the inside slowly -- mental, emotional and physical -- slow death to the person. CALL the Emergency Home -- a shelter for abused women, children -- and have your girlfriend explain to them and they should be able to advise what to do. If possible, during the day, when he is not there, if there was sometime your girlfriend can find her alone -- talk with her and help her get to the Emergency Home, in Don Muang. In Thai, it's called Bahn Chook Chern. I think the number is 02-929-2301.

CALL TODAY -- tomorrow may be too late.

They will take care of her.

http://www.apsw-thailand.org/Eemergency01.html

There's nothing more fulfilling than to help another being, set them free and allow them to be human again and not treated like a stray animal or slave.

501/1 Dechatungka Rd. Sikan Donmuang Bangkok 10210 Thailand Tel. 00 662 929-2301-07

Edited May 17, 2014 by Addonvalue

[ClutchClark]

It's Thai Buddhism, you're not a Buddhist Thai so you wouldn't understand. Best stay out of it unless you really want a lesson in Buddhism here.

^^^^ This ^^^^

[louse1953]

If you dont want to intervene yourself,get your gf to do the dirty work.Ask about her situation and if she wants to leave but is financially tied to the abuser,offer her some money to go home or relocate.If she comes back,it is her problem.Maybe suggest a "brother"comes around and solves the problem,this is the Thai way.These women are mentally abused also,and often make excuses for the abuser.The abuse will not stop until she leaves or one of them is dead.

[ClutchClark]

Stay completely out of it

Why stay out of it when he doesn't have to?

This is completely misleading advice.

It is stipulated in the contract when purchasing/leasing a Condo to "keep the peace". If you don't, you are breaking one of the rules.

This is a justified reason to get the management involved.

He can even knock on the door as it is happening and ask "Is everything OK?"

He can call the police.

He can get other neighbors involved.

He can get the cleaning people involved.

Condo's have monthly or bi-annual meetings. Somebody would naturally bring it up.

No one should have to live with that crap and telling someone because it's not "Thai custom" to get involved is giving the wrong information.

Living in a Condo, which is a completely Western concept and invention means living under Western conventions. Keeping it clean, keeping it repaired and keeping the peace is all part of the deal.

I had the impression the OP was concerned for the girls safety.

You apparently are just concerned with the inconvenience and to heck with the battered woman.

[Thaiberius]

If you dont want to intervene yourself,get your gf to do the dirty work.Ask about her situation and if she wants to leave but is financially tied to the abuser,offer her some money to go home or relocate.If she comes back,it is her problem.Maybe suggest a "brother"comes around and solves the problem,this is the Thai way.These women are mentally abused also,and often make excuses for the abuser.The abuse will not stop until she leaves or one of them is dead.

This approach is inviting big trouble.

[louse1953]

i seen a man and woman beating the crap out of each other in a restaurant one sunday afternoon

roaring and screamig abuse at each other

he was calling her a whore and she went nuts and slapped him and he grabbed her by the neck and starting

slapping the jaws off her and dragged her inside the apartments but she was kicking and screaming

none of the thais intervened ,most looked away or pretended they didnt notice or just kept eating their noodles

as if it was nothing ,i was thinkig of helping but she did hit him first and i dont know the story of how it started either

so maybe she deserved it ,who knows TIT

I have just read 16 posts and i am disgusted with MENS advice.What would you cowards do if it was somebody close to you?Thailand, is where the west was 50 years ago,thankfully laws and attitudes have changed but looks like men have bought their old attitudes with them.I would rather do "something" than live life as a coward.As far as "maybe she deserved it",words fail me.

[louse1953]

Stay well out of it. I can talk from personal experience. I used to live in a Bangkok condo and one day I was waiting for the lift in the foyer, as it arrived and the doors opened I saw a Thai man crouched over a Thai female raining punches on her. I acted instinctively and stepped forward to try and stop him. In what seemed like a split second he produced a gun and pointed it straight at my head. I immediately backed off.

Never introduce western values to a Thai on Thai dispute.

Western values my arse.How about human values.

[elgordo38]

Condo living is community living. You are entitled to peace and quiet. It is the responsibility of the condo management/security to enforce this. If you know any of the board members you may draw this to their attention. You should not have to wear earplugs and have your quality of life dictated to/ruined by some abusive maniac regardless of cultural differences

[wow64]

Don't let these wife beaters intimidate you.. i have travelled extensively and i am fortunate to have a martial arts background .. If I see a man hit a woman or abuse her or children .. i give him some of his own medicine..and it doesn't matter where he is from.. Some years ago I had a situation in soho London ..where a Chinese man (in chinatown) pushed his lady friend into a wooden structure outside of a shop being refurbished. He wasn't alone either and as I pushed him up on the wall has mate pulled a knife .. i gave his mate one look and he put the knife away... afterwards I helped the lady up and made sure she didn't require medical attention. My take on this... if you can...and only if you can .. you should always help a person if they cannot defend themselves... There is nothing worse than bullies ..and it doesn't matter where they come from... and as far as his friends on 15 motorbikes come to your front door... he pick up the phone call the cops... then deal with the bullie again amd again until he gets the message !

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

You knob.. You are going to go to a strangers house in thialand and stick your nose in... A spinning roundhouse in slow motion wont do shit to a gun. Might work being a hero in London but not here.

I love this bit " i am fortunate to have a martial arts background". Haha does this mean you can use chop sticks or have you watched Bruce Lee?

Sent from my c64