New farang noi on the way. Wife wants baby to sleep in our room

[xerostar]

OK for a few weeks, but as others have mentioned if the wife gets attached to the idea of bub in the same room, you will find yourself in the spare room. And your relationship will never be the same after

My experience exactly. Child is nearly 5 and still likes to sleep with mum. I'm invited but as the bed is only queen-size so I end up on the edge. (tree branch style)

I think a king size bed would solve the problem. But then the bed wetting is still a problem ...

I can sleep in the spare bedroom but then that's the same as when I was single.

I live in hope of a nocturnal visitor .. but she is rarely in the mood ..too tired I guess.

[Pattaya Lous]

one bottom line one fella needs to keep in mind - is that any move by us to get between mum and bub, is seen by the wife as 'hubby just wants a root' and thinking only of himself.

No matter what seemingly helpful (to you) any suggestion you come up with - it will always come back from her as SEX related.

For years'n'years later it will always rebound "you lub me too much"

So - you go down the other path, giving her as much room as you can bear - but she still won't forget the earlier transgressions...

Wifey's latest 'punishment' is to make herself 'unavailable'; by doing repeated, and sometimes extended 9+days of Vegan...

To her, Vegan means no meat, no sex or even hugging, for the entire number of days...

She found this trick from one of her 'helpful' girlfriends, who gave her the idea as a sneaky means of keeping away from intimacy for as long as she wanted...

If only one simply gave in to missus wishes, at the time she demanded her space with bub...

Sorry, but what a load of off topic crap.

May I ask, is your wife not trying to tell you something here? nothing to do with the baby

[HughJass]

shes got u now...you have bought the house in her name and now given her the baby which will keep u tied in even if u leave her sending money for the rest of your life lol

[cbluck58]

Congrats and well done.

You are about to experience the biggest cultural difference that I have come across in LOS and, sorry to say, you will not win.

It really shouldn't be a battle as long as you just accept that however much you discuss it, however much your good lady says she is listening to your point of view, the baby will end upon your room, and probably for at least the first year.

Like most Westerners , I was against it, but after 2, I have come to the conclusion that it really is of little or no importance where babies sleep as long as they are safe ( they sleep through nocturnal olympics , don't worry about that ), as long as they are loved and as long as they have security.

Just ensure that your wife is happy , you're happy and that your child gets the love and security it needs and let the rest work itself out and good luck to all three of you. Be happy..

[SpokaneAl]

Congrats and well done.

You are about to experience the biggest cultural difference that I have come across in LOS and, sorry to say, you will not win.

It really shouldn't be a battle as long as you just accept that however much you discuss it, however much your good lady says she is listening to your point of view, the baby will end upon your room, and probably for at least the first year.

Like most Westerners , I was against it, but after 2, I have come to the conclusion that it really is of little or no importance where babies sleep as long as they are safe ( they sleep through nocturnal olympics , don't worry about that ), as long as they are loved and as long as they have security.

Just ensure that your wife is happy , you're happy and that your child gets the love and security it needs and let the rest work itself out and good luck to all three of you. Be happy..

Very well said. This stuff seems like a big deal now, and it is in that you are making memories for each of you that you will remember for the rest of your lives. Soon enough that child will grow and move on. Do you force the issue to push that child and your wife by demanding your way or the highway or do you relax, enjoy these times together and strive to see a child become an interested, interesting, inquisitive, loving, creative being that will look back with love at these times? These times, once they are gone, are gone forever and there is no going back. Make the most of these special moments. You will not be sorry.

[Thai at Heart]

Hahaha.

I know several couples where the wife expected the baby to sleep in the same bed.

If u push the baby out to another room, expect your missus to go with it.

That sounds like a good idea

We had a large room, so the baby in a crib in the room was OK with me. At about 9 months, off their own room.

I just never allowed the baby to get attached to sleeping in our own bed. Th

Aside from anything I was worried about rolling on top of the baby.

I have one friend who still has a 5 year old in the same room.

Crazy

[smotherb]

I just do not understand anyone who insists on having the children sleep in the same room with them--heaven forbid, in the same bed even.

The only possible reason is if you have no other bed or bedroom.

Now, a newborn is the exception; however, after three or four months, the baby room is the place for the kid.

This is the way it is in Thailand.

Horse manure. It's the way it is if you let it be.

[smotherb]

Think about how you might feel if you were a baby. Brand new to the world, Knows nothing. Doesn't speak the lingo. Maybe afraid of the dark. Hungry but the only thing it can eat comes from the mom. Who is soft and cuddly, But the thing with the hair on its face, takes the Mom away and locks me away in the dark. Strange because this man although very old and knowledgeable cannot bear to spend one night sleeping by himself, but expects me a newborn to be fine with it.

When newborn, for the convenience, sleeping in the same room is tolerable. However, after three or four months, what is the excuse?

As you said, the baby knows nothing. It spent its entire gestation period in the dark and not touching the soft cuddly mother except through the umbilical cord and the liquid placenta sack. So, now the baby is in a new environment and as long as it is warm, fed, and comfortable; the baby is fine.

The baby needs to learn to be set down alone. If not, you will have to carry it around until its legs drag the floor, or it will cry.

[96tehtarp]

My infant slept in our bed with the mother because it made breast feeding much easier for her.

Babies cry because they can't talk or communicate any other way. Most commonly they cry when they want to be fed. When sleeping with mother it took her about 5 seconds to throw her nipple in the baby's mouth and stop the crying. The second most common reason for infant's crying is fear of being alone. Our babies almost never cried.

Good luck and congratulations.

[Ulic]

Same bedroom yes, same bed, definitely not. Six months later move the baby into another room or the baby will have

difficulty falling asleep and staying away from you. (Friends/family place while you are elsewhere)

[thehelmsman]

Now, I have to ask what happens to baby sleeping in regular bed if she rolls off onto tile floor. Baby sleeps on a mattress next to our bed. Sometimes mommy sleeps with baby girl till she falls asleep and then slips into bed.

[nglodnig]

If you've got a rocking crib at the foot of the bed, when he/she wakes up stick your foot out from under the duvet and rock em back to sleep. Works 50% of the time :-) If it doesn't up you get for nappy change and/or feed.

At times with my little uns I had to sleep in the spare bedroom so I had enough zzzs to go to work the next morning.

[danmarnj]

My ex TGF could not understand the farang concept of a baby/child not sleeping in the same bed as the mom...good luck

[dotpoom]

I think that you maybe be worrying about a non issue. If it makes your wife happy to have the baby sleep in your room, do it. Children are adaptable and can be moved to their own room later. You wife is happy that the baby is close by initially. And hey, you will loose a lot of sleep with a new baby, no matter where he/she sleeps - that comes with the territory.

Welcome to fatherhood. Loosen up a bit and things will be just fine. Congratulations!

That sounds like good advice to me.

I couldn't help wondering why you asked......"Im a new father and dont have any idea what other couples do in the LOS but my first thoughts are that "...............I wouldn't think parents do it any differently in the LOS than from anywhere else in the world.

Good luck to you and God bless all your family, it is a great honor you have been given.

One piece of advice I was given when my family started....."Never think I own the children....I am just being allowed to take care of them".

Edited August 25, 2014 by dotpoom

[jossthaifarang]

Just to add, if you have to work, set up a bed in a spare room. You will reach new levels of tiredness never thought possible before.

Agreed, i did just that for the first 6 months baby and wife in our room me in the spare room. Made going to work alot easier, he is 8 months old now and hes been just fine in his own room since we moved him. At least that way you can get some sleep, trust me you wont get a full night sleep, but alot better than if you sleep (or dont sleep) together.

Good luck, and congrats, you will work it out it comes naturally mate.

[umbanda]

Interesting. I just knew about that, when talking with my daughter and my new 2 years old granddaughter on skype. When my daughter shows the baby room, my Thai wife was in shock.. Farang babies sleeps alone?? In Thailand babies sleeps with its parents!!!!

[canman]

I haven't read the other replies but for what it's worth my 2 cents:

For maybe the first month it's not a bad idea to have the cot in the room with your wife, she will be up several times during the night to feed the baby and it's a lot easier on her if the cot is beside the bed. Don't forget, your wife is still recovering from the trauma of child birth.

After that at some point you need to think about moving the bub out of your room. What ever you do don't let the baby sleep in the same bed, it is dangerous and many have died due to accedental smothering when sleeping in the same bed as the parents.

[rsokolowski]

My wife would sleep with our son when he was small, and I was at sea for months at a time. It was a chore to get him to go to sleep in another room when I came home, but he did eventually get used to it. This practice is very common in Thailand, and not recommended in the west. I say when in Rome.... do as the Romans do. Enjoy your children while they are young, soon enough they will be older and not a cuddly as when they are small.

That being said if they are 19 years old and still sleeping mom and dad you may have taken it too far at some point.

[kamahele]

Just don't let your wife have the baby share the same bed. The baby will not leave until it is ready for university and YOU will be sleeping in another room.

[96tehtarp]

My wife would sleep with our son when he was small, and I was at sea for months at a time. It was a chore to get him to go to sleep in another room when I came home, but he did eventually get used to it. This practice is very common in Thailand, and not recommended in the west. I say when in Rome.... do as the Romans do. Enjoy your children while they are young, soon enough they will be older and not a cuddly as when they are small.

That being said if they are 19 years old and still sleeping mom and dad you may have taken it too far at some point.

"This practice is very common in Thailand, and not recommended in the west."

This is changing. I recall being lectured by some very well read Scandinavian mothers on all the benefits of allowing the infants to sleep within an arm's reach of mothers.

They insisted that there exists psychological evidence that before the age of three babies can be damaged if they experience the terror of being alone, fear of abandonment, and associated trauma.

I have no idea if there is any validity to this.

[Mister T]

To make it easy on wife and bub, as long as bub is on the boob, sleep in a basinette in mum's room. When she starts bottle feeding, off to bubs own room and own bed. Bed sharing is partially why Thais are scared of ghosts and creepy crawly things. The mothers teach them to be scared unless they are protected by mum.

[davidst01]

When our child was a baby, he slept in a cot in our room and either the wife or I put him to bed, giving him a cuddle, singing to him, then laying him down in his cot with a night light on, stroking his face until the Sandman got him.

If he woke up during the night, mainly for a bit of breast (lucky bugger) we would then put him straight back in his cot and NEVER took him into our bed

.

At 6 months old, we moved his cot into another room and for the first week it was hell, as he did not want to sleep, but we stuck with it and he soon learnt that he now had another room to sleep in. If he woke during the night we used to pick him up, cuddle him, then put him straight back down into his cot.

If you do this when they are that age, they soon learn and as they get older, you should have no problem when it comes to their bedtime.

By the time he was 2 years old, he knew what bed time meant, and happily had his bath and went to his own room, got into bed, had a story read to him and fell asleep. Watching your child drift off to sleep is a thing to cherish, but so is having "time" with your wife. That won't happen if your kid is around, jumping on your ass as you try to "cuddle" the wife.

Of course most mums, Thai or not, want to be close to their baby, but, if they have their heads screwed on, they see the sense in not sharing the bedroom with a child when they are over 6 months of age.

Now, at 4 years old, he is more than happy to bath himself, put on his jammies and get into bed with his teddy bear, because he knows he is going to be told a story.

Kids need routine and the sooner they are taught it the better and we all get a good nights sleep or

I forgot to mention, we are in UK most of the time, if you are in Thailand, then you not only have the wife to contend with but much worse, the mother in law. Good luck with that one, as no matter what you do, she will undo it.

Im the Op that raised this thread and appreciate all comments thus far. The comment by Khundon makes a lot of sense to me and is the way that I would like to go. Of course it will mostly be up to my wife but I want to raise my child with western and thai values.

Forgot to mention that we have already found a 'helper' (nanny) who wants 250baht a day to assist. Im not sure if she wants to help with night shifts.

cheers

[Bangel72]

My wife and I have slightly different yet both probably not such learned views as this is our first one. I quickly ruled out the same bed, I'm a sleep roller so there's a crushing risk but also comparing the position he goes to sleep and and where he wakes up he's also a roller so needs the safety bars.

The cot in the room and an escape room for whichever parent needs the sleep the most seems to work reasonably well but we also have a large playpen which if he goes to sleep there my mrs will often end up there, I'm fine with this and thankfully we have family that can take our son overnight once in a while so we can still make time for each other.

One separate worry is that I view that children need to learn to sleep and ideally learn on their own with minimal encouragement, sometimes this does involve letting them cry or in our case shout, the same room I see a potentially risk to this and whilst I've no facts to back this I think it took us longer to get him to sleep through an entire night.

There will also be quite a few cultural differences you will face and particularly if you are juggling a career, try and find ways that you can spend quite a bit of time with your child, mixed culture raising can have a very positive influence on a child's development but when one of the cultures is absent from development the parent from that culture may find they are raising a stranger or in fact their child is being raised by every woman in the neighborhood who have previously been too scared to say hello to the farang but are now quite happy to see your child as a new neighborhood toy, the plus side is you do get to know a lot of people quickly and break down some barriers but it is important in my view to retain some family/neighbor boundaries.

Sometimes you will think they are wrapping the child in cotton wool but at other times they may put them at risks unacceptable to you, patting the local soi dog, getting on a motorbike before they can walk etc.

Congratulations though, it's a wonderful thing.

[Greg Nixon]

My son slept in the same room. We did not see it as an issue but the space was limited. My son is strong happy 45 year old with three children . We are good friends.

My daughter slept in a separate room. She was headstrong and threw the bottle at the bedroom door quite forcefully. Although she has made a good life for herself, we are estranged. She has no children. She is 39. Intimacy can never begin too soon. Where did the baby sleep through the ages? Near Mom if not next to Mom. Unless the baby is unsettled or unwell I do not recommend the same bed. Although we never had a problem with this, a nearby crib is ideal. Momma gets baby. Baby gets momma. You get your wife. You will not be kicked out of bed to feed the baby or tend to little fusses.

I wish we had put her in our room.

[NicoBKK]

I am father of 10 months twins and they both sleep in our room. As newborn needs to drink milk about every 2 hrs definitely better and safer if in same room

[zyphodb]

Hahaha.

I know several couples where the wife expected the baby to sleep in the same bed.

If u push the baby out to another room, expect your missus to go with it.

Totally agree with Thai at Heart on this, our 10 month old still sleeps in the bed with us & if I tried to put my foot down I'd be sleeping in a big, lonely bed on my own... If she's happy with a cot in the bedroom just be grateful she doesn't want Baby in the bed with you because thats the way 90% of Thais do it..... Congratulations BTW

[Hua Laan]

Had my first three kids in Europe all in separate rooms. That went well, off course sometimes one would cry and we had to wake up. Now I had number 4 in Thailand and yes mummy wants her in our bed. Makes no sense arguing on this point because it is in line with the best Thai traditions.

Off course I was to say at least very sceptical about this but I have to say, four years later now, I never had the first four years as smooth as this time. I work fulltime in LOS so I cannot afford to have many broken nights. Must admit I did not have one! Now almost four years old still sleeps in our bed, both of us cannot imagine a night without her. Conclusion: when you are in Rome, act like the Romans..........

[smotherb]

Now, I have to ask what happens to baby sleeping in regular bed if she rolls off onto tile floor. Baby sleeps on a mattress next to our bed. Sometimes mommy sleeps with baby girl till she falls asleep and then slips into bed.

Gee, there are things called, 'cribs' I believe.

[96tehtarp]

Now, I have to ask what happens to baby sleeping in regular bed if she rolls off onto tile floor. Baby sleeps on a mattress next to our bed. Sometimes mommy sleeps with baby girl till she falls asleep and then slips into bed.

Gee, there are things called, 'cribs' I believe.

They make a thump sound.

Seriously, depending on the height of the bed it is a good idea to put some padding down for a soft landing.

[tartempion]

We had our farang son moved very soon (a few months) to his own room.

We had lots of problems with that for years, I won't detail.

I now have a 3,5 year Thai daughter who spent year 1 in a crib same room and now sleeps between us.

My Thai wife begins to consider buying a one person bed (same room) and moving her, but the girl is not yet ready for this, neither am I...

If I had to start over I would have kept the boy in our bed also, feels like a family of 3, not 2+1, not sure many will understand, western education you know

Edited August 27, 2014 by tartempion