Is Thai bar girl different to most?

[canman]

Anyone have this pic with the caption?

And then I said "no, no telak; he's my brother, he just stays with me when you are away because I am afraid to stay alone"

[Banzai99]

I'll wager that there are quite a few posters here on TVF who married bar girls, and who have happy, successful and long-lasting marriages.

ThaiVisa members are universally noted for their women being from wealthy families and highly educated, but in the real world, nearly every Farang I know met his GF or Wife in a Bar, they are obviously NOT ThaiVisa members.

[benalibina]

I don't know if you are being sarcastic AY. Love is something that is earned over time.

There is no love OR respect in this relationship. They are both playing games.... especially the part where they BOTH claim money is not an issue.

To be honest, I have never read so much <deleted> in my life. He comes here proclaiming bar girls are this and that, yet somehow his girl is different.

I mean even in that famous CBC video "My Thai Bride" the woman appeared to be very generous with that British alcoholic and never asked him for any money.

It's a game.

Everything in life is.

However, I will not proclaim that this Thai girl is good or bad. As with any relationship it needs the test of time.

That's all.

I said IF! i was making a point! he doesnt love her, she doesnt love him. they might find love but not if he is afraid to step off the cliff. and he is

She doesnt love him ?? Are you serious, based on what OP has stated about his 20 yr old gf ?

[ttthailand]

Costas - Thanks for your kind words and advice, you talk a lot of sense and will go along with that.

RandomSand - Think the plan might be to visit 2-3 times a year and see where we're at in 2-3 years time. I would ideally like her to move over to the UK as although I would love to live in Thailand it's just not realistic with getting a job and earning any kind of decent money. I think it is pretty hard getting a visa for thais? Anyone on here managed to secure a visa without much trouble? I guess if we wait 3 years it should be a bit easier securing one? I work as a croupier and plan on hopefully getting a move to a London casino in the near future and earning more money to make things a lot easier with travelling and possibly visa fees etc.

Seperately I also forgot to add that she actually paid for the flight from Bangkok to Koh Samui which was 11,000 baht and pays for odd meals and drinks sometimes.

Guess where she got the money for the flights ? I would guess four or five guys paid for those flights....

I am not saying these bar girls are bad but they are what they are ....

Why would you want to have a relationship with a girl with so much baggage, hooker, show girl, kid and who knows what else. You are only 24 so find a girl with an honest job who will not lower herself to work in a bar and do shows and what not with other men.

I have had bar girls as girlfriends in the past and they all were able to lie and keep a straight face. The ones who spoke the sweetest were the worst. I never really took them serious and just enjoyed the company.... These girls and not for keeps, only fun ....

Enjoy but don't get serious !!!

[benalibina]

I'll wager that there are quite a few posters here on TVF who married bar girls, and who have happy, successful and long-lasting marriages.

ThaiVisa members are universally noted for their women being from wealthy families and highly educated, but in the real world, nearly every Farang I know met his GF or Wife in a Bar, they are obviously NOT ThaiVisa members.

I suggest...a poll with a liedetectortest.....then you will really know.

[Berkshire]

Come on mate, be honest, she's got you hook, line & sinker.

Are you telling us here that she's going to work in the bar for the next two years whilst you decide if you're serious ?

What sort of fantasy world are you in, mate?

Your bird works in a bar entertaining men and you're sat back thinking about settling down in 2 or 3 years.

Get real. She has a young child. Do you think she's happy to work in that bar for the next 2 years whilst you piss about?

How do you think she feels working in a bar entertaining men for money ?

You step into that bar and it's like paradise.

Do you think it's paradise for her too ?

You should realise the situation because you work in client entertainment yourself.

Do you even know her -know how she feels..or do you just know a character she plays very well ?

Agree. The BG life really changes a girl, and quick. A fresh-off-the-farm peasant girl can be a hardcore hooker in 6 months time. Two years? Forget about it.

[wow64]

She is going with customers so deal with it...as you said you cant send her $$$$.

Sent from my c64

[zeichen]

Not that we all have to marry virgins but get real, your girl friend rides dick for a job. Guys a lot of them paid her the same as you. If you are cool with that, 100% then go for it. If you question a woman's devotion to you, you will never have a relationship. Besides it shouldn't matter the woman's motivation only your devotion to her.

[flynn]

Just carry on as you are now, enjoy the ride & Thailand, who cares if she's a hooker,by the way do you have her phone no? 555

[ttthailand]

She is always saying though I thai lady no good I want you find better lady and that she loves me and wants me happy. She has such a low opinion of herself I think some of these girls deserve better.

Best advise so far.... Listen to her as she knows what she is talking about. Why would she lie ?

[inzman]

I pity the Op, 24 in love with a bar girl that has a child. And he can't see the forest thru the trees. I hope he just enjoys himself. Then move on. There are many regular girls that have regular jobs and no kids, they will provide a real relationship.

[GuestHouse]

A young man in his twenties, the whole world to choose from and this is the choice he makes.

Rather than examining the question is this prostitute a good girl or a bad girl, I suggest the OP start examining his own head.

[benalibina]

A young man in his twenties, the whole world to choose from and this is the choice he makes.

Rather than examining the question is this prostitute a good girl or a bad girl, I suggest the OP start examining his own head.

A friend of mine worked for 25 yrs in a casino here in Holland......starting as a croupier. How he described the mentality of him and his collegues when they were at OP his age......no surprises for me. We cant all be brainsurgeons.

[2fishin2]

Doesnt matter if a girl works in a bar or not....the priority to a Thai lady is not love like in the western world, its someone who can take care of her and any members of her family she is currently taking care of. Love is not part of the equation for a while. First you have to show the commitment of "taking care of her." Then if you are lucky, love will happen and then you might have a successful relationship. Nice story and hope it works out for whatever you both want.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[DLock]

OP, you're a young player...and it sounds like you had limited play in Thailand and got hooked pretty early. The girls can spot the newbies. You are the ones with wide eyed wonder and a slack jaw. She picked you the moment you walked through the red curtains and the doors slid closed behind you.

There is a very high likelihood she is going with other Customers...because to her, that's just work, not love. They are good at differentiating that in their own minds. So she doesn't have to be convincing or lie. It's fact to her. It comes easy and natural.

You seem scared to dump her because she seems " a nice girl". If you dumped her tonight, she would cry and make you feel bad, but she would still go to work, and by tomorrow morning would probably have a new boyfriend. She's done it 100 times before. She will do it again. Don't waste your prime time because you are scare to hurt her feelings. Be your own man.

There is also a good chance she has a few John's sending her money every month. She treats these John's like crap, thinks they are idiots, but she will take their money so she can spend time with you. Bargirls have little respect for stupid money-sending Johns. They will collect as many as they can, and it almost becomes a status symbol how many Johns they can milk. Some have 3, 4 or even more John's sending money - they are that good at playing the game.

You 24 kid. Come to Thailand. Have fun. Enjoy Disneyland....but don't hang around waiting for Goofy. She's not worth it.

[kjhbigv]

OP, you are delusional.

I am speaking from experience and you sound the same as I did 6 years ago! Luckily, I saw the light, eventually.

Don't do it....there are plenty of single normal girls out there, without baggage!

Edited September 4, 2014 by kjhbigv

[scoteng]

A lot of interesting points being made. From what I am seeing it's basically 100% certain that she is getting bar fined. I think there's a good chance there is, it plays on my mind a lot, but she says she isn't. Whenever I have tried to say are you doing bar fines she gets upset and eventually she just sarcastically says yes yes I am doing bar fines so much is that what you wanted to hear? Then says I don't want her and don't love her etc and says I always speak about her no good and that I should find another lady. I don't know maybe I should get it out of my head and get on with it and see how it goes. She's been very honest about things and remembers a lot of little things that we have done together. She says she didn't like me first night I was too drunk and a bit annoying but was happy when I returned sober early doors another time to see her and she seemed to enjoy my company. She seems a lot more decent than other thai girls I have seen and is very shy with people. I'm in 2 minds. I get people and friends saying what are you playing at? She's a thai who is obviously after your money but first time I was there we had a taxi driver local to the hotel that drove us around and said look this girl is very nice, and that a lot of thai girls want money ferrang, but he says she is different and is a decent girl and that has stuck in my mind. Ok it is possible she told him to say that but so many times when I returned the 2nd time we got talking to thai people in shops and a lot of them said this lady is very nice you take good care of her she's a keeper. The thing Is with me I get too easily attached and I knew I was starting to play with fire but I couldn't get her out of my head. My long term ex partner was very demanding and always wanted things done her way but this one is laid back like me and I feel more free and relaxed with her. I really like this girl, all I wish is for her to be different to most bar girls, which is what I am seeing right now but there is probably some dark side that will come along the way at some point. Maybe I come across a bit of a tool but I have feelings for this girl and I need to know that her feelings are true and that her true intentions are a long term future with me and not the bar and other men.

[GuestHouse]

OP,

read and inwardly digest.

OP, you are delusional.

I am speaking from experience and you sound the same as I did 6 years ago! Luckily, I saw the light, eventually.

Don't do it....there are plenty of single normal girls out there, without baggage!

[benalibina]

Let us know later.

[inbangkok]

OP.....I did not even read your entire story.....but you only have 2 options. The first option is you just found yourself a really great girl who you really like.....but she is a prostitute. You either accept this or you don't. If you accept it, enjoy your relationship and each other. If not, you find a different girl or tell her when she quits hooking, you two can be together.

See how simple these things are?

[krisb]

Sounds like Richard Gere met Julia Roberts, except this is Thailand not Hollywood.

Shes a whore, and you are falling for her bs bottom line.

Mate you gotta toughen up. Make your parents proud not dissapointed, don't get pussy whipped by a sex working slut. Get a grip laddy.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

If you were really talented at getting girls back home, you wouldn't be buying prostitutes in Thailand.

I agree, her marketing techniques are good, send her 20k a month for the next 3 years as a reward.

(along with the other 5 fools she has on the hook)

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A lot of interesting points being made. From what I am seeing it's basically 100% certain that she is getting bar fined. I think there's a good chance there is, it plays on my mind a lot, but she says she isn't. Whenever I have tried to say are you doing bar fines she gets upset and eventually she just sarcastically says yes yes I am doing bar fines so much is that what you wanted to hear? Then says I don't want her and don't love her etc and says I always speak about her no good and that I should find another lady. I don't know maybe I should get it out of my head and get on with it and see how it goes. She's been very honest about things and remembers a lot of little things that we have done together. She says she didn't like me first night I was too drunk and a bit annoying but was happy when I returned sober early doors another time to see her and she seemed to enjoy my company. She seems a lot more decent than other thai girls I have seen and is very shy with people. I'm in 2 minds. I get people and friends saying what are you playing at? She's a thai who is obviously after your money but first time I was there we had a taxi driver local to the hotel that drove us around and said look this girl is very nice, and that a lot of thai girls want money ferrang, but he says she is different and is a decent girl and that has stuck in my mind. Ok it is possible she told him to say that but so many times when I returned the 2nd time we got talking to thai people in shops and a lot of them said this lady is very nice you take good care of her she's a keeper. The thing Is with me I get too easily attached and I knew I was starting to play with fire but I couldn't get her out of my head. My long term ex partner was very demanding and always wanted things done her way but this one is laid back like me and I feel more free and relaxed with her. I really like this girl, all I wish is for her to be different to most bar girls, which is what I am seeing right now but there is probably some dark side that will come along the way at some point. Maybe I come across a bit of a tool but I have feelings for this girl and I need to know that her feelings are true and that her true intentions are a long term future with me and not the bar and other men.

Why would you even care, if you enjoy her company, pay for it when you are here.

If you want some skype sex, send her money.

It's not as if her product will ever run out!

[benalibina]

Sounds like Richard Gere met Julia Roberts, except this is Thailand not Hollywood.

Shes a whore, and you are falling for her bs bottom line.

Mate you gotta toughen up. Make your parents proud not dissapointed, don't get pussy whipped by a sex working slut. Get a grip laddy.

But she is still human.

[DLock]

OP, you sound like a decent guy, and I don't think anyone is giving you bad advice.

Most guys here, including me, have been played by a Bargirl at one time or another.

But take a step back, look at it for what it is - a holiday romance. All been there.

For me, the fact that she even still works in the bar just for shows and drinks tells me she enjoys it and probably goes with other Johns. She doesn't want to leave the bar. She doesn't want to work in a 7/11 or McDonalds for less money to prove how much you mean. Huge red flag for me. Many of these girls love the life, the drinking, the friends, the sleeping all day...and may not necessarily enjoy the sex...but it comes with the job, and they have an uncanny ability to say the sex "is just a job".

You are 24. Enjoy Thailand. Don't fall for a sweet talking bargirl...yet.

[benalibina]

OP, you sound like a decent guy, and I don't think anyone is giving you bad advice.

Most guys here, including me, have been played by a Bargirl at one time or another.

But take a step back, look at it for what it is - a holiday romance. All been there.

For me, the fact that she even still works in the bar just for shows and drinks tells me she enjoys it and probably goes with other Johns. She doesn't want to leave the bar. She doesn't want to work in a 7/11 or McDonalds for less money to prove how much you mean. Huge red flag for me. Many of these girls love the life, the drinking, the friends, the sleeping all day...and may not necessarily enjoy the sex...but it comes with the job, and they have an uncanny ability to say the sex "is just a job".

You are 24. Enjoy Thailand. Don't fall for a sweet talking bargirl...yet.

Yet....nice last word !

[ttthailand]

Love is a powerful feeling. Makes the strongest men weak in the knees and confuses the smartest. Most of the guys who live in Thailand have been through what you are going through and have learned the hard way to avoid these types of girls but some never learn. If you were 50 +, retired and living in Thailand I would say go for it if she is asking for nothing. You would have nothing to lose and only fun to have. But in your case it will only bring stress and heartbreak. You are going to be worried about her screwing around and rightfully so as she works in a bar and her bar wants her to go with and attract customers. You are too far away to really know what she is doing and who she is with.

Don't do this to yourself. Stop all communication and forget her. Trust me, you will save yourself a lot of heart ache.

[TacoGuy]

You have to forget this idea that she is "after your money". She ain't. If she was she would be targeting an older wealthier gent. However, you have to accept the fact that she "needs money" and aspires to a certain lifestyle. If she genuinely doesn't like the bar work, and genuinely wants to try things with you, the only solution is that she works elsewhere (7-11, hotel, whatever) and you subsidise the difference. Maybe she can earn 10,000 in a retail job, you subsidise another 10-15000. If she's willing to undertake such an arrangement (not working in bars) she's a keeper. If you're willing to support her, you're a keeper. If not, you're both playing each other based on some genuine feelings of attraction. Having said that, as wonderful as this girl may be, there are thousands more like her, without a kid, with no history, and you really ought to cast your net a bit further.

[Berkshire]

Maybe I come across a bit of a tool but I have feelings for this girl and I need to know that her feelings are true and that her true intentions are a long term future with me and not the bar and other men.

Not sure if anyone's brought it up yet, but have you read the book Private Dancer? You should. You're in the lead role.

[krisb]

Sounds like Richard Gere met Julia Roberts, except this is Thailand not Hollywood.

Shes a whore, and you are falling for her bs bottom line.

Mate you gotta toughen up. Make your parents proud not dissapointed, don't get pussy whipped by a sex working slut. Get a grip laddy.

But she is still human.

Screenshot_2014-06-03-17-24-08-1.png

Sure. So raises a question, does paying a bg make someone as bad as her accepting?

Btw Osama Bin Laden was also a human.

Doesn't mean we should empathize with him.

I must say the iconic Thai bar girl helped make Thailand what it is. I think they are great. Perhaps beneath the lovely smiles and bubbly personalities lies another tougher truth, but without bargirls, Thailands tourism would be broken imo.