Pressure From Girlfriend's Mother To Buy Gold Jewellery

[Alreadyinuse]

I have been in a happy relationship with a 22-year-old Lao lass, who is a Thai resident, for the past two months. Problem is her mother has been making requests for Baht 40,000 worth of gold on her daughter's behalf, "According to our local culture". Although the girlfriend lives on her own, she seems more afraid of the mother (there's no father) than losing me if I refuse. She has never been involved in the nightlife industry. The mother spends time on both sides of the border.

I have offered a moderate gift of gold in keeping with my means and our relationship but it seems they want all or nothing, even though the price of gold is sky-high. In several Thai relationships I have never encountered such heavy financial pressure within such a short time-frame.

What is the best way of dealing with the mother, who is basically a dim-witted peasant, and convincing her daughter there is more to our current happiness than fretting over gold chains?

You say the Mom is requesting 40K in gold. Are you talking direct to the mom or is your girlfriend translating? They are certainly not beating around the bush.

I say guard your heart, your head and your wallet

[katnip]

These stories are quite fascinating.

What has Trevor decided to do ?

[SamuiJens]

STAY TUNED

Will Trevor pay the 40K?

Will he at least send a together picture of him & her?

Will he go back to her?

Or will he take the Mother for free?

Will we KnowOnly Trevor can tell!!!

[Noel]

Sorry if I missed it, but has the girl given her opinion as to whether her mother's demand is reasonable?

If she thinks it is perfectly OK and he should pay it, IMHO the OP should drop her like a hot brick.

Btw, the fact that he posted her pic suggests to me that he is in the trophy market.

Trophies cost money...

[chang35baht]

Please send us a picture of her mother.

You say "In 27 years of coming to Thailand". So I`ll Guess you`re at least early 50`s. Marry her mother. 40K, not bad!!

You say "I`ve never been hit on this bad.

Just how many relationships have you had with Thai women in these 27 years?

[SamuiJens]

Please send us a picture of her mother.

You say "In 27 years of coming to Thailand". So I`ll Guess you`re at least early 50`s. Marry her mother. 40K, not bad!!

You say "I`ve never been hit on this bad.

Just how many relationships have you had with Thai women in these 27 years?

Not a bad idea, Marry the Mom and you will have your GF as well (matter of fact, she-the GF-could be yours, if you've been busy in the first 5 years of the 27 years you've been comming here) ever think about that, and what will you talk about when the "love" gets old? But then you can always get a miner nor -Didn't spell that right, but you know what I mean. And it'll be hard getting back to Thailand the next few days anyway.

How long ago since you left here, by the way? Just to let you know, your not the first man with this problem, it usually wairs-off in a few months. There'll be another one next time you come.

TO BE CONTINUED.......

Edited August 10, 2006 by SamuiJens

[RAZZELL]

that not me honest

You've lost weight...

[number6]

that not me honest

sorry thats me and my thai wife still loves the xxx,xxx,xxx sin sot every month ?? what is a sin sot

[Trevor]

OK, here we are ... the happy couple quaffing Beer Lao in Luang Prabang. Thanks to all for making this a more-lively thread than I could have imagined. Looking at the pictures back home in England I realise what a sweet person she is and how inconsequential money matters are if you are happy together.

So long as the images are tasteful I see no big deal in anonymously posting one's wife or girlfriend, and I'm certainly not camera-shy. Plenty of family snaps on www.thailand-uk.com .

I have told her that the gold requested is appropriate at the time of engagement or marriage and certainly not after a mere few weeks together. However, I offered her Baht 10,000 per month in lieu of wages whilst she travels with me on my next trip. Out of that she can pay mum's allowance and buy a few luxuries. We'll see if they accept my compromise and how the relationship progresses, or not. Plenty more fish in the sea -- sure -- but this 22-year-old is a beauty who, surprisingly, has fallen through the Thai guys' fishing nets.

[t.s]

OK, here we are ... the happy couple quaffing Beer Lao in Luang Prabang. Thanks to all for making this a more-lively thread than I could have imagined. Looking at the pictures back home in England I realise what a sweet person she is and how inconsequential money matters are if you are happy together.

So long as the images are tasteful I see no big deal in anonymously posting one's wife or girlfriend, and I'm certainly not camera-shy. Plenty of family snaps on www.thailand-uk.com .

I have told her that the gold requested is appropriate at the time of engagement or marriage and certainly not after a mere few weeks together. However, I offered her Baht 10,000 per month in lieu of wages whilst she travels with me on my next trip. Out of that she can pay mum's allowance and buy a few luxuries. We'll see if they accept my compromise and how the relationship progresses, or not. Plenty more fish in the sea -- sure -- but this 22-year-old is a beauty who, surprisingly, has fallen through the Thai guys' fishing nets.

wow. i post something about the excessive flaming and venom on TV and then you give me this set-up, perfectly designed to expose me as the hypocrite i probably am.

i will have to settle with composing my reply, hitting delete, and typing what you see here.

good luck Trevor, you have manged to work out a deal where instead of making a single payment, you now make unlimited monthly payments.

Without trying to cast aspersions, do you not have any issues with putting a young female lao national on the payroll for a significant amount of money to be your date? I am at a loss to understand how you rationalize that.

I hope she manages to find a way to maintain the style of life you have inured her to once (if?) you grow tired of her even though i am sure the free intellectual exchange of ideas between you keeps things interesting.

anyway they are your choices, i hope they bring you joy.

Edited August 15, 2006 by t.s

[udon]

Trevor, nice pic.

How did you arrive at 10,000 a month when salaries in Thailand rarely excede 5000 month?

Cheers

[SamuiJens]

Hats off for sending that photo and even another Family photo site. I, IMO, call that a stupid move, but its your life and I wish you well. Since youre going to need it.

Edited August 15, 2006 by SamuiJens

[Thaipwriter]

this 22-year-old is a beauty who, surprisingly, has fallen through the Thai guys' fishing nets.

I doubt it, in fact you are probably now paying for his motorbike each month.

[Trevor]

(How did you arrive at 10,000 a month when salaries in Thailand rarely excede 5000 month?)

If I didn't, sooner or later a Thai or Farang would offer her this much. After all she was working in a restaurant 12 hours a day with one off in 3 weeks (maybe), being exposed to many guys. Lasted 3 months there ... they must be asleep (actually she's picky). Look at the pictures again. She's worth it. I didn't think she would become my girlfriend on first meeting, and even told her I may be too old at 51, but the age gap didn't faze her. But then, I'm the best-looking 51-year-old (in Nong Khai at least).

(Without trying to cast aspersions, do you not have any issues with putting a young female lao national on the payroll for a significant amount of money to be your date? I am at a loss to understand how you rationalize that.)

Maybe you haven't lived in Thailand long enough. Sure, you can accuse me of buying love, P4P or whatever but this kind of economic arrangement is commonplace, and genuine affection can blossom too. At least she had the good sense not to fall prey to a Thai stud who left her alone with a baby. All that matters is that we're happy and that we don't feel either is being exploited (by Thai standards). We speak entirely in Thai which makes this an even more exotic experience for me.

[SamuiJens]

Looks to me we can end this thread then, right Trevor?

[Charma]

(How did you arrive at 10,000 a month when salaries in Thailand rarely excede 5000 month?)

Maybe you haven't lived in Thailand long enough. Sure, you can accuse me of buying love, P4P or whatever but this kind of economic arrangement is commonplace, and genuine affection can blossom too. At least she had the good sense not to fall prey to a Thai stud who left her alone with a baby. All that matters is that we're happy and that we don't feel either is being exploited (by Thai standards). We speak entirely in Thai which makes this an even more exotic experience for me.

Hold on a minute. You now indicate that you have more experience in Thailand than others here, and that you are a Thai speaker. Does this not beg the question as to why you then needed to come on here and ask for advice on how to deal with a request for gold? Just does not add up!

[Trevor]

Looks to me we can end this thread then, right Trevor?

Well, Jens, you got your picture as requested, then enjoyed berating me for being stupid enough to post it. You should be a happy camper! End of story.

[Trevor]

(How did you arrive at 10,000 a month when salaries in Thailand rarely excede 5000 month?)

Maybe you haven't lived in Thailand long enough. Sure, you can accuse me of buying love, P4P or whatever but this kind of economic arrangement is commonplace, and genuine affection can blossom too. At least she had the good sense not to fall prey to a Thai stud who left her alone with a baby. All that matters is that we're happy and that we don't feel either is being exploited (by Thai standards). We speak entirely in Thai which makes this an even more exotic experience for me.

Hold on a minute. You now indicate that you have more experience in Thailand than others here, and that you are a Thai speaker. Does this not beg the question as to why you then needed to come on here and ask for advice on how to deal with a request for gold? Just does not add up!

Charma, one thing I love about Thailand is that every trip throws up new challenges and rewards. "Never too old to learn". And I have gleaned a lot from the collective wisdom displayed in this thread. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the question of gold / sin sot. Each case is individual and down to negotiation. Thanks to all for the valued guidance in dealing with a common problem concerning Thai relationships. Hope you enjoyed the pictures and that I may have encouraged others to do the same.

[SamuiJens]

Looks to me we can end this thread then, right Trevor?

Well, Jens, you got your picture as requested, then enjoyed berating me for being stupid enough to post it. You should be a happy camper! End of story.

Is taking my hat off for you a way of berating you? At your age you don't think twice, do you? And thank you sir I am a happy camper-As in your quote End of story. This was just what I said ,can we end this theat NOW? THINK, Trevoe, THINK. And have a good time in Thailand. BYE

[udon]

(How did you arrive at 10,000 a month when salaries in Thailand rarely excede 5000 month?)

If I didn't, sooner or later a Thai or Farang would offer her this much.

Hmm, sounds like a very insecure relationship.

You make it sound like she'd take off with the highest "bidder"!

Good luck!

[Soju]

Trevor, if you're happy with the relationship and with the amount you're giving her then I don't see the need to care what anyone on this board thinks about your situation. When I first met my wife and we got serious, I gave her at least 10,000 per month to quit her job and attend English classes. I never once thought of it as buying a girlfriend. If I didn't offer her that situation and some other guy came along and did, she might have had second thoughts about how serious I was about her and I might have lost out on what I consider to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I don't think my wife is with me only because I have money, but I have no doubts that because I have money that it may have been part of what initially attracted her to me, knowing that I was a man who could support her financially to realize her dreams. I believe she loves me for who I am, but without financial support she would not have time for love as she spent practically every waking hour working and going to school. In the end, it doesn't really matter even if she is only after me for my money as long as I'm happy and she's happy and I'm in love with her and I think she's in love with me. If I find out someday that it was all just a charade, then I'm sure I can find someone else. For now, I'm the happiest and most conent I've ever been in my life and I believe my wife and her family are also very happy and content. I can't ask for more than that.

[Mel Brooks]

Is that a comb-over or a syrup, Trevor?

[Krupnik]

Look at the pictures again. She's worth it.

What people look like is obviously very important to you Trevor.

Luckily for you that's obviously not what is important to her!