A Ladies Opinion Needed.

[sbk]

The topic at hand is not abortion so, its not to be discussed here, ok? Thanks

[somchai jones]

I was going to comment but had a change of heart.

Edited August 31, 2006 by somchai jones

[Choscura]

I think I may as well tip a bit of the psychology in here. men care about how women look (as a general rule) much more than women care about how men look. neither want the other to look like trash, obviously, but men are much more likely to make a big deal about what a woman wears. women don't understand this because it isn't a big deal to them, but to us, it's the same as needing stability in a relationship. we NEED you to look good, not because we're shallow stupid brutes, but partly because we love the sense of accomplishment that comes from having met a beautiful woman and had a successful relationship with her and partly because we generally love you and don't like seeing you treat yourselves like you aren't special.

cheers.

[LaReina]

and partly because we generally love you and don't like seeing you treat yourselves like you aren't special.

cheers.

Choscura: How sweet. I will be sure to think about what you said the next time my husband comments on my choice of comfortable clothing.

To the OP: Sorry about your loss. You might want to give her some time (BUT NOT SPACE) to deal with her current emotions before discussing what happened with her. Do not give her space, as she may feel that you are now rejecting her and pushing her away.

You need to allow her to tell you in her own words why she did what she did, and what she is currently feeling right now. You can not be mad at her, you can not be angry at her, even if you are. she just might not have been as secure as you think she is, in your relationship. afterall, you did not say you are married, which to SOME people, means "no true commitment" in a relationship.

[rb3]

"men care about how women look (as a general rule) much more than women care about how men look."

Beauty is only skin deep? Tips for girls who only dresses up only on ocassions - Don't bother making the effort if you are not going to keep it up. Present them with the truth, big boys can handle the truth..

For OP: sorry to hear about your loss, hope all works out fine..

[johnh101]

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

I'm surprised it was only a bottle !

[Sheryl]

Neglected one's appearance is a classic sign of depression.

needless to say, focusing on the symptom and asking the depressed person to "make an effort" to look better is totally counter productive. You might just as well tell someone with a fever to stop being so hot. Worse, in the context of a relationship, it conveys a lack of caring for the person and may be interpreted as meaning you don't care what is going on inside them or how depressed they feel, only how they look (I'm not saying that's an accurate interpretation ,just that it is how a depressed woman is likely to feel).

Clearly she was having a lot of emotional problems and felt bad during the pregnancy, could be many reasons. And she was going to look a whole lot worse as the months went by. Whether or not fear of how you'd respond to her deterioriating figure was a factor in her decision or not, can't say. Could have been, or it could have been that she just couldn't hack the hormonal changes and depression.

In any case this relationship sounds to me like it is in very bad shape. All sorts of things going on inside her which you have no knowledge of. No real communication taking place. If you value this relationship, I strongly suggest you seek counselling for the two of you.

And in future -- if a woman suddenly "lets herself go" , it is not laziness. It is a symptom of something being wrong, either in the relationship or just emotionally within her, and should be responded to as such, with concern for the cause. The worst thing you can do is focus on the symptom and complain about it, even nicely.

[lannarebirth]

Putting myself in the woman's shoes I'd be thinking, "I'm pregnant by a guy that hasn't married me, thinks I don't look good anymore, and brought me back to a country where I couldn't support myself and child, were he to dump me" . Now, I'm sure you're a heck of a lot nicer than that, but those hormones will mess with a girls head I'm afraid. Good luck to the two of you.