buying custody

[Konaboy1]

Anybody have experience in just flat out offering "Mom" a one time compensation to take your child back to your homeland for education etc.?

Or to have the child live with you in Thailand?

I understand mom needs to be provided reasonable access to the child. All in the best interest of the child?

[GuestHouse]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

[CharlieH]

Moved to family & children

[NeverSure]

I have a friend who did that successfully but he pays monthly. One lump sum and she has no more incentive to cooperate. I'm not sure how much but he gave a modest lump sum up front followed by monthly payments.

They didn't have a house for her to rip off and she didn't have access to a lot of cash. I don't know if that would make any difference because cash is cash.

Good luck.

[meatboy]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

take this advice,i have in over 30yrs.learnt, he who pays the piper DOES NOT CALL THE TUNE. in thailand.

[nev]

I have a friend who has this problem. Wife demanding 100,000 baht and she will sign the child over to him, sad really that it ended up like that.

[Suradit69]

All in the best interest of the child?

Obviously there are a lot of variables that only the O/P knows, but assuming a Thai or Thai/Farang child will have a better life if transplanted to a farang country is not an automatic done deal. The education system might be better, but not all children are served equally well by even the best schools. Quite often children viewed as foreign by their peers or even their teachers can experience a great deal of stress with consequent emotional and behavioral problems, which can make the educational experience less beneficial and leave them with adjustment problems for life.

And, if s/he continues to feel alienated and wants to return to Thailand later, reintegrating to life here can be equally challenging.

I've known of a number of unfortunate cases ,,, and it works both ways, western children educated outside their home countries while living with their parents employed overseas or Asian/African children educated in the west under similar circumstances ... where the children never feel like they really belong either in their adopted country or when returning to their birth country.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Suradit69

[Mario2008]

A great deal depends on if you are the legal father or not. In essence if you are/were married to the mother and if not if you went to court to become the legal father.

There is a big difference between custody and having sole parental rights. To get sole parental rights you have to be the legal father and it means that only you now make the decisions regarding the child.

With custody the mother allows you to be the caretaker, but can change her mind at any moment.

[offset]

A great deal depends on if you are the legal father or not. In essence if you are/were married to the mother and if not if you went to court to become the legal father.

There is a big difference between custody and having sole parental rights. To get sole parental rights you have to be the legal father and it means that only you now make the decisions regarding the child.

With custody the mother allows you to be the caretaker, but can change her mind at any moment.

With sole parental right does that give you the choice who will look after the child if you die or does the parental right legally return to the mother

[Mario2008]

If a will exist a judge will normally follow the will. If no will, the mother is of cours a strong candidate to be awarded custody over the child.

[offset]

If a will exist a judge will normally follow the will. If no will, the mother is of cours a strong candidate to be awarded custody over the child.

Are you saying the a will would over ride the legal rights of the mother only I was lead to believe that the mother had the legal right for the child if the father died

[Mario2008]

If a will exist a judge will normally follow the will. If no will, the mother is of cours a strong candidate to be awarded custody over the child.

Are you saying the a will would over ride the legal rights of the mother only I was lead to believe that the mother had the legal right for the child if the father died

If the father has sole parental rights the mother by default has no legal rights over the child anymore. Death of the person having the sole parental rights does not change that. (Often the parent had sole parental rights because the other parent is not fit).

A judge can In that case appoint someone to be the legal guardian of the child. The will plays an important role in that, as will the reason only one parent had parental rights and the circumstances of the child. A judge will decide based on what is best for the child.

if the father has remarried and the child lives with the father and stepmother for many years and the child also wants to stay with the stepmother, the mother will have a hard time getting (sole) custody over her child. Chances are the stepmother would be appointed guardianship over the child.

[farang000999]

So you are going to go home and be a single father in farangland with your child. How old is the child now?

I have seen quite a few threads started on Thai Visa about fathers wanting to get their child from the mother and go home, but they never follow up on what has happened or life back home as a single father.

One has to make assumptions on the type of woman that the man has chosen to reproduce with that he wants to get the child away from her and back to his home country -- and what surprises me is that the type of man that would chose to make a baby with this type of woman does not strike me as the type to want to be a single father back home because I am sure being a single father is really tough and requires a ton of sacrifice and personal responsibility - and this type of man is probably much more comfortable on a bar stool in Pattaya than he is changing diappers and cooking dinner as a single father in Brighton.

As said, we never hear back from the men who start these topics.

Sadly, I always assume that they just give up when they realize how hard it will be and leave the kids in Isaan.

[farang000999]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

Yes, I would just try to sell the mother on the idea that the child will be better educated and can make more money in the future if they go to school in your home country. Tell her that the starting salary for a 4 year degree is 2,000,0000 baht. Sell her on the child being rich if they grow up in the USA and tell her you will visit yearly. Waving your wallet is just such a bad idea.

[SOTIRIOS]

...the first time she wanted 10 million for custody of my daughters....

...the second time a few years later....5 million baht.......

...now several years later ...she is 'going for broke'....

...all out with her gang....

[maprao]

Paying. This will appear translated into Thai on one of the websites where they talk about farang. Another scam to extort. Many Thais are very bewildered by us westerners fighting over our kids through divorce.

Thai men just leave! !!

This is where Thai culture varies so much from our own (USA UK & Western Europe)

Edited June 6, 2015 by maprao

[catman20]

my friend paid about 1 million baht to the mother and family to get full custardy. kid lives with the farther, mom phones sometimes father and son both been back to the uk for holidays. all worked out well for everyone involved.

[catman20]

I have a friend who has this problem. Wife demanding 100,000 baht and she will sign the child over to him, sad really that it ended up like that.

bargain if that's what he wants

[cyprusdave]

Yes I have done it she wanted the house land and 1.5 million baht signed the kids over to me full custody make sure you have her sign the right for you to take the kids out of Thailand without that its worth nothing

[teacher0826]

I am a newbee but had to respond to this one, what a f 'in place where peopel will SELL their children for money . What a disgrace, just when you think you have seen and heard it all. Like the one member says, I like to live here because it make me laugh A LOT!

[peterb17]

I am a newbee but had to respond to this one, what a f 'in place where peopel will SELL their children for money . What a disgrace, just when you think you have seen and heard it all. Like the one member says, I like to live here because it make me laugh A LOT!

The idea does seem wrong on so many levels- but one thing I have realised that you must never apply Western values to what goes on in the Kingdom.

The people living here who endlessly compare London or Kansas to life here- destroy themselves. It could be a different planet sometimes- try to understand the culture and don't make judgements so quickly .

[farang000999]

Also try not to expect that a prostitute addicted tosubstances and gambling is a good potential life partner/mother of your children. I don't think the farang women in that category are much better back home.

[Konaboy1]

A great deal depends on if you are the legal father or not. In essence if you are/were married to the mother and if not if you went to court to become the legal father.

There is a big difference between custody and having sole parental rights. To get sole parental rights you have to be the legal father and it means that only you now make the decisions regarding the child.

With custody the mother allows you to be the caretaker, but can change her mind at any moment.

I am the legal father in the USA and in Thailand

[Konaboy1]

So you are going to go home and be a single father in farangland with your child. How old is the child now?

I have seen quite a few threads started on Thai Visa about fathers wanting to get their child from the mother and go home, but they never follow up on what has happened or life back home as a single father.

One has to make assumptions on the type of woman that the man has chosen to reproduce with that he wants to get the child away from her and back to his home country -- and what surprises me is that the type of man that would chose to make a baby with this type of woman does not strike me as the type to want to be a single father back home because I am sure being a single father is really tough and requires a ton of sacrifice and personal responsibility - and this type of man is probably much more comfortable on a bar stool in Pattaya than he is changing diappers and cooking dinner as a single father in Brighton.

As said, we never hear back from the men who start these topics.

Sadly, I always assume that they just give up when they realize how hard it will be and leave the kids in Isaan.

What makes you respond like this to this specific thread?

I do not sit on a bar stool.

[Konaboy1]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

Yes, I would just try to sell the mother on the idea that the child will be better educated and can make more money in the future if they go to school in your home country. Tell her that the starting salary for a 4 year degree is 2,000,0000 baht. Sell her on the child being rich if they grow up in the USA and tell her you will visit yearly. Waving your wallet is just such a bad idea.

[Konaboy1]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

Yes, I would just try to sell the mother on the idea that the child will be better educated and can make more money in the future if they go to school in your home country. Tell her that the starting salary for a 4 year degree is 2,000,0000 baht. Sell her on the child being rich if they grow up in the USA and tell her you will visit yearly. Waving your wallet is just such a bad idea.

[Konaboy1]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

Yes, I would just try to sell the mother on the idea that the child will be better educated and can make more money in the future if they go to school in your home country. Tell her that the starting salary for a 4 year degree is 2,000,0000 baht. Sell her on the child being rich if they grow up in the USA and tell her you will visit yearly. Waving your wallet is just such a bad idea.

[Konaboy1]

I would advise against waving your wallet in front of a mother as an inducement to give up her child.

It can go wrong for you, the mother and most importantly the child on so very many levels. At the very least you may not be aware who will benefit from your largess and start pulling the strings. You'll very likely find some little old lady who, contrary to the idea that Thai people cannot see past their next bowl of rice, will understand the important difference between a lump sum and a life long income stream.

I'd recommend a negotiation, if your arguments that the child will receive a better education/start in life are solid then you may win the mother over.

But rest assured, you'll pay one way or the other.

Yes, I would just try to sell the mother on the idea that the child will be better educated and can make more money in the future if they go to school in your home country. Tell her that the starting salary for a 4 year degree is 2,000,0000 baht. Sell her on the child being rich if they grow up in the USA and tell her you will visit yearly. Waving your wallet is just such a bad idea.

[konying]

All depends where mother came from.

If she came from the bar, it would not be a problem, otherwise the future of the child would be to follow in moms steps.

[Maggusoil]

A great deal depends on if you are the legal father or not. In essence if you are/were married to the mother and if not if you went to court to become the legal father.

There is a big difference between custody and having sole parental rights. To get sole parental rights you have to be the legal father and it means that only you now make the decisions regarding the child.

With custody the mother allows you to be the caretaker, but can change her mind at any moment.

I am not married, but in good faith, the mother made me the legal father at the local Amphoe. Is sole parenting rights is another separate step if there is a real complete breakdown?