The Dark Side Awakens

[bina]

well, it seems my happpy day is approaching but causing (as i expected more or less) lots of problems:

the EX (who lives with girlfriend here on kibbutz also) is making waves as he heard that anon had a fistfight once with an other thai man, and had visa problems in the past. the ex is suddenly making anon in to a violent man who may harm the kids i.e. if my eldest daughter accompanies me to thailand. since thai men have a bad reputation for fightng drinking womanizing etc here in israel also (they are the 'labourers', and arent really seen as 'real people'. this is like the movies where the farm girl falls in love with the mexican handyman or something like that.)

so to fight the rumours before they did me damage, i went to our 'puu yai baan' (yes its like that here too) to give him the story etc. it turns out there is a kibbutz ruling that any married partner that comes to live on the kibbutz MUST be jewish, and can stay only a year before applying for membership. the 'puu yai baan' basically told me my chances are zilch as anon is thai (not even non jew european read: caucasion).

it seems i may have to leave kibbutz after 21 years of my life living here. no outside skills (kibbutz has its own rough side but does not give u skills for living in the city), old for the real job market, no assets, etc. i should have left a long time ago, knowing that kibbutz is good for raising children but is an elitest 'white bread' high quality of life bourgois community living style , even though socialistic /democratic in its legal/financial system.

fortunately for me, the kids are grown except for the 13 yr old; leaving kibbutz could be an opportunity for me to 'grow' and expand; i can live near by for visiting right purposes (its obvious that financialy and psychologically, to stay with father and extended family, friends, and special ed school is best for her) however:

israeli immigration laws are racist (if u arent jewish that is, opposite racism here) and they make life very very very difficult for couples like us: runarounds, each govt agency has different rulings and regualtions that are often opposites to each other, if anyone complains about thailand, i just laugh. living in a religious/state country is a nightmare!!!

now in addition to dealing with marriage beauracracy, i have to deal with maintaining my rights as a kibbutznik, and finding a strategy for anon and i to prove that we are indeed a married couple. doing lawyer rounds today at friends' suggestions; my mother !! suggested finally that it may be that i will end up living in thailand and visiting my children (in the beginning she was very against this but she dislikes kibbutz ideals more and is happy that i may leave).

not really expecting comments (and save the racist type comments from the thread )just sort of venting to virtual friends as my real life here friends are mostly , how ironic, kibbutznikim who will eventually stop being friends with me due to peer pressure (which is very very intense on kibbutz here)...

but i am sticking to my guns. am doing the human rights lawyer aspect as well as visa stuff ; if i leave, my children will know that their mother sticks up for human rights, anti racist and tolerance of the differences among people, and doesnt give in to peer pressure: something i have tried to instill in my children also. standing up for rights often comes with a price unfortunately.

well,

thanx for listening virtually.... i discovered that i have deep respect for people that stood up and took a stand against all odds. its very difficult psychologically, etc. but when u know u are right, it is the best way. and for those that dont/ or cant, i truelly understand them, as it si difficult to go against mainstream anything . this goes for people rebelling against strict orthodoxy/religioun, sexual preferance, equal rights or anything else.

i am planning to enjoy every moment of our trip to thailand; jai yen yen etc. as this is my time of happiness. i will deal with the mess when i come back.

bina

israel

[fruittbatt]

I have enjoyed reading all the history of your amazing battle to be with your Thai beloved, Bina. I am so sorry to hear that your relationship has struck a snag from the very people from whom you might expect most support, your fellow kibbutzniks.

However, I have strong faith in your ability to beat all odds. You are a brave woman who will do whatever it takes to achieve your goal. All the very best for a happy wedding, and please keep us posted. I for one will be cheering for you.

[somchai jones]

Good luck, Bina.

With the drive and commitment you're putting into this, you deserve it.

[Donz]

I wish you luck Bina, Its great you are standing up for yourself, I have also been a victim of racism (being half asian) when I was in my teens living in western Sydney, I stood up for myself and coped a few floggings but also dished out a few, I finally got respect for standing up for myself and I believe if you stay strong everything will work out. Stay strong and I hope you will win

[My Friend Same]

Don't know what a kibbutz is but I do know that Israel is possibly the most racsist nation on earth vs non-jews. This is not publicized in the mainstream western media at all for some reason so most people do not know this. I feel for you as you are caught up in a very tough situation.

[sbk]

As Bina said, lets try to keep the commentary on Israel to a minimum please.

Bina, I know what it is like to live in a very small community. I've been fortunate in that the overt racism has been to a minimum but it isn't very nice knowing that people you have considered to be friends will drop you because they feel the "group" is more important than the individual.

Glad to hear you have the support of your mother, it will help. Stand up for what you believe and you will be able to hold your head up. And remember, you have the women of Thai Visa standing behind you

[bina]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU....

have gone to get a lawyer (mtng on thursday) who specilizes in dealing with kibbutz vs. individual and ALSO foreign worker issues (he pro bono's for foreign worker rights activists..) so i will get some good legal help but its the psycho;ogical/emotional side that is always difficult what with my kids ex and extended family having to polarize

its really great to have a 'virtual' group of women (and men) giving support, it definately helps keep things in perspective (someone always has a worse situation) and keeps a person from feeling isolated or nuts by not going along with the norms of the group.....

have decided (in typical female fashion i guess) that in the interim until the wedding, and for the wedding, i am getting my unruly hair trimmed and shaped, and my best friend will henna it (it will be slightly redder in the sun, as henna is a natural redish dye which works well on brown blond hair)... hows that for dealing??? )

[sbk]

Great

Thats what I did the day after my first fender bender. Had a radical haircut and color.

When in doubt, get your hair done

[Patsycat]

It is amazing what a bit of pampering for one's self can do to the morale!!

¨

Good luck Bina - your dream will come true!!

[leisurely]

Sounds a complete nightmare. You do however have the love of a good man and that will sustain you.

Good luck

Leisurely

[Boo]

Bina, I cant offer any comment on your situation, but wish you both the best of luck & hope at least, your time with anon's family & the wedding will be a wonderful experience & memory to carry you through the next few months (years!!) of beaurocratic turmoil

[bkkmadness]

this is like the movies where the farm girl falls in love with the mexican handyman

As I recall, those movies always have a happy ending. Hope yours does too.

[Ijustwannateach]

You go girl!

[Sheryl]

Rooting for you, bina. Let us know how it goes.

I know that in my own life, the wisest decisions were always the ones most strongly opposed by others around me. It uis amazing how many people throw their lives away trying to conform to their group or society. Good for you that you are thinking and choosing for yourself!

[bina]

hey girls and guys

GOT A LAWYER!!!

should have done so a while ago... he's worked with/and against kibbutzim, also does work for human rights orgs so knows thai worker problems, and likes thailand, thai food, etc.

he also has a very sharp reputation.

he says the fight will be long winding and difficult but if im ready then it will work out.

definately relaxed a bit after meeting him.

but still doing hair this saturday...

bina

[MiG16]

all the best Bina. for the wedding and things to come. cant offer any practical advice, but just want you to know that there is one more person wishing you both well

amazing how strong people can be really! cheers

[Nienke]

Hi Bina,

Just read this thread.

How is it going with the lawyer? Any progress? And how are you doing with all the pressure you carry on your shoulders?

I will make an commitment to you by sending you encouraging thoughts every day at 4 pm (Thai time) and, if I'm at home, burning a candle and incenstines. I hope this will provide you with some strenght knowing that every day at that time there is somebody out there who thinks of you and admires you in your fight for a happy life with your husband. And although the road isn't easy, you will succeed for sure!

For now I also wish you lots and lots of strenght and energy,

Love and a big hug,

Nienke

[meadish_sweetball]

Sorry to hear of your troubles bina. Stay strong, and dont let the bastards drag you down.