Marriage And Religion & Stuff

[Goat Roper]

DON'T INTERRUPT:

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go

into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a

passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself

as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the

playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I

went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he

helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his

pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy interrupted him and said, "Johnny, this is such an

interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.

I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's

car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was

giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane .... and

Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when

Daddy was in the Army."

Moral:

Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

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To all my Catholic friends (and I have many), no offense is meant here! Just

got a giggle out of this one hehe.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic

neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big

juicy steak on his grill.

Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This

went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood

men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was

tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it

anymore.

They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and

talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his

neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest

sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were

raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came,

and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna

fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.

The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They

called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had

forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a

small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the

grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a

fish."

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,

a carton of eggs,

a quart of orange juice,

a head of romaine lettuce,

a 2 lb. can of coffee,

and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk

standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must

be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by

the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six

items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that

could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what , you're

absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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THE LAW IS THE LAW

So if the US government determines that it is against the law

for the words "under God" to be on our money, then, so be it;

And if that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be

used in or on a government installation, then, so be it.

And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the

schools, of which they deem their authority, then so be it.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding

US citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter

people than I are in positions to make good decisions. I would like to think

that those people have my best interest at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday &

Easter.

I'd like the US Supreme! Court to be in session on Christmas,

Good Friday & Easter as well as Sundays, I'd like the Senate and the House

of representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas

Break."

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved,

if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday &

Easter.

It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like

any other days of the week to a government that is trying to be

"politically correct".

This would not effect any "non-governmental" business since

everyone else still has the freedom of religion, we could all still enjoy our

holidays.

So I guess if they continue to bow to the wishes of the few, &

if this e-mail gets out to the right people, maybe they would bow to the

wishes of the many.

So be it...........

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Well, this must be some parallel universe than where I live! hehehe...

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants open

presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds

1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer

4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle

hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full

length mirror

7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received

from other diners/dancers

10:00 Hot shower (alone)

10:50 Carried to bed . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive satisfying crap while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom

wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en-route to airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine - 2 under

11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine - 4 under

2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nud_e who also

bend over a lot

4:30 Bring in world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,

naturally).

6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave

7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;

7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak

followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch

football game

9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 A night cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave

the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[bodypaul]

I liked the perfect days!!

Political correctness gets on my tits .... especially as my government in Britain is sooooooooooo over the top with it!!

[kurgen]

Who read my diary ?