Thai Men... I Should Call It An Overall...

[tekstilna]

Sawatdee Kha!

Let me say hello to you ladies first, for I am new here...greenhorn, newbie, freshman...whatever you want to call it... This also includes a matter of love...

Yes, I am 20. The exact age. 20. When I come to Thailand (have made plans, everything is in process...), I will be 21. Yup.

What I am interested in is Thai men, this is just one of many other things... Now, I now, in an overall most things depend on each countrys culture and their way of life, but when it comes to individuals, lots of things change or can change, simply becuase everything depends on the individuals character, their desires, whishes, habbits, and ways of life. Therefore I am not asking you for advice, to tell me what should I do and do not, how to act and similar, I know the facts already. I just wish to know how you feel and think towards my topic, I wish to hear your minds.

I am coming to Thailand, and am simply said planning to slowly start my life there. But I am a girl, 20 years old, as you've noticed before, with not much experience with men and am asking you simply: What are Thai men like?

Do they bother you? Do they just come to you and start talking? Are they like farangs with those cheap phrases, like: Oh, hello, where are you off to? Can I join....jadajadajada? Do they like to make eye contact? Do they show emotions? Do they touch you(your hands, or some sort of conformation they actually like you) if they were formerly monks? Would they even look at you if they saw you with a cigarette in your mouth? Do they like your silent look, when you are thinking something? Or do they prefer you smiling all the time? I have one question, kinda, ammm.... , well....?weird??sacred?....heh....how do Thai guys see your....innocence? Do they see you as a weirdo, like in Europian countries?

What are the typical or non-typical characteristics of Thai men?

I know I should sound funny and naive to most or some of you, but know this, I only wish to hear something, some piece of your mind, from you, who have been or are living in Thailand. I am not here to follow your thoughts like ten sufficient steps how to gain a guy ( I could read that in Cosmopolitan ), but only to hear your experiences.

I hope my post won't bother you, and will be happy for some replys...

[girlx]

they're all different, some are very shy, some are very not. if you go to an area where there are not so many tourists, it will be harder to meet them but when you do they will probably be warmer and more genuine. if you meet them working in bars at the beaches keep in mind they have been able to practice smooth talking on many tourist girls before you. most are not physically demonstrative (not thai culture to be so in public), and they smile constantly but that doesn't necessarily reflect happiness (usually it means they are after something). eye contact is an instigator for a fight in thailand so keep it normal and not lingering. they prefer women who don't drink or smoke and there is a division between the sexes so you would be expected to hang out with other girls, otherwise you are looking for a shag. a lot of thai guys are very traditional and in thai tradition there is a lot of misogyny, so be prepared to defend your intelligence and independence. they are also not especially monogamous and expect you to just accept it. they are very sensual and cuddly guys but to be perfectly honest, i don't trust most of them as far as i can throw them.

[leisurely]

I'll say nowt..................

[taxexile]

they're all different

really ?

shock horror.

what a surprise !!

who would have thought.

some are very shy, some are not.

well this is just earth shattering news.

Edited November 22, 2006 by taxexile

[Nam Kao]

Be careful not to get them angry, or.....

[too true]

Oh come on girls....fess up

We all know they're drunk, lazy, womanizing, violent, thoughtless, good for nothing slobs, right?

Except mine, of course

Naw.....just gotta play it by ear. If you get a good one, he'll be good (oddly enough). If you don't get a good one, chuck him before you're so caught up in the relationship that you can't see things for what they really are.

As for the monk thing, if you're 20 you're probably not looking at going out with former monks I think what you're referring are the guys who grew up in the temple, usually because their parents didn't have enough money for them to go to school, and then left when they were old enough to get jobs and take care of themselves. Former novices. They do go out with girls when they leave the temple. Quite enthusiastically, I've heard. Wouldn't you if you'd been basically locked up for 5 years or more? The big difference I've noticed with the temple educated guys is that they enjoy reading books. Don't see many Thai people who read anything other than a newspaper or soap opera magazine.

[November Rain]

As said before, you can't generalise about people. Sure, there are cultural differences. But the people themselves are all different. I was with a Thai guy for 3 years & in general he was the sweetest guy who would do anything for me. I also know other farang women married to Thai men who are very happy. Don't generalise - try to see all the guys you meet (of whatever race) as individuals & base any decisions regarding their compatibility on their individual traits.

[too true]

compatibility involves more than one person. You have to be compatible WITH someone. You have to evaluate your own traits as they would mesh and bend with the traits of another person. I know a lot of Thai guys who are really nice, good guys, but there's no way in hel_l I'd be able to spend any length of time alone with them without them driving me absolutely batty. Or the other way around.

But I'm not 20 years old, although at times I may wish I were....

Go out, keep your wits about you, don't take drinks from strangers, have some fun. It should all fall into place naturally....well, in theory it should...

[sbk]

Ah to be 20 and know everything already

Therefore I am not asking you for advice, to tell me what should I do and do not, how to act and similar, I know the facts already.

To be totally honest, until you come live in Asia, understand the language and the culture (to some extent) you know nothing. And it is better to go into it with that idea and be open and willing to learn rather than believe you already understand a place you've never been to.

One thing that I seriously considered and worried about when I first came was the fact that I did not understand the language and a guy could tell me anything and I would have no way of knowing if it were true or not, no way of verifying it. Fortunately for me (and my husband) his cousin was married to an Aussie woman who had known my husband for several years and she vouched for him. That was the only reason I allowed it to ever get serious.

[tekstilna]

Ah, thank you very much for your answers....

I read your statemenst with great interest... Am also happy with your answers. Yes, yes I know i might sound I know everything, and i should say I know nothing indeed, wich is true considering Thailand, that's why I wanted to hear something from you, the original source....

Well, I guess I understand your point of view, but as I've said before, once there is an interaction with Thai men, as an individual, I'll know soon enough what to expect....

Thx, want to hear more....

[rainx]

I can think of one aspect about the male-female interactions in Thai culture that might seem strange to Westerners.

In traditional Thai culture, women who say yes too easily are considered “easy”. When a typical Thai man hits on a woman, he expects her to discourage his advances. It’s a game. He will keep trying and trying…and trying. If the woman likes him, she will pretend to ignore him initially (and force herself not to smile) and eventually “gives in” after he has “proved” himself.

This rule can make life miserable temporarily when the guy who is hitting on you is unattractive and you wouldn’t date him even if he is the only male human being left on earth. When you tell him to go away, what he hears is “Keep trying.” So if a Thai guy you don’t like keeps hitting on you, probably the most effective way to get rid of him is to tell him you already have a boyfriend… or a girlfriend.

OTOH, you might not want to make the rejection too hurtful. Some Thai men (and women) can be incredibly violent once they “lose it”. You hear horror stories all the time in Daily News and Thai-rut. Be careful out there.

[girlx]

hmm i hadn't really noticed that. thai guys usually back off when i tell them to and that is the end of that...

[guardian]

OP, you did not mention where you are from? Don't know whether it'll have anything to do with replies you get, but it might sure help.

[tekstilna]

OP, you did not mention where you are from? Don't know whether it'll have anything to do with replies you get, but it might sure help.

Where I am from? I am from Europe, Slovenia... if the question in for me...Its just that the men over here are typical for their breed. That acutally goes for both, men and women...you could actually look at a person and imediately found out what is he/she like. I am serious. If you live here long enough it simply becomes an every day trivial observation....

[Dissolution]

The question would be:

Why would you specifically looking for a Thai guy? And is your sole purpose of coming to Thailand to search for this elusive Thai bloke?

[tekstilna]

The question would be:

Why would you specifically looking for a Thai guy? And is your sole purpose of coming to Thailand to search for this elusive Thai bloke?

Oh, no... I am not looking for a Thai guy, nor any guy for that matter... I hope you didn't misunderstood me...I simply wanted to know what to expect....what are they like, for I've never been in any exotic country, nor have I actually met asian people...really, becuase they are none in my country...except for one in a hundred and there's 2.000.000 of us...( if I exclude chinese who own chinese restaurants here...)

Lol...my sole purpose...lol.... No, gosh...I'll be off, to teach and broaden my horizons.

[solid]

Ok, you might also wanna hear it from a Thai guy also. I am a 27 yr old thai guy. But I was in the west for my school for 4 yrs. And that means I have both points of view: one as a Thai, and one as an outsider.

There are many kinds of Thai men out there. From my experience (and that does not mean I date Thai guys LOL. I am straight.), they are really easy going. They don’t like confrontation. These are not only for Thai men. They are for both Thai men and Thai women. Many times, these things bug me since I try to keep things in my schedule and I like to talk things out to solve problems. Well, sometimes “sabai sabai” attitude actually makes me relaxed if I feel too tight. What I mean is too much of anything will never do any good for anybody.

There are so many kinds of Thai guys like ladies above mentioned before. Some are well educated, some aren’t. Some are womanizers and some are family men. You need to learn how to separate men to see which category they fall in. People are different by their environment and how they were raised. That’s also true for Thai men. I have many friends that cheat their ass off. And I also have friends that value their families. Your luck depends on your skill to tell which kind of men they are.

PS. I really enjoy reading this forum very much. I found this forum when I was doing some research about how western women think. Well, at that time I was having a good relationship with a Farang girl. So I did some research to know what’s going on inside her brain and emotional stuff. This forum also gave me some new point of view from the west about Thai men. Although my relationship with my farang gf has ended, I still like to read this forum to know more and more about white women. Many people, both male and female, are older than I am (I noticed from your opinions). I thank you guys for sharing your life experience so that a young guy (well not really young) like me can learn and learn. Especially, I like posts from sbk. Every post of hers is really insight, concise, and straight to the point. You are really a smart woman, and your husband is really lucky to have you. And in the reverse way, you are lucky to have a husband that can handle a really smart woman.

And thank you folks for all good stuff you guys shared.

Edited November 24, 2006 by solid

[Dissolution]

Was going to write something about being an asian guy myself, but holy crap, there's no way I could've written it closer to the point than solid.

[rainx]

OP, you did not mention where you are from? Don't know whether it'll have anything to do with replies you get, but it might sure help.

Where I am from? I am from Europe, Slovenia... if the question in for me...Its just that the men over here are typical for their breed. That acutally goes for both, men and women...you could actually look at a person and imediately found out what is he/she like. I am serious. If you live here long enough it simply becomes an every day trivial observation....

Ah, Slovenia. Assuming you are white, in Thailand you probably will be put in the “farang” category. To many Thais, any white person is the same. No Western European vs Eastern European, American vs European distinctions.

Thai shopkeepers probably address you as “Ma’am” or “Madam” and call you “Ma’am” behind your back. The word ma’am obviously has been borrowed from English, and when used by Thais, it refers to a white female.

[sbk]

Ok, you might also wanna hear it from a Thai guy also. I am a 27 yr old thai guy. But I was in the west for my school for 4 yrs. And that means I have both points of view: one as a Thai, and one as an outsider.

There are many kinds of Thai men out there. From my experience (and that does not mean I date Thai guys LOL. I am straight.), they are really easy going. They don’t like confrontation. These are not only for Thai men. They are for both Thai men and Thai women. Many times, these things bug me since I try to keep things in my schedule and I like to talk things out to solve problems. Well, sometimes “sabai sabai” attitude actually makes me relaxed if I feel too tight. What I mean is too much of anything will never do any good for anybody.

There are so many kinds of Thai guys like ladies above mentioned before. Some are well educated, some aren’t. Some are womanizers and some are family men. You need to learn how to separate men to see which category they fall in. People are different by their environment and how they were raised. That’s also true for Thai men. I have many friends that cheat their ass off. And I also have friends that value their families. Your luck depends on your skill to tell which kind of men they are.

PS. I really enjoy reading this forum very much. I found this forum when I was doing some research about how western women think. Well, at that time I was having a good relationship with a Farang girl. So I did some research to know what’s going on inside her brain and emotional stuff. This forum also gave me some new point of view from the west about Thai men. Although my relationship with my farang gf has ended, I still like to read this forum to know more and more about white women. Many people, both male and female, are older than I am (I noticed from your opinions). I thank you guys for sharing your life experience so that a young guy (well not really young) like me can learn and learn. Especially, I like posts from sbk. Every post of hers is really insight, concise, and straight to the point. You are really a smart woman, and your husband is really lucky to have you. And in the reverse way, you are lucky to have a husband that can handle a really smart woman.

And thank you folks for all good stuff you guys shared.

Thanks solid, he knows he's lucky

Welcome to the forum, its always interesting to hear from a Thai perspective, esp someone who's lived in the West and come back to Thailand. I'm sure I speak for all of us, feel free to join in

[solid]

Dissolution

Thanks, man. That was a cool compliment.

sbk

Thank you for your warm welcome. I am just back to Thailand less than a week. It’s so funny that I myself experienced culture shock in my own country. Anyway, I’ll share more of my experience in other threads which are more appropriate. I’ll give the thread back to tekstilna.

Edited November 26, 2006 by solid

[Macx]

OK, as long as we're generalizing...

Initially, during the courting phase, Thais, both guys and gals, can be very, very sweet. The overtures and gestures are really touching to someone new to the culture.

A guy would watch his girl like a mother hen, making sure she has everything to eat, everything she needs, waiting on her hand and foot. He utters pure sugary sweetness and gazes at her with adoring eyes. He places little morsels of food on her plate and ask her about a dozen times an hour if she's doing ok.

And a girl would do pretty much the same to the guy once they get together.

As far as cheating, I think both Westerners and Thais are good at it.

A "good" Thai girl might observe a prospective suitor for 5 or 6 months before deciding whether to kiss him.

A guy, on the other hand, can usually decide within minutes

[tekstilna]

I found this forum when I was doing some research about how western women think.

That gets me curious... ...and have you found anything interesting, worth mentioning? Are we alike Thai women or are we just our own breed?

And yes, I have read that Thai women are either prio or wan. sweet or sour. And apparently, men in Thailand, like prio better than wan...wich is sometimes credited as virgin/whore thing...

Ofcourse prio/wan differs on individual again, but generalizing I guess, most Thais like sweet...as you Macx have said...

P.S.: I like all of your answers...it's interesting reading different points of view...

tnx

[solid]

I found this forum when I was doing some research about how western women think.

That gets me curious... ...and have you found anything interesting, worth mentioning? Are we alike Thai women or are we just our own breed?

And yes, I have read that Thai women are either prio or wan. sweet or sour. And apparently, men in Thailand, like prio better than wan...wich is sometimes credited as virgin/whore thing...

Ofcourse prio/wan differs on individual again, but generalizing I guess, most Thais like sweet...as you Macx have said...

P.S.: I like all of your answers...it's interesting reading different points of view...

tnx

Yeah, both from my research and direct experience, I found many things interesting as the following (these are stuff that I like):

-White women ask a lot of questions. Many men might think it’s annoying. But I myself think that it’s brainy. I like to listen and talk. Communicating is good.

- Unlike Asians, farang girls are open to talk. ‘Most’ of Asian people (guys and girls) are often too shy to express their opinions and feelings.

-Many times I found western women have strong personalities such as having confidence, expressing their view, and trying to solve problems rather than ‘mai pen rai’. I found that these character traits are what I personally like in women.

-I love to have intellectual conversations. I found them when I talk to white women. Of course, Thai women can do that, too. But I kinda feel that farang girls are more straight forward. And that’s the way I am, too.

-I can see what’s going on in their minds by looking in their eyes. But Thai (or Asian) women will try to hide it instead.

In conclusion, I found them more open, intellectual, confident, straight forward, passionate, and ahem… good at kissing(hands down on this one).

Don’t get me wrong. Thai woman are good in their own way. I just like women with strong personalities since I don’t feel threatened.

About prio/wan and virgin/whore, the following is purely my opinion (and you already know some of my background). Other Thai guys might not think this way. For me prio/wan does not have anything to do with whore/virgin. I would call a woman a whore if she slept around with many guys. But if she’s with her bf having intimacy and good relationship together, she’s no whore. Many times people misjudge people by the way they dress. Many wan women can be whore, too. Sometimes prio women might show just she has confidence. I don’t judge someone if she’s a whore from prio/wan personality, unless she’s really a whore.

If you ask me what I like between prio and wan, I would say it doesn’t matter. What matters is that she should be smart enough to know when to be prio and when to be wan.

And again, this is purely my opinion. I am sure other guys will think different.

[baennaenae]

Oh come on girls....fess up

We all know they're drunk, lazy, womanizing, violent, thoughtless, good for nothing slobs, right?

Except mine, of course

Naw.....just gotta play it by ear. If you get a good one, he'll be good (oddly enough). If you don't get a good one, chuck him before you're so caught up in the relationship that you can't see things for what they really are.

As for the monk thing, if you're 20 you're probably not looking at going out with former monks I think what you're referring are the guys who grew up in the temple, usually because their parents didn't have enough money for them to go to school, and then left when they were old enough to get jobs and take care of themselves. Former novices. They do go out with girls when they leave the temple. Quite enthusiastically, I've heard. Wouldn't you if you'd been basically locked up for 5 years or more? The big difference I've noticed with the temple educated guys is that they enjoy reading books. Don't see many Thai people who read anything other than a newspaper or soap opera magazine.

You don't have to be that old to be a former monk. By the age of 21 usually Thai males should odrain but for many reasons some ordain later years, as a result, former monks can be from 21 and beyond

Life in the temple is different from the rest, if a man doesn't want to be the monk any more, he would just say goodbye to the temple and continues with his normal life like any other males

Good luck

Edited November 26, 2006 by baennaenae