Please Think Twice Before Bringing That Thai Girl Out Of Her Own Country

[Boo]

I cant see education having much to do with it. Many farang move to LOS & act like incapable idiots too, some of these educated, some not. I know lots of sucessful people in LOS & at home who have no real education but have common sense & natural ability. Those people will be sucessful & adapt anywhere. Some people are just able to adapt better than others to different situations. From the sounds of the op this women has spent life cruising on the tails of other peoples effort. Nothing to do with education, more to do with her ( the individual) being lazy.

[Neeranam]

All the educated Thais I know found it very hard to adapt to UK life. The uneducated seem to adapt better.

[Jeff1]

"Attention seeker" comes to mind.

hmmm, it does not really matter, if the story is all true, or how many holes are in it ... the fact is that whatsoever a farang men can find "exciting, cute, comforting, entertaining, etc.," on their "Thai sweethearts" may turn to be pretty annoying (almost un-tolerable) whilst "brought back home" ... starting with a little things - ending up with more serious issues ... it's hard to understand unless you REALLY understood (not only "knowing") about their (so different - in general) mentality, culture, customs, manners, etc., ... never you can change "their way of thinking", i.e. living, dealing with "issues" and events, their willingness and capabilities to adapt ... they will never cease to surprise you, shock you, driving you nuts with their "switch of moods" and their such a "simplicity" (let's say) which you will never - ever understand (you can either tolerate it - means do not pay attention - or just drop it/give up on them, completely) ... and you won't be able to "tolerate" it, if you haven't lived WITH them (THEIR WAY) for a long, long years ... once again - one can find it "funny" and "live with it", one can find it really tough and going all mad ... or leave quickly ... you will never got them to think about a things by our so far more "educated, sophisticated, civilized, responsible" way ... taking all the passed and future issues /events onto the account, considering all possible (or at least some main) consequences and circumstances of any decision or action taken ... you indeed realized that for Thai girls a "husband" (a single person) doesn't mean a "family", nor their child ... they won't be happy and truly "themselves" with "one husband and child" - being cut off from all that bunch of neighbors, friends or even a "same sort of people" on the street, market, offices ... necessarily needed for to have that so silly, yet so IMPORTANT chat about nothing so very often ... (those who does speak and understand Thai, they will agree with me that 99% of all Thai common conversation is a complete BUT complete nonsense, extremely boring and useless stuff what a "faring" hardly can get himself engaged in to it for any longer while (not for a life!!!) if not being extremely "patient & polite" ... they talk for an hours, days and centuries about bloody nothing ... if they want to (willing to) talk about "something", then it would take even longer (without any sensible result anyway ... or at least not at a "first attempt" ... as they'll be getting so "tired" of it so soon, bored, un-attentive, un-willing to listen any more and starting to talk about something else - less "complicated", like if you have eaten already, or where are you going, how much you paid for your car, house, shirt, etc., ..) ... most of the time they simply don't understand each other (both of them speaking Thai) and it will take them another hours to make themselves clear to one another - but by then - once again - both of them will be already sick&tired of that "simple problem" to go on with it ... next time they have forgot what was that all about, so they start up all again from the very beginning - with the very same result at the end ... anyway ... you must be always aware that you are dealing with almost not educated people with very simple and lazy mind (even those "well educated" are still not "sparred" yet of their "simple and lazy, but demanding mind") ... after years i could recall my grandfather's once question to me: "do you thing it's easier to pursue and idiot, or and intelligent one?" ... well, i thought it will be easier job with an idiot - as i considered myself to be "intelligent" so to "outsmart" the idiot ... WRONG ... you can't argue with an idiot - he would never got your point, never understands you - he will always beat you up with his idotic's statements/answers/questions to the point you just gave up on him ... unless, you may be VERY smart and intelligent, that you would be actually able to "lower" yourself on to his idiotic level to cope with whatsoever you trying to work out with him his way to pull him on to your direction ... takes some effort, huh? ... but you want it - you simply have to do it (or forget it) - do not blame an idiot that he is not any smarter or better - in your means ... all Thai people are just a "big kids" to us ... you think you are getting a wife - a partner, a soulmate, etc., ?! ... noh, you are a getting a "child" you must know how to take care of ... you are getting funny, sexy and cute company, but it will be always you to take care of paperwork, rules, laws, planes, etc., ... always keep your eyes wide open and watch out, as they will forgot to do things which are important in your eyes, they won't never do the whole full task, they will never understand that some things simply can't be missed or missing, etc., ... let's take it this way ... many people likes a dogs, cats, horses and would like to have some ... yet not every and each "animal lover" would "afford" to have one ... takes some learning, not only a desire ... takes some serious responsibility, not only a pleasure ... you know nothing about a dog or horse and got one home ... you must then learn quickly - you need to "know", understand, respect, tolerate, love but also "train and lead" (you must be tough - yet loving and always "providing") your animal, otherwise it will soon turn to be a very bad spoiled bastard or very unhappy and suffering being ... obviously - you too ... so, better to think twice ... simply ... you can be happy and willing to come to the wide nature to live with those animals you will find there - but you shall not "interfere" or pull them back with you ... they won't appreciate that - nor you would ... takes too much love, care, patience, time, devotion, mutual respect and "general intellect", even some experiences to dare to relocate one being from his own environment to a completely stranger ones ... they'll be always behaving/acting kinda inadequate if "let alone" on their own, without any DAILY care, guidance, leading, etc., ... it's not their fault and nothing they can do with it ... they are not really used to "think", decide and act alone...(and once again - a "two" or even "three" is still to be "alone" in fact) ... hahaha, just wanted to share some thoughts and made an "essay" ... sorry for too many words....smile/wink ...

Yeah! what he said

[RWA]

RWA, I don't think I have ever read such generalised, racist and puerile drivel.

Generalised? yes. Racist and puerile? definately not.

To call it racist is to kill the debate, there are differences in cultures and to have a negative view of another culture is not racist as such. The intentions of a Thai/foreign relationship can be easily misunderstood, and it has caused a lot of people a lot of problems.

Puerile means childish or simplistic, there is nothing simplistic about what RWA is trying to get across.

I do agree that paragraphs would help, but he is not a native speaker.

However RWA does sound like he is speaking from experience and a lot of what he says rings true.

After such blatent trolling from the OP it's good to get an honest opinion, even if you don't agree with it.

Thank you Robski ... and to the others ... (will try to keep this less wordy and properly edited in to a separate paragraphs)

yes, I am not a native English speaking and YES - I am not a racist at all ... and one more "yes" - my thoughts are of "general" experience ...

All I wanted to say was to agree with the original post headline: "please think twice before bringing that Thai girl out of her own" (not only a country) ...

Regardless on whether the story is accurate, true or what the author's intentions might be (or to call him a Troll), he is 100% right in his first original statement

Without any offence, disrespect (especially a racist mind) or lack of understanding and tolerance to any one, I tried to point out that the "farang admirers" often acting as an "animal lovers" ... simply getting so touched and overwhelmed by those little cutie "pets" that they simply do want one, need one and hardly can depart one - without trying to learn and recognize "what" they really are like at first stage ...

cannot give any better example, but this so often blind love/need for a cute pets ... (PLEASE do not try to catch me on calling a Thai women a "pets" or Thai people an "animals", that is NOT what I mean or say!!!) ...

a different between our "western" and "old Asian"culture and way of seeing, feeling and accepting things in a life is huge and strong in it's roots (some individuals may differ, certainly) ... use of a "passion for a cute pets" example can help to "see the point" ...

You may be full of best intentions and honest desires to make "their lives better" - by sort of "our western standard" style, try to "improve" or "secure" (even educate) their lives, without asking if that might be wished, wanted and appreciated by them, really ... in fact, it may be very "arrogant", selfish (oh yes), naive and silly thing to do ...

(causing a lots of disappointments, hurt feelings, confusion, major misunderstood, misinterpretations, etc.,)

put our hand on our heart and do admit, that we (a westerners) do tend to "look after our Thais" to make them "happier" - by our own standards and ideas, because we love them so much ... bring her to Europe or US (because this is where I belong or still need to be) to have her around all the time - AND to give her better house, food, cloths, shoes, education, life style ... and load of bureaucratic and rules (even a traffic rules, LOL), strict laws, taxes, applications and permits they never heard about, never will learn about even they could understand an "official" language, read and write) ... are you sure, they really knows what it will be like and if they really want it, able to adapt to it all? ... and how they would be treated or feeling like, if that all didn't work out right and they should return back - alone and empty handed?

so, back to the animals - you got one from a "wild" knowing not much about its life (only what you've seen while being "there" along) and bring it home ... buying the best food, walking it out so often, shampoo it, comb it, teaching it a tricks ... well, some of them may really love it and enjoy it yet some of them may keep on chewing up your things, messing up the place, biting you time to time or just run away (to die on a streets perhaps) ...

now, are you going to expect less educated Thai girl to get familiar with all the social procedures and advantages (where there's none in Thailand) in case your relationship didn't work out and she must or wants to leave? Get her whatsoever business established, when she hardly needed anything like that to run her biz in Thailand? ... will you really expect the one to "look after herself" alone, when back home are always some food and shelter to find, all friends, family, even a complete "strangers" around to do any necessary back up or many little supports that she really didn't needed to "think", plan, organize much on her own?

moreover - try to blame them for it, or argue with them (or teach them otherwise) ... you will get them even more confused or fed up, they still won't cope with that all ... before I mentioned my grandfather's saying about "arguing with an idiot" ... well, once again, I didn't mean that Thai People are an idiots ... in many ways they are much smarter than we are ... by their much simpler way of thinking/living (shall I also say "happier"?) ...

okay, maybe I shouldn't used that "idiot" picture ... maybe I just could use of example with a "blind man" ... you are not be called a "racist" when stating that he is a "different" - that the man CANNOT see a thing ... you don't expect him to tell you which color of neck-tie suits you better, right? ... you won't be surprised and upset if he'll be hitting your furniture and using his stick, you won't push him to read all your favored books, unless he knows the "brails" and you managed to get him some ... so, he IS blind ... but he may be hearing and sensing the things far much better than you can ever dream about, etc., etc., ... he's not less "human" than you are ... but you can't try to live with a blind person without learning what is "his world" like ... he my have a different priorities and abilities ... you want to bring him to your home, you must learn about him first and then to leant a lot more together ... now, learn about that Thai girl's "world" and think twice ... (and forgive me again, for not being able to keep it short, ... I, at least, triedto do those paragraphs, wink ... a great Sunday to all

[meemiathai]

after years i could recall my grandfather's once question to me: "do you thing it's easier to pursue and idiot, or and intelligent one?" ... well, i thought it will be easier job with an idiot - as i considered myself to be "intelligent" so to "outsmart" the idiot ... WRONG ... you can't argue with an idiot - he would never got your point, never understands you - he will always beat you up with his idotic's statements/answers/questions to the point you just gave up on him ...

Reminds me of thaivisa.com.

let's take it this way ... many people likes a dogs, cats, horses and would like to have some ... yet not every and each "animal lover" would "afford" to have one ... takes some learning, not only a desire ... takes some serious responsibility, not only a pleasure ... you know nothing about a dog or horse and got one home ... you must then learn quickly - you need to "know", understand, respect, tolerate, love but also "train and lead" (you must be tough - yet loving and always "providing") your animal, otherwise it will soon turn to be a very bad spoiled bastard or very unhappy and suffering being

So how's life with your dog/horse?

[meemiathai]

Half way through.....good post.

At the end......brilliant post! RWA.

Especially

You may be full of best intentions and honest desires to make "their lives better" - by sort of "our western standard" style, try to "improve" or "secure" (even educate) their lives, without asking if that might be wished, wanted and appreciated by them, really ... in fact, it may be very "arrogant", selfish (oh yes), naive and silly thing to do ...

(causing a lots of disappointments, hurt feelings, confusion, major misunderstood, misinterpretations, etc.,)

and

okay, maybe I shouldn't used that "idiot" picture ... maybe I just could use of example with a "blind man" ... you are not be called a "racist" when stating that he is a "different" - that the man CANNOT see a thing ... you don't expect him to tell you which color of neck-tie suits you better, right? ... you won't be surprised and upset if he'll be hitting your furniture and using his stick, you won't push him to read all your favored books, unless he knows the "brails" and you managed to get him some ... so, he IS blind ... but he may be hearing and sensing the things far much better than you can ever dream about, etc., etc., ... he's not less "human" than you are ... but you can't try to live with a blind person without learning what is "his world" like ... he my have a different priorities and abilities ... you want to bring him to your home, you must learn about him first and then to leant a lot more together ... now, learn about that Thai girl's "world" and think twice ...

I think you are very intelligent.

Edited December 10, 2006 by meemiathai

[dyertribe]

Guys,

I just thought I'd ask this question here, given the Topic, it's sort of related.

I live with my Thai wife in Adelaide Australia.

There doesn't seem to be any organised Thai community here or any social clubs. I know there is a reasonable number of Thais living here.

Does anyone have any pointers on geting in touch with the Thai community here?

Thanks for reading

[Totster]

"Attention seeker" comes to mind.

hmmm, it does not really matter, if the story is all true, or how many holes are in it ... the fact is that whatsoever a farang men can find "exciting, cute, comforting, entertaining, etc.," on their "Thai sweethearts" may turn to be pretty annoying (almost un-tolerable) whilst "brought back home" ...

starting with a little things - ending up with more serious issues ... it's hard to understand unless you REALLY understood (not only "knowing") about their (so different - in general) mentality, culture, customs, manners, etc., ... never you can change "their way of thinking", i.e. living, dealing with "issues" and events, their willingness and capabilities to adapt ... they will never cease to surprise you, shock you, driving you nuts with their "switch of moods" and their such a "simplicity" (let's say) which you will never - ever understand (you can either tolerate it - means do not pay attention - or just drop it/give up on them, completely) ... and you won't be able to "tolerate" it, if you haven't lived WITH them (THEIR WAY) for a long, long years ...

once again - one can find it "funny" and "live with it", one can find it really tough and going all mad ... or leave quickly ...

you will never got them to think about a things by our so far more "educated, sophisticated, civilized, responsible" way ...

taking all the passed and future issues /events onto the account, considering all possible (or at least some main) consequences and circumstances of any decision or action taken ... you indeed realized that for Thai girls a "husband" (a single person) doesn't mean a "family", nor their child ...

they won't be happy and truly "themselves" with "one husband and child"

being cut off from all that bunch of neighbors, friends or even a "same sort of people" on the street, market, offices ... necessarily needed for to have that so silly, yet so IMPORTANT chat about nothing so very often ...

those who does speak and understand Thai, they will agree with me that 99% of all Thai common conversation is a complete BUT complete nonsense, extremely boring and useless stuff what a "faring" hardly can get himself engaged in to it for any longer while (not for a life!!!) if not being extremely "patient & polite" ... they talk for an hours, days and centuries about bloody nothing ...

if they want to (willing to) talk about "something", then it would take even longer (without any sensible result anyway ... or at least not at a "first attempt" ... as they'll be getting so "tired" of it so soon, bored, un-attentive, un-willing to listen any more and starting to talk about something else, less "complicated", like if you have eaten already, or where are you going, how much you paid for your car, house, shirt, etc., ..) ...

most of the time they simply don't understand each other (both of them speaking Thai) and it will take them another hours to make themselves clear to one another - but by then - once again - both of them will be already sick&tired of that "simple problem" to go on with it ...

next time they have forgot what was that all about, so they start up all again from the very beginning - with the very same result at the end ... anyway ... you must be always aware that you are dealing with almost not educated people with very simple and lazy mind (even those "well educated" are still not "sparred" yet of their "simple and lazy, but demanding mind") ...

after years i could recall my grandfather's once question to me: "do you thing it's easier to pursue and idiot, or and intelligent one?" ... well, i thought it will be easier job with an idiot - as i considered myself to be "intelligent" so to "outsmart" the idiot ... WRONG ... you can't argue with an idiot - he would never got your point, never understands you - he will always beat you up with his idotic's statements/answers/questions to the point you just gave up on him ...

unless, you may be VERY smart and intelligent, that you would be actually able to "lower" yourself on to his idiotic level to cope with whatsoever you trying to work out with him his way to pull him on to your direction ... takes some effort, huh? ... but you want it - you simply have to do it (or forget it) -

do not blame an idiot that he is not any smarter or better - in your means ... all Thai people are just a "big kids" to us ... you think you are getting a wife - a partner, a soulmate, etc., ?! ... noh, you are a getting a "child" you must know how to take care of ...

you are getting funny, sexy and cute company, but it will be always you to take care of paperwork, rules, laws, planes, etc., ... always keep your eyes wide open and watch out, as they will forgot to do things which are important in your eyes, they won't never do the whole full task, they will never understand that some things simply can't be missed or missing, etc., ...

let's take it this way ... many people likes a dogs, cats, horses and would like to have some ... yet not every and each "animal lover" would "afford" to have one ... takes some learning, not only a desire ... takes some serious responsibility, not only a pleasure ... you know nothing about a dog or horse and got one home ... you must then learn quickly - you need to "know", understand, respect, tolerate, love but also "train and lead" (you must be tough - yet loving and always "providing") your animal, otherwise it will soon turn to be a very bad spoiled bastard or very unhappy and suffering being ... obviously - you too ...

so, better to think twice ... simply ... you can be happy and willing to come to the wide nature to live with those animals you will find there - but you shall not "interfere" or pull them back with you ... they won't appreciate that - nor you would ... takes too much love, care, patience, time, devotion, mutual respect and "general intellect", even some experiences to dare to relocate one being from his own environment to a completely stranger ones ... they'll be always behaving/acting kinda inadequate if "let alone" on their own, without any DAILY care, guidance, leading, etc., ...

it's not their fault and nothing they can do with it ... they are not really used to "think", decide and act alone...(and once again - a "two" or even "three" is still to be "alone" in fact) ... hahaha, just wanted to share some thoughts and made an "essay" ... sorry for too many words....smile/wink ...

I have tried to edit this into understandable paragraphs.. but is the poster calling Thai people animals..?

Anyway.. given the benefit of the doubt (as I doubt this poster is a native English speaker) the post stays.

totster

[bkkmadness]

He's not a native speaker and I think he's trying to get over a fair point but just finding it difficult.

[meemiathai]

Dear Totster,

I don't think he is being racist at all. Just using examples to make his points, IMO.

[meemiathai]

He's not a native speaker and I think he's trying to get over a fair point but just finding it difficult.

I don't think he has found it difficult. I think he has expressed himself fully well.

[Robski]

A very thought provoking post.

It is interesting that although it may seem bias to a western perspective it is in fact the western perspective that he is most critical of, in particular the way westerners want to 'improve' the life of their partner, when in fact it is their own needs that are being serviced.

The way that he presents the oriental/Thai perspective may seem unduly harsh and perhaps that is because there isn't enough understanding, on my part at least, about the Thai mindset. I feel though that his observations are very well thought out and combine a lot separate views effectively.

All in I think he highlights very well the big differences in culture that many would try to overlook, much to their cost at a later date.

On a positive note this also shows that if you do have a relationship with a Thai that works, you are very fortunate indeed.

Edited December 10, 2006 by Robski

[RWA]

I have tried to edit this into understandable paragraphs.. but is the poster calling Thai people animals..?

Anyway.. given the benefit of the doubt (as I doubt this poster is a native English speaker) the post stays.

totster

I have tried to edit this into understandable paragraphs. Thank you Totster!

but is the poster calling (CALLING ...?!!! really?!!!) Thai people animals..? no Totster, I would never CALL Thai people animals! and I do apologize if I made it sound this way ... I tried to say that some of farangs should consider all reasons "for" and "against" prior to relocating a different culture girl (a less educated, skilled, sophisticated, experienced) from her own environment to your "world", without knowing, understanding and fully accepting her own "world" first ... you really would think twice before you would bring in a horse or a dog, right? .. you would try to make sure they won't be suffering there, because you might not be able to provide them with all they may need ... so you first go to learn about them a bit, right? ... my point is: how many farangs do learn about other nation's culture, tradition. history, art, customs properly, before daring to bring (without any given tries first) their people over? You would think twice if an animal you like would be "happy" to live with you in your house ... But do all farangs pay same double thoughts and more, before changing all the girl's life by bringing her over? Is she ready, capable, compatible, adaptable, willing to be suddenly (and sort of brutally) cut off everything she only knew and been used to it, brought into a completely strange, strict and different world? (it's not at all like anything she was watching on TV or reading in magazines)

Anyway.. given the benefit of the doubt (as I doubt this poster is a native English speaker) the post stays.

Dear Totster, this is important thing ... ! ... you are not the only one here who has quickly realized that I am not a native English speaker. You don't even know whether I am a male or female, if I am not even a Thai? or just a born Thai, yet raised elsewhere?

Now, if I am of a Thai origin, a female grown up outside the Thailand, speaking Thai and sort of English - trying to say something what I think might be important to say, what did you do?

You were patient, you were try to listen and understand, you may even doubt my words and thoughts, but you paid some respect to my effort and TRIED TO HELP me, get my words better organized, make them more clear to those I wanted to tell them something ... you gave me a chance, correct?!

This is called a "communication" ... now, how a simple Thai girl can really communicate with her so sophisticated "native English speaking gentleman", to tell him what she really likes, needs, what is important to her and what she doesn't care about a bit ...? note: her English may be even much worse than mine, and her thoughts or reasoning even more confusing or silly, far away from his own interest?!

This is international forum (in and about Thailand) and not every one can speak "native English", as most of Thai girls can't , yet they may have something to tell you ... now, if such a girl would try with a guys like some of those over here, who is "not even going to bother to read it" (for it is long, un-edited into a usual paragraphs, nor clearly sense making) with a people who knew she can speak well enough, but get bored of her "speech" quickly without trying to get her point, how can she live with him far from her own? ... how he would understood her without trying to listen, understand and help her, like Totster did?

however, thank you all for your thoughts and opinions again !!!

[meemiathai]

I like your posts so much, RWA.

[RWA]

...you think you are getting a wife - a partner, a soulmate, etc., ?! ... noh, you are a getting a "child" you must know how to take care of ... "[/b], again not cultural but racist.

oh dear ... would you mind to give us all the explanation of a "racist" meaning?!

are the people who may consider or admit, their "wife" being a sort of "childlish", called a "racist"...?! (because she may be of a different "culture"?)

does ever crossed your mind that you may call a Thai merchant a racist too, while you - a farang, had been charged double price than other Thais? ... or what would you call that, though?

are you actually livng in Thailand, or better with a Thai people? ... can you understand them if they are talking about farangs? ... do you know what a word of "farang" does mean?

and if you do know/live with Thai people, a girl especially, can you tell me how very often (if ever) or how many of them are able to make an important decison themself alone (without chatting with their many friends, family members or even a complete strangers) about their thoughts, ideas, intentions first (in THAI of course!) ... how many of them are able to plan a things (for more than "tommolo" ... tommorow) do some necessary research and get in to a proper and resonable action alone and on their own ? ... especially in a "western world" ...?!

c'mon ... (hmmm, that sounds pretty "native", huh?! ... LOL)

[squidly]

Thank you for this article!!

Unfortunately these stories are all to common with intercountry marriages (not only thai - asian).

My wife, who is Thai (and from near Buriram) suffered a simular fate before we met here in Australia. Fortunately for her she had a number of both Australian and Thai friends to help he back on her feet.

As stated in a number of posts right / wrong, good / bad etc 9.9 out of 10 we all know who ends up the worse off.

With all these types of stories a number of years ago here in Australia they government changed the immigration laws to make it more difficult for the "fly by night" romances - or mail order brides etc. It is very difficult now for foriegn brides to come to Australia.

I saw a case here recently where a person who only had known a Thai lady for 3 months and he wanted her to come to Australia for 3 months (as a tourist visa) to see if she liked it here and he was going to sponsor her. given the circumstances of the application he/she was refused. With this case especially the authorities made the right decision. He was 18 years older than her, short time of relationship, intensions of him.

He is an alcoholic, womaniser, and generally a low life. His intention would of been for her, as a glorified housemaid/cook with stress relief in the bedroom at the end of the day!!

In summary and the initial author wrote, support the ladies who are going though this, they need it!!

PS. If you get a stray hit or something or the like to the lowlifes who do this I OWE YOU A BEER!!

[Patsycat]

Back on to the sad story of A.

Confused or confused. Married a Farang, had a six year old, married for five years, managed to leave husband with her child (11), managed to get through all the red tape to buy and maintain a restaurant without speaking English. Am i still up to date?

Got thrown out, on streets with now a very big 16 year old who can't communicate with her, now that 16 year old is 26 and they can go back to their old accomodation to collect papers and stuff which have been there for (at least) 10 years to sort out bills etc. At the same time child is in care, she is prostituting and can still only say hansum man after over 20 years of being married and running a restaurant?

What about the husband? Where did they live? Probably some hel_l hole of a council estate or wherever he promised her he would take her.

Edited December 10, 2006 by Patsycat

[dgoz]

It's a pity we can't hear the guys side of this story for a bit of balance because, as we know, in any breakup there are 3 sides to the story; her side, his side, and then there's the truth.

It's interesting to see complete strangers who have met neither of them rush to take a side and lay blame.

[paulsmithson]

Guys

We had a lot to take in with A and perhaps my original tale was not too clear---I am not a writer after all and certainly in one post I hit a 2 key in lieu of the 1 thereby seeming to add 10 years to the sons age.

The son does speak a very ittle Thai- not nearly enought to communicate his mothers problems to adults.

I lay no blame on her former husband-who knows what went on there? The fact that he told her to fund her own air fare back to Thailand could well indicate that he knew she had saved monies whilst married to him.

At no time since we met her has A spoken badly about her former English husband.

She seems to be sleeping a lot since we allowed her to live here with us. Is that laziness or is it a symptom of depression. We are unsure. It could well be that we are being had for a soft touch here. BUT WHAT IF WE ARE WRONG???????

It does look as if A was quite content to live life from her benefit payments until her son became 16 and the payments stopped. She was then given the opportunity to move onto job seekers allowance but paperwork reveals that she made several appointments to do so yet failed to keep even one of those.

She is adamant that when her business closed she had no debts yet the local authority have a court decision regarding unpaid business rates.

Her past behaviour does little to earn sympathy for sure. she could at the least have made sure the Kid went to school and avoided a hefty unpaid fine---again she had many written warnings about this.

She has so far done nothing about finding employment since she came to live here expense free and her next job seekers appointment is this coming Thursday. If she cannot show she is trying to find empoyment she will get no money from them again.

We have talked to her about starting a Thai welfare group here and mid conversation she drifts off into the realms of fantascy about how beautiful she thinks Victoria Beckham is.

The social workers I have spoken to were not all rascist biggots who thought all Thai women were prostitutes( that remark DID come from one lowly placed care worker that A had told us was a social worker)

The real social workers are talking to me regularly and are good people but totally frustrated by A. One commented that he had tried to help her but recieved no co-operation. as her son is now over 16 they no longer have any obligation to help her yet are freely giving us advice.

A herself does not accept it when I tell her that with arrears of rent against her and court orders for debt she will not easily find any kind of flat to rent here.

I will continue to update you on her situation as and iF we progress it.

The decent caring people amongst you deserve that.

My own lack of posting skills do not detract from A's plight.She is in a mess and who caused that does not really matter. What does matter is giving her a new start in life IF she wants one????

My main reason for posting her story was and remains that to bring someong half way around the world imposes an obligation on you as well as her.

IF IT GOES WRONG FOR WHATEVER REASON-WHOEVERS FAULT THAT IS--THE FARANG IS IN A FAMILIAR COUNTRY WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR SUPPORT. HE WILL USUALLY UNDERSTAND THE LAWS OF HIS COUNTRY AND BE AWARE OF ANY AND ALL BENEFITS AVAILABLE TO HIM.

THE THAI GIRL WILL PROBABLEY NOT!

SHE NOT BE ABLE TO GO LIVE WITH HER SISTER OR MOTHER AS SHE WOULD IN HER OWN COUNTRY.

SHE WILL NEED CARING FOR WAY BEYOND THE LEVEL OF CARE OF AN ESTRANGED NATIVE WIFE.

PLEASE THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU PUT A PERSON IN THIS SITUATION.

[bendix]

hahahahahaha ..

this is hysterical.

She sleeps a lot, and he thinks its depression.

He suggests to her they set up a Thai Welfare Group, and she talks about Posh Spice.

Why is it that whenever I try to picture paulsmithson, I have this image of an earnest New Labour-type, possibly with tousled hair, John Lennon glasses and a wooly jumper?

[meemiathai]

hahahahahaha ..

this is hysterical.

She sleeps a lot, and he thinks its depression.

He suggests to her they set up a Thai Welfare Group, and she talks about Posh Spice.

Why is it that whenever I try to picture paulsmithson, I have this image of an earnest New Labour-type, possibly with tousled hair, John Lennon glasses and a wooly jumper?

You are just not intelligent enough to understand it. And I sincerely mean it. No big deal, I observe this is the mentality of average people.

It seems that you don't know much about depression too.

[meemiathai]

Dear paulsmithsom,

Good for you for having a good heart. But please note that if you come to a point where helping her is affecting your own family and emotions, you just have to let go. One's ability is limited. She sounds like she is mentally in a mess. And I doubt things can ever go back to normal for her.

I have been doing similar things for the last few years here in HK. So I sort of understand your situation.

Best regards.

[terry57]

got to give you the scoop boys,

im a bit depressed today and will sleep alot.

but im depressed in a happy sort of way.

i got a frigging cracking hangover from being on the turps and drinking lovely german ale last night.

jes--us,

it gives you a kick after drinking 15 towers of the gear.

anyway,

just to keep on topic, im going home to dream about ronaldo.

oh <deleted>, ive just messed that up hav'nt i.

[davidjtayler]

got to give you the scoop boys,

im a bit depressed today and will sleep alot.

but im depressed in a happy sort of way.

i got a frigging cracking hangover from being on the turps and drinking lovely german ale last night.

jes--us,

it gives you a kick after drinking 15 towers of the gear.

anyway,

just to keep on topic, im going home to dream about ronaldo.

oh <deleted>, ive just messed that up hav'nt i.

Terry you are nuts !

[bendix]

You are just not intelligent enough to understand it. And I sincerely mean it. No big deal, I observe this is the mentality of average people.

It seems that you don't know much about depression too.

Oh please . . . .spare me the bleeding heart liberal bull.

I might not know much about depression, but you're displaying an amazing lack of knowledge about both Thailand and general human nature.

This is a country where they have turned sleeping into an olympic sport. If Thailand could harness the energy spent sleeping (particularly by women from a certain social and occupational group, and it appears she is from that) it would be a world superpower.

Sleeping cos she's depressed, my arse.

You'll be telling me she's so depressed that she prefers to focus on Posh Spice's dresses rather than our earnest OP's efforts to interest her in spearheading a Thai Support Group next.

[meemiathai]

I tried to say that some of farangs should consider all reasons "for" and "against" prior to relocating a different culture girl (a less educated, skilled, sophisticated, experienced) from her own environment to your "world", without knowing, understanding and fully accepting her own "world" first ... you really would think twice before you would bring in a horse or a dog, right?

Well, RWA, tecnically this cannot be avoided. Things are going to be the same.

For pets, one can at least go to the pet shop to see the pet everyday if it hadn't been sold yet. But for farang/thai relationships, the farang and the thai are thousands of miles apart. So they have to do things quickly and get themselves together before they can know each other better.

[terry57]

got to give you the scoop boys,

im a bit depressed today and will sleep alot.

but im depressed in a happy sort of way.

i got a frigging cracking hangover from being on the turps and drinking lovely german ale last night.

jes--us,

it gives you a kick after drinking 15 towers of the gear.

anyway,

just to keep on topic, im going home to dream about ronaldo.

oh <deleted>, ive just messed that up hav'nt i.

Terry you are nuts !

cricky's dave,

i think you could be frigging right on that front.

thanks for the advise and i'll head off to the head shrink soon as my hangover goes away which could possibly take a week.

and just to keep on topic again,

its not that bald headed ronaldo im going to dream about but its david beckem.

<deleted>, ive done it again,

its posh spice im going to put one through in my dreams and not bleeding david.

cricky's dave,

im really loosing it today.

thanks for the frigging hangover mate.

[meemiathai]

You are just not intelligent enough to understand it. And I sincerely mean it. No big deal, I observe this is the mentality of average people.

It seems that you don't know much about depression too.

Oh please . . . .spare me the bleeding heart liberal bull.

I might not know much about depression, but you're displaying an amazing lack of knowledge about both Thailand and general human nature.

This is a country where they have turned sleeping into an olympic sport. If Thailand could harness the energy spent sleeping (particularly by women from a certain social and occupational group, and it appears she is from that) it would be a world superpower.

Sleeping cos she's depressed, my arse.

You'll be telling me she's so depressed that she prefers to focus on Posh Spice's dresses rather than our earnest OP's efforts to interest her in spearheading a Thai Support Group next.

after years i could recall my grandfather's once question to me: "do you thing it's easier to pursue and idiot, or and intelligent one?" ... well, i thought it will be easier job with an idiot - as i considered myself to be "intelligent" so to "outsmart" the idiot ... WRONG ... you can't argue with an idiot - he would never got your point, never understands you - he will always beat you up with his idotic's statements/answers/questions to the point you just gave up on him ...

That's why I liked RWA's post.

[britmaveric]

Dunno I guess there is some value to fictitious stories... I think????

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Dunno I guess there is some value to fictitious stories... I think????

They do seem to happen quite a lot Brit