Age Gaps In Relationships

[think_too_mut]

I am 54 and my Filipina gf is 30. She says she doesn't consider me to be old. I think age difference is considered more of a problem in western cultures than asian. Asian women seem to equate age with maturity and financial stability and tailor "love" around that formula.

Somehow, that does not work that way in Japan, Korea, Singapore...in the places where women have their own financial stability and opportunities.

Never seen a yawning or even recognizable age gap among Japanese/Western couples. They could be around, but I still have to see one.

[In the Rai!]

I think this "age" thing is something that comes from the west. You can ask the same about " can a jew and a muslim be happy?" or "can a black man a nd a white woman be happy?".

I think it is important in what kind of society we live. I would never think of bringing my lady to my western country because of all rasism and western thinking about age. Here in Thailand we have no problem with that.

I have more than 20 friends here married to Thai women and agegap between 5 to 30 years. And I can see that how happy they are (seem to be) has nothing to do with the agegap.

It is more how they can understand each other and the different background in culture and religion. (And of course, trust and respect!!!)

And age what is that?

I see and have seen most of my life young guys 25-30 overweighted, rude and having no respect for anything. Biggest interest is drinking beer with their friends in a bar watching football.

And then I seen older guys, 55-65, taking care of themselves in every way, nice looking and knows how to behave in every situation. They are interested in culture, travel and still curious about life.

And of course you see stupid, fat old men and nice, smart young guys.

(And the young, stupid overweighted guys will one day be old, stupid and fat men).

But it has nothing to do with age.

And the same with women. Some wants to party with friends 3-4 times a week and others are more interested in working, studying, culture or whatever.

And still, it has nothing to do with age.

And if you combine people with same interest in life the chance for them to have a happy relationship is bigger.

Trust and respect is basic foundation.

That is what I think and I am one of the happy older guys with a much younger lady. We have been living together 2 years now and our relation is getting stronger and stronger for every day. And it has been love from both sides from first day.

:D

I agree completely. Age is only an issue if you let it be. I have an older wife she is 32 and I am 30 and we are happy and have been for the last 8 years.

Peolpe who meet in western countries all have reasons for liking their partners. Maybe its secuirity or financial status and it is the same here. The only difference here is that financial status and security are hard to find in young Thai men. This is why we see alot of younger girls with older guys. Is it love "who knows" only the 2 involved know but I cant see why it wouldnt be. If you look around you will also see young Thai girls with older Thai men as well, its just not as highlited.

Just my opinion

[Fun2Fun]

If you look around you will also see young Thai girls with older Thai men as well, its just not as highlited.

Usually not as a wife, but as a mia noi or gig .

As somone else metioned before, there does not seem to be so many Thai couples (husband/wife) with over 10 years age difference.

Also now as the level of information/education seems to be rising even in the sticks, so does peoples attitudes - even to such an extend that it's become popular/fashionable for a women to have a gig. (Especially among those who have a bf/husband based on economic considerations)

The gig then fullfills their romantic notions aswell as giving them face among their friends and peers.

Edited December 14, 2006 by Fun2Fun

[coops]

I wonder if you're the only toyboy on TV??

No.....

I'm 39... and my long term partner is 48.

Coops

[a2396]

Its a point of view..If he is 60 and she is 20..Hes an old pervert and she is in it for the money.. WHy could it not be love?

No not talking about not me..I am 43 and my wife who is Thai and is now 30..

One should never assume its one thing because they are more then likely wrong and they do not know the whole story and for the matters its really none of their business. But people love to talk and make assumtions with no valid reason other then they do not know so again they assume.

So, at what age differential does the man become a pervert - 15 yrs +, 20+ or what? I hope you will advise me so I don't become one. Some "Good Christians" I know in LOS say more than 5 years is off the map. We need to get some "hard & fast" rules here, so we all can have a proper relationship.

[girlx]

you seem to be from Utopia ...

haha bambina

[jamman]

I used to be of the opinion that large age gaps meant that people were in different life stages, and so couldn't relate to each other as well as people with more in common.

But in my early twenties, I preferred women from age 32 to 44. They had more to teach me, were less skittish, and were thrilled to be dating such a young man, so I felt quite appreciated.

Since age 37 I started dating mostly women in their early twenties. Now I'm forty, and my girlfriend is 23. That dynamic can be sexually charged and powerful. And I should mention that I've never been a sugar daddy. I pay for dinner.

My favorite line about this is from a twenty three year old lover I once dated for a year in Thailand. She was looking up at me with huge wondering eyes, and asked with heartfelt puzzlement, "Dad, I don't don't know why I love you Dad. You no handsome. You no have money. Why I love you Dad?"

When talking about age differences with western women, there is often the assumption that older men are less attractive. I've met several Asian women who prefer older guys. I know that some people just can't believe this, or think they prefer the wallet of the older guy. But when I was young, my older girlfriends didn't give me money. I preferred their maturity. Older guys can have a way about them that younger guys can not.

Edited December 14, 2006 by jamman

[GracelessFawn]

I believe in love. I don't think age is an issue at all! I don't care about the age gap, as long as I make my partner happy and I am happy, if we are both sincere, respect each other, honest, willing to compromise, willing to make it work, then it's perfect. That's all that really matters!

Fawn, the truth is that age is only a number. Some people who are 50 are truly 30 in their hearts. They have high energy, curious minds and a love of life. Some people who are 30 are really 50 or 60. I'm 30 years older than my ladyboy and we have had a wonderful relationship for many years. I wouldn't want anyone else in my life. The key to our relationship is our mutual interests, our sincere love and respect for each other, and a joy of exploring the challenges of each new day, whether we are in Thailand or other parts of the world. If you truly care for your partner and want to make each day joyous and meaningful for them, then age makes absolutely no difference. But what is in your heart, will always make a difference....

I agree with you Totlanh!

Great Post!

[Peterpan]

Hi Board

Newbie here, well to the threads anyway.

Just been reading all the threads on this subject and I see a lot of people have not travlled too much.

Not holidays, living and working in many different countries. Eastern, Far Eastern, South America, Africa.

17 countries for me in 28 years and the age gap is never spoken of in these countries concerning relationships.

Only by western people at home as it isnt a part of there culture. But they will rip other people for it and UK is a perfect example. Most of my work friends who got married to the nationals of that particular country that we were in at the time. The minium gap is 7 years and the biggest is 19 years, 23 couples in total. The ones that survived are the ones who lived in there wifes country for ever. Everyone who resided back in the UK has failed, it wasnt the age gap, it was the western culture they couldnt handle it.

Ive worked in Thailand and I live there now, my Mrs loves south America and hates UK and Italy because of the way people act.

The western culture which I hate to say (as I am a Brit.) the social culture is declining every year and has been since the early 80s.

Every woman I know would like security with Love, Money as it is a tool, and family, no matter what the age gap is.

A friend of mine in 1985 married a Thai woman 21 she was, nope no Bar girl she worked in a shop, he bourght 7 rai of rice land built a 2 bedroom bungalow on it and thats were they lived, he is now 77 years she is now 42 years and they still seem very happy to me.

But these are ownly my observations

I agree 100% with svenivan

[GracelessFawn]

Generally speaking, I think that the larger the age gap, the larger the wealth gap.

I suspect that in most of these relationships with larger age gaps, it's more about satisfying each others needs, rather than the 'romantic love' that I assume the OP was refering to.

Your assumption could be true, but I'm sure that however huge the age gap is, some people are together because they are romantically in-love with each other!

[Gary A]

A number of years ago a good friend of mine, (Thai male) told me that the perfect age difference is half the man's age plus 7 years. I don't know if that's a Thai thing or not. In any case, I'm 61 and my wife is 39.

[DFCarlson]

A number of years ago a good friend of mine, (Thai male) told me that the perfect age difference is half the man's age plus 7 years. I don't know if that's a Thai thing or not. In any case, I'm 61 and my wife is 39.

I agree, I'm 64 and my wife is 43, and we live in Thailand. We've had a few moments, mostly related to the cultural differences (I'm American, she's Thai) but we've both been willing to work to understand and change if necessary, and it has not been all one-sided. It's definitely not a poor Thai/rich farang situation, but we are comfortably situated in Thailand.

I've also been extremely lucky in that she has a very sweet 11 year-old daughter who has supported our relationship with enthusiasm. Our family grows stronger every day and our marriage has been well accepted by her extended family.

I wonder if the presence or absence of children has any bearing on these relationships? Or the acceptance or lack of it by his/her extended family?

Edited December 14, 2006 by DFCarlson

[GracelessFawn]

I used to be of the opinion that large age gaps meant that people were in different life stages, and so couldn't relate to each other as well as people with more in common.

But in my early twenties, I preferred women from age 32 to 44. They had more to teach me, were less skittish, and were thrilled to be dating such a young man, so I felt quite appreciated.

Since age 37 I started dating mostly women in their early twenties. Now I'm forty, and my girlfriend is 23. That dynamic can be sexually charged and powerful. And I should mention that I've never been a sugar daddy. I pay for dinner.

My favorite line about this is from a twenty three year old lover I once dated for a year in Thailand. She was looking up at me with huge wondering eyes, and asked with heartfelt puzzlement, "Dad, I don't don't know why I love you Dad. You no handsome. You no have money. Why I love you Dad?"

When talking about age differences with western women, there is often the assumption that older men are less attractive. I've met several Asian women who prefer older guys. I know that some people just can't believe this, or think they prefer the wallet of the older guy. But when I was young, my older girlfriends didn't give me money. I preferred their maturity. Older guys can have a way about them that younger guys can not.

Jamman, I like your post a lot and enjoyed reading it. I appreciate your honesty and I very much respect the way you perceive things.

Older people tend to be very mature and very wise in dealing with various situations or issues. They also tend to be more perceptive and usually sensitive towards women's feelings, emotions, moods. This is probably the reason why some women prefer older men over the younger ones.

It has been said that older men tend not to play games relationship- wise. They are usually straight as an arrow and most of them will call a spade, a spade!

Edited December 14, 2006 by GracelessFawn

[mrbojangles]

Mr. B is young and handsome,

Why, thank you very much Meadish

different strokes for different folks!

But what if he's so old, he can't "swim" anymore

Come on, you gotta be kidding!

Yes i was GF I know you are not a brit, so i will expand. We jokingly call a "stroke" the movement the man makes when going in and out during sex. It is also a cycle of the arms movements in swimming. Just a play on words GF

[Donz]

This is BS.

Age difference definately matter.

Its a fact no matter how you like to spin it.

20-30 i see can work but 40plus is pretty rare IMO.

Generally it wont be for love.

[GracelessFawn]

Mr. B is young and handsome,

Why, thank you very much Meadish

different strokes for different folks!

But what if he's so old, he can't "swim" anymore

Come on, you gotta be kidding!

Yes i was GF I know you are not a brit, so i will expand. We jokingly call a "stroke" the movement the man makes when going in and out during sex. It is also a cycle of the arms movements in swimming. Just a play on words GF

You know, I had that in mind when I talked about swimming, strokes, floats, boats, etc.

Now, do you finally see the joke?

[mackayae]

I have a friend who is 74. His mother-in-law is 34. Does that count?

[soi lurker]

Whatever you do "dont love"- Yul Brynner. (or was that dont smoke?) to tell you the truth i forget, so i do neither.

[GracelessFawn]

This is BS.

Age difference definately matter.

Its a fact no matter how you like to spin it.

20-30 i see can work but 40plus is pretty rare IMO.

Generally it wont be for love.

I ain't saying nothing!

Cheers Donz.

PS - They say that love doesn't make the world go round, but it makes the ride easier!

[GracelessFawn]

I have a friend who is 74. His mother-in-law is 34. Does that count?

I don't know yet, but if you give me some more info then, I will tell you!

[mackayae]

I only mentioned my friend, because I love that stat about him. Other than that, they seem like an ordinary couple to me; or, have I been here too long.

[stevo]

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but it is not so common.. that is for age gaps like 20 years or more..

The best advice is to find someone around your OWN age, & education & go from there. Otherwise I think you may be kidding yourself, confusing being an ATM with being loved.

[PeaceBlondie]

What is love, or romance, in various cultures? How many Western marriages fail simply because of big age differences, and how many fail in spite of close ages? Is it really a factor? Are money, religion, occupational stress, infidelity, alcoholism, etc., greater factors in the divorce rates?

My wife was my best friend for 20 years, and only two years younger than me. Now we joke about the old days, and about our new boyfriends. My Thai partner is 39 and I'm 64, and I'm not sure we share 'true love' like the couple in Princess Bride, or Grace Kelly and Bing Crosby in High Society, but we have a great, long term relationship.

In non-western countries, and in fairly poor countries, so much is different. Have you noticed how immature, irresponsible, reckless and unfaithful young Thai men can be? Along comes a farang who's sober, non-smoker, university educated, school teaching, pensioned - and Mama says "Hey, don't let him get away!"

In an interview, Barbara Walters asked Cher why she only dated younger man. She replied, "The older men never ask me for a date."

Some older men are much stronger swimmers than the younger Thais are.

[Ulysses G.]

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but it is not so common.. that is for age gaps like 20 years or more..

The best advice is to find someone around your OWN age, & education & go from there.

What do I want with some illiterate, old hag?

I'd rather sleep alone!

[Fun2Fun]

Hi Board

Newbie here, well to the threads anyway.

Just been reading all the threads on this subject and I see a lot of people have not travlled too much.

Not holidays, living and working in many different countries. Eastern, Far Eastern, South America, Africa.

17 countries for me in 28 years and the age gap is never spoken of in these countries concerning relationships.

Only by western people at home as it isnt a part of there culture. But they will rip other people for it and UK is a perfect example. Most of my work friends who got married to the nationals of that particular country that we were in at the time. The minium gap is 7 years and the biggest is 19 years, 23 couples in total. The ones that survived are the ones who lived in there wifes country for ever. Everyone who resided back in the UK has failed, it wasnt the age gap, it was the western culture they couldnt handle it.

Ive worked in Thailand and I live there now, my Mrs loves south America and hates UK and Italy because of the way people act.

The western culture which I hate to say (as I am a Brit.) the social culture is declining every year and has been since the early 80s.

Every woman I know would like security with Love, Money as it is a tool, and family, no matter what the age gap is.

A friend of mine in 1985 married a Thai woman 21 she was, nope no Bar girl she worked in a shop, he bourght 7 rai of rice land built a 2 bedroom bungalow on it and thats were they lived, he is now 77 years she is now 42 years and they still seem very happy to me.

But these are ownly my observations

I agree 100% with svenivan

Why such a relationship does not work in western countries might have more to do with the wifes new options and choices in the new country than western culture or prejudice.

Lets see, she arrives in her new country with her 20-30 years older husband , he is in his declining years she is just entering her prime.

In her native country she might have considered herself lucky to have snatched a well off older falang, who might also actually be a nice bloke. (If he is not a nice bloke, it will ofcourse usually unravel the more quickly)

BUT now she is like a child giving free reign in a candy store, she has arrived in a new country where she is viewed as a beautiful and exotic girl which are highly sought after by the local boys, some very close in age, good looking and well off.

In addition there are plenty of young blokes who get extra interested in her, because they see themselves as a knight in shining armour saving her from a relationship of convinience with a older man.

Edited December 14, 2006 by Fun2Fun

[Jared]

Im 24 the wife has just turned 26, theres about 15 months gap between us, I like to give her some stick for the 3 months she is 2 years older than me. Weve been married 5 months and have a 7 week old baby boy. I know shes not with me for the money because I dont have a pot to piss in as I only graduated last year. To be honest her family are probably better off than mine are in the UK. Ill let you know how it goes lol

One thing, Ive noticed about Thai women compared to western women and im probably going to get some stick for this, and thats that they seem much more imature than western women and love to have tantrums. Just putting the point across because a few people have mentioned how men take longer to mature than women etc etc

[Ulysses G.]

In her native country she might have considered herself lucky to have snatched a well off older falang, who might also actually be a nice bloke. (If he is not a nice bloke, it will ofcourse usually unravel the more quickly)

BUT now she is like a child giving free reign in a candy store, she has arrived in a new country where she is viewed as a beautiful and exotic girl which are highly sought after by the local boys, some very close in age, good looking and well off.

NEVER bring them home!

[jamman]

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but it is not so common.. that is for age gaps like 20 years or more..

The best advice is to find someone around your OWN age, & education & go from there. Otherwise I think you may be kidding yourself, confusing being an ATM with being loved.

I don't understand why you think someone your own age is better. Care to elaborate?

Older men tend to get more turned on by younger women, than women their own age. For a lot of men, especially men for whom sex and libido is a huge and important part of their lives, this is a big quality of life issue. Some people put passion - physical passion - at a high priority.

Some younger women like the feeling of being taken care of, of being nurtured. They don't tend to get that feeling in the same way from a guy their same age.

To back up away from little details like this, let's look at your assumption from the widest view. You think that both parts of the couple should be similar. So that they can share more, I assume.

But sometimes our inspiration comes from differences much more than similarities. Flint won't spark against flint - it needs metal. I'm not attracted to men. Opposites often have much more of value that things that are similar. Even in running a business, one successful model is to get people with different talents and backgrounds together.

In mixing a drink, you put the lime in the coconut. For a lovely meal, you put the meat sauce into the pasta. Youthful fun loving vigor and maturity mix like cheese and wine.

A mate is not just a good buddy pal to hang and nod your head with. She is the complement that makes you into something different and new. She must be different than you to do this.

Edited December 14, 2006 by jamman

[Fun2Fun]

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but it is not so common.. that is for age gaps like 20 years or more..

The best advice is to find someone around your OWN age, & education & go from there. Otherwise I think you may be kidding yourself, confusing being an ATM with being loved.

I don't understand why you think someone your own age is better. Care to elaborate?

Older men tend to get more turned on by younger women, than women their own age. For a lot of men, especially men for whom sex and libido is a huge and important part of their lives, this is a big quality of life issue. Some people put passion - physical passion - at a high priority.

Some younger women like the feeling of being taken care of, of being nurtured. They don't tend to get that feeling in the same way from a guy their same age.

To back up away from little details like this, let's look at your assumption from the widest view. You think that both parts of the couple should be similar. So that they can share more, I assume.

But sometimes our inspiration comes from differences much more than similarities. Flint won't spark against flint - it needs metal. I'm not attracted to men. Opposites often have much more of value that things that are similar. Even in running a business, one successful model is to get people with different talents and backgrounds together.

In mixing a drink, you put the lime in the coconut. For a lovely meal, you put the meat sauce into the pasta. Youthful fun loving vigor and maturity mix like cheese and wine.

A mate is not just a good buddy pal to hang and nod your head with. She is the complement that makes you into something different and new. She must be different than you to do this.

There is as such nothing wrong with large age gaps, and in some cases they can work out quite well.

But in many of the cases which works out it is then again based on the fullfillment of mutual needs coupled with lack of choices for atleased one of the parties involved.

Then there are the rare ones transcending age differences and being solely based on love, mutual respect and fullfilment. Which ofcourse is the category all in large age gap relationships here at tv falls into

[jamman]

But in many of the cases which works out it is then again based on the fullfillment of mutual needs coupled with lack of choices for atleased one of the parties involved.

Then there are the rare ones transcending age differences and being solely based on love, mutual respect and fullfilment. Which ofcourse is the category all in large age gap relationships here at tv falls into

In same age couples, sometimes the woman is more into security than romance. I wonder how much more often that happens in couples with a large age difference?

In same age couples, the woman sometimes cheats with studly lovers. I wonder how much more often that happens in couples with a large age difference?

More often, probably. Much more often? I wonder.

Edited December 14, 2006 by jamman