Wedding Costs - Is This Too Much

[hastings]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

[SqdnGuns]

Sounds like you're getting off pretty easy................my fiance wants me to come up with $25,000 USD for the wedding, gold, party, outfits, etc........and I am dirt poor!! LOL We're in love though.

Moving to her village next month, Lumduan, and well see what we can work out.

Good Luck to you!!

Edited January 9, 2007 by SqdnGuns

[slapout]

Sounds like you're getting off pretty easy................my fiance wants me to come up with $25,000 USD for the wedding, gold, party, outfits, etc........and I am dirt poor!! LOL We're in love though.

Moving to her village next month, Lumduan, and well see what we can work out.

Good Luck to you!!

If I were both of you I would look very hard for some of the B. Trink articles on this as well as read a couple of books in which this topic is covered. Then I would run like h..l from where either one could find me...

[thaibites0]

This is FAR too much for a 'village born girl to be asking from her future husband, the very fact that you are here questioning it should ring a few bells for you.

If she is from a village you are just about to shell out 5 years total income for the family in one fell swoop and your chances of getting the 'show money' back into YOUR bank account after the fact is VERY remote.

It all comes down to just how much you love your future wife and how much you are willing to gamble on her love for you, if you can afford to lose the money it is purely a test to see if she really is the one for you.

What does she hold a degree in? What does she do for a living at 28yo living in the city? She speaks 'perfect' English? That is VERY unusual for a girl that has not been married to a 'Farang' before - you got the background?

Worst case scenerio? You turn up for the wedding and there is nobody there, you'r down 700,000 Baht and holding a ticket for her to the states. Who are you going to make a complaint too?

Best case? You get married to her and raise 4 kids over the next 40 years with frequent trips back to the village to see that the 10 cows/buffalo have increased over the years to a herd of 400!

Edited January 9, 2007 by thaibites0

[Lusifer]

Sounds like you're getting off pretty easy................my fiance wants me to come up with $25,000 USD for the wedding, gold, party, outfits, etc........and I am dirt poor!! LOL We're in love though.

Moving to her village next month, Lumduan, and well see what we can work out.

Good Luck to you!!

If I were both of you I would look very hard for some of the B. Trink articles on this as well as read a couple of books in which this topic is covered. Then I would run like h..l from where either one could find me...

Completely agreed, i mean Running like H*ll, man that kind of money you should be marrying royalty, or at least some one from the "system"

you guys are to be Ripped off to say strait forward, one of my friend who marry one politician daughter paid abt that and those parents consider her daughter lucky and where moderate with money...

Good luck guys and hopefully you have steady income to feed your wife with parents i think you going to end paying them with in 20-40K per month,,,+ of course your own expanses.. LOL

“Please come to our family with your open wallet”

[SqdnGuns]

LOL.............she knows that it ain't going to happen that way, but it is what she would like to happen. She knows the difference between "want" and "need", thank God.

[Lite Beer]

Sorry to say this but that is well over the top.

I was always led to believe that a fair amount would be between 50k and 100k Baht.

I was going to suggest that you negociate her down somewhat, but the fact she is asking for that amount suggests that her and her family see you as a mug. Not only will they get all your money but they will have no respect for you and see you as stupid.

[Thaicoon]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

h e l l , i would be worrying about this, as said esarn wedding not expensive, has she asked you to build her a house yet ?, how long have you known your Thai GF, all i can say is be carefull.

[Lite Beer]

Hastings . I hope I am wrong but as your GF went to America 5 years ago to marry another American and he cleared off,could it be that he did a runner because he realised she was a gold digger.

STAY WELL CLEAR.

[thaibites0]

Hastings . I hope I am wrong but as your GF went to America 5 years ago to marry another American and he cleared off,could it be that he did a runner because he realised she was a gold digger.

STAY WELL CLEAR.

Where did this information come from? I saw nothing about the G/F being in US for 5 years.

Hastings is logged into this thread - why no more posts?

OK - Found it.

Your future wife is going to find it VERY hard to get another visa to the US - imagine shelling out 700,000 Baht and only seeing your wife on rare visits to the land of very wide smiles!

Providing 'hastings' is not writing these posts from under a bridge somewhere!

Edited January 9, 2007 by thaibites0

[londonthai]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

that way we were able to build a house for us for the future retirement.

my wife is a peasant with aristocratic maners, perfect english (no farang partner before) and she is not a young chick. I know she loves me not for the money

[Lite Beer]

Hastings . I hope I am wrong but as your GF went to America 5 years ago to marry another American and he cleared off,could it be that he did a runner because he realised she was a gold digger.

STAY WELL CLEAR.

Where did this information come from? I saw nothing about the G/F being in US for 5 years.

Hastings is logged into this thread - why no more posts?

OK - Found it.

Your future wife is going to find it VERY hard to get another visa to the US - imagine shelling out 700,000 Baht and only seeing your wife on rare visits to the land of very wide smiles!

Providing 'hastings' is not writing these posts from under a bridge somewhere!

Do Trolls live under bridges?

[thaibites0]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

My wedding to a city dweller 13 years ago cost about 50,000 Baht but our house was full of family from all over the country for a week.

My wedding to a village dweller 25+ years ago that took place on the farm and in our city house cost 20,000 Baht and our house was full of family from all over the province for a week!

I know inflation takes it's toll but 700,000 Baht to marry an Issan village girl? I think that is kicking the arse out of it!

Why has 'hastings' not posted again? He is logged in ----

here look - l l l

\/ \/ \/

[Padkapow Guy]

She is just after your money!

cut her off of the money and she how long she stays around and how her quickly she stops being nice.

" No Money NO Honey"

The money she wants for a "used" bride is unbelieveable. She would not get 1 satang from a thai man for a dowery.

PKG

[Thaicoon]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

that way we were able to build a house for us for the future retirement.

my wife is a peasant with aristocratic maners, perfect english (no farang partner before) and she is not a young chick. I know she loves me not for the money

Me the same, cost me about 60,000 max, that was a party as well, 10 years ago, my wife has never asked me for anything, i have bought land for her and built a large house, but that was my decision, not the wifes, touch wood, she has never ripped me off, i do help her family out now and again, but for little money, when i want to pay bills in thailand, i am in UK, electric on house etc, my sister in law rings us up, tells us how much, and she draws the money from my UK bank account using my UK ATM card, which i let her keep, she also keeps all receipts for us, i also have been very lucky in having a genuine Thai essarn farming family, and i think the world of them.

I also know a couple of Thai ladys in the village, that have taken there ferrang husbands to the cleaners, once they return to the UK, there thai boyfreind is back, drinking the ferrangs money away.

[mugopp]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

Completely agree with PKG.

[solo siam]

This is a joke right? The sums she's talking about would most likely make them the wealthiest villagers in about 50m radius.

Seriously 100k and a couple of baht of gold is more than enough, and even then you should get at least the money back. 50k for wedding outfits? thats double what you would pay in the UK!

If you're girlfriend had long term plans for you two together, don't you think she would be thinking about conserving money for children, house etc... Most girls will help out parents, but only to a sensible limit.

[dee123]

this dowry thing is a thing of the past,out of date, no longer comes into the equation,is void,null,should not be contemplated,like ghosts,(Piilocoks),santa claus,help her with food and accomodation,if you have no money for a big wedding then you havent.she takes it or leaves it.

[nick2k]

this may be off topic. but one of my friends from the bay area has asked me to look into the status of one of his friends who got married to a girl in nong khai. the story goes... he bought a house and a truck in her name, gave 100k baht for dowry, and then, within 3 months, she leaves him. so, his friends back in the states are worried about his status.

oh. the guy's name is patrick, and his (ex) wife is ai.

[teletiger]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

hastings,

I related your query to my wife (a Lanna girl, actually, woman now) and her reply was, "if she's a virgin.....it's reasonable". "if she's got 2 children....RUN.....and if she's got 2 husbands......RUN twice as fast. At the moment she's on her back, laughing at her own mirth. When the house stops shaking I'll inform her of the seriousness of the situation. Until then.....

Regards

[DragonQuest]

DUDE YOUR GETTING RIPPED OFF BIG TIME, IF ITS TRUE LOVE ITS 50/50 MAN, COME ON NOW COUGH UP THE MONEY IF YOU WILL but I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, BUT if YOU HAVE IT FLAUNT IT, I HAVE BEEN WITH MY GIRLS 7 YEARS AND SHE HASNT ASKED FOR 1 BAHT, GOODLUCK BTW IF YOUR GONNA DO IT, DO HALF OF WHAT YOU MENTIONED I GUESS IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, I HAVE BEEN TO ISSAN KON KAeN and its all farm land out there, i dont see much to offer except your love and support.

[thaibites0]

Where is 'hastings' - he was here for most of the first replies! Why has he disappeared?

No info - no sort of reply?

It smells of goats bottom to me - is he under a bridge?

Yes Lite beer - that's where most of them live, some of them live in a dark cellar in the darkest corner of BKK but we never talk about those one's!

[Dave the Dude]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

that way we were able to build a house for us for the future retirement.

my wife is a peasant with aristocratic maners, perfect english (no farang partner before) and she is not a young chick. I know she loves me not for the money

Hi All

This is like my situation.Whats the rush to get married??? why not build/set up a home/farm first??

I have been asked to provide 150k dowry but my fiance and her family understands that all money I have,Ihave to work hard for and they DONT take the p*ss. Our Thai wedding will be modest but the House party we had last year was a blast.600 strangers dining/drinking 'on me'. START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON HASTINGS. ARE YOU REALLY A WEALTHY MAN MARRYING A WEALTHY WOMAN becouse thats what your friends in Thailand think

D the D (currently near Hastings,E Sussex)

[hastings]

Thanks for all the constructive and pointed comments. It gave me alot to consider. BTW I have now told mt fiancee that the cow and buffalo present, gold and wedding costs are too much. Her reaction was to be expected. Initially she was very upset (in particularly about the cows and buffalo because she had already told her parents that this was not a problem for me -- since I had erroneously joked that she was worth 10 previously). Thereafter, and several calls and emails later, she stated that she was going to buy the cows and buffalo herself since they were already promised, and that she would also pay for the wedding ceremony and reception. She is serious, and I know she has the money to do it. We did not discuss the gold, photos or show money further, and I am ok with that. I do love and trust her after a year of dating (I have lived off and on in Thailand for eight of the last twelve months as my business has allowed).

As for those that questioned my lack of follow-up posts, questioned whether I was a troll and made otherwise unkind personal comments, you are all off base. I did not resond for two reasons. It was almost three in the morning here when I initially posted. Thereafter, I had failed to log out even though I had left the forum. Additionally, I have had problems accessing this site after installing a wireless router the next morning that apparently had an internal firewall that was incompatible with the firewall on my computers. The conflict prevented this site, gooogle and othes from opening, and was only figured out after hours of calls to various tech support. While we have not devised a solution yet, I finally deinstalled the router so I could check this board. Again thanks to all that responded.

[hastings]

Also while there is no need to defend my future bride, there were a couple comments that warrant a response or explanation. While my fiancee was going to marry an american previously it was 10 years ago (not five as I may have stated in error in a prior post concerning a visa application where that detailseemed less important). At the time she was 18, fresh off the farm, and had not attended her university. That marriage was called off by the groom when his issan bride (who spoke very little english and had barely traveled outside her village) failed to quickly and perfectly adjust to his life, language, food, friends, family in a major american city (the fiancee visa gave them three months and he called it quits after two months). The issues were cultural compounded by a language barrier -- not economics. She was not as some implied based on little information rejected because she was a golddigger. Additionally, she learned english at a top thai university and by working in management at an american hotel chain in Bangkok. While she is not a virgin, she is certainly not the damaged goods implied by some. As for me I am an attorney, and relatively well off. Again,I hope this clears up some misconceptions and puts the post in context. Thanks.

[nev]

hastings how can a issan farm girl get a position in a top bangkok university?and to get a job in a top hotel chain in bangkok they need a degree and speak english very well, did she tell you this,i suspect she learned her english from being a bar girl.

i am not having a go but not many issarn familys can afford or get a position in a top university.

has for the dowry, this is normally sat down and discussed before the wedding and there offer is put on the table and you with the help of a thai translator will negotiate.

i have read all the posting's on stickman about sinsot and agree that it is out dated and there is no need nowaday's.

as long as you show a willingness to look after her and maybe help out a little supporting her family, most thai girls would be happy with this.

if you pay any dowry make sure the money goes to your girl and not to make the family rich.

donations normally pay for the wedding.

i wish you good luck.

[Farma]

hastings how can a issan farm girl get a position in a top bangkok university?and to get a job in a top hotel chain in bangkok they need a degree and speak english very well, did she tell you this,i suspect she learned her english from being a bar girl.

i am not having a go but not many issarn familys can afford or get a position in a top university.

Nev you may be interested to know that poor Issan farm girls can and do go to the top universities. They continue on to top jobs as well.

They get scholarships into Chula. I know a few who have been through this route including one who went on to a further scholarship in Australia.

[mpdkorat]

hastings how can a issan farm girl get a position in a top bangkok university?and to get a job in a top hotel chain in bangkok they need a degree and speak english very well, did she tell you this,i suspect she learned her english from being a bar girl.

i am not having a go but not many issarn familys can afford or get a position in a top university.

Nev you may be interested to know that poor Issan farm girls can and do go to the top universities. They continue on to top jobs as well.

They get scholarships into Chula. I know a few who have been through this route including one who went on to a further scholarship in Australia.

Quite true in fact I'm going to Chaing Mai on the 15th of this month to watch a poor issan girl get her law degree from Chaing Mai University. She is now doing her Masters in Law at Thammasat.

Edit: Her intention is to become a judge!!

Edited January 11, 2007 by mpdkorat

[macb]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

Sounds like you're getting off pretty easy................my fiance wants me to come up with $25,000 USD for the wedding, gold, party, outfits, etc........and I am dirt poor!! LOL We're in love though.

Moving to her village next month, Lumduan, and well see what we can work out.

Good Luck to you!!

As I told Hastings yesterday at the request of a friend from Another Forum you are being ripped off big style.

I will not bother to repest myself here.

THink and look at the wider picture my friend before its to late

[SqdnGuns]

As I told Hastings yesterday at the request of a friend from Another Forum you are being ripped off big style.

I will not bother to repest myself here.

THink and look at the wider picture my friend before its to late

Hi macb, did you happen to see my other post within this thread? Not getting ripped at all, it is just a matter of "wants" vs "needs". She knows the difference, now. ;- )