Zyxel

Man Is at a job interview. The interviewer begins by asking the candidate, “what do you see as your biggest fault?” The candidate replies, “I believe my biggest fault by far is my honesty.” The interviewer responds, “ I don’t see honesty as a fault.” The candidate replies,” I really don’t give a f... what you think!”

This <deleted> looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clears his throat, and announces, “Not guilty.” The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

LADIES OF THE NIGHT A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth. For crying out loud. They're 'sex workers'!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course, dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

A rich man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

The priest angrily asks the altar boy standing six feet away, "Are you secretly drinking the holy wine?" The altar boy remains silent. The priest's anger grows. "I'm asking you! Can't you hear me?" "No, I can't hear anything from here, Father." "What do you mean? You're just two steps away and you can't hear me?" The altar boy smirks, "Why don't we switch places and you'll see..." They swap places. Now the altar boy asks, "Who's embezzling the church donations?" The priest mutters, "You know what? You're right! You really can't hear anything from here."

A little old lady approached the produce manager at the grocery store and said, “Young Man, I live alone and do not eat much. I was wondering if you can sell me a half head of lettuce”. The produce manager put on a fake smile and said he would ask the store manager for permission. When he found the store manager, the produce manager said, “Hey boss, I got me a cheap old hag who wants to buy a half head of lettuce.” Before he could finish, he suddenly noticed the little old lady had followed him and was standing right behind him. Shocked, he kept his cool and said, “By the way, this lovely lady would like to buy the other half with your permission.” The store manager gave him a quick ok. A half hour later, the store manager confronted the produce manager and said, “Hey Jimmy, I like they way you were able to think on your feet in front of that lady. I could use a smart store manager like you in our newly built Canadian store.” The produce manger replied, “Canada! Who wants to work in Canada?!!!, There’s nothing but whores and hockey players living up there”. The store manager barked back, “I’ll have you know that my wife is Canadian!” The produce manager thought quickly and said, “Oh? What team did she play for?”