Zyxel

A young Italian immigrant came to America with one burning desire. He wanted to become successful enough to one day fly back to Italy and meet the Pope. Twenty years later, he had achieved his goal. He bought himself a custom tailored $2,000 dollar suit and accessories, along with a first- class ticket to Rome on Alitalia. He scalped himself a ticket to the Papal greeting line at the Vatican. So; there stood the Italian man, dressed impeccably, in a long line of people waiting to be greeted by the Pope. Suddenly; horrified at what he was seeing, the Italian man, looks to his right and notices a filthy smelly bum wearing ragged clothes and no shoes, also waiting to see his Holiness. As the Pope was walking down the receiving line in their direction, he completely ignored the sharply dressed Italian man, and instead come over and gave the bum a big papal hug whispering private words in his ears. The Italian man was devastated. How could the Pope have missed him in his expensively tailored suit?! But, then he realized the Pope must feel sorry for the poor, and that’s why the bum got the attention. The Italian man taps the bum and says, “Hey, this is a you lucky day. How would a you like a to change clothes with a me?” The bum responds, Of course, It’s a miracle. Thank a you so much. They switch clothing. A few minutes later, the Pope had reached the end of the reception line, turned around, and was now heading back when he spots the Italian, now wearing the bum’s ragged clothes. The Pope walks up to the Italian man, giving him a huge Papal hug and says, “Hey. Isn’t dis the second time I tella you to get the ...... out here?

A doctor was home with his wife when the phone rang. “Dr Hagerty? It’s Felton from radiology. Can you come to my house right now? We need a fourth for poker.” Hagerty hangs up, turns to his wife and says “I have to go, dear; it’s an emergency.“ “Is it serious?” “Yes - there’s three doctors there already.“

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but <deleted>.

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and says, "These girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, "From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!"

Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. "Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine," the doctor said to the patient, "You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today." The patient replied, "He didn't hang himself; I hung him there to dry."

One night, a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night, please." "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key. The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 O'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by last night's events, he goes downstairs to settle the bill. "How was your room, sir?" asks the receptionist. "Excellent, I will come back again. What do I owe you?" asks the man. "Well. actually, sir, we are doing a promotional offer. Not only do you not have to pay but we give you $10 as a welcome gesture," says the receptionist. "What?" says the guy, very surprised indeed. "That's amazing." He takes the ten-dollar bill and wanders off, debating whether his buddies will believe him or not. Needless to say, after a few days he's told all his friends and neighbors about room 13 and the amazing night of passion. The next week one of his buddies goes to check out the room. "Room 13, please." "Certainly, sir, here's your key." After he gets in bed, at the same time, 2 O'clock, three girls this time, extremely horny, get in bed and screw his brains out. The next morning, not only does he not have to pay, but he too gets $10. After a month, everyone knows this hotel and especially room 13. Everyone that stays in room 13 gets the same treatment: a good screw and a ten bucks. After a few weeks, the story reaches the President. The President decides to check the story out for himself. He visits the hotel and asks for room 13. He gets the keys and goes upstairs. After a couple of drinks he gets in bed waiting patiently for the naked girls to appear. Indeed at about 2 0'clock in the morning, two naked ladies come to bed. They are as horny and wild as all the stories the President has heard. The President gets his pecker out and screws the both of them all night long. This is the night of his life. Next morning he goes to reception and when he asks how much the bill is, the receptionist says, "Nothing to pay, sir. Actually, we are doing an introductory offer. Here's $50 as a welcome gesture." Curious, the President asks the receptionist, "Well, that's strange. Everyone else who comes here gets $10. Why do I get $50?" "Well, sir," says the receptionist. "This is the first time we've filmed a porn movie with a President in it!"