Zyxel

A man is on the beach, sitting in a chair, reading a book. Some woman takes her blanket and sits near him. She says, It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” He replies, “Yes, it is.” She asks, “Do you live around here?” He responds, “I have a condo nearby.” She asks, “Are you retired?” He responds, “I retired about ten years ago.” She keeps asking him questions, and he replies to all her questions. After many questions, she asks, “Do you like pussy cats?” Hearing that question, the man gets up from his chair, goes over to her blanket, unfastens her bathing suit, has sex with her, and then returns to his beach chair. The woman looks at him and says, “Wow, how did you know that’s what I wanted?” He replies, How did you know my name was Katz?”

Whenever Rabbi Lieberman was going to marry two people, it was his custom to invite them into his study right before the wedding to give some last minute spiritual advice. The young couple, Sam and Sadie, enter his study: Rabbi: I always like to give a young couple some advice. But you two look so happy that instead, I’m going to ask each of you why you’re so happy, so maybe I can pass the knowledge along. First, so that Sam can be honest, Sadie, please step out of the room. She does. Rabbi: So, Sam, tell me. Why are you so happy? Sam: Well, Rabbi, I’m a little embarrassed to tell you, but . . . well . . last night, I got the greatest b.... job of my life, and now I’m marrying her! How can I not be ecstatic? Rabbi: This I understand. So please ask Sadie to come in alone. He does so, and she enters. Rabbi: So, Sadie, why are you so happy? Sadie: Well Rabbi, how can I not be happy? Yesterday night I gave the last b.... job I’ll have to give for the rest of my life!

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially if you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite!"The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldman brothers about marketing!"

A husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, ‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’ She says, ‘I was in bed.’ ‘In bed this early, doing what?’ ‘Getting a second opinion!’

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Give me a double shot of whiskey NOW” even before he reaches the bar stool. “Everything OK?” the bartender asks the patron while preparing his drink. “Jesus! No,” says the patron. “I just found out my brother is gay and that he’s been secretly in love with my best friend for over 5 years!” “Oh man,” the tender says, “that’s messed up. So sorry about that.” A few days later, the same man enters the bar again, even more flustered than before. “Give me a double of what I had last time.” So the bartender places 2 glasses in front of him, each with 2 shots of whiskey. ”Man, you OK?” The bartender asks again. “Looks like you’re having a rough week!” he adds. “Oh, God! If you only knew,” replied the patron. “My nineteen year old son just came out as gay and he stole his sister’s boyfriend from right under her nose! The house is in complete turmoil.” During the weekend, the same patron entered and told the barman, “Man just bring the whole bottle of whiskey and a glass.” Shaking his head in disbelief, the tender asks, “Doesn't anyone in your family prefer women?” Downing a glass and then another, the patron looks at the barman and says, “Yes. Apparently my wife does!”

Hump day ?