Zyxel

A rich man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

The priest angrily asks the altar boy standing six feet away, "Are you secretly drinking the holy wine?" The altar boy remains silent. The priest's anger grows. "I'm asking you! Can't you hear me?" "No, I can't hear anything from here, Father." "What do you mean? You're just two steps away and you can't hear me?" The altar boy smirks, "Why don't we switch places and you'll see..." They swap places. Now the altar boy asks, "Who's embezzling the church donations?" The priest mutters, "You know what? You're right! You really can't hear anything from here."

A little old lady approached the produce manager at the grocery store and said, “Young Man, I live alone and do not eat much. I was wondering if you can sell me a half head of lettuce”. The produce manager put on a fake smile and said he would ask the store manager for permission. When he found the store manager, the produce manager said, “Hey boss, I got me a cheap old hag who wants to buy a half head of lettuce.” Before he could finish, he suddenly noticed the little old lady had followed him and was standing right behind him. Shocked, he kept his cool and said, “By the way, this lovely lady would like to buy the other half with your permission.” The store manager gave him a quick ok. A half hour later, the store manager confronted the produce manager and said, “Hey Jimmy, I like they way you were able to think on your feet in front of that lady. I could use a smart store manager like you in our newly built Canadian store.” The produce manger replied, “Canada! Who wants to work in Canada?!!!, There’s nothing but whores and hockey players living up there”. The store manager barked back, “I’ll have you know that my wife is Canadian!” The produce manager thought quickly and said, “Oh? What team did she play for?”

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

Bob had applied for a job in a supermarket and was attending the interview. When the interviewer asked what experience he’d had, Bob said that he’d once worked in another supermarket. The interviewer asked why he had left. “I was sacked for playing with the bacon slicer,” Bob explained. The interviewer was puzzled: “Surely they didn’t consider that to be a serious offence?” “They must have,” replied Bob. “They sacked her too.”

The boss called an employee into his office. “Bob,” he said, “you have been with the company for a year. You started in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice president. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want to make you the new president and CEO of the corporation. What do you say to that?” “Thanks,” said the employee. “Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?” “I guess not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.”

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?" "As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."

A Lawyer named 'Strange' died and his wife asked the grave builder to inscribe on his grave:- "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The grave builder insisted that such an inscription would be confusing and people would tend to think that three men were buried under the grave. However he suggested an alternative: "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the grave and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange !"