XXpate48USA

The first best Thai word to learn in dealing with these type of women??? MEI-OW (NO)...

I'm pretty sure that it actually means "don't want/need", but close enough.

Thanks. UG,

It will be used in the future!!! I hereby, pledge to uphold my constitutional right to say "MEI OW"

And here all along my cat has been telling me no...hmm,..here kitty kitty..

She seems to be seeking legal advice and assistance, as is her right - You should do likewise.

I have been doing just that. It is not easy doing this from another country and basically a lawyer in the US would be just a third party and a third cost again. Although there should be a way of doing this without rerturning for health reasons or safelty reasons since "read other post" ....but, yes I should have started proceeding quickly on returning to the Us as the one year point is coming quick. We only lived together a few months before finding all the truth(some) or enough for me.

Logged on from the bustling metropolis of Patong and see that it is a quasi legal aid facility.

One of the main functions of the OAG is to protect civil rights, liberties and public interest including providing legal aid and advices to the people according to the Ministerial Regulation for Organization of the Office of the Attorney General 2546 B.E.(2003) Article 3 (24). Nowadays, there is the number of Thai people living and working abroad. Many of them are laborers working for the construction jobs and housemaids. Some of them are restaurants' owners and some are married with foreigners

Some of them have faced legal problems, for example, the problem of juristic acts and contracts signed with labor agents, the problem of family rights after getting married with foreigners, the problem with the employers while working abroad, and particularly the problem of begin prosecuted abroad.

Authorities and Functions

Providing legal knowledge, answering questions and giving legal advice to Thai nationals married with foreigners, foreigners visiting, working or residing in many provinces of Thailand , and to the Thai nationals abroad in the form of law clinic in many foreign countries where a number of Thai nationals working or having resident.

If you left Thailand and she is now destitute this is how she is securing legal advice.

As an aside, it is also available to foreigners.

-Acting as the law clinic in Thailand where foreigners being able to walk in and asking for legal advice

Two sides to every quarrel and it seems she is doing the right thing by seeking legal advice.

No quarrel, she just wants to get money, as the old storys go!....I'm just a falang, you know....rich!...oh sure she still calls eveyday and keep the connection going so I send the required amount. She gets very sweet the closer to pay day. Then after the money is recieved by her she can go back to the "f--you's and " hope I die soon" etc . because I haven't returned yet. He lies are explained as

"I didn't think it a lie , I just didn't want worry you"......that was her mistake saying that after asking her 10 times "are you sure that is truth" she answer....yes yes.......blatant lies.........and she can not figure why me and my atm are not back....duuhh ...TRUST

I have surely not left her destitute. Have send her aproxmatly 16k every month and she lives in her parents home because she is not welcome at her x's house to visit her daughter anymore. I can not log into that site from out of thailand either. I found it while searching "google also. It just happened to pop up with her email address. She turned out to be a "gold digger" and very good at it.

Everyhting was based on her lies and her only intention is to get some cash from a falang. I was very naive and stupid for sure. But she will surely not want to have the judge read some of her MSN history where she threatens my life "I die soon" and of course F You ,you many times where I have never used any type of language with her like that...Yes, I think she is trying to find a way to get some money from my pension, sadly to say...but it's the old storys you read about...Stupid falang's......there is only one good side of this stroy....mine!....I probably have been helping pay for my own finacial demise by sending her money out of jai dee or stupidity. Always giving the benefit of doubt. I think it is time I do the same at this point.

By sending money every month I am establishing a precedent for to say she relys on me for support althoughI left after her 1000th lie and then of course finding out she did have a child. which she brought me to thailand to meet her on the guise of never married before nor had any children. She is looking for a way to get rich and be able to support her daughter. Nothing to care about my welfare in any way. I can die and go away as long as she get the money!!....she couldn't care less it seems with her actions and lies. I was stupid for sure. But I do have an ace in the hole!!....just life in LOS. she recently wanted money for life insurance for one of her brothers(she says)...you think it could be a policy on me?....duhhh.....I wonder why I haven't returned yet...gee.........there is no quarrel She just wants money ....at any cost!

I just hope a thai divorce court can not order spousal support and have that adhere in the US although the marriage is recognized in both countrys as legal. I am the victim "again" I came to meet her after 7 months of contact every day with an honest open mind. I found out the storys I should have listened to, I should have! These type of women are very very convincing to a FOB naive foriegn man. They are profesionals at decieving for $....sad but true.....it is rampant in Thailand sadly to say....

Thanks all ,it seems that I will not be bringing it over then , was just trying to save a few quid but as always Thais do not allow Ferang to save anything cos they think we are all millionaires.

the sound of reality!! in los

Does anybody have a clue how this vanity thing is related to buddhist culture?

I just do not understand.

Why so much materialism, vanity?

I would think buddhism to be the exact opposite?

Or do we see this wrongly?

you're right, you would think that buddhism culture(98%) would be less materialistic. I thought the same thing!! But that religeon is(in my opinion) done and acted on in the same way many christians do. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk. It's the same in los. It's for show for many because it is expected. How can one be a good buddhist and then turn around and do some of the things that they do? same goes for other religions...and that goes for many religions anywhere. If it were all true to teachings, then you would see a lot more orange robes that don't come off after 1 week of thier ceromony. I don't know, but you're right, it doesn't fit...(.I'm gonna hear about this one now!!!!):jap:.....this is what makes it all so interesting!!

Yes, this applies to all religions - including not much christian behaviour to be seen in the western world.

But what i do not understand, is that the thai seem to behave so un-buddhist like, while there are temples and monks and ceremonies everywhere?

No one to speak out against vanity and materialism?

At least in Europe, almost no one goes to churces any more, almost no one respects the church.

How can thai people be so vain and materialistic and at the same time so involved in buddhist formalities?

I agree, it's amazing. No one can say it is boring! Just trying to figure things out will keep you busy for a long time! Hey, it's Thailand

"amazing Thailand"...Makes ya crazy huh??...hehe...me too!...mai pen rai!.....just keep that thought and you'll survive.:jap:

Thais in general are possibly the most vain race I have come across and I have so many examples, I cannot begin to list them here.

Rhank you very much for helping us appreciate the small mercies from which we benefit!

Please - feel free to decease and refrain; you are a joy to us all!

If you think asking someone to feel free to die is a nice thing to say, then you might want to check another blog site, such as coroners anonymous! The remark is a little redundant because obviously if you are diseased you obviously are refrained. I think the words you were trying to grasp for were "cease and desist" which, I might ad, is a legal term backed up with a threat of legal action! Have you passed that Bar?

Please try and not threaten people with wanting them to die ok? This is a forum where people just state their own experiences and ask questions! I don't for a second think anyone means to denigrate Thai people in the least. It's just information of peoples experiences in a country and culture. It;s been a joy having you around this thread also!....I hope you are not trying to get an english teaching job. It is very easy, but I think you need a class for a bit more time!

The saracsm of some asian peoples pronunciation of L's a R's is not funny! I think as kids in 6th grade that was pretty much over...for most! That weren't held back! Please give them a break! There is always one in every group somewhere like you! Feel better now? ..great!

You are most relcome

Does anybody have a clue how this vanity thing is related to buddhist culture?

I just do not understand.

Why so much materialism, vanity?

I would think buddhism to be the exact opposite?

Or do we see this wrongly?

you're right, you would think that buddhism culture(98%) would be less materialistic. I thought the same thing!! But that religeon is(in my opinion) done and acted on in the same way many christians do. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk. It's the same in los. It's for show for many because it is expected. How can one be a good buddhist and then turn around and do some of the things that they do? same goes for other religions...and that goes for many religions anywhere. If it were all true to teachings, then you would see a lot more orange robes that don't come off after 1 week of thier ceromony. I don't know, but you're right, it doesn't fit...(.I'm gonna hear about this one now!!!!):jap:.....this is what makes it all so interesting!!

My take, and of course it might be mine alone, is that Thai women (and sometimes men too) may appear more "vain" than their western counterparts.....but that's a result of the entire culture and its attitude about beauty. It seems like looking good is what matters here, especially for women. Beauty/appearance seems to define a lot of women, more than other qualities and personal characteristics. My female Thai friends have told me that they want nothing more than to be beautiful, because that is how they will be successful in life. If the culture of Thailand focuses so intently on appearance (which is seems to do), then of course women are going to be obsessed with their looks. I don't think everyone that is obsessed with their looks is confident, though - many of the Thai women I know who post hundreds of pictures of themselves, check themselves out in the mirror all day, and dress in flashy clothing still feel like they are ugly/fat/etc.

You have it nailed on the head, I believe you have a good grip on how it is and what the culture expects from people.

I.e. Dressing polite etc. It is very important to look the part whether you are actually the real part. Looks and how a person dresses and what kind of clothes they wear has a big impact on how you are seen. And yes, women in Thailand are just a product of that culture and I agee that because they say many things about thier looks does not neccessarily mean they feel good about themselves.

It does put a lot of pressure on them for having to look a certain way to gain the class that anyone wants to portray. It's just that way. I will say, that Thai women have the most impeccable hygiene that could not be matched in any other culture. That is one reason they are so beautiful and I love the fact my wife keeps herself looking perfect at all times. She even makes sure I don't go out of the house with something scewed like my tie or anything out of place. Looks do count big time in Thailand. If you want respect and good service, then always look your best and wear good clothes. The toursists that wear shorts and a T-shirt are tolerated but not seen as classy. Even where it is hot and humid a long sleeve shirt is more effective than casual T-shirt. Always make sure if you are going to a government office to look good so you can get good service!! Looks are important. As you said, some women may act and talk vain but actually feel less than they portray. You are right on the money!!! Even when looking for a job, if you look the part whether you actually are qualified will goes a lot ferther towards getting that job. This is the reason many thai ladys want gold and designer clothes to show that they are in a class everyone there wants to be in. Its rather shallow but that is how it is! Nothing wrong with that, it's just Thailand!....

Yes, many Thai women (but most certainly not all) are vain. And they are not afraid to purloin your wallet in advancement of their vanity in the form of boob jobs, gold jewelry, designer clothes, a car, a condo, etc, etc. They can also be control freaks IF you let them. The first best Thai word to learn in dealing with these type of women??? MEI-OW (NO)...and to be more emphatic about it, add "mak-mak" after mei-ow...which roughly means NO, VERY MUCH. Do not be afraid to hurt their feelings by kicking them to the curb if they get out of hand with you. They can be like buses; there's always another one coming along in 15 minutes. Be careful and TAKE YOUR TIME. Thai women are capable of being the most gracious and beautiful mates one could ever ask for.

I can only give you my experience with Thai lady's a vien. My wife has never had a problem with telling me how beautiful she is and of course, she is. But they are a little overboard, yes. But always let them feel good about themselves. I think its a healthy thing for them to feel or joke about it. It for us, Has been a joke but surely mean't serious by her. Never try and take that away from her or at least not too much as it will hurt her feeling very much. Let her feel you think she is too but keep in mind, this is a factor that she can use thinking she will be spoiled more by you because she is beautiful. I just smile and jokingly say yes, I would never have an ugly wife, which is true also but. Sometimes when they continulaly say how beautiful they are this could go to thier head more than you want, so just keep it simple and agree and change the subject. I once said to my wife something about being a tiny bit overweight and it really got to her and then started on some diet pill thing. Walking or working out was not in the cards as walking would mean being outdoors in the sun and that is a big no no because then she might get a little darker from the sun. Sometimes it almost makes you feel as they are doing you a favor by being with you because they think that they are beautiful. Yes yes, Vien is common with thai ladys. I have said yes, "you are very beautiful and modest too" with a smile of course. She never has figured out what I mean't by "modest" but let her have it. if it makes her feel good, that's good.

I have found many other thai ladys with the same "i'm very pretty" or I'm prettier than my sister etc. Just a difference in culture and no need to worry about it. Let her feel good but don't ever let her feel she is doing you a favor by being with you. I used the same tactic back saying yes, "i am really handsome" too and I get a look of ...what?...I'm not supposed to say that. My intention was to try and let her know that modestly is a good thing rather than being conceited and telling you how beautiful she is.

There is a way to handle that if you are tired of hearing it so often. What I do is flash a little (extra) glance at another attrative lady to get her to understand that she is not the worlds prize although she is very beautiful and not because she is my wife but because she just is. Many people have said to us/her that they aren't used to seeing a beautful thai girl with a falang. (my wife is not from issaan). I think Thai people consider issan woman who have a little darker skin to be not pretty. But the fact is, many many issan women are some of the most beautiul I have ever seen...In Thailand darker skin is considered underclass and the lighter skin is upper class i.e. working in the sun that gives them darker skin from the sun but also shows to other thai's that they are a lower class because most likely poorer.

It's sad, but that it is that way of judging people that way in los. We grew up learning differently than that. In my contry It is who a person is, rather than where or how much money you have that lets us decide about someone.Thailand has a long way to go yet, but it's just that way right now and will be for another 10-20 years if not more.

In the west women buy skin darkening lotion and in the east women buy skin whitening lotion all with the same intent of becoming more attractive. It's just totally backwards from what you've known and stands to reason because from America everyone in Thailand is upside down(literally) and in America everyone is upside down from thailand......everything you know and learned in your country is backwards....., just think the oposite in Thailand...that's normal!...many things anyway.....not all....it's a leaning experience for sure. Many things your gf will say or do won't make any sense to you but to her many things you say and do won't either....so just take it as it comes and learn..

and the last op is right about saying no. You won't get a good response when you use that word but in time, you will gain some respect. If you always let her have her way all the time...you might as well leave now because she won't respect you and think of you as not smart...they are very good at what they do too!!...it's hard to say no to a very beautiful soft spoken thai lady and they know this about falang's generosity. So keep that in mind while you learn. One other tip. Never let her know your true worth or income until you know what you are in!!!...see how long it lasts if she thinks you are not as rich as she thinks. Then you will have a better idea of what it is she is after, you or your money!!!.....good luck!

thanks for the input lads,very grateful.i think im lucky with my girlfriend because she is naturally beautiful but not interested in designer clothes,make up, salons and she works full time so she isnt bleeding me dry.Im kinda thinking its too could to be true though and somethings gonna happen but what makes me laugh is she goes on a forum for thai girls with falang boyfriends called inter so maybe shes just like me.

Perhaps W. Shakespeare was wrong? Vanity, not Frailty? But why knock Thai women? Are they not all women? Thai, American, Russian, Indian....? Get off this lame high horse and go get a cuppa...

to Mr. higher horse himself!

I'm not sure who you think was knocking thai women. There are realitys in the world, my boy, and you need to learn them. In a world of idealistic values you seem to carry by knocking someone elses realistic experiences , that seems a little lame to me. You are the one on the high horse not anyone else here, so get off the higher horse okie dokie?...learn, my boy, learn! you can get a cuppa yourself anywhere. Be careful with your young idealistic idea's! ...these are real experices, not just talk. This man asked a question in sincerety asking advice. You might just try listening before you talk without knowing what your talking about,...There is a big difference in all the countrys you mentioned! have you been to all of them to give that advice? I think not,or you would not have said what you did. Learn, my boy! No one can generalize thailand as being the same as Russia nor American. Not even close! So please don't throw all cultures in one pot. Each has thier own quirks and good and bad. No one was knocking anybody! the reality of things just don't sit right with some people with blinders on.

Lite Beer's advice is correct, of course... And if you were to go for an O-A in the U.S., I believe I'm correct on this, you'd also be able to extend the original year on an O-A with almost a second year by leaving Thailand just before your original year expires...

Re bringing or transferring 800,000 into Thailand, I do understand that concern, especially if one isn't yet sure they plan to stay for the long term... But I'd suggest a couple things to consider...

1. Re the IRS issue, that is just a reporting obligation. And it's only the issue of having $10,000 U.S. or more at any time during the tax year in a foreign account. Beyond the that reporting requirement, I don't believe there are any other consequences involved.

2. As far as having 800,000 baht in Thailand, it's true it's much easier to bring U.S. $ into Thailand than it is to get U.S.$ out in large amounts via the banking systems. However, you might think about this...

The 800,000 requirement for a retirement extension inside Thailand is only the balance that's required at the time you apply for and receive your retirement extension.. Once you get your extension, for the next 9 months (until 3 months before your potential second annual retirement extension application), no one cares what your Thai bank account balance is...

So, for someone not yet certain if they were going to stay in Thailand long term, you could simply use the 800,000 initial deposit to fund your regular living expenses for that ensuing year, and thus gradually work down your Thai bank account balance... spending 40,000 or 60,000 baht a month here certainly is not uncommon. So that by the time the end of your first year comes, if you decided not to stay for a second year, you might not have much of substantial Thai bank balance left to deal with.

You can do as I did, and that is to buy a one way to Thailand and also buy a one way or RT to Vientiene for $111US or one way and take the bus back,.. Get your Non imm O visa in Laos and pick PP with the visa up the next day. This will cost you 2000baht for single entry and 5000baht for muliple. I think it would be wiser to get the single entry for 2000B . This will give you 90 days and then apply for an extension right in Thailand immigrations. As far as having to have 800k in a bank account, that is not all true. One must only show 65k per month income (in your own country) or thailand which you can get an affidavit at the local embassy in thailand that will be notorized by your embassy as to your income.Just hand the income Notary paper, visa app with two pics attached and 2000b and PP to the gal at the window(she will give you a queque number) and you can pick it up at the other building next door at 1pm. But expect a long line and at least a 2-3 hours wait...make sure and apply for the non imm-O type visa and then you're good for 90 days then extend again in Thailand. Later you can apply for the retirement visa, OA I am almost sure of this is the way to do this as this is what I had done and had no problems. Its just a hassle at the thai embasy waiting in line....have the paper filled out with everything before you get there and it will make it much easier. You will get a number to keep and present the next day after 1pm to pick it all up. Don't lose the number...There is no requirement to have 800k in a thai bank account, just to show a regular income on 65k per month from your bank. Your embassy may not even ask to see proof but make sure and have proof from your bank just in case....pay the embassy I think 1200baht and take the notorized income paper......You won't want to live full time as I found too. Just half anf half is plenty , at least for me...who knows, everyone is different..

Also applying from the US you will be required to get more documentation I.e. police report etc. In laos it is not required and less hassle as far as that goes. Also the medical paper is required applying from the us. I never had to do either in Laos. It's just what the Thai embassy in San francisco told me. You can do it that way and don't need to show a RT ticket if you get the visa in your home country though...soooo. If you go to your police station and ask for this they will give you a funny look of "what is that"...a big explanation then the buck will be passed until you have explained it 20 times what it is for....

Lite Beer's advice is correct, of course... And if you were to go for an O-A in the U.S., I believe I'm correct on this, you'd also be able to extend the original year on an O-A with almost a second year by leaving Thailand just before your original year expires...

Re bringing or transferring 800,000 into Thailand, I do understand that concern, especially if one isn't yet sure they plan to stay for the long term... But I'd suggest a couple things to consider...

1. Re the IRS issue, that is just a reporting obligation. And it's only the issue of having $10,000 U.S. or more at any time during the tax year in a foreign account. Beyond the that reporting requirement, I don't believe there are any other consequences involved.

2. As far as having 800,000 baht in Thailand, it's true it's much easier to bring U.S. $ into Thailand than it is to get U.S.$ out in large amounts via the banking systems. However, you might think about this...

The 800,000 requirement for a retirement extension inside Thailand is only the balance that's required at the time you apply for and receive your retirement extension.. Once you get your extension, for the next 9 months (until 3 months before your potential second annual retirement extension application), no one cares what your Thai bank account balance is...

So, for someone not yet certain if they were going to stay in Thailand long term, you could simply use the 800,000 initial deposit to fund your regular living expenses for that ensuing year, and thus gradually work down your Thai bank account balance... spending 40,000 or 60,000 baht a month here certainly is not uncommon. So that by the time the end of your first year comes, if you decided not to stay for a second year, you might not have much of substantial Thai bank balance left to deal with.

You can do as I did, and that is to buy a one way to Thailand and also buy a one way or RT to Vientiene for $111US or one way and take the bus back,.. Get your Non imm O visa in Laos and pick PP with the visa up the next day. This will cost you 2000baht for single entry and 5000baht for muliple. I think it would be wiser to get the single entry for 2000B . This will give you 90 days and then apply for an extension right in Thailand immigrations. As far as having to have 800k in a bank account, that is not all true. One must only show 65k per month income (in your own country) or thailand which you can get an affidavit at the local embassy in thailand that will be notorized by your embassy as to your income.Just hand the income Notary paper, visa app with two pics attached and 2000b and PP to the gal at the window(she will give you a queque number) and you can pick it up at the other building next door at 1pm. But expect a long line and at least a 2-3 hours wait...make sure and apply for the non imm-O type visa and then you're good for 90 days then extend again in Thailand. Later you can apply for the retirement visa, OA I am almost sure of this is the way to do this as this is what I had done and had no problems. Its just a hassle at the thai embasy waiting in line....have the paper filled out with everything before you get there and it will make it much easier. You will get a number to keep and present the next day after 1pm to pick it all up. Don't lose the number...There is no requirement to have 800k in a thai bank account, just to show a regular income on 65k per month from your bank. Your embassy may not even ask to see proof but make sure and have proof from your bank just in case....pay the embassy I think 1200baht and take the notorized income paper......You won't want to live full time as I found too. Just half anf half is plenty , at least for me...who knows, everyone is different..

Yes, many Thai women (but most certainly not all) are vain. And they are not afraid to purloin your wallet in advancement of their vanity in the form of boob jobs, gold jewelry, designer clothes, a car, a condo, etc, etc. They can also be control freaks IF you let them. The first best Thai word to learn in dealing with these type of women??? MEI-OW (NO)...and to be more emphatic about it, add "mak-mak" after mei-ow...which roughly means NO, VERY MUCH. Do not be afraid to hurt their feelings by kicking them to the curb if they get out of hand with you. They can be like buses; there's always another one coming along in 15 minutes. Be careful and TAKE YOUR TIME. Thai women are capable of being the most gracious and beautiful mates one could ever ask for.

I can only give you my experience with Thai lady's a vien. My wife has never had a problem with telling me how beautiful she is and of course, she is. But they are a little overboard, yes. But always let them feel good about themselves. I think its a healthy thing for them to feel or joke about it. It for us, Has been a joke but surely mean't serious by her. Never try and take that away from her or at least not too much as it will hurt her feeling very much. Let her feel you think she is too but keep in mind, this is a factor that she can use thinking she will be spoiled more by you because she is beautiful. I just smile and jokingly say yes, I would never have an ugly wife, which is true also but. Sometimes when they continulaly say how beautiful they are this could go to thier head more than you want, so just keep it simple and agree and change the subject. I once said to my wife something about being a tiny bit overweight and it really got to her and then started on some diet pill thing. Walking or working out was not in the cards as walking would mean being outdoors in the sun and that is a big no no because then she might get a little darker from the sun. Sometimes it almost makes you feel as they are doing you a favor by being with you because they think that they are beautiful. Yes yes, Vien is common with thai ladys. I have said yes, "you are very beautiful and modest too" with a smile of course. She never has figured out what I mean't by "modest" but let her have it. if it makes her feel good, that's good.

I have found many other thai ladys with the same "i'm very pretty" or I'm prettier than my sister etc. Just a difference in culture and no need to worry about it. Let her feel good but don't ever let her feel she is doing you a favor by being with you. I used the same tactic back saying yes, "i am really handsome" too and I get a look of ...what?...I'm not supposed to say that. My intention was to try and let her know that modestly is a good thing rather than being conceited and telling you how beautiful she is.

There is a way to handle that if you are tired of hearing it so often. What I do is flash a little (extra) glance at another attrative lady to get her to understand that she is not the worlds prize although she is very beautiful and not because she is my wife but because she just is. Many people have said to us/her that they aren't used to seeing a beautful thai girl with a falang. (my wife is not from issaan). I think Thai people consider issan woman who have a little darker skin to be not pretty. But the fact is, many many issan women are some of the most beautiul I have ever seen...In Thailand darker skin is considered underclass and the lighter skin is upper class i.e. working in the sun that gives them darker skin from the sun but also shows to other thai's that they are a lower class because most likely poorer.

It's sad, but that it is that way of judging people that way in los. We grew up learning differently than that. In my contry It is who a person is, rather than where or how much money you have that lets us decide about someone.Thailand has a long way to go yet, but it's just that way right now and will be for another 10-20 years if not more.

In the west women buy skin darkening lotion and in the east women buy skin whitening lotion all with the same intent of becoming more attractive. It's just totally backwards from what you've known and stands to reason because from America everyone in Thailand is upside down(literally) and in America everyone is upside down from thailand......everything you know and learned in your country is backwards....., just think the oposite in Thailand...that's normal!...many things anyway.....not all....it's a leaning experience for sure. Many things your gf will say or do won't make any sense to you but to her many things you say and do won't either....so just take it as it comes and learn..

and the last op is right about saying no. You won't get a good response when you use that word but in time, you will gain some respect. If you always let her have her way all the time...you might as well leave now because she won't respect you and think of you as not smart...they are very good at what they do too!!...it's hard to say no to a very beautiful soft spoken thai lady and they know this about falang's generosity. So keep that in mind while you learn. One other tip. Never let her know your true worth or income until you know what you are in!!!...see how long it lasts if she thinks you are not as rich as she thinks. Then you will have a better idea of what it is she is after, you or your money!!!.....good luck!

no. not another one of these guys who thinks getting laid costs nothing..

I've been around and I have never known a woman who didn't expect some kind of compensation for sleeping with me. even if it was just a few hundred baht. sooner or later, they ask for money or they get their "cut" of your estate.

Amen!!!

Sigh.. What does your experience as an old guy with a young girl from a bar has to do with real life?

if i move to las vegas when im 60 and marry a 28 yo stripper. im not gonna expect anything but being used.

Everyone who moves to thailand for love has issues, if you cant find love back home it's because you're not lovable or you are looking for people out of your league.

Listen Fellaor MZ, I am one handsome man and NEVER had to look for a lady, they came to me!! I went to thailand because my wife died of cancer and I wanted a change in everything AND my wife was not a bar girl, she was a college educated woman and not as you say 28...she is in her mid 40's and someone who would not look twice at you, ok?(I'm sure)....send your picture and I'll send mine and let the people say...I have never ever gone to the bar side of towns in any place in Thailand and i avoided that crap. obviously you are one of themor the other L, the ones that make Falang a bad word in Thailand. What an idiot to assume something like that!...now we know why they say "stupid falang".....I am an educated and attractive man and you are stuck with that stupid stigma of every man that comes to thailand can't get a woman in his own country....well, I left because I had too many wanting what I had and who I am, and wanted more than I was willing to give there!........I wanted something different.....if you ever had a good wife and good everything, would not you be here making judgments on someone you know nothing about>????..........talk about stupid falang!!!..........

you are one of those that judge before knowing anything!!.....I can afford to live in both countrys if I please....can you?...or are you stuck in a hole in khao sahn road with your p-3 judging people.....no, obviously not....you';ve never even been to thailand because that is the attitude of many ignorant people that are just plain jealous of the fact that some can afford to do those things...sorry, bud or mz....probably a mz because I have heard that same sound from some women in the USA too....wow...jealous!!!....you definitly are a woman!!!!!!!....whatza matter? can't find a guy in your country because they are tired of your kind of talk??.and looks?..yep!!!

It's going to be hard mate. I'll admit it. There's just so many worthies. It's a bit like one of those 10 baht games in the Kid's Play Area at Tesco Lotus where you have to whack those moles that keep popping up with a mallet. So many targets, so little time.

By the sounds of your language ,it does sound like someone who would be playing whack the mole game! Please try and clean up your language a little and that might give a little more credance to your comments. No one ever blamed "all thai's" for anything. Most people just give thier own experiences. Why don't you try reading a little more and learn a few things before commenting on something you know nothing about. happy new year to you too, Buddy! bessame' coula!

no. not another one of these guys who thinks getting laid costs nothing..

I've been around and I have never known a woman who didn't expect some kind of compensation for sleeping with me. even if it was just a few hundred baht. sooner or later, they ask for money or they get their "cut" of your estate.

Amen!!!

they learn how to close you to a yes. its your business to learn to counter their close. its just business. but if you confuse business with romance, you'll lose any power you ever thought you had.

Loz is right!

Somehow or another they do get thier way. The part that I had trouble with was the lie /lies to get anything were not even good lies!

At least be a good lier if your going to do it. I knew many were just plain storys and I still gave in because I suppose I felt, it they needed it that bad, then it must really be needed. One thing I have learned is, that if you say no, you don't have the money, then sonwhow they seem to get it somewhere else. I finally figured out it was just the family member/members trying to get me to pay it rather than themselves. If it works good for them. But if not, then they still have to pay it but are a little less in thier pocket. They have the money but it is just easier to try and get me to pay with a sob story. I finally told my wife to sell the truck. She has always said no one else drives it because it is "ours" and she doesn't drive and I don't use it either. It is her parents and brothers that use it. I just said we can't afford to pay for something that just sits there. Her theory to tell me that "ok i will sell it" didn't work because I said good idea..hmm she had to come up with another story. I refused to pay and now it is fixed and in the parents driveway.

The thing was, the truck is an older one and needed brakes and I told her to wait and I will fix it myself when I return since it is an easy fix and I am good at mechanical things and know how to do these things and save the $ that a garage would charge. And since she told me no one was driving it, why should I send money to get it fixed. Well, she told me her father wanted it all fixed good for "ME" when I get back and he put it in the shop. I asked what is your father doing making decisions with our truck for? and he can just go ahead and pay for it then because I said to wait!! Now, of course this truck is her familys truck and the father wanted it fixed and not for me but for them duhhh ...It was just a story to try and get me to pay for it...same with all the emergency money storys., ..ughhhh...you'll be amazed at what storys will pop out of thin air with the guise of I didn't want to upset you before is the reason I wasn't told about this new imaginary bill that needs paid.

I have sat on my butt waiting and letting her stew intil she decides who it is that is making the decisions. When I am told a story, she gets a story back. I just use the same thing " I didn't want to upset you" I am just trying to be more Thai and be the same as Thai people, dear!, Isn't that how you want me to be? like a thai? ..Last week the story was she needed an extra 5k for life insurance on her brother(maybe sick) She also has 4 other brothers.. I never heard a word before about that bill. She explained it is 25000baht per year and it is due now. I asked why would I be paying for life insurance on her brother when I don't even pay near that much for mine.

She explained that I (me) am the benificiary...ya me!!...now I suppose that is to make me fork it over so I can get rich when he dies.(lucky me) The thought of that kind of (VULCHER) thinking is over the pail for me. I can't imagine what kind of mind would think I would be pleased with that and pay up the cash. I truly believe that these people think that the "stupid falang" is true, although, I imagine it would be easy to confuse generosity with stupiditty in Thai culture soooo yes, we are surely seen as stupid when we give or help with money, even when the lie is a whopper to get it....it works for a little while but after you understand them,. It is a different story!

Some of us, it takes more time to come to our senses and quit being duped while others just keep paying and giving.....That is the sad fact. ..When a thai lady specifically wants a falang, be on your guard at all times. When she gets you hooked, the family thinks they found thier golden goose and they all want an egg!!(golden) This Goose needs to keep laying golden eggs all the time until your too old to lay eggs anymore. Then she will find a new goose. Consider yourself to have been Goosed too long.!!!!!....write a book about it! (Insert whatever word you wish for goosed)

Now, if indeed there was an insurance policy being paid for, it surely would be mine!!! I don't think the idea of paying for my own demise is in my best interests. But it was a sweet thought on her for my behalf. right?. Ahh the storys are actually entertaining sometimes but will give you pause or even a little or lot of fear for what is real and what isn't real. Gee, can anyone guess why I have not returned yet?....she can't understand why "I leave her long time"....duh....

Personally, at this time, I will put my own toothpaste on my own brush!!!!!!! .....kawp khun plup maak maak

Try to adapt and understand them and you're gonna be fine

I suppose in some cases this could be. I myself have tried to at least meet her half way and more than half way. At the beginning she had told me she would live anywhere in Thailand with me and then after awhile she wanted me to live with her at her parents home which, of course will be hers one day. The reason is.( I belive) She wants the money put into what will be her house before getting our own together. I figured if I can move half way around the world for her, the least she could do would be to live 3 hr drive from her family and visit often and help out her parents with a few k each month and visit.

Now, she says she will live anywhere with me etc. I have had too many lies now and don't know what is true and not true. Tonight I was told now that her brother paid the loan back and bought a satelite dish for her. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said she was lazy to tell me. Soo, I am left out of the loop and still thinking he owes me that loan. Well, what is the truth??? Last week she wanted me to send the money for the satelite dish etc. Her brother owed me 13,000baht....I never saw a penny nor did a word get said about paying it back.

Now,she says she will come to the US but only if she can work and make money. I told her that's ok but I would think the main reason for coming would be to be with her husband. No, it is for work to make money. Am I wrong on the right reason for coming to America? I don't care if she wanted to work, that's fine, but should that be a prerequisite of coming? to work and she won't come if she can't work?.....i make plenty for us both with plenty to help her family also. What's with that?...Everything is Money Money....sad hmm

Im not sure and no expert but supposed by coming to the USA even though you married in Thailand she will get the same rights as normal woman in the USA.. Then she might be entitled to a lot more of your money.

don't think i hadn't thought of that. it will be awhile before i sign that 'afidavit of support' and sign her as my benificiary. if she does come it will be on a tour visa first, for sure,...I am not into losing everything I have worked hard for all my life! Although in the USA it is pretty close to the same as far as assets. If what I had before marriage was mine it will stay mine. I am not sure about support though. In my State it seems fair and they don't have alimony etc. sooo....but yes, you are right....if she came and things went arai, she could go get government help and guess who would be paying that?....yep....me!....so, It is best to live in Thailand if you can deal with things and have a give and take GOOD marriage where my culture is taken into account also.....thanks!....Happy New year!

Her answer to me was she didn't want to upset me is the reason she lied.

Oh.

You're very wise to keep your distance. Whenever you are told that you or your feelings / emotions / well-being was the motivator for a discrepancy; be afraid. Be very afraid.

I would be stunned if the lie was not a pretty huge one.

Same goes for any attempt to make your feel 'silly' or 'paranoid' or somehow 'irrational' when you query a seemingly harmless but nonetheless existent discrepancy. If anyone starts responding in that vein, my (professional) advice is: Run. As fast as you can.

Don't look back. Lot's wife got off easy compared to what you might endure if you make a similar mistake.

You absolutely right. This is the reason I haven't returned. When you give a minimum of 10 chances to say the truth and it just doesn;'t come. Then there is a reason the lie is there. I think she was staying with her x and daughter and I was going to be the income for the both. It' happens alot more than people think......you right!...Iran..........now when she calls and I lie and she gets angry. I just tell her I didn't want to upset you. .....she didn't like it...hmmm......what goes around comes around,....I just told her I was learning to be more "Thai"....

All I know is that when I once told her father (through her) that I didn't want to pay, he apparently walked around all day in a really bad mood.

I bet he did!

He was probably walking around trying to figure out why you are not stupid. After all, you are a falang, right?

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn't after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It's a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn't bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let's say i've yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

my gf makes from 40-100k baht a month and is now paying our mortgage instead of me. and works 12-14hrs a day many days out of the week.

my only real friend in thailand has a lawyer for a gf and she makes 10times his salary, his ex was an international engineer, she made 3 times his salary

Ive seen a lot more of these cases, i just dont know them enough to post accurate infos

The fact that the guy i quoted used 'tilac' means he's a monger, so maybe i should of not answered him.

It is not your mortgage it is her mortgage. Why wouldn't she pay it?

Very, very good point!!!!....it's hers and it will be hers later too!!....there is no "ours" there.

Hey if your partners in life, it all comes out of the same pot! Do what you feel (together) It comes from both of you no matter what purse or wallet it comes out of. Unless you've made other arrangments! Most couples or married people share everything so it really doesn't matter which account it comes out of(if it's a real relationship) Be generous and it'll come back to you one way or another.:jap:...It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai

What do you mean; Do what you feel (together)? That`s a bit personal isn`t it. I haven`t had a good feel since 2001.

And I disagree that married couples share everything. It`s usually a give and take relationship, we give and they take.

Yes and be generous it'll come back to you one way or another. - Normally in the form of a bank letter saying your account is overdrawn.

It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai - Wanna bet?

From experience some of these girls that do not ask directly for money like to play the damsel in distress. I work vely long hour, vely hard and little money, my parent's vely sick and no money, my life no good, me so sad and my child stay with grandmother in shed, sleep in barn with buffalo and only have cold dog turd for eat. My husband was drink alcohol and beat me every day, or my husband have motorbike accident, he take 2 week to die.

Then the guy feels obliged to be the knight in shining armor and come to the rescue which can only be resolved with money. Many of these girls are professionals at playing the emotional game with the gullible farang, I`ve seen this all before.

One tip to remember is that if the girl and her family have problems that can only be sorted with money, then call it a day and say; next.

Perhaps I should write a guide, maybe title it, the Ex-pats guide to courtship in Thailand? The DOs and the DONTs and the signs that you are being taken for a ride.

The answer is that if you are willing to gamble everything you have worked for and your future happiness on a cute smile, some hanky panky and a few hard luck stories, then go ahead and jump in at the deep end.

Or otherwise you can use a bit of common and wait until you are at least 90% certain of the person`s sincerity.

I can't agree with you more!!!!!!!!..I was actually refering to a "normal marriage" which I don't believe exists between a falang and thai wife. Trust me!! I have heard it all myself and been hornswaggled more times than I would like to say....yessssss....it is all bull and if you read some of my other posts, you'll see that I am totally with YOU on that lying bull we get all the time. My wife is a professinal and I do know all the storys. I fell for them Hook line and most of the sinker (at first)but never enough to really believe most of it. I feel the exact same as you, my friend!!!...why do you think my handle is XXpate......I got the hell out of the crap and lies and bribes after half a year but sure got a lesson that was very disapointing in that culture. There seems to be no morality nor honesty in the whole of it all from the government down to the rice farmer. You are a frikin ATM ..that's it.....

I actually mean't adivce to a normal friend/love marriage or relationship. Not to give everything away. I am just happy I didn't buy a house or condo or land. I did buy many things for the POOR family though while they all snickered behind my back at the stupid falang....sure, I know exactly what you mean.....I suppose I was reffering to what I thought was a normal relationship(normally) In other words, be kind and helpful and it will come back to you. But never lose everything.... Not in Thailand, ....never help more than you have to because you won't be repected and only try again for more....I got the lesson you got too!.......keep up the good work letting other FOB's know as I do too...If i could only say what I really would like to.....ahhhh

The quote was "do what you feel(together)" in other words decide together,,,,,,,but thanks anyway. ...hang in there!

no offense mean't to you! ...cheers!!

Learn how to say 'No' and mean it ........ dead easy.

You surely have more guts than me! One of the words that ordinarily a man does not say to a thai wife is "NO"

But,you're absolutely right!! But after the "No" comes the attitude from hell!!...oh heck, they're all different. I just know Some, mine, and a few others but that word does not seem to be a favorite of most Thai ladys and if you have found a way to say that without a problem then you definetly have my respect!... I have to hand it to you!!! I need some lessons I think...

I wonder how tonight will be after I say that.........Will let you know after the hearing is back to normal and the bruises heel....kawp khun klup maak maak

re: my earlier post and your reply: you may have the inclination to help, but you certainly don't have the sense.

you come off as something of a doormat, but thanks for your contribution.

May i suggest to the op again that he trust his own judgement.

I agee with you! I think I misunderstood your post. The man should trust his own instincts as I did. I left and I still get the calls everyday of how hard it is for her etc. She wants me back there but in actuality she wants my ATM card back. She says she wants yellow gold and wants me to spoil her. She had me guying yellow gold on credit before we even had our own home. We lived in a rented conto in a hotel at that time because I refused to live with "the family" her brother and her work in a team and try to sqeeze as much as they can from each falang.( I think) Actually she had a little heart because of a few things that happened. But that brother is ruining her life. Lieng, to them, is second(or first Nature)...my apologies!!....I was duped and use my gut instinct to run fast....and I was just lieing back on the phone everyday when she calls. That's how burned I felt...what a bunch of people her family are. The older brother was showing a land map next to his property and wanted me to buy the land next to his house. He knows I can't own land in Thailand....the other oldest, I showed gim what an american $50 looked like and he pocketed it...haha...it's crazy!!....your are right, when you get that gut feeling,,, run....those women are very very good at the sympathy and poor me stuff...If you are a normally generous man, you will be eaten up.....use your FIRST instncts.....the last plea for money was she needed it for insurance(life) on her one brother....I siad what in hell would I be buying life insurance on your brother for when I don't even have any.....her answer.- he is sick and if he dies I am benbificiary....she actually told me that "I" was the benificuiary....ughhI think it may have been for life insurance but for ME ..run!!!!!!!!!!....sure, I'm goin back...hahahahaha....I would feel real safe...it's all crap..."amazing Thailand"

Hey if your partners in life, it all comes out of the same pot! Do what you feel (together) It comes from both of you no matter what purse or wallet it comes out of. Unless you've made other arrangments! Most couples or married people share everything so it really doesn't matter which account it comes out of(if it's a real relationship) Be generous and it'll come back to you one way or another.:jap:...It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai

What do you mean; Do what you feel (together)? That`s a bit personal isn`t it. I haven`t had a good feel since 2001.

And I disagree that married couples share everything. It`s usually a give and take relationship, we give and they take.

Yes and be generous it'll come back to you one way or another. - Normally in the form of a bank letter saying your account is overdrawn.

It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai - Wanna bet?

From experience some of these girls that do not ask directly for money like to play the damsel in distress. I work vely long hour, vely hard and little money, my parent's vely sick and no money, my life no good, me so sad and my child stay with grandmother in shed, sleep in barn with buffalo and only have cold dog turd for eat. My husband was drink alcohol and beat me every day, or my husband have motorbike accident, he take 2 week to die.

Then the guy feels obliged to be the knight in shining armor and come to the rescue which can only be resolved with money. Many of these girls are professionals at playing the emotional game with the gullible farang, I`ve seen this all before.

One tip to remember is that if the girl and her family have problems that can only be sorted with money, then call it a day and say; next.

Perhaps I should write a guide, maybe title it, the Ex-pats guide to courtship in Thailand? The DOs and the DONTs and the signs that you are being taken for a ride.

The answer is that if you are willing to gamble everything you have worked for and your future happiness on a cute smile, some hanky panky and a few hard luck stories, then go ahead and jump in at the deep end.

Or otherwise you can use a bit of common and wait until you are at least 90% certain of the person`s sincerity.

I can't agree with you more!!!!!!!!..I was actually refering to a "normal marriage" which I don't believe exists between a falang and thai wife. Trust me!! I have heard it all myself and been hornswaggled more times than I would like to say....yessssss....it is all bull and if you read some of my other posts, you'll see that I am totally with YOU on that lying bull we get all the time. My wife is a professinal and I do know all the storys. I fell for them Hook line and most of the sinker (at first)but never enough to really believe most of it. I feel the exact same as you, my friend!!!...why do you think my handle is XXpate......I got the hell out of the crap and lies and bribes after half a year but sure got a lesson that was very disapointing in that culture. There seems to be no morality nor honesty in the whole of it all from the government down to the rice farmer. You are a frikin ATM ..that's it.....

I actually mean't adivce to a normal friend/love marriage or relationship. Not to give everything away. I am just happy I didn't buy a house or condo or land. I did buy many things for the POOR family though while they all snickered behind my back at the stupid falang....sure, I know exactly what you mean.....I suppose I was reffering to what I thought was a normal relationship(normally) In other words, be kind and helpful and it will come back to you. But never lose everything.... Not in Thailand, ....never help more than you have to because you won't be repected and only try again for more....I got the lesson you got too!.......keep up the good work letting other FOB's know as I do too...If i could only say what I really would like to.....ahhhh

Try to adapt and understand them and you're gonna be fine

I suppose in some cases this could be. I myself have tried to at least meet her half way and more than half way. At the beginning she had told me she would live anywhere in Thailand with me and then after awhile she wanted me to live with her at her parents home which, of course will be hers one day. The reason is.( I belive) She wants the money put into what will be her house before getting our own together. I figured if I can move half way around the world for her, the least she could do would be to live 3 hr drive from her family and visit often and help out her parents with a few k each month and visit.

Now, she says she will live anywhere with me etc. I have had too many lies now and don't know what is true and not true. Tonight I was told now that her brother paid the loan back and bought a satelite dish for her. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said she was lazy to tell me. Soo, I am left out of the loop and still thinking he owes me that loan. Well, what is the truth??? Last week she wanted me to send the money for the satelite dish etc. Her brother owed me 13,000baht....I never saw a penny nor did a word get said about paying it back.

Now,she says she will come to the US but only if she can work and make money. I told her that's ok but I would think the main reason for coming would be to be with her husband. No, it is for work to make money. Am I wrong on the right reason for coming to America? I don't care if she wanted to work, that's fine, but should that be a prerequisite of coming? to work and she won't come if she can't work?.....i make plenty for us both with plenty to help her family also. What's with that?...Everything is Money Money....sad hmm

Learn how to say 'No' and mean it ........ dead easy.

You surely have more guts than me! One of the words that ordinarily a man does not say to a thai wife is "NO"

But,you're absolutely right!! But after the "No" comes the attitude from hell!!...oh heck, they're all different. I just know Some, mine, and a few others but that word does not seem to be a favorite of most Thai ladys and if you have found a way to say that without a problem then you definetly have my respect!... I have to hand it to you!!! I need some lessons I think...

I wonder how tonight will be after I say that.........Will let you know after the hearing is back to normal and the bruises heel....kawp khun klup maak maak