Gsxrnz

Hire a motorbike taxi rider for a few days. Ride around on the back of his bike and get the feel of how things are done - "how things are done" may fly in the face of apparent logic, but this is Thailand.

Assuming you survive two days on a motorbike taxi, you'll understand the basics (entering traffic without looking, no indicating, weaving all over the place, texting while you ride, etc.), then the next step is to throw away your helmet and buy a scooter with dodgy brakes and no functioning lights or indicators, and you'll be as happy as Somchai at a Karaoke Bar.

Here's one for the Mods.

Master of Puppets - by Metallica.

Thais in general don't understand the laws of supply and demand. And that's why Pattaya is over supplied with:

1. Baht Busses

2. Meter Taxis

3. Motorbike Taxis

4. Condominiums

5. Beer Bars

6. GoGo Bars

7. Restaurants

8. 7/11's

9. Pharmacies

10. Mobile Street Vendors

11. Golf Courses

12. Pot Holes

13. Deck Chairs

14. Ladyboys

15. Massage Shops

16. Beauty Salons

and last but not least.....

17. Girls

Did I miss anything? Feel free to add to the list.

Edit: I missed Optometrists and Indian Taylors.

I bet some Western economists would love to know how the Thai economists can calculate economic factors to four decimal places.

I've rented four different houses from Thais in Jomtiem and paid two months deposit on each occasion. Always got my money back.

OP, I suggest you PM me the names of your ratbag landlords and I'll "mention them in dispatches" to all the locals in Jomtien.

Any other volunteers?

Chiang Mai = Too much smog, air pollution.

Chiang Rai = Same problem.

Bangkok = Expensive, noisy, crime, traffic.

Issan Anywhere = Flooding, drought, extreme ignorance, greed, malfeasance, etc.

Pattaya = Sin City, high crime, drugs, gangs.

Ayuttaya = Extreme flooding, infrastructure crumbling, traffic.

Hua Hin/Cha Am = Overrated, expensive, crappy beaches.

Phuket = 1 nice beach; Nai Harn. Expensive, crime, corruption aplenty, traffic, some flooding.

Koh Samui = Isolated, expensive, crime, power failures, traffic. Nice beaches.

The far South = Muslims, bombings, murders, nice beaches, scenic at times, flooding.

Minburi/Airport area = Flooding, severe mosquito problem, swampy, traffic, expensive.

Nawamin Area = TRAFFIC, poor infrastructure, expensive, some flooding.

Rangsit area = Horrible traffic, crime, taxi ripoff, many students, cheap and expensive housing, generally smells bad.

Nakoh Sawan area = Cheaper, too far from bkk, nothing special.

Suphanburi Proper = Extreme mosquitos, seasonal flooding in main town and low areas, good roads, close to everything, can be expensive.

Don Chedi = Some flooding, mosquito problem, no major stores nearby, generally ignorant indigenous people, greedy, etc.

Kanchanburi = some flooding in low areas, has large dam that may soon collapse, many tourists, has nice mountain areas, immigration office is unfriendly, etc.

Come on now, all these overly positive vibes!!

Surely you have something bad to say about the place.

Cuppa, based on your posts and our PM's, I'm thinking you may wind up doing a half and half. Getting the best of Aussie as well as SE Asia as your whim dictates. You certainly appear to be set up to do just that.

I have a friend that spends roughly equal amounts of time in the UK, Aussie, Thailand, and America. He's an Aussie with both UK and Aussie passports, plus he has permanent residence status in America. He has a condo in Brisbane, an Apartment in London, a small farmlet in Nakon Nowhere South Carolina, and rents condos in Jomtien when he's here on his retirement visa. Ask him where "home" is, and he has trouble responding.

You may find that the Gypsy lifestyle suits you until you finally figure out where you want "home" to be.

This is good stuff folks, thanks & keep it coming.

Gsxrnz - I think what you say certainly makes a great deal of sense. I’m not quite sure though what you mean by an ‘enclosed/secure village’ - the community you describe sounds attractive, just not sure what the enclosed/secure bit means. Makes me wonder if there are places where it is not safe to live?

Right off to check Jomtien on Google maps.

No, that aspect of security is not the issue. An enclosed village is what you would call a "gated community". It may be 20 or 200 houses in a closed environment with a pool, gym etc. The houses are separate with own garden and maybe a pool depending on design. You rent them fully furnished and depending on style and location may be as low as 8,000 or up to 50,000B+ per month.

There are dozens all over Pattaya, Jomtien, and surrounding districts.

I should add - these communities are not Knobsville in the UK sense. You may find your neighbour on one side is a Thai with a small retail outlet, the other neighbour is a retired company director from New Zealand/Australia/Canada/USA with a Thai wife, and across the Soi is a Norwegian/Fin/German that only lives there half the time and travels home for business the other half of the time.

Converse to the actual topic, don't be in too much of a hurry to stop at a red light if it's just turned red. I've often had to sail on through because if I didn't I'd be wearing a bus or a concrete truck or a few scooters up my jacksie.

Once saw a Russian and his long legged blonde girlfriend (ok, off topic, but damn she had long legs!!) on a scooter do a semi emergency stop at a red light on Sukhumvit at the Boonkanjana intersection. They were in the second lane - luckily the dozen bikes and several cars and busses that sailed past them were in the other lanes.

Look on youtube for your brand and you'll find a video showing how to pop your keyboard out, or pop off an individual key for cleaning. Relatively easy to pop the single key and see what's locking it. Probably a staple or bent spring/lever underneath it.

I get mine fresh and free at the golf course. The caddies will collect all sorts of "weeds" on the way around to take home and cook, but for some reason they don't like the open portabello type of mushroom.

I spot them on the front 9 and then pick them on the second time around. Put them in the insulated pocket in my golf bag and take them home.

Occasionally I'll wash them off and have a snack on the way around the course - luvly jubly!!

I had a serious prolapsed disc that caused severe sciatica over a 5 year period. The only relief I found was maintaining stretching exercises on my leg and back. Not sure what the medical explanation was, but I'm assuming that stretched the nerve over the bulge and reduced the pressure that causes the sciatica.

Had relapses over the years, tried meds that were no use, and chiropractors and physiotherapists actually made it worse. The only thing that helped was/is plenty of exercise to maintain flexibility, keep the weight under control, and if it does relapse then I double the exercise to work through the pain threshold and it soon gets under control.

The worst thing I can do is sit still feeling sorry for myself - I find that lethargy just makes it worse.

As promised, here's the confession. Actually it wasn't too bad - with the aid of two extremely fortunate birdies on par 3's, managed to score 93. As there were no witnesses I had two dubious "free drops" and a mulligan at the first tee. So in reality it was probably 100. I tell lies about fishing as well !!!

Truly though, what a magnificent course! There was only one other bloke on the course at the same time so it was virtually private. Well maintained, well laid out, the only problem was walking to/from the cart with all the hills. I usually play/walk a flat course at home, but after all the walking at Santiburi I felt like I'd got some exercise.

The blind drives were interesting. My plan to play it safe soon went out the window - I ended up renting clubs and the driver gave me a draw, which is vastly different to my usual fade. So having to aim right was something new to me. The caddie did her best to advise me where to aim and I got very lucky on 17, actually got a par. The greens are challenging and much faster than I'm used to.

Overall, a very nice course, ruined only by the exorbitant fees.

The problem is that most/many phrases, idioms, nuances will not translate easily into Thai. It sounds as though you need a translator that is 100% fluent to a high level in both languages. Probably somebody such as a Leuk Krueng who is totally familiar with both languages and has lived and grown up in both cultures.

For example, if you use something like "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", if translated verbatim will be gobbledy gook in Thai. The person translating needs to know that particular nuance and the approximate Thai equivalent such as สิบ-เบี้ย-ไกฺล้-มือ or sib biia glai meuu (ten cowrie shells close to hand). The same will apply for many such phrases and nuances that you are proposing - the wrong choice of word will either ruin your letter or make you look like an idiot (or both). Because the more complex you make it, the greater incidence of mistranslation you will have.

The alternative is to find an intelligent Falang that has a smattering of Thai, with a wife that is intelligent and has moderate/good English to spend a few days (week?) with a computer and dictionaries to thrash out a draft, and then have it proofed and redrafted by several independent Thais who are capable of explaining in English their understanding of the tone and nuances that you are intending.

Otherwise it will come out like any piece of rubbish translations that we see everyday from Thai to English. My favourite is the sign advertising the wheelchair access ramp at the Pattaya train station, it proudly pronounces to be a "Handicapped Lamp".

OP - check your phone for GPS tracking spyware.

Once you've removed it, remember not to come home with your tee shirt inside out and missing one sock.

Don't ask me how I know.

Wow, this is good advice.

Many Thanks.

Never thought of GPS tracking spyware.

You must have been living in Thailand for a long time.

That ain't the half of it. Some software can be dialled up in stealth mode and listen to the conversations going on around it. Plus it will take photos of your surroundings when being used and email to the stalker.

"Hi Honey, where you now?"

"Still not finished golf, I'll be home in two hours"

Meanwhile your phone is taking a pic of God knows where, but it's not the 14th fairway.

Posted Today, 12:24

For the past few weeks I've been having problems loading/refreshing Thai Visa on my laptop at home. [...]

Now I'm staying at a hotel and having no problems at all.

Is it possible that my Router at home has some issues? [...]

Is it the router causing the problem at home, and if so, what else can I do to it to stop it misbehaving?

Any advice appreciated.

If ISP-hosted speedtests indicate you are receiving your fully subscribed Down/Up data rate, then I would suspect DNS issues.

You can try adjusting your router to use google's open/public DNS 8.8.8.8 / 8.8.4.4 and see if that corrects the issue.

Thanks - I'll give it a crack when I get home. Data was moving OK, all other websites work fine. It's only TV I have a problem with.