frollywolly

I am 50 and my (Thai) wife is 39. We have a beautiful 4 year old girl. We have discussed having another child, mainly as a companion for our daughter but also because she has been such a wonderful addition to our lives. We feel that having another would enhance all of our lives. We are good parents but by no means perfect. We have a successful family business here and feel more than capable of providing for both children.

I am concerned about my age but I am healthy and have longevity on both sides of my family including both parents still going strong in their early eighties.

I feel that we are doing the right thing.....or maybe not.

I commend your honesty and the thought you have given to the situation

In my opinion children at fifty is a very big decision. The cusp of a cut off age.

Do these guys really want kids, or is it just the girl saying no baby, no boom boom?

Darkian, I am certain there is a large element of this.

Yet is sex is only one element of it.

Do some of these men see having a baby as locking in their younger wife. Once pregnant she will stay with him forever?

That is no way to decide to have children at age 60

It is generally accepted as truth that the risks of an increase in mental disorders in children increases amongst older fathers. But the fact remains that the risk is small in the first place so absolutely no reason to put anyone off fathering a child in later years.

The OP to my mind is a tiresome busy-body and a crashing bore who would meddle in the lives of others, probably to hide his own inadequacies. Anyways, he clearly should not have children no matter what his age...I just hope the ones he claims to have already havent inherited too many of his characteristics!

What a withering, yet poorly informed and expressed, critique of myself.

The Frollettes inherited many traits from myself and Mrs Frolly. Being still young-ish parents, we were also able to participate in so many physical activities as they grew up; hiking, biking, climbing, racquet sports, to name but a few.

We were able to be there for them after a challenging day of work and we provided a solid base role model. We are active people, well educated and have had good careers, working and living in many countries. Our children were able to experience living and holidaying in many countries.

These are a few things we were able to give our children. A lot of energy is expended in being there and doing it.

Can a man of 65 give their child of 10 all that is required? Maybe in 10% of cases they can. Simply, at that age, you do not have the energy you had when you were young.

Many of the older father I have seen around areas of Bangkok do not look like they are in any reasonable state of health at all. They appear miserable for the main.

As to your claim of myself meddling in the lives of others; I do not approach these men and offer my opinion to them on their life choice.

Of course I have the right to question that choice privately or on an anonymous forum such as this.

Judging? yes of course I am. I am staggered at such selfish choices and my thoughts are primarily for the care and well being of the children.

What child wants to be fatherless at age 20? No father, no grandfather, no siblings, How awful.

I think that the best reason to not father children after 50 years old is the big risk in having a baby with some kind of mental disorder....even if the problem can be tested during pregnancy, and may have time to do something about.

Why would you think a man over 50 would have more chance of fathering a child with a mental disorder?

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/feb/26/children-older-men-mental-illness-fathers-school

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/children-with-older-dads-at-greater-mental-illness-risk/

I'm 54 and have a 2 yo boy and 3 step children 8yo 18 yo and 22 yo Although the baby was not planned, my wife and I were overjoyed to discover the pregnancy. I still work and also have funds for retirement. I love spending time with all of them and have done since we married 6 years ago.

Some people just love being a dad, I'm one of them. I have mates over 60 who have young children and they all love and care for their kids and have already provided for their future.

As for dieing when the kids are young, well, better to have a good dad for a shortime than some "expletive" for life. There are plenty of unworthy fathers out there of all ages.

I suggest you live your life as you see fit and leave others to live theirs and forgo this sanctimonious and judgemental crap.

"As for dieing when the kids are young, well, better to have a good dad for a shortime than some "expletive" for life. There are plenty of unworthy fathers out there of all ages."

This is the narcissistic kind of rhetoric I fail to grasp.

Why is it a comparison of better to have a good dad for a few years against a bad father? Self serving nonsense old bean.

Why not a comparison of the great majority of fathers, who are good fathers, who are with with their children through their childhood and early adulthood?

That is a like for like comparison

Even when an old farang is not looking in having children here with a Thai woman, will take the risk to do it. I was advised about.

Thai women of any age loves to be mother or a mix race child, for many reasons, and genetically Thai women fertility last longer than in western women. Any "distraction" is enough to get into trouble. I had a 40 years old Thai GF that was insisting for me not to use protection during sex...and in getting me "distracted". Anyway, a great companion, but it was not a serious relationship.

After 4 months, and when I decided to finish it, she told me that she was looking in getting pregnant again. She was a teacher, divorced, and with a teenager son.

This situation can happen. Of course.

Precautions are easy. Wear condoms always. The girl should be on a contraceptive regime.

If you are aged over 50, and do not like contraception,have a vasectomy.

You certainly make many assumptions in your OP. Is it selfish for a 46 year old first time father and 32 year old first time mother, with adequate income to start a family ?

Is it selfish? What do you think bangkokhatter?

Here are my thoughts:

Under 40: Ideal age to have children

Age 40-45: It is okay, but plan it and be sure

Age 45-50: Borderline. I think it is too old, but it can be done. Just

Age 50+: No.Too old. It is a selfish act beyond this age

I'm in part agreement with the OP.

There's a guy who lives near me in Hua Hin is 68 and has a 6 month old daughter.

I'm not saying that if you're older you can't be a great dad, but people should consider how fair it is on the child when the father is so old.

I lost one of my parents when I was ten years old, not because of old age, but nonetheless for any child to lose one of their parents is a truly traumatic experience and having a child in your 60s obviously dramatically increases the risk of your son or daughter growing up without a dad for a large part of their childhood.

There's more to it than simply being able to financially support your child.

it's OK to say you've got money in the bank but fatherhood is much more than that.

Well expressed with a personal example and goes to the crux of my point.

Money and financial stability is only one of the pieces.

68 is far too old to be having a child. The chances of disease and health problems increase dramatically.

I think that the best reason to not father children after 50 years old is the big risk in having a baby with some kind of mental disorder....even if the problem can be tested during pregnancy, and may have time to do something about.

This is a brilliant point.

Why knowingly bring children into the world if the risk of mental illness is dramatically raised

No difference at all....

Agreed, if you mean both cases are being irresponsible and selfish.

I'm 60 and with a 3 year old son, no need to work ever again, I have plenty of money.

Happy to have one or two more.

How many men get divorced with kids under 18 and never see their children again?

What's the difference?

This post demonstrates exactly the selfish mindset of those who are older having children.

A man who gets divorced and willingly does not see his under aged children again can not be termed a man. Justifications of the 'wife turned them against me' are 99% of the time an excuse by the man to avoid his responsibilities.

This is a mindset of children are disposable. You can walk away if things go wrong, like divorce, and not see your children again.

If on US Social Security after 62+ years old, 2 children can receive 50% of your benefit ( each child ). Nearly doubles benefit.

Better than a sharp stick in the eye and you can still work.

Are you advocating social security as a means of supporting your children in older age? There is no limit to the time you can be on social security in the US?

If social security is to be the game plan for supporting your children it is better not to have any

I know guys in there 70's that have multible children that are around 5 to 10 years old.

It's sad really as most of them seem to be married to ex-bar girls from Issan. There relationships are highly problamatic and when they kick the bucket the kids will not be well looked after....I see fatherhood as a very serious undertaking that should have the welfare of the child at centerpoint. Just hoping your going to live healthfuly into your ninties is careless.....

As you say,fatherhood is a serious undertaking and should be approached in the best manner possible.

Accidents do happen, will happen, yet as a man gets older and matures, they can mitigate unwanted pregnancies through preventative steps

Either Troll post or a total moron who thinks his own values are unchallengeable

Neither.

Challenge away old bean!

I recently attended a gathering here in Thailand where I was astonished by several of the men’s situation.

Middle aged men embarking upon the journey of fatherhood

I have raised two beautiful frollettes, now young adults, yet as a man around 50 years of age, I would never consider bringing another child into this world. It is exhausting, expensive, a responsibility not to be taken lightly. I enjoy my semi-retirement

Here were the situations of some of the men I met.

*47 years old. A child under 1 year of age. Decent job. Thai wife 35

*54 years of age. Two children under 2 years of age. No job. Not wealthy .Thai wife 37

*62 years of age. 1 child under 4 years of age. Delaying retirement. Average income. Previous 2 children now adults. Thai wife 29.

My take on this:

47 years old Starting a family…maybe

54 years old. How will he support the children if not working?

62 years of age. Delaying retirement. What a miserable way to live, extending ones working life by 15 years.

It is a very selfish act on the part of these fathers. At age 80, in poor health, will they expect their own children to forgo their own young lives to look after them?

Earning capacity within Thailand is limited for most foreigners. The foreigners I interact here, who earn good money, would never consider having a child at 50. Never.

So why do these men, with limited earning capacity choose to take on such a financial burden?

Will these men simply abandon their child and family in a few years when the gloss has worn off?

Are these children heading for a life of poverty? Will the father’s solution be to head back to their home countries and live their days on western welfare systems? What kind of life is this?

Is this fair on the children?

Responsible of the father?

Responsible of the mother?

OK, maybe I will try to back off from commenting on David48 (unless in direct rebuttal of a personal attack from him) even with my very justified strong NEGATIVE feelings about his posting behavior.

After all he at the BOTTOM of the pack here, he' s ALREADY last year's news, and I'm in it THIS YEAR to WIN it.

Why engage him? He has 40 votes now?

You engaging him is akin to the American President debating with a District Cub Scout team leader.

Yes and then having the District Cub Scout team leader show him how it's done!

Oh yes, happens all the time.

OK, maybe I will try to back off from commenting on David48 (unless in direct rebuttal of a personal attack from him) even with my very justified strong NEGATIVE feelings about his posting behavior.

After all he at the BOTTOM of the pack here, he' s ALREADY last year's news, and I'm in it THIS YEAR to WIN it.

Why engage him? He has 40 votes now?

You engaging him is akin to the American President debating with a District Cub Scout team leader.

You see my dear Jingthing, a run off, if your votes and Nancy's votes are deleted, will favour the old boys club. That would be a mockery of the popular vote.

I am sure smokie36 means to keep the current vote tally and simply delete everyone under that.

No, imagine yourself, on 121 votes, being beaten in a match off by someone with 40 votes? It simply would not happen.

Is that what smokie36 has said?

How could it be an other way. smokie36 comes across as a fair man.

Reverting to zero for all voters might have David48 and costas salivating.

For nancy and Jingthing and the 250 MEMBERS who have voted for them it would be a slap in the face and farcical.

I disagree. It's been a very poor job.

Nomination process never explained

Choices added after voting begins.

Now this runoff when it was never announced before.

Sent from my Lenovo S820_ROW using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

You're leading the polls.....so what's the problem?

A new runoff contest that was never announced ... nobody is leading anything. Runoffs are great if the parameters and scheduled at the beginning of the process. Not late. I strongly object to this last minute surprise runoff.

Sent from my Lenovo S820_ROW using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

You see my dear Jingthing, a run off, if your votes and Nancy's votes are deleted, will favour the old boys club. That would be a mockery of the popular vote.

I am sure smokie36 means to keep the current vote tally and simply delete everyone under that.

No, imagine yourself, on 121 votes, being beaten in a match off by someone with 40 votes? It simply would not happen.

Back to the topic at hand.

Am i to presume, on current standings, that Jingthing, the leader by a huge majority, is almost 3 times as popular as the current 3rd and 4th placings?

Poor frolly ending the year with his pants at his ankles taking a spanking from gaylips!

Quite so old boy! Mrs Frolly has the rights to that and wields a jealous knife with skill

Even more frightening than Mrs Frolly's knife skille is this! Imagine, just imagine if you can, that gayllips is in fact not a woman at all!! Gasp!

Imagine an Old, Fat, Unwashed, Married man, coming to spank me! I can only hope this fiction of my mind lives outside of Thailand and visits only 4 weeks every year, when I am not here

Smokie, if you decide to take the task on again next year ... possibly a few changes/suggestions.

With regards to nominations ... maybe change to Nominations and acceptance ... that way you don't get members such as weegee and frollywolly and the few others who probably never wanted to be in the contest.

Secondly, and this may be seen as a negative comment but subtly a Forum rule is being well broken.

what happened to the forum rules to not lobby members?

Currently we have 4 OP's lobbying members for votes.

This used to be a fun contest, run by the members, for the members.

So maybe members should be reminded of the Rule.

Just a few ideas to consider ... other members may have more for you.

.

What hypocritical BS! You have been lobbying yourself in many forums.

Why does Smokie own this year after year?

If it will be a member not a mod time for a change.

Sent from my Lenovo S820_ROW using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Sour grapes is all it is.

Why, David48, has even had whambam lobbying on his behalf in this very thread! They are so alike, they must be the best of chums.

Having been away some, of recent times, I come back and discover I have missed 2000 posts. Remarkable. In my estimation Jingthing would be a worthy winner. A long time Thailand ex pat who posts with intelligence and reasoning.

A member here (I forget who) once said 'thaivisa members are not stupid'. Judging from current results they assuredly are not.

David is 3rd

No he's not.

Oh yes he is

Crossy sir. Could you please remove my name from this vote.

To the 2 people who voted for me? why? I have 200 posts.

This reminds me of European history, all the back stabbing and teeachery, forging alliances thru marriage, only to double cross at the last minute. I'm sure the most devious will walk away with this. The silent one!

Frolly wolly?

Only today I discovered I was in this meaningless vote.

I did ask to be removed when nominated. That request was ignored.

Moderators, I note people are being removed.

Please remove my name from this idiocy.