Chopper

^ Phil, stop reading my mind...

Big C: North Pattaya. Located on the second floor just outside of the mobile phone shop enclave.

It also provides photocopying, postal, laminating and other such ancillary services.

^ Do you have a glass skull? Your obvious jealously of another's website seems ever so apparent.

Pig and Whistle Soi 7 works for me ฿ 120 for the small breakfast.

This is a good website to look at.

Click here.

A bloke stuck his head into a barber's and asked, 'How long before I can get

a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,

'about 2 hours.' The bloke left..

A few days later, the same bloke stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How

long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and

said, 'About 3 hours.' The bloke left.

A week later, the same bloke stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How

long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop and

said, 'About an hour and a half.' The bloke left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow

that bloke and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait

for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So, where does that bloke go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,

'Your house!'

I spotted him yesterday... He must have just landed in Pattaya.

Perhaps he was behind schedule in preparing this years presents and has elected to ditch his sleigh in favour of a slightly faster mode of transport to meet his obligations.

It is the Reindeers I feel sorry for with unemployment being so high around the world.

It is like watching train about to collide: you don't want to but feel compelled to do so.

I was watching it last night and Mick just needs a bit of polishing up.

The Winchester Bar review is about a year old. The bloke from Hackney he interviews inside the bar before he is even asked a question cannot contain his excitement as he extols the virtues of his holiday for about 2 minutes before Mick finally gets a question in. That was a classic.

Good luck on shutting this guy up!

Ha-ha spot on.

Maybe a lobotomy would do the trick.

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed

A little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the

sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by

her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks', the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her

dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run

yo ur rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think

you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I

wouldn't have a siren.'

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife,

Tracy, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Babe, now I

only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?'

Tracy agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only

eight hours of life left. He touched Tracy's shoulder and said,

'Babe? Please? Just one more time before I die.' She agreed, then

afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed

and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.

'Babe, I only have four hours left! Could we...?'

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen Barry,

I'm not being funny but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.'

A bloke is sitting in the bar in the departure lounge at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

He decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leaned across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'. The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

Then he leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'. Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'. The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the <deleted> do you want?'

'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair'.

No Wuckers.

Great Pictures.

A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.

He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."

She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippy and says:

"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippy..

"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every

Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in

a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff inyour

beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippy decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as

suggested on the next Tuesday night.

"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood

low about his face. "Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself

to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippy!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when

accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set hand brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release hand brake

Where is the event? There is a trophy shop in North Pattaya and you get your trophy engraved with whatever you want on it.

Please post details of the charity, date of the ride etc and if I am unable to attend I will be most happy to make a pledge.

No matter what you ride - you are welcome!

Great idea aussiechick. I am all for supporting charity, though some might misconstrue the bold type above.

Heng, given your depiction of the Southshore project it begs the question if Raimon Land has failed to meet their fiduciary responsibility's as the radio stations sponsor.

When Bob was asked if he preferred legs

or breasts he told the stranger he had

a particular fondness for shaven fannies.

He was then informed that this was not

an option with a KFC Bargain Bucket.

Hemi the Maori builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.

She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said 'I want this room to be painted a light blue.'

Hemi went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.

Hemi went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan..

Hemi went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him 'I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for?'

Hemi said, 'Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Aussies laying the turf out the front.

^ Many A Mickle Makes A Muckle.