Been there done that

19 hours ago, RickoMortis said:

Send your wife back to the Bar you got her from you could be her pimp also on the early shift on Beach Road. She can help suport your self and send money home to greedy mama. Has she spent the fortune you paid her for her daughter. No body likes the truth and stop been greedy or your wife will be made to return to her family by Mama. 20,000 Baht a month should help the family live instead of just exist. It's only money and will make your wife so happy you helping her family I mean that is why she married you. 

Where is the love ?

46 minutes ago, kensisaket said:

Probably the easiest way to handle that is give the GF a monthly allotment.  What she does with it is between her and her mother.  FYI, because of the wonderful Thai social security system (600 baht per month) the children are expected to provide additional support for their parents. 

Thats faulty conditioning for you.

On 11/26/2018 at 2:28 AM, FritsSikkink said:

Yes, money has nothing to do with love. Life is a lot better with money and money is there for some people to forget about the nasty things in a relationship. .

You must have alot of money then.

10 hours ago, sanemax said:

It was the O.P who stated that , not me .

I did also state that its better for the child to live a settled life , rather than getting involved in the parents hostilities .

   I have suggested to the O.P that the best/only way to get the issue sorted out is to get on friendly terms with the mother/family again and hes unable to do that .

    I have also suggested that he goes and force ably get his kid back, but it seems that he doesnt want his kid full time, just occasional visits .

  Occasionally seeing his kid will not address the problem of his dysfunctional life , it will only exasperate the situation .

   The reality is that if the mother is hostile and confrontational and wants nothing more to do with him, theres nothing that he can do about that

 

The parents hostilities ??? Solely hers by the reads of it. With people who hold similar opinions as yours, it wont help children in situations like this. May the cycle of abuse be continued.

34 minutes ago, sanemax said:

I did read that and I do understand , although its better to act intelligently, rather than emotionally .

  Its rather unpleasant of you to make that suggestion about me  , although I am will to listen, why do you think that thats an "alien" concept for me ?

You "inform" him that the child is in an abusive and dysfunctional situation but that it is best for said child to remain in that environment for various reasons. 

It is the child who is suffering and because the OP loves him, he seeks info on how to get access to the child. And more i would assume. As you state to have been in a similar situation, best you offer him help. Instead of....

Why do you think that OP wants you away from this topic ?

6 hours ago, sanemax said:

Although I was talking about my own situation, rather than yours .

I am in a similar situation to yours , although I took steps to get my kid back and I am just informing you that it isnt plain sailing after that and you all dont get to live happily ever after .

   There is probably quite a lot of animosity between you and mother and that wont go away and the Child will sense that and the Child will get caught up in the hostilities .

   From my situation and experience , the mother will know that she has the upper hand and she then can act as abusively towards you as much as she likes and you just quietly have to accept that , otherwise you will end up having another argument/disagreement .

  Then there are issues with the kid and how they perceive you , if they are with you all the time and have a normal father/child relationship , they do as they are told , you can teach them the basics , like not speaking with their mouth full , not running around restaurants , cleaning their teeth twice a day etc , the kids listen and do as they are told .

   When you see the kid once a week , you wouldnt have been able to teach them how to behave and thus you will spend alot of the time "moaning" and "telling them what to do" , either that , or you can just sit their quietly , getting verbal abuse from the mother and watching your kid misbehaving .

Did you fail to read that he loves his child ? Maybe love is an alien concept for you. For a man who claims that he is dealing with similar issues your responses on this and other topics are very odd. To say the least.

On 11/22/2018 at 5:44 AM, FritsSikkink said:

So you take the knife of her and remove her from the house. People are wondering why they are not respected here. The reason is obvious to me, no balls and running away for a problem is their only option.

Call ghosthusters.

46 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Better they live in a settled family environment 

Regardless of dysfunctionality and to be deliberately denied contact with the other parent. If that is...settled...for you ????

19 hours ago, sanemax said:

Do what I did then .

Go to the village in a car with blacked out windows , knock on every door or forcible open and get your kid back, the law is unconcerned , take him back to a first World existence and he's unhappy and crying for his mum & family .

  "I have a good school for you to go to "

" I want my mummy"

Brutal  

Best to let the kid stay in an abusive and dysfunctional situation then ? One can not make this all up.

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

She has quite probably told the same kind of things to your son and also turned him against you .

   I do understand that you want him back , but , if you did get him back, what then ?

He is probably settled in his own life now , in school , family and friends .

School friends , family , cousins and his mother .

  We are at a disadvantage here ,because we have no families here , no grandmothers, brothers or sisters to be part of the kids family .

   Finding a new woman to be the kids mother and everyone living happily ever after is possible , but a difficult thing to do .

   You may want your kid back , but would he want you back ? (Sorry to sound unpleasant, but I'm just stating the reality )

  Its a hard thing to deal with , when you are sitting with your son and hes upset and crying because he wants his mummy back 

You can't make this...... up. Unbelievable to question, does a child want a father back in his life. 

13 hours ago, BritManToo said:

My kids in Thailand are really happy, loving and sharing.

My kids in England are miserable, greedy and selfish.

 

Greed is the way of the west.

 

Greed is the way of the west.....good to know that thais are not greedy and only care about sanuk sanuk...

1 hour ago, hobobo said:

She's obviously the kind of offspring one hopes to get: not to exploit her ever, but appreciating that SHE appreciates what went on for the last 20 years. Well done, BritManToo!

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

My 20-year-old Thai daughter (2nd year uni) is already talking about sharing her wage with me.

I don't need her money, but I wouldn't mind a bit of looking after as I get older.

You post a lot of crap. 

1 hour ago, Happy Grumpy said:

Not only bilingual, being fully bi-cultural is a massive professional advantage.

 

Unfortunately those kids being raised outside of Thailand miss this opportunity.  

The happy few.

7 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I want my son to be happy, how he earns money is irrelevant.

Doctors have the highest suicide rate of any profession in the world.

I don't believe I've ever met a nurse that wasn't struggling financially.

 

Presumably whatever you did in your home country didn't make you happy, else you wouldn't be living here.

It's a complete mystery to me, how guys that couldn't manage in their home countries think their kids will do better.

Being educated in the west gives them later easier options in life. Being educated through the Thai educationsystem hardly gives them any options. Disregarding that is just selfish. 

On 11/17/2018 at 11:58 AM, blinkers said:

What exactly are you worried about? This is the normal situation here, girls stay with their fathers, the thinking behind this is that when the mother has a new partner, the girl may be sexually abused. Boys normally stay with their mothers, as stepmothers are viewed as being abusive and in one locals words may be "treated like a dog".

 

Obviously although this is generally accepted here the parties will make whatever arrangement suits them.

 

 

Their simple way of thinking, as you write, is dangerous/worrisome by itself. 

I would be worried knowing the child stays with the father and not with her. For the rest, rethink your plans for marriage. Disaster waiting to happen.

Talk to her extensively and try to find out which youthtrauma has caused it all. Proceed from there on. If you care for her ofcourse.

On 10/25/2018 at 3:19 PM, rickudon said:

Well, a lot depends on what the girl getting married and the parents want ..... My UK daughter got married this year, but as she is also mixed race and her husband from another country, she had FOUR weddings! Registry (to make it official), a church wedding (no registrar available for the church wedding) and two 'traditional' ceremonies one for my ex-wife's relatives and one for the grooms relatives ......

 

Fortunately i just paid part of the cost, only cost me a couple of thousand pound in total including presents. I said as i was retired i didn't have much money to pay for this, which my daughter was quite reasonable about - just needed a token contribution. The grooms family were quite well off so did spend a lot themselves.

 

When i got married in Thailand just did the traditional Buddhist village wedding (big thing, about 200 guests, as wife's dad was the ex Pooyai baan so they needed sufficient 'face'), and then married in Amphoe a few years later (cost was 500 baht to expedite the process, no party).

 

The problem with wives is they get pregnant quickly!

Not only wives...

On 10/20/2018 at 1:08 PM, FritsSikkink said:

"Also nobody raises any eyebrows on the fact that the children's mother lives and works in Patong Beach as."

Didn't seem to bother you before you married her. You need to have a better helicopter view and be open what other people suggest even when it goes against what YOU want. These rants against this sort of organizations doesn't do you any favors in any way.

Interesting comment. What would you do if your own children, if you have any ofcourse, were emotionally abused via manipulation and brainwashing and nobody would care one iota, only you ? 

Any progress yet ?

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Not if she's officially passed on the kid at the Amphur Office.

 

As to the OP, I'd stay well out of this one, let her get on with whatever without your funding, don't say yes, don't say no, prevaricate without handing over money. If she wants a lawyer let her pay for one, if she wants advice, let her find it. 

Some Thai women use their children to extort money from those around them.

(Children they never previously paid any attention)

 

Thai guys are real experts at doing nothing, I've learnt a lot from them.

You want me to buy you a house? yes, we can look next week.

You want me to pay for your kids to go to private school? We'll look next month.

A new car? Sure, let's go shopping next week. 

Then never get around to doing it.

Those Thai guys must have learned to do that from their own mothers, i suppose.

Takes one to know one.

You refer to yourself as.....farang.

Advice; start working on your selfesteem then.

6 hours ago, Peterw42 said:

Thailand generally has a respect for elders culture, pee nong etc, older people get a higher up wai, children wait on elders at social gatherings. Also a pragmatic approach to relationships, security, fidelity, trust often more important than looks etc. A reality that older guys have their sh*t together, less likely to play up, not work, party all the time. Even in Thai Thai relationship, the guy can be significantly older.

Respect is not the same as fear.