scottiejohn

A young man called Peter wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart . As they had not been dating for very long, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister he went to Harrods and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself at the same time. During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed up the two items and the sister got the gloves and the Peter got the panties. Without checking the contents the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "Dear Maria, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove." These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart even though they were a little tight on her. She also told me that her pair helps to keep her ring clean and shiny, in fact, she had not needed to wash it since she had begun wearing them. I wish I were there to put them on for you for the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night." All my love Peter P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing

I’ve decided to launch a brand new app exclusively for Palaeontologists to find the right partner. I’m going to call it ‘Carbon Dating’ along with the slogan "come here to get your rocks off"!

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner….. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her, 'Why did you cut off the end of the ham'? And she replied , 'I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.' Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, 'I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it.' A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, 'Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?' Her grandmother replied, 'Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my small baking tray and oven.'

Is there a cure for your hammy posts?

You just couldn't resist posting that lot could you. I hope you feel fully charged now!

I just want to be "somebody else"!

Who are the "we" you refer to and how are "they" going to "help to stop the rigged elections in Cambodia"?

I never said he would but then logic is not Putin's strong point!

Same topic, different headlines: The OP; "BREAKING: Part of Prince Harry's damages claim against the publisher of The Sun over allegations of unlawful information gathering can go ahead to trial." The Daily mail' Prince Harry's phone hacking case against The Sun's publisher and claim of 'secret agreement' between Buckingham Palace and the Press is thrown out by a judge - but other claims against paper will go to trial. The Express; Prince Harry wins bid to take major publisher to High Court but part of his case dismissed No wonder people complain about fake news/biased news!

FRA. COLA, ss, $ I thought the subject was UK pensions! What has "FRA". "COLA", "ss", "$" got to do with this topic and what do "FRA". "COLA", "ss" FRA, mean in this context? PS; Do not suggest Mr Giggle as you end up with hundreds of options for all of them!

Great argument. What are you on about again?

No! As I see no point in reading unsubstantiated BS!

Easy one. It prevents means Putin's war machine will be advancing to the borders of other NATO members, many of which he has already said may be attacked - with a ready made excuse for HIS home consumption!

What are they and what do they do?

That is one thing you should not be calling him! Have you made as much money as him and been an Elected (twice) leader of your country? He was the first democratically elected prime minister of Thailand to serve a full term and was re-elected in 2005 by an overwhelming majority.

What do you call the people waiting to buy tickets to the new Barbie movie at the Cinema? A Barbecue!

The new Russian AI application ChatKGB has just been released It asks all the questions and you are obligated to answer them!

A somewhat "simple" teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings, ripped jeans and foul language. Later, after the boy has gone home, the girl’s mum says to her, “Dear, just look and listen to him, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mum!” says the daughter. “Don't go by his appearance etc as he must be a nice boy" "He has just finished doing 500 hours of community service!”

Two bored young male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?” The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”

Did you hear about the new odd shaped birth control/anti dating pill for men? You put it in of your shoes and it makes you limp.

I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them. But then again, I’ve never liked change.

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ferrari. His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!" "I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. "Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" he says. "It was the lady up the street," says the boy. "I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her Ferrari for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness!" says the mother. "Maybe she's mentally ill or has Alzheimer's something. John, you better go see what's going on." So the boy's father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ferrari for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it. "Well," she says, "two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back." "Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry," the father says. "But what does that have to do with my son and your Ferrari?" "Well, this morning he called and told me that the business meetings were over but he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash last night. He asked me to sell his new Ferrari for whatever I could get at such short notice and send him whatever money I was able to sell it for! So I did."

Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzle bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices- either I maul your to death or we have rough sex.” Again, Bob thought it was better to co-operate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder, He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it, Bob, you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?”

The whole OP is a troll!

CM IO is blue ink!