watthong

Oh Lord!

So he did have a stroke! That's scary. I'm glad he came out of it physically intact (no twisted facial features or limbs, no stuttering gait) though his movements are slower now and more deliberate. Any suggestion on how to recover? The hospital doesn't seem to have any plan re physio therapy. On his own J says he needs to walk around a lot, and likes to walk around shopping malls, whenever we go to one. such as MEGA, etc.

Which reminds me of a case I know personally back in California. I used to work for a psychologist. She has 3 sisters, she herself was the adopted child. Their father came around her home/office occasionally and we had some nice conversation. As he was getting older I guess he was prepared for old age decline he decided to give out 1M of inheritance early, each girl got a quarter of a million. After the money was given out, Dad started going down fast. I heard the 4 sisters on conference call quarrelly trying to choose a home care to send the old man to, and who was going to do what in making that arrangement. I myself was thinking, had he not given out that 1 M...

Sorry that I'm not well versed in medical vernacular. According to the doctor, he got a 2percent stroke, therefore almost a stroke (of the common 100 percent kind, the one that knocks you out cold, I guess). Anyone could give a correct interpretation of that 2percent please take a shot. From what I could learn, one artery/vein was almost closed (clogged up). Had it been blocked completely, then the doc would have to send in a balloon to stretch it out. Due to language barrier I could not get further than that. On the bright side, physically he seems to be okay. On the dark side, whatever percent it was, it must have been a shock to his central nervous system. Something I have to question daily.

Can i ask what you're using 1,5 gb for. Checking email, browsing webistes, or watching youtube constantly all day all the time? Any slowing down watching youtube?

I'm getting old and he is/was my constant companion. So I'd say it's the former. These days I have to adjust to doing everything solo. F. ex just hauled a bucket of laundry downstairs for a wash. With J he could do the whole load more than one bucket in one trip. Mundane things like that.

Every single sentence of yours rings true: -"We probably need to talk about your father..." Checked! Or my childhood rather. Ok let's go personal a bit into my background (only child, bastard born out of wedlock, raised/abused by childless, clingy *** co-dependency BIG TIME*** step-mother.) -"Your partner may be acting in ways that elicit a fatherly response from you." Checked! My pattern in relationship is of that being a savior. So I'm characteristicaaly drawn toward the "damsel in distress type." With J I hit the jackpot so to speak. - "That can include financial support as well as emotional. His current distress could be a way of asking for increased support." Checked! Absolutely, every day when we meet he complaints that he doesn't have enough money for everything, food, otc medicine. Now that he lives separate life, he goes back to eating out in his soi or 7/11, which is not the kind of diet his doctor has ordered. With me at least he could have something healthy. Bottom line is we both needed "professional therapy". Long before we ever met.

- Your 1st paragraph is spot on! Yes, that's what makes me sleepless these days. Especially for J, he's barely holding it together. The house that he's supposed to be sharing with his brother feels alien to him, though he used to live there before we met...His brother has not upkept it much, or rather the opposite. - My life-line in America is a couple of old friends (co worker, former roommate) who seem eager to help ("just move back and we'll do our best") . My preference is to stay in Thailand, but the health coverage is a must, which I don't have. -Time frame for America - 1 or 2 yrs are a long stretch for me. My health has been okay, but I don't know how long that will maintain and I'm living here sans health coverage, so any day is a day at risk. Also with that long extension, J might think "oh I don't really need to hurry (to get my acts together.)" I'm looking more like 6 mos, time to leave is when my retirement ext expires, May 2025. Also looking back at the course of the relationship: 1st yr - dating, next 2 yrs- covid, next 2 yrs= mom cancer. So we don't really have time to breathe normal ie to really work out the dynamic of the relationship, until now when the financial reality sets in. As the saying goes, we're building the plane as we're flying it.

Your assessment is right on point. May I pm you for further discussion in a more private setting?

Great idea, will do. Thanks

Talking about childhood - At some point, I think pretty early on, the relationship turned to a parent=child one. Not because there was a 3rd party, but because it started to get lop-sided where J was so inadequate functionally (can't do anything right - one of the huge red flags) that I decided that I better be a parent to him. For the better? No, it was for the worse, let's just say parenting is not my forte.). As much as he was his mama's boy, now he became my "papa's boy." (His own dad died a long time ago, seemed like mom was a single parent raising just him, his brother sent elsewhere, thus the animosity within the family.) Cut to the chase, he just lost his mom and now has to confront the possibility of his dad (me) leaving him, that might have been the cause for his meltdown. Currently, having him move back to his "house" was the 1st baby step in the scheme of "move out into a seperate dwelling you grow in a way and do your own thing."

Indeed. A lesson learned, however late at this stage. That whenever one has to make monumental choice, it behooves one to be careful, very careful, - as one's life would be altered accordingly. Self-awareness, the ability to stand aside and look at one self or one's life - or lack thereof, ie blinders could push one to make a good or a bad choice that one has to live with for a long long time... I made a bad choice in my career that sent me to Asia as economic migrant, then another bad choice in my relationship that would send me back there. I did not intend to go back, though I did want to come here. There had been many road signs telling me to take a different turn along that stretch of my career, just as there had been huge red flags telling me to bug off at the start of this relationship. But I kept my blinders on and forged straight ahead.

I'm currently staying at my place, J kinda semi=moved out and I encouraged him to fix up his own adobe which is the home that he can share with his brother. He'd come by and spend time with me half a day, we kinda baby sit each other like the arrangement between Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall" before they totally broke apart...(That's what I meant about "co-dependency.") [Re the thread that was mentioned, sounds like tailor-made for me. Shudders.]

There were a few good years where J was a very docile and devoted companion. Then the cancer struck and we've been living in crisis mode since, even after mom was gone. I remember reading stories or movies where sometime after the death of a family member, the whole family would go through some sort of "re-structuring..."

"her"= mom, not the cousin.

It was the "non-medical" necessities here and there - outside the governement 30 bht treatment scheme, which I agree, was impressive. The last "gift" to mom was for cataract removal, a few months before her demise. The aunties, a couple from abroad and one local, agreed to chip in for the surgery, but as mom "days" got near, they all stayed mum when presented with palms up. Only when I had to scrounge around for the 50k needed that I realized that I had hit bottom, literally, of my savings.

I've been in a (gay) relationship for the last 5 years. I met J one year before covid hit at that time I was 65 and J 41. A few months into dating J lost his job and moved in with me so I became his provider aka sugar daddy. A few months later, early 2020 covid arrived. We moved to Ram2 near MEGA Bangna close to where J mom and brother lived (these 2 did not get along though living under one roof). We survived the 2 years of covid, started travelling a bit when things began to open up, then mom was diagnosed with colon cancer stage 4! The next 2 yrs were mainly J taking care of Mom. The brother sensed that J got a walking ATM in me so all the more he wouldn't bother himself too much about their mom condition. J is intellectually okay, interested in Western Culture so we got something to talk about. Mentally he's fragile, Mom had always been his pillar of strength. She passed away this summer. J gradually falls apart. At the same time I also realize that my savings, the extra layer on top of my 800K for retirement extension, have been wiped out after 5 years of co-habitation and helping out with the old lady's sickness. We don't have an extravagant life style, my retirement is meager, but I had thought if I had a partner who is on the miser side we could make it a go, maintaining the layer of savings needed for me as a DIY health insurance. Okay I'll try to finish my tale in this 3rd (or maybe 4th) paragraph here. As I was saying, J gradually falls apart without his mom. The only one relative, a female cousin, that cares to look into J family situation told me that maybe J wanted to follow her. I dig into research and came up with the probability that J also has AHDH-i (attention deficit without hyperactivity). Medicaly, he also got HP and diabetes, a big guy. All these ailments started rearing their ugly heads while his mental state is fraying. We started to argue a lot, then I realized that his thinking core is not straight, in other words, his logic doesn't make sense. And he blames everybody mostly me, but himself, for leading him to his present state. The house where the brother now lives alone, belongs to a landlord who used to employ mom and was very caring toward her. They let the family live there, paying rent whenever anyone can. The cousin told me that the 2 brothers could stay there indefinitely and don't have to worry about paying rent, the landlords are stinking rich. The brother has let the house run down without any upkeep. I'm in the process of weaning J from his co-dependency on me, and also mine on him, starting to separate our lives. I still care about him and want to continue my support, but financially things are getting tight and I don't see any improvement on my budget. J looking for a job is no longer feasible given his deteriorating mental/physical state. Since the beginning of this month Nov, he's been taken to emergency twice and onehalf-week hospital stay. So my first step is getting J to go back to live in their house, we still see each other everyday, and I give him a daily allowance so that he could manage day by day living there with his brother. It is not easy, but we need to take baby steps. Going back and forth between two households should give J life some structure, IMO. I'm seeking advice from anyone with experience on co-dependency and trying to get us out of the hole we've been digging ourselves in. Any concrete advice will be much appreciated. Thank you all in advance. PS - Oh I forgot to add one crucial detail: I am also in the thinking process of going back to the States. Because staying here without extra money for self-insurance at age 70 is, you say it, very risky. When I told him this, this was like a bombshell to J, that' was probably the cause for the recent emergency break downs. Doc said that he got a near-stroke.

I've been looking for this year (they change every year/season) for a pre-paid [name your carrier] xxmbps unlimited 1 year sim card and found this number one candidate. It is with True which I haven't used before. I have used both dtac and AIS unlimited sims in the past and they're both fine. I have got input from a couple of folks in regards to True performance, one says it's unreliable/spotty and slow, the other says reliable and fine (in term of speed). This sim is to be used in my iPad which stands in as a "personal hotspot.: Anyone has experience with this sim or with True in general in term of performance? Your input is appreciated, thank you much in advance. https://www.lazada.co.th/products/unlimited-15mbps-truemove-h-i2010048060.html?spm=a2o4m.searchlist.list.1.12e840a263ceJN

I see "mark as lost" and "erase this device" options in find my. But I don't see the "wipe this phone after 10 failed log on attempts" option?

I had that one the year before, then early this year they changed it to 15mbps which is the one I've been using. Now not only 15mbps is off the shelf but their unlimited du jour at 6mbps is also out of stock! The AIS you recommend has a 100gb limit.

Unfortunately True sim is the only 1 year unlimited kind that is avaiable. dtac 1 year unlimited seems to be "out of stock" everywhere.

My phone sim is a prepaid and has no cellular. The sim I'm shopping now is going to be the hotspot. It's gonna be used in my ipad and serve as a hotspot for other devices. That'w shy I need "unlimited" and relatively fast speed.

do you have the link where you purchased it? I'm using dtac 15 mbps unlimited bought last year but they're out of stock as of now.

Actually the dtac unlimited 6mbps is not the one I'm aiming for. the one I'm aiming for is true 15mbps unlimited. I have 2 different versions here with a slight price difference of 50bt. One calls itself Truemove H the other Sim True. I eyeballed the description in Thai of both and found the name is the only difference. Maybe that's got to do with different distributor (WPN Mall vs MelonThai)? https://www.lazada.co.th/products/unlimited-15mbps-truemove-h-i2010048060.html?spm=a2o4m.searchlist.list.1.12e840a263ceJN https://www.lazada.co.th/products/15mbps-sim-true-melonthai-i548770182-s9560048567.html?spm=a2o4m.pdp_revamp.recommend_2.4.5abc670aiWNJ9M&mp=1&cid=101100026642425&mp=1&impsrc=&ad_src=4500_522:9999,1400_420:0.951267421245575,1400_522:0.058824,1400_525:0.016393,6001_1102:4.777455&pid_pvid=db4e03cc74dedd2633583326f740ee44&sub_product_id=F&pvtime=1731322121&member_id=151791015&mp=1&cpc=127&originalCpc=300&highest_price=300&adFlag=3&pdp_item=2010048060&pa=sponsored_bottom&did=d1384944-0e4c-4f9d-bd13-51875e81ec97&adid=0&bucketId=0,481453&sellerId=100156819&itemId=548770182&ncid=101100026642425&adgroup_id=1649270101&creative_id=0&brand_id=294049&category_id=9686&pvid=d1384944-0e4c-4f9d-bd13-51875e81ec97&abid=0,13208394,16681078,21428172,12919118,12345514,21392976,21382750,21429470,21428190,21386330,13630928,10909574,21397094,21402980,21411950,21401580,481453,21421290,366889,12900842,12575246,21393140,21386226,21384432,8460342,21375870,21390462,12559238,21425148,12091908,21388408,21419526,21387268,21421572,12656132,21381376,21429632,21403534,12449264,21394580,21387664,11989614,12189920,21410332,21418906,21386776,21424664,21426214,12192856,21425188,21426724,21392928,17598570,12950434,18243582,240363,12616746,19944028,21426730,12729388,21397544,13215270,21376562,14620714,12793016,123,21419066,21429178,21423802,13057466,21397560,21425336&nick=&pos=-1&regional_key=011105020000&impsrc=&crowd_id=&one_id=&

Thank you for the link and the estimate. I don't think the 70gb per month will be sufficient. This fast70 sim price is 2k, might as well add another K and get dtac unlimited 6mbps.