DrDweeb

1 hour ago, greenchair said:

 

Nobody uses boxes for clothes these days. 

Especially Thais. 

Usually everyone gets a pack of big black trash bags and throws it all in. Easy for her to throw in a taxi. 

Or the big carry bags you can buy at makro for about 70 baht would be better than boxes. 

Ikea probably has a variety of carry bags also. 

Stuff != clothes. We are talking the accumulation of 6+ years. She doesn't live out of a suitcase!

If anyone is still reading this never ending story, I need some "removalist cartons" to pack her stuff.

 

In my home country, the removal companies have a standard flat pack box that folds into a self supporting structure with grab holes - they cost a few bucks each and are indispensable. I reckon I need 15 - damn she has a lot of clothes!

 

I have no idea where to find this in Bangkok, or even where I should ask - clues welcome.

2 hours ago, Elkski said:

Can I ask how full your sexual playlist was?    I mean did you teach, explore and enjoy all the standards plus imaginable things to try?

 

Turing complete.

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

Well first off, if you didn't read this whole thread why are some of you posting and asking and saying dumb things that have been answered.   

The OP has her out of his apartment.

But if it is ownership isn't that a condo?  

 

Yes it's my condo - not flash, but it serves fine in a good location. Apartment=condo in my lexicon - sorry for the confusion.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

Drdweeb, you sound like a very nice guy. I wish you luck in the future.  It may take a couple years.  Don't rush into anything. Even when you feel ready you will look back in 6 months and know you weren't. 

 

Thank you

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

 

I have a few questions and comments.  Are you really a self proclaimed Dweeb?  Did you take her out dancing? To nice dinners? Trips? Romance?

 

Fine dining, check

Romantic sunsets on the beach - check (I have a 5 star resort condo on Phuket where we regularly go)

Opera - check

Circus - check (big hit by the way, she loves performance art)

Dancing - no, it's not her thing apparently

She has been in Europe a lot, but complains I don't take her enough places. That was the Italian slime ball's advantage - I live quite far north and he is on the Med.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

How old are you? You say she is 30.  So high chance in Thailand you were lover #2 since you say she was a good girl.  

I do doubt the father is dead story.   Did you Investigate that.   Two things come to mind,  she didn't know who it was it or she said this since he is deadbeat.   I have just had to many Thai women tell me  this story.   She was 21-22 when you met her? so she was so young she never got to try a few others like you have.  

 

Good gracious no, I was probably number 10. The first was the boy's dad apparently. There were numerous others (sordid details unnecessary). There was also some E. European "spiritual"  character who apparently beat her up. Certainly some others. She was 23 when we met, pushing 33 now. I am older (50+), though a lifetime of sport and staying out of the sun has kept me in pretty good shape - all things considered. I have an adult child from a previous marriage.

 

I am told he is dead by her family. He also had another child with another girl apparently. He was a player - extraordinarily handsome (the boy is obviously his son) and well off apparently. He was gone before I arrived.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

Only one guy asked how long your away periods were?.   But you never said how much you were absent in 8 years?  Your absence and a son probably prevented her from seeking a job? So she lived a very boring life when you were not there. Hard to expect animals to behave to some unnatural morals.

 

We moved in together 5-6 years ago, the boy has been here almost 3 years. Before that she stayed at home on the farm except with him except when I was in Thailand or we were all in Europe or in Bangkok or in Phuket. The lad went to school in the village. Generally it has been >60% of the year together (I don't keep a scorecard) - she wanted to "be a mom" and in her defense she is a candidate for "world's greatest mom". This is not one of her or our problems. She does odd jobs, and like all Thais, buying and selling stuff and so on. But she has enough money from me not to need to do this - she just does it for fun and gives the extra money to her family.

 

She works out almost daily and is very conscious of what goes in her mouth.She has a perfect lean and strong body to show for it - and I mean perfect as in a 10. She is an excellent cook, and appalling housekeeper.

I retired almost 2 years ago, have an O visa and I am around most of the time - I am away doing my hobby and business with my brother a few months a year. School vacations are 100% together, mostly.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

    Be cautious as condoms don't protect 100% from herpes.   I assume you mean she got hsv2 but hsv1in the gentital area is becoming very common and I bet she was only visually tested.   I would also bet you have never been type specific tested for HSV 1&2?. It could be hsv1 which 80% of adults have. Hsv's can be transmitted orally and not only when symptoms show.  Called viral shedding. Many people never even suffer a breakout. All this makes this  a big concern to me.  Some guys just brush it off as nothing.

 

She has always claimed a latex allergy and claimed that the "outbreak" in question last year was from a condom used on a toy - the week after she was with me. This is exceedingly unlikely, a fabrication, and it is almost certain it was from the Italian bloke or some other guy in Italy she <deleted>. I will never know and she (and the Italian) refuse to answer the simple questions about the sexual activity immediately prior. They are equally bad liars. I just want to know my risks.

 

It is not the sex with others that is painful, it is the betrayal and lies associated therewith that hurts. I understand one-time lapses happen, but they don't need to break everything if the partners are honest and open about it, and address the underlying cause (I speak from personal experience).

 

I asked if she would get checked, but since she won't come clean on what happened, she thinks I am being "ridiculous". She had the symptoms (fever, flu like symptoms, genital outbreak, etc.) - only a test can prove one way or the other. I did not see these symptoms - she related them in an email to the Italian slime ball that I read.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

 Did you ever give her allowance of say 5k/mo? I've heard this is common.  I mean 120$ but may have given her some independence.   I have heard about this even for older wives.   I can see where at 28 she looked at her life and saw she had nothing.   No career, not living in her own house, no stability. 

 

Her allowance has for many years been several factors greater than that. She has no economic problems. All major expenses are covered by me, as well as all expenses when we are physically together - she only has food and clothes to buy. She complains about not enough money anyway - what is enough for food and clothes?

Stability is a state of mind. She is not educated and has never had a meaningful job (other than farming). I have offered to pay for her to go back to school, but she has been uninterested in doing that. I did promise to leave the apartment to her - it has never been formalised, but my family would never contest this in the case of my demise - they would have no cause to fight over such a trivial thing. I also have one of my pension policies (several million THB with her as the beneficiary).

 

I do not know who convinced her to become conservative and an evil, demanding and unfaithful bitch - but someone or something did. She could change that in an instant - but she is unwilling. She does not have impulse control or emotion control - so the hideous jealousy is there forever I suspect. (See my previous post link on emotional reasoning).

 

She thinks I should marry her and pay her family some enormous sin sod and then everything will be OK again. Her claim is that me not marrying her previously is the root of all problems. Perhaps this is in fact true. But I didn't <deleted> around and chase other partners - she did - and in my experience "skindsyg" (an irrational all consuming jealousy of everyone and everything) is hard to cure.

 

It would probably be a trivial expense to pay sin sod, marry her and see what happens. There is only a minor financial risk (the sin sod) and it won't break me whatever it ends up being.  It would certainly be best for the boy - his education will cost me several times whatever a sin sod is. If she just treated me nicely like she did when we were younger, I could live with that.

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

When the cat is away it's easy for the nice to play. 

No more sex with her.  Don't give you or her heart any hope or pain.  Don't look at this as wasted 8 years.   

 

It was really when she weaponised sex that things started going off the rails. Who knows ...

 

If the opportunity arises, we will doubtless <deleted> our brains out, and things will be perfect for a while until the inner daemons in her re-appear to assert control. In fact, evidence based research suggests that daily sex would cure most of the issues - something about oxytocin, endorphins and other cool chemicals. :D - We have not split up due to sexual incompatibility or boredom in bed - trust me on this!

 

3 hours ago, Elkski said:

 

Good luck 

 

Thanks again.

It just occurred to me, what do you think would be the effect if I sent her the link to this thread?

On 26/12/2016 at 5:43 PM, AlexRich said:

 

Merry Christmas, glad you finally sorted things out. Look forward to 2017 with renewed optimism and put her firmly in the past ... and don't, under any circumstances, reward her with money. Forget 'love', an illusory and ephemeral state of madness. Focus on being happy with people who like you whatever your financial status. And good luck.   

 

 

In passing, my girlfriend had no clue of my financial status for the first several years we knew each other. We were in love and I had enough. I bailed out her family for several hundred thousand THB to free her of those "family obligations", so we could be us, without the family pounding us for money constantly. Didn't work as it turned out :(.

 

Once she started traveling to Europe with me it became more obvious. I think the Italian guy stuck the idea that I am filthy rich (well off, but not filthy rich) into her head and that warped her a bit, plus whatever other bullshit he spouted to get her body.

7 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

great you let us know what has happened. have heard this story many times. i would bet she will be back in touch in time saying she made a mistake and wants you back. in fact leaving her stuff was probably a way to keep it going. stand strong and enjoy your single life while you have it. woman are the spice of life but too much spice can cause heart burn.

I was back in Europe for Christmas and they were at the village. I will be in Bangkok for New Years, and their lives will be packed in boxes for transport before school starts on 5/1 (not that I expect their return at this point).

 

Her stuff was left there because I physically removed her and let her back a few hours later to take some essentials. She did not seem to grasp the seriousness of it all, even at the end.

 

If she turns up crying, which I severely doubt at this point, I don't know what I'll do. Love is a bitch, and I am getting too old to start this circus again . I would could easily restart all this should she show some flexibility, but she is neither getting a wedding ring any time soon (impossible for technical wealth reasons) and certainly not houses for her family - and that is where it ends.

 

I was never one for random women or an endless string of one-night stands. Sex always seemed meaningless and unfulfilling with someone for whom I had no feelings. It's not like I can't have sex with random women to whom I am attracted, it just seems pointless - no matter how good they might look.

 

I was single for 7 years before I met her, life was better after I did - single life is not what is cracked up to be.

Just a final update. A lot has happened.

 

1. She is out of the apartment, locks changed etc.
2. She took her boy with her back to the village. She won't bring him back.
3. Their stuff (all of it) is still in my apartment. I'll pack it this week and ship it off.

 

Close to 10 years of my life and a great deal of emotional effort down the drain.

 

We have had a few long conversations. We even had great sex a couple of times (we have always been physically compatible and still are). She still loves me I think, but love is not enough for her - not even close. In a calm rational moments we talked as we haven't done for quite some time. 

 

It now seems that I could have solved all her/our problems by marrying her 5 years ago (!) and giving her THB 5m and a house or two - we had this discussion over dinner last week - hearing someone calmly, rationally and seriously say this, never having worried or mentioned this before is depressing.

 

I had asked her what I needed to do to have the girl I loved back, rather than the volatile evil girl of late. Everything will be OK again if I marry her now and buy houses and give her lots of money. These things were never important to her before, they have apparently become the only thing important. Her son's future is far down on the list again. She does recognise how despicable she has been towards me though, and has apologised(!). This is her excuse and how I might fix things (you can't make this stuff up). She is quite serious.

 

I need to remind myself that it was not me <deleted> around, being dishonest and behaving homicidally. Because what is to stop her getting homicidal again next time her narcissism needs feeding and does not get instant gratification? Could I ever expect her to be honest?

 

I haven't heard much from the Italian since I wrote him what I thought of him. I guess he is still loitering in the background, or his friends waiting for their chance.

 

Anyway, the lad will be reassigned to the nearest village school and will not finish at the private school in Bangkok. A year of hard work for which he will have nothing to show. I truly despise her action of doing this to him - he deserves a better parent. It is a no cost option for her to allow him this final opportunity - but her selfishness knows few bounds.

 

I will no longer have to support her, her son or family. But I never really minded that much in the first place, and after a couple of million THB are down the rat hole, one gets used to the pain and manage it. There are limits of course, but that is not something Thai women understand apparently.
 

In all this, not once has she asked me what I want. She thinks all I want is sex. Sex is nice, but it is hardly a reason to spend a decade with someone. These days, a smile from her heart and caring in her voice would keep me going for weeks. But in reality, I want someone who has our and my interests at heart, rather than hers and everyone else's in her extended family. There was a time when she loved me and did in fact have my and our best interests at heart. Now there is only selfish narcissism left in the shell of a beautiful woman. The girl whom I love, and who likely still loves me is buried so deep that she will never be seen by me again.

 

They say it takes 8 seconds to fall in love. We had our 8 seconds and it lasted almost a decade before Thai culture won.

 

The advertising campaign has been going on for a while (you know where to look). Good fishing.

 

Men will now line up to take a dip, she will survive as so many other Thai women do, or maybe she will be a rice farmer again - it did not need to be so - there were better options for everyone on the table. Maybe some man who bonks her will love her? I pity him, but I pity her more for what she will need to do to find him. She is a 30+ yo woman in a hurry to find someone with enough money to afford her and willingness to tolerate her infantile behaviour. Thailand (and Asia) is literally full of good looking women with accidental children and needy families - and she doesn't have "life as a bar girl" to fall back on - difficult odds I think.

 

Case closed (for now)

Merry Christmas all

My worst Christmas ever

The latest news is that she has said she will move out and find a room. I have given her a deadline.

 

I relented and gave her a budget for the next 10 weeks, so niether she nor he boy will be in the street, nor will they starve.

 

Of course it remains to be seen what actually happens.

 

She did not suggest I pay for the boy's schooling going forward, something I have previously offered to do. I guess she has other plans that don't include him or his education.

 

She seems to have gone quiet and did not respond to SMSs today. Perhaps she did not like the tone of the email wherein I made her the offer and put the deadline in place?

 

I need to go get some stuff tomorrow, I'll see how the packing is progressing then.

Thanks Mikey.

 

I mentioned in the OP that I left out most of the gory details. In the past 18 months she has become more volatile, this has included uncontrolled rage, smashing stuff, waving a knife at me and so on (think Thai TV drama but 10 times worse). I have dodged a flying tuna can that got crushed when it hit the wall rather than my head. You know, the sort of stuff a 3 year old does? The problem is that she is a grown adult, she can do a lot of damage in blind rage. Under normal circumstances, that is not her style, but then something goes "click" in her mind and all bets are off. She has no "impulse control".

 

I have recordings of her screaming at me for hours, and a pic of her holding a knife while I am baled up in a room. Trust me, I am in physical danger when she flies off the handle.

 

I assumed this was due to cognitive dissonance, "living a lie", without me knowing the truth. It is the reason I went looking for the truth. I found it. It is hard to successfully live a lie and be in relationship with another. She can clearly "lose it" again, because now she has actually physically and financially lost something she had for her and her son. There is nothing as dangerous as a woman who feels her child is threatened - same for all mammals.

 

So, I am not overreacting or over reading the situation.

 

The Italian guy and her both claim it ended physically 2 years ago. Who knows, I certainly don't and I have no way of verifying it one way or the other. Even if it were true, how would that help me?

 

I feel extremely bad about tossing them out. I love her, and the boy and I were until now terrific friends. There is no upside in any of this for me except I get to move on with my loss.

 

 

 

 

Oh dear, she has decided better of it and wants to see me, now. I have arranged a meeting later this evening. It might be interesting. I will choose a public place, hopefully she will be the charming, thoughtful and reasonable person I was in love with.

 

She will beg to let her and son stay until the end of February. This is no cost option for me of course, except she will probably piss off to get a job somewhere and call her mom down from up country to look after the boy.

 

Actually, I have no idea what her mind is thinking.

The latest developments ... very typical Thai I expect.

 

We have met and talked rationally about past and future. In her "normal" state she is charming and thoughtful and mostly reasonable. However she is not completely rational whenever she realises she is not going to get what she wants, and get it now. Like a 3 year old, she loses it.

 

• I have repeated multiple times verbally and in writing that they must leave by mid-December.
• I have indicated they need to find a room to live in until school term ends - I have offered to pay for it
• I have fixed up her sons school fees
• She wants to stay until end of February when school term ends.
• She is going to the police (now) to demonstrate that she can hurt me with whatever weaponry she thinks she has (no idea what that is at this point).

I am now her "enemy" - her word. Given how she has treated me of late, it already felt that way. I think my offer is fair and reasonable and generous.

 

I know it is painful for the child to change addresses mid-term, but it's already painful for him now. I am meeting with his school teachers tomorrow to make sure they know what's happening.

 

In any case, I guess there might be laws about children's rights in such cases that might come into play. Or maybe she has something with which to blackmail me, who knows at this stage. I guess reading all her emails that she left on her old phone (registered in my name) when she gave it back was probably "illegal".

 

Anyway, the saga continues. Stay tuned.

The good news is that she is now packing.

The bad news is that she is as arrogant and defiant as ever - she really still thinks she deserves some concessions from me. No admission and no apology, as one would expect from one so selfish.

 

This saddens me a great deal.

 

Naturally the lad is very angry at me. He will probably hate me for the rest of his life. This is the most painful, but unavoidable.

 

She will not stay in Bangkok so that her son could continue at a good school, even if I or the Italian snake paid for it (which I could do, but apparently he cannot).  So it is back to the village with the pair of them. Opportunities lost, and futures squandered.

Back in Bangkok ... defiance and abuse from her and no admission or acceptance whatsoever. She is playing the victim card, as if her actions are my fault - delusional. She avoids confronting the truth (her despicable behaviour) and avoids the elephant in the room (unequivocal evidence of her deeds - now presented).

 

If she did not understand before, she knows now. She has had a month to find a room but hasn't even looked. She has until Monday night to get out, the boy can stay until she has a place for him and her stuff can stay as well until she has a place.

I expect her to be sleeping in the street unless the Italian sends her money - which he won't. I have surprisingly little pity for her, someone who I loved very deeply and whom I have invested almost a decade in.

 

It's strange how people can self destruct and blame others. Back to the village with both of them ... people with potential, re-consigned to the land. What a f*ing waste

1 hour ago, greenchair said:

 

I think you are already making excuses for her. That you love her very much. That this is going to drag on for years. 

Good luck mate. 

Oh, not an excuse at all. I have actually spent some considerable time reading the literature of human behaviour. However, recognising behaviour in others (and one self) is only half the battle.

 

Everyone would do well to understand "emotional reasoning". Here is a random article on the matter, you may all learn something.

http://shrink4men.com/2011/08/29/welcome-to-the-land-of-emotional-reasoning-id-turn-back-if-i-were-you/

 

It has already dragged on beyond any reasonable length of time, but love can tolerate quite a lot before giving up.

6 hours ago, NanLaew said:

Then how does the OP know?

I don't wish to reveal how. I do not have it as far as can be determined.

22 hours ago, greenchair said:

This is the saddest story. 

Boy, she messed up big time, what a silly girl. It sounds like she had everything most woman only dream of. If you start paying for apartments and living and schooling, you might find yourself being guilted into doing that for many years. All the while that you are paying she will be bonking someone else without your knowledge. Does her family live far away in another province, she should go back to them, not go to a paid apartment . Or I suggest you find her a place far far away and drop her there. Out of sight out of mind. My partner also had an affair and went back to live with the family , but the 2 stepchildren, but I helped pay for schooling through to university. They still visit me and the oldest boy lends me his car every couple of months so I can get around a bit more. Paying for apartments, daily living no.

Schooling, a birthday pressy yes. 

Start the end, the way you want to finish the end.

One would think so, but whatever it is that is missing inside her, is big enough that she will destroy everything, including herself and son trying to get it. Destructive personality takes over and rationality takes the exit. Very few people are rational, almost no women are. Women tend to rely on emotional reasoning, and it often gives bad results - the case here I think.

On 22/11/2016 at 6:03 PM, muffy said:

Let the new boyfriend take her . 

He is a pauper. He doesn't live in Thailand.

6 hours ago, kingalfred said:

Ah the naive farangs and the hookers


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

Really, I know most people in here have only met Thai hookers and have a warped view of humanity in general and Thai women in particular, but there is no reason to assume that all Thai women are hookers. They aren't, and my partner wasn't, isn't nor ever likely to be one - but the future is hard to predict and desperate situations provoke desperate actions.

 

I really do not want that she end up on the street.

On 22/11/2016 at 9:38 PM, 4MyEgo said:

 

For what its worth, people end relationships for many reasons, .e.g. the cheating husband/wife/partner which is right up there for relationships falling apart, but too many people in my opinion set themselves up for the big fall, i.e. we follow societies rules, which says we have to be faithful to each other, never cheat on me, I will never betray you, has anyone ever stopped to ask: who made up these rules, religion ? why do most relationships end by husbands/wives being unfaithful, has anyone ever thought of thinking outside the square, has anyone ever thought about there own needs as a human being and if they ever wanted to have there cake and eat it too, is anything wrong with that ?

 

Don't get me wrong, I am no expert on the matter, and my heart goes out to DrDweeb and others who have been betrayed, but seriously, as human beings we all have needs and urges, suffice to say, I am sure most guys on here wouldn't dare say that they cheated on their wives, a fling here or there, nothing wrong with a quick one here or there, quite healthy actually, but wouldn't life be much simpler if we all, as couples didn't place the ultimate restriction upon one and other i.e. if you feel like you want to go and have a bonk with someone else, ok, fine, visa versa, nothing wrong with it really, seriously, if its just a f... you are wanting with someone different, like a dog in the village having a good old sniff and then doing the mount, giddy up !!!

 

I mean are we all really that insecure, surely if your partner is going to leave you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, so why not enjoy the relationship without feeling insecure or betrayed, i.e. get it out in the open from day one, sure there are a lot of people, both men and women that wouldn't agree to what I am saying, but hell, how much better would your relationship be, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you go out and f... a different person every single day of the week, but you want to go away for a weekend, a week with some of your mates and you want to put a few on the board, why not, after all we are all human, its got nothing to do about being unfaithful, its about being true to yourself, to your partner and to your needs as a human being, satisfying your normal urges.

 

I do expect a fair bit of criticism for being openly honest about my way of thinking, but hey it works for me and I have a very health relationship with my wife, it has nothing to do with not being satisfied at home, our sex life is right up there, but hell, a little petite one here, a tall dark one there hits the spot for me. Naturally some simple boundaries would have to be put in place of course, like, not in our bed, don't tell me about it unless I ask, have safe sex, don't bring me back any diseases and last but not least, enjoy yourself, you only have one life.

 

Sure most of you are saying not a f'n chance in the world, and that's ok, if your happy in your relationship and don't want to have your cake and eat it too, that's fine, but if and when "betrayal" hits home, then you have to deal with it, I am not saying I agree with what she has done to him, what I am saying in my opinion, is that as a society we have placed too much control and expectations upon our relationships through religion or wherever this rule came from, and set ourselves up for the ultimate failure.

 

I know countless male friends who cheat on their wives, their business, not mine, and if they can live with it, then fine, although I do feel for their partners because in my opinion, its selfish and an outright lie, however, I can at least sleep at night knowing my wife knows who I am and how I want to live my life, and if she wishes to smell the roses, then she is also welcome. It works for us as crazy as it may sound to most, although I would suspect a few jealous ones in the crowd too, human nature....555  

 

With regard to the child, you never ever stop supporting the child financially, irregardless of who is at fault for the relationship ending, unless your bitter and twisted, you take it on the chin and contribute to your child's future, as others have said, its not the fault of the child, why should he have to suffer for his mum deciding to  fill a need, or betray her partner.

 

Go easy on the replies fella's, having my cake and eating it, maybe bitter sweet for some.

Well, it's the betrayal and lies behind my back that are hurtful. Sex is part of that betrayal package - we are not just talking physical sex. 

 

Like you, our sex life was fine, better than fine in fact. She wasn't looking for more orgasms, she was looking for something she didn't have - whatever that is. Grass is greener and all that.

 

She made a grab for the brass ring, and missed. The fall is going to be a long way.

 

I may be the last Boy Scout, I never wanted another woman after we hooked up. As unlikely as it might seem, I do have a clear conscience.

 

The boy is not mine, my obligation to him is moral not biological.

54 minutes ago, yogi100 said:

 

Are you sure.

 

I've met quite a few Thai girls who've told me that their Thai husband is dead, in fact too many for it to be feasible. Usually down to motor bike accidents.

Good question. It is a matter of trust. As far as I am aware, he died. It was congenital illness, rather than an accident.

1 hour ago, elgordo38 said:

Yes the worst kind. Bring a younger better looking babe home and introduce her as the new maid. You owning the condo makes it tough. You could pack her bags and put them in the hallway and change the locks. Be sure to put an 8x12 picture of the perpetrator that stole her heart on top of the bag and copies of any proofs you have. Put maybe 5,000 bahts inside the bag for mad money your being mad of course. Make sure there are no financial strings attached first no card pin numbers joint accounts etc. things that can come back and bite you and of course things will get ugly. 

I can't imagine that I would do that, or that it would help matters

34 minutes ago, Johnniey said:

In my experience, I''ve seen this happen alot. 31 years living here and 4 kids of my own.

 

The guy will end up paying for the woman who cheated on him(through her son), the son will totally disrespect the guy paying the bills. I've never seen such a situation work our well. Kick them both out and find a woman with integrity and start a new life without baggage from some Sl** that you presumably brought out the gutter. 

 

Sorry to be blunt.

I didn't "bring her out of the gutter". Imagine, if you will, that I have had a perfectly normal relationship with someone who is mostly normal. Not a bar girl, or street girl. Just an ordinary person, who decided to make a grab for something better/different while relying on me to be there as backstop if it failed. This is characteristic behaviour of women generally, not just Thai women.

The fact is that until recently I still worked, so that has meant I am away working sometimes. This is counterbalanced by several months a year spent together in Europe. School rather dictates the scheduling.
 

17 minutes ago, scorecard said:

 

And change door locks or passcards to the actual door of the apartment / condo.

 

And change keys or passcards to the main entrance or lift lobby etc.

 

Perhaps also give a clearly worded letter (not hysterical and no explanatory details) to the juristic person or the building manager, English and Thai if possible, to say she is no longer allowed to enter your room or the building. Attach a copy of the chanute, tabien baan book or whatever to show that you have a right to lodge such a letter.

 

Have two copies of all of this and ask the person you hand it to to sign the second copy to prove receipt of your letter.

 

Another possibility, same letter and attachments and handed to both the juristic person and the building manager, and ask both to sign. Also put a copy of the letter on the condo noticeboard or even on an internal wall of the lift if that's allowed in your building.

 

I strongly agree with the poster who suggested pay for a room for 1 or 2 weeks for her to get reorganized. Not for her but out of concern for the child. 

 

Good luck.

Oh, I'll get her a room until end of school term so he can finish the year at that school. After that, she will need to get extra funding from somewhere else. I don't want to force her onto the street, that would destroy everything about her that is good, and would be very detrimental to her son, who is a great and smart kid.

 

Cost is not an issue, however the principle is - I do not take kindly to those who betray my trust. Since she has made her bed, she needs to lie in it, and feel some not inconsiderable discomfort while doing so.

20 minutes ago, stephenterry said:

I handled a similar situation by agreeing a meet in a public place - BigC foodhall is ideal, where you both can have a heart to heart, presumably acting like adults and not throwing toys out of the pram.

 

There's always three sides to any conflict - yours, hers and what really happened to make her and the mutual friend act the way she/he did. IMO, I think it's premature to make any major decisions while the hurt is raw, and I would advise you to create physical space on your return to Thailand and not jump right in to add more angst.

 

I'd even consider staying in a hotel/guest-house for a few days on your return, to work out just how to go about it, as without doubt she'll not want to leave her comfort zone until you ease her out - perhaps by you renting an apartment for (say) a month where she can try and re-establish her life and get used to not living in your condo apartment and being totally supported by you.

 

To just kick her out without any financial support (apart from the child's school fees), while bringing temporary relief for you by exercising your power, is really not the way to break up, and I advise you to reconsider acting in a more humane manner as if the roles were reversed.

 

However, I accept you're not in such a place right now, and believe me, you will need time to dissipate your anger. 

 

   

I am not so much angry, as profoundly disappointed. I have no intention of going back to the apartment while she is there. I may sneak in and get some clothes etc, but otherwise I will be staying in a hotel.

My current activity is trying to get the slimy toad Italian to step up to the plate and support her. Unlikely to happen, but it is an approach worth pursuing.

I haven't confronted her or the snake with evidence yet, I continue to give them the opportunity to fess up and do the right thing and piss off out of my life. So far they are still denying what is provably true.