Brigante7

Firstly, this is not a post about gaining legal custody because my partner is a drunken, uncaring parent! It is more complex than that.

The details have been covered in previous posts, but I can restate the salient points for this specific post.

My son, who is now 3 years old, was born whilst I was legally married to his Thai mother. She has severe Bipolar mental illness and was/is unable to care for him, (as is the case with her 2 children from other relationships). Since I was working, he was put in the care of an aunt and uncle in Bangkok who were unable to have their own children for medical reasons. The uncle has a good job and my son has been very well looked after. I visit him most weekends and pay a monthly allowance for his care, plus all schooling, medical bills etc. Their care for him is without fault.

When I divorced his mother last year the legal custody of my son was shared jointly between us and no mention was made on the divorce agreement about the fact that he does not live with either of us.

My ex's mental state can vary from good to terrible, depending on which way the wind blows. (She takes no medication for her illness). Right now, she is busy looking after her hotel in Phuket, so her state seems good, (Being busy does not give her time to daydream etc).

But that situation might change, and there have been several previous instances where she has been 'unstable' and tried to physically take our son from the aunt/uncle and back to Phuket. Luckily, they have refused and will never allow her to take him unless accompanied by another competent person.

As he grows older, I have several concerns about his welfare and future education. His mother and family members want him to attend the most expensive school, regardless of the school's reputation etc. As I am the one who pays his school fees, (and my funds are not endless), I would like to be the person who decides upon his schooling and other matters, in consultation with his mother, aunt and uncle. But I feel that my decision should be final in these matters.

If I have legal custody of him, then I understand, (please correct me if I am mistaken), that I can make these decisions and back them up with my legal position as 'custodian', (if it should come to that).

I am also concerned that, since my son has spent 33 months of his 36 month life living with his aunt and uncle, they could make a legal claim to be awarded custody of him.

I absolutely do not want to deprive my ex of seeing her son, and I have no intention whatsoever of changing his living arrangements, or returning to the UK with him. I want legal custody for my peace of mind.

But I can imagine that If I tell my ex that I want sole legal custody of him, then alarm bells will start ringing in her head and she will start imagining worst case scenarios.

Can anyone suggest a solution that will put me in a better legal position viz-a-viz my son? Everything is fine just now, but I feel that it is would be prudent to consider my circumstances and options.

Thanks

Simon

I forgot to mention that I no longer live with my ex. I am working in Jomtien, she is working in Phuket and our son is playing in BKK!

I should also add that I am named as his father on his birth certificate and his surname is my surname, not that of his mother.

Addendum - I note that in the US, UK etc, there is the concept of legal custody and of physical custody. I am only concerned about sole legal custody, where I can make decisions about my son's education etc. I do not want sole physical custody. Does Thai law also have these 2 types of custody?

Sometimes it's better to be on the outside looking, you can see things clearer, just from what you've told us in this post, of course your wife and her family want him to go to the best school regardlest of cost, your son is their meal ticket when they are old. Do you really think that when he is older his mind won't have been conditioned to look to you as a dad who only visits, but it was your wife's family who raised him, why would he want to leave them and live with you? Sorry to be brutaly honest but that's the way I see it from your post and I hope I'm wrong, both for you and your son.

I've read many times that the first 3 years of a childs life are the most important and can shape there whole way of life. I understand about you having to work to provide for your son and so it seems like a catch 22, I hope everything works out for you.

Brigante7.

I have to be honest and say I am not surprised, as a similar thing happened to me, although not so serious.

When I was away on business my wife drove the car a little fast over a speed bump and the protective cover from underneath the engine fell down and was scraping on the ground. She took it to a Toyota garage who insisted that it could not be fixed and needed a new one, this was at a cost of just over B3,000.

My wife kept the old part and I took a look at it when I got back home and noticed that the only issue was that the hole in the plastic had become slightly enlarged so that the screw would no longer hold it in place. I could have fixed this with a 2 baht washer, the whole new part was completely unnecessary and just a rip off. They really do take advantage, in the long run they will lose out because I will never ever use their garage for anything again. I should have gone there and asked them why they cheated my wife but I will just vote with my feet and go elsewhere in future.

They are scum, subhuman scum.

I doubt they'll be bothered if you don't go back, they'll find plenty of others to rip-off, atleast you could have went and told them that you won't be spending any more money there and that you have told everybody you know about what they did and that they are thieving cu_nts, or is that a bit extreme?

Pick any country in the world and getting a good tradesman is so hard to find that's why word of mouth is the best advert or the worst advert depending on how good or bad they are, I know, my brother is an excellent mechanic and the amount of people I've sent to him and they in turn tell all their friends, best form of advertising.

Brigante7.

I am a professional driver in the UK. I drive every day to work, at work ,and from work.If i even retaliate in any way regardless of who is right or wrong. and can be proved, i lose my job,The good thing is that over the years i have learned to just ignore and let be what ever happens in front of me , i must admit when i go to Thailand it serves me well, because i just live and let live and laugh, my Thai partner looks at me strangely and some times says why you not angry, I just say for what, In the UK it seems that every body is agree and wants to fight you even woman flick the Vs. i just blank it and don't even register it because what ever you do will cause confrontation, We all make mistakes some times the trick is to remember that we all are human and all make mistakes.

It's not always about retaliating, it can be about standing your ground if you are in the right, I.E. somebody is trying to force their way in to your lane, why should you let them in, let them wait. The most annoying is when you are on a motorway and a lane is closing ahead and there is always an idiot who wants to race along in the lane that is closing and then try to force their way in.

Brigante7.

I have been driving in Bangkok for 5 years now and still get bouts of road rage, or at least work up a sweat without actually doing anything about it.

Today for example a small thing happened and I was left fuming, not to mention anything about my wife telling me off as well. I was driving towards Onnut from central Bangkok and had to stop at the lights, loads of bikes came around and stopped in front of my car like normal and when the lights turned red everyone rode or drove off as usual, but one bike stayed in the outside lane, the same one as me. So I politely followed him until I realized he was just going to stay there, then I flashed him, he did not see so I flashed again and he still did not see so I gave the tiniest beep of the horn so not to startle him but let him know I was there and he looked around but stayed there. Now there was plenty of room for him to move over to the other lane with the other bikes but he did not want to. He just stayed in the outside lane braking and swerving to annoy me. So I waited and stayed behind him until there was a gap in the other lane and drove around him, but the guy then sped up to try and keep me in that lane, so then I got very and just turned into the lane, regardless of where he was. Very stupid I know but luckily for the pair of us he must off guessed what I was going to do and came around the back of my car and then sped off after giving me the finger. As soon as he went, I drove very calmly again as if nothing was wrong.

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I know I should of stayed calm and just kept behind him until he turned off or I had to but I just don't understand why some people do stuff like this.

What experiences have you had with road rage and more importantly how have you tried to handle it without flying of the handle?

When the idiot on the bike didn't change lane why didn't you just pass him on the left?

Brigante7.

because there was too many bikes in the left lane for me to squeeze my car in!

OK, thanks for answering that.

Brigante7.

What is a sinking fund? Have read about them but don't know what they are.

Brigante7.

Hi back England with the wife and 11mnth son is it possible to claim tax credits if your wife has a settlement visa that states no recourse to public funds?

Hi

Yep you can still claim, although you have to put both your name and your wife's name on the claim form (Don't worry, nobody else understands why they have to put there wife's name on the form either, even though there wife's are not entitled to claim).

When I claimed my wife wasn't entitled to public funds but I was so claim away mate.

Brigante7.

I have been driving in Bangkok for 5 years now and still get bouts of road rage, or at least work up a sweat without actually doing anything about it.

Today for example a small thing happened and I was left fuming, not to mention anything about my wife telling me off as well. I was driving towards Onnut from central Bangkok and had to stop at the lights, loads of bikes came around and stopped in front of my car like normal and when the lights turned red everyone rode or drove off as usual, but one bike stayed in the outside lane, the same one as me. So I politely followed him until I realized he was just going to stay there, then I flashed him, he did not see so I flashed again and he still did not see so I gave the tiniest beep of the horn so not to startle him but let him know I was there and he looked around but stayed there. Now there was plenty of room for him to move over to the other lane with the other bikes but he did not want to. He just stayed in the outside lane braking and swerving to annoy me. So I waited and stayed behind him until there was a gap in the other lane and drove around him, but the guy then sped up to try and keep me in that lane, so then I got very and just turned into the lane, regardless of where he was. Very stupid I know but luckily for the pair of us he must off guessed what I was going to do and came around the back of my car and then sped off after giving me the finger. As soon as he went, I drove very calmly again as if nothing was wrong.

I know I should of stayed calm and just kept behind him until he turned off or I had to but I just don't understand why some people do stuff like this.

What experiences have you had with road rage and more importantly how have you tried to handle it without flying of the handle?

When the idiot on the bike didn't change lane why didn't you just pass him on the left?

Brigante7.

My Dad is a Pacific Islander, my mum, a blue-eyed blonde Aussie; Getting married in Sydney in the early 1960's must have been quite brave of them. There was not alot of mixed race marriages back in those days.....racial tensions in the US were peaking.

Then growing up in Fiji, then New Zealand, both countries being multi-cultural....I am the product of multiculturalism, therefore a champion of it.

Xenophobics will always stymie multiculturalism, and there is no swaying the xenophobics. Xenophobes, by definition, are afraid of differences and are narrow minded, thus they will never listen to reason.

Therefore, to consider whether multiculturalism is a good thing, perhaps we need to look at all the reasons that the xenophobes would cite against it.......

......

What's a xenophobic Harcourt? Do you mean somebody who loves their country and believes that anybody who comes to live in their country should integrate? Australia has the right idea, "Integrate and adopt our ways or fuc_k off back to where you came from"

Brigante7.

You are a Pauline Hanson devotee, a BNP supporter, or a white supremecist by the sound of it....whatever, you have the attitude of a frightened, poorly educated bigot.

I don't equate xenophobia with patriotism.

I do equate it with narrow-minded insecurity and bigotry.

I think I have made it clear that I believe immigrants should integrate with their adopted country: Xenophobia is found amongst the immigrants too.

LMFAO, you haven't a clue what you are talking about. Firstly I'm married to a Thai lady, why would I be a BNP supporter (I voted UKIP)?

I have the attitude of a frightened, poorly educated bigot? Poorly educated, yes (A big mistake was not finishing my education) But I've managed to run my own business for 24 years.

You think multiculturalism is a great thing, I don't, and it seems that if I voice my opinion then I'm a racist, bigot and every other thing under the sun. Like every member of the PC brigade, it's your way and your way only and everybody must fall in to line otherwise they are racist's or bigots.

Multiculturalism doesn't work and if you don't believe me then come to the UK and see the state of the country for yourself.

Please explain to me how I'm a narrow-minded, insecure and a bigot, because you say so?

Unlike you I'll refrain from name calling as I'll probably get chucked off TV.

Brigante7.

Imagine what your lives would be vacant of credit cards? Images come to mind.

I have 1 credit card that is used solely for booking flights, I live my life perfectly well without a credit card, while I'm at it I could also live without my mobile phone.

Brigante7.

If the new card is at home, why not get someone to give you the new expiry date and the three digit security code and then you can enter the details at the online sites ?

Brilliant solution! I've got to remember that one!

That's OK as long as the card isn't requested at check-in.

I have paid for other friends to travel on airlines through www.expedia.co.uk with my card and the friends have paid me cash. No problems booking for someone else through them, so if you know someone willing to use their card and can pay them cash.............and you can print out e-tickets. Good luck.

It is a brilliant solution, I've done it many times, also why would you need to print out an e-ticket? That's the whole point of an e-ticket, there is no actual ticket.

Brigante7.

My Dad is a Pacific Islander, my mum, a blue-eyed blonde Aussie; Getting married in Sydney in the early 1960's must have been quite brave of them. There was not alot of mixed race marriages back in those days.....racial tensions in the US were peaking.

Then growing up in Fiji, then New Zealand, both countries being multi-cultural....I am the product of multiculturalism, therefore a champion of it.

Xenophobics will always stymie multiculturalism, and there is no swaying the xenophobics. Xenophobes, by definition, are afraid of differences and are narrow minded, thus they will never listen to reason.

Therefore, to consider whether multiculturalism is a good thing, perhaps we need to look at all the reasons that the xenophobes would cite against it.......

......

What's a xenophobic Harcourt? Do you mean somebody who loves their country and believes that anybody who comes to live in their country should integrate? Australia has the right idea, "Integrate and adopt our ways or fuc_k off back to where you came from"

Brigante7.

Is that the 'White Australia' policy?

"Australia has the right idea, "Integrate and adopt our ways or fuc_k off back to where you came from"

Whose ways? Presumably you're willing to fuc_k off back off to the UK and to leave the original inhabitants of Australia the land that they live in?

I am in the UK so I can't fuc_k off back to anywhere, sorry, but when I move to Thailand I will do my best to integrate in to the Thai way of life and respect their customs.

Brigante7.

My Dad is a Pacific Islander, my mum, a blue-eyed blonde Aussie; Getting married in Sydney in the early 1960's must have been quite brave of them. There was not alot of mixed race marriages back in those days.....racial tensions in the US were peaking.

Then growing up in Fiji, then New Zealand, both countries being multi-cultural....I am the product of multiculturalism, therefore a champion of it.

Xenophobics will always stymie multiculturalism, and there is no swaying the xenophobics. Xenophobes, by definition, are afraid of differences and are narrow minded, thus they will never listen to reason.

Therefore, to consider whether multiculturalism is a good thing, perhaps we need to look at all the reasons that the xenophobes would cite against it.......

......

What's a xenophobic Harcourt? Do you mean somebody who loves their country and believes that anybody who comes to live in their country should integrate? Australia has the right idea, "Integrate and adopt our ways or fuc_k off back to where you came from"

Brigante7.

Whats your best guess for a stable investment for the coming year, given the uncertainty of banks, sterling and economic downturn

Gold?

Property?

Oil futures?

Staple commodities (people have still got to eat)

Of course if you ask an investment adviser he will get you to completion a questionaire about you risk/ reward/ access criteria

so lets make it simple, saying that the investment is for 1 year and the risk/reward ratio is conservative (safer/lower returns) or adventurous riskier/higher returns. The capital should not lose value by more than 10% worst case.

or any other opinions you contribute.

10 kilo's of cocaine? Should provide a very good return.

Brigante7.

Several of the comments have nothing to do with the headline and seem to be dancing around rule #7 of the forum rules - 7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

If you are talking about something and that something happens to involve people of a certain race or colour or whatever, does that make it racist or any of the other bullshit that white people get accused of on a daily basis? No it doesn't/

I can't stand all the Indian tailors that try to harass me to go into their shop's and if I talk about it does that make me a racist? No it doesn't.

Now if I said all pakistanis were dirty muslim terrorists then that would be racist.

Brigante7.

Seems there is a market for somebody to open a small cinema showing movies in english, nothing too fancy, but I would imagine that as the amount of foreigners increase in Issan then demand wil grow.

Brigante7.

There is allways a way in LOS the get a drivelicense, unlike the US (stay every year a couple months in Hawaii) where it's impossible for a LEGAL Foreigner to insure, to own (register) a car and to get a Local Drive License (even i have a Swiss and Thai International one). Overthere they ask you for Social Security Number. As a Foreigner you can't get one and unless you have one you can't do anything there (i don't know how all the illegal immigrants get a DL there). No wonder why Thai Authoroties tighten up theyr rules.

Makes me wonder how my mum had a US drivers license (She's from the UK), owned and insured a car there? Could be because she owned a house in Florida, even though she didn't have a SS number.

Brigante7.

"The authorities identified the two foreigners as Udhayasurian Prabu, 21, an Indian national and Inbarajan Ponnuthurat, 26, a British national."

Good old Inbarajan, you don't get more British than that! Tea and Cricket anyone?

LMFAO, very true.

Brigante7.

Britain is one of the best countries in the World to drive. Superb roads, affordable cars and drivers with manners.

Rivalled only by Germany and Japan. Possibly second division England too if not for too many bogan ute drivers with mullets.

I agree however with the comparison of Thailand with Yemen.

When was the last time that you drove in the UK?

Superb roads? I must have missed that stretch of road, the roads in the Uk are a disgrace,

Affordable cars, true,

Drivers with manners? Must have missed that driver. I've driven in the UK for 23 years and the standard of driving is shocking.

Brigante7.

At least it's better than Thailand

In my honest opinion, driving in BKK is less stressful than driving in the UK, it seems I have a knack of slipping in to Thai mode when I drive in Thailand according the the missus.

Brigante7.

I wasn't a passenger, she was traveling with our son.

I realise that, that's what you implied, I was just pointing out the rules as advice to the OP, you are proof that Thai, and probably other airlines, don't consistently apply their own rules - but they might.

Sorry about that, wasn't sure if people understood what I meant.

Brigante7.

Thai airways don't require the holder of the credit card to be one of the travellers, I know as my wife recently flew to BKK from the UK and I booked it online with my credit card and she wasn't asked to produce the credit card at check in.

I don't doubt this for a moment but there are restrictions with Thai if the CC holder is not a passenger,

http://www.thaiair.com/booking/non_pax_traveler.html

As always in Thailand the rules differ with each member of staff you deal with, I have booked a number of flights for other people with Thai and each time this rule has been strictly applied.

I wasn't a passenger, she was traveling with our son.

Brigante7.

Technically it is work but many stay under the raidar.

The definition of work from the Dept. of Employment http://www.doe.go.th/service3_en.aspx

1. Definition

“Alien” means a natural person who is not of Thai nationality; “ Work ” means to engage in work by exerting energy or using knowledge whether or not in consideration of wages or other benefits.

Sounds good, I'll just have to convince the missus that I'm not allowed to do any housework when we move to Thailand.

Brigante7.

How do any Thai babies survive to be adults?

Exactly.

My wife and I took our son to Thailand to visit my wife's family when he was 4 1/2 months, Before we went, we went to see our GP who told us to just use common sense and everything would be fine and you know what? It was.

My wife is just back from Thailand with our son, he's 2 in September and is now running about like a headless chicken, I told her to keep him away from puddles of dirty water and to cook his food properly and he'll be fine and you know what? He was.

As hard as it is, parents need to think rationally otherwise they will pass on their constant fears and worries to their kids, I know I've seen it happen many times.

Brigante7.

It's amazing how quickly people forget the old saying "If something appears to good to be true, it probably is"

That's what I love about being poor, I have fu_ck all to lose.

Brigante7.

Britain is one of the best countries in the World to drive. Superb roads, affordable cars and drivers with manners.

Rivalled only by Germany and Japan. Possibly second division England too if not for too many bogan ute drivers with mullets.

I agree however with the comparison of Thailand with Yemen.

When was the last time that you drove in the UK?

Superb roads? I must have missed that stretch of road, the roads in the Uk are a disgrace,

Affordable cars, true,

Drivers with manners? Must have missed that driver. I've driven in the UK for 23 years and the standard of driving is shocking.

Brigante7.

Thai airways don't require the holder of the credit card to be one of the travellers, I know as my wife recently flew to BKK from the UK and I booked it online with my credit card and she wasn't asked to produce the credit card at check in.

Brigante7.