ozsamurai

12 years on this thread and they still stink, good on ya warfie RIP

Im back

I mean.... they want to make movies about these idiots and wonder why we're getting dumber.

Tell all the haters to p off. 

WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

What do cows have hooves??

...because they lactose.

I am legendairy!!!

You know the postman in all our jokes.... here he is

http://infamoustribune.com/dna-tests-prove-retired-postman-1300-illegimitate-children/

OZ

Now that's funny!

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, 'Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!' She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, 'Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!' This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, 'Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!' 'That's it!' She blows her top. 'You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?' The husband sighed. 'Oh shit. It's started.'

Since my son is now grade 1

What do clouds wear under their shorts.

Thunderpants

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Some from me

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro

I sold my vacuum the other day... all it was doing was collecting dust!

What's the best thing about Sweden?

I don't know but their flag is a huge plus!

Oz