ballpoint

Not according to the BBC...

After working on my bike, I just figured out where the bits I had left over should have gone...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words - "Complete" and "Finished". In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes. The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.' Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

The faulty design is fitted to Hilux, Fortuner and Prado models. Prados are manufactured in Japan, as are the DPFs fitted to all of them. They aren't a standard feature on Thai manufactured vehicles, but are fitted, ready assembled, to models for the Australian and NZ markets - otherwise there would be a lot more countries involved in this. In any case, as I said before, it is the design of them that is faulty, not the build quality: "The redesigned DPF that Toyota Japan has created for the updated models coming soon has been trialled here since last year." Hilux to debut ‘DPF drama’ cure — Motoringnz "Court accepts Toyota DPF had “design defect”" Federal court accepts report that Toyota DPF-equipped cars had “design defect” (whichcar.com.au) "It further noted that “this defect was inherent in the design of the DPF system” and “present in all relevant vehicles”." Revealed: the damning report on Toyota diesel particulate filters - Drive “The biggest difference between VW and Toyota is that VW has had DPFs in cars since 2010, whereas Toyota only introduced them in 2015. That’s five years of R&D and market feedback that they’ve missed out on. “Give it five years and I have no doubt that the Toyota DPF systems will be as reliable as other manufacturers.” Are diesel particulate filters getting a bum rap? (whichcar.com.au)

This has nothing to do with the build quality of the vehicles, but concerns the diesel particulate filters fitted to them. These filters were Toyota designed and not manufactured here. (Even if they had been, the design itself was faulty, not the way they were assembled or fitted). But, any excuse for a good old Thai bashing.

The situation is under control.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says “OK, old fellow, time to retire.” The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens….look at what it did to me!” The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike.” The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon…..just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won’t bother you.” The young rooster says, “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!” So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, “I’ll tell you what, young fellow, I’ll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets the domain of the chicken coop. And if I’m so feeble, why not give me a little head start?” The young rooster says, “Sure, why not, you know I’ll still beat you.” They line up in the back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what’s going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he shoots the young rooster dead. He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife … “Son of a ***** … third gay rooster I bought this week!”

An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Covid, war in Ukraine, stocks in free fall... Still, there was a nice full moon last night, so things might be looking up at last...

Two life long friends are enjoying a couple drams in their local pub. Murphy says to Pat: "Pat, if I went over to your house and made love to your wife and we had a child, would we then be cousins?" Pat thinks long and hard and answers: "Murph my matey, no, but we would be even."