ballpoint

Previously unseen video footage was shown at the hearings. Not a pretty watch.

In related news, a certain crisps manufacturer, recently celebrating 75 years of business, has just revealed it is about to finish its first sack of potatoes. However, it has worn out around 50 industrial air compressors in that time.

I'd suggest parallels with another Russian Tsar: "... while Russia was weakened by a period of internal strife known as the “Time of Troubles” which followed the descent of Ivan the Terrible into madness." Certainly rings a bell. I’m reclaiming land for Russia like Peter the Great, says Vladimir Putin (msn.com) And, from the same source: "On Thursday night, a report in French magazine Paris Match claimed that Putin’s aides collect his urine and stool samples during trips abroad so that they cannot be analysed to reveal potential illness. Citing “Middle East” sources, the magazine said that during a trip to Saudi Arabia in 2019, Putin’s faeces were collected in special containers, packed in a suitcase and sent back to Moscow." Paranoid much? Maybe his name in history will be Putin the Infamous, as he skulks through the Kremlin muttering "infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me". Carry on, Putin.

A woman woke from a dream at 3 am and hollered "Quick - my husband just came home!" Her husband woke up and immediately jumped out of the window.

Right click on the desktop, select "Display settings" and see if it allows each display to be individually configured. My laptop display is set at 1920 x 1080 pixels (I've hidden some of the other options to keep it smaller)... ... but my external monitor, connected by HDMI, is set to 2560 x 1440 pixels - my graphics card can handle this without any degradation to the display. Check if you get similar options.

"Don't go to men who are willing to kill themselves driving in circles looking for normality." "My first priority is to finish above rather than beneath the ground." James Hunt.

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon and tied up the female occupant before confronting the man with a knife and demanding all of the valuables. “Please” pleaded the man, “ you can have it all ! Jewellery, cash, my keys. PLEASE just untie her, let her go” The thief said “wow ! You really love your wife ! ” “ That’s my neighbours wife” sobbed the man. “ Mine will be here any minute “

A fisherman man was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish in the water. He was leaving a river well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" "Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home." "That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the man. "When are you going to call them back?" "Call who back?" "The FISH!" "What fish?"

People these days don't know the meaning of hospitality. I went to a friend's house and they said "make yourself at home". Then they got mad at me for peeing in the kitchen sink.

I accidentally dropped my entire Viagra prescription in the toilet. Couldn't get the damn seat to stay down for 2 days.