ballpoint

The problem is obvious. There's a tree stuck in the front landing gear.

My wife bought a packet of Scottish tea bags, but they're no good. They just won't stay in the cup. And the Irish "Shamrock" brand she also bought are no better. You only get three leaves in each. Four, if you're lucky.

Dear Dad, Oxford is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college after the holidays with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB, when all my lecturers, and many fellow students, travel here by train. Your son, Rishi. My dear loving son, The sum of twenty million pounds has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your Dad.

Sandals and virginity often go together. Especially when socks are also involved.