ballpoint

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

I saw my neighbour putting clothes on some rabbits this morning. When I asked her why, she said she was training to be a hare dresser.

Two Jewish men just leaving the synagogue and they are chatting about the sermon and how long they have known each other. Abraham says, “Benjamin, you are my best friend we have known each other since we were children, if I were homeless and you had two houses what would you do.” Benjamin replies, “If I had two houses I’d give you one” “That’s very kind of you” replies Abraham. “If my wife left me and took my car, what would you do?” asks Abraham, “well if I had two cars I’d give you one” says Benjamin. “That's very kind of you, I can see now why you are my best friend, so what would you do if you had two chickens?” Benjamin interrupts and says… “Now f*** off! You know I’ve got two chickens”

Damn. I'll have to try again next year now.

This must be some strange new meaning of the word "tragic".

Police have warned that a man who stole a Stradivarius should not be approached, as he has a history of violins.