bifftastic

Agreed with most of the comments until – posters started defending 'you think too much'! It must be one of the worst (and most frightening) common Thai comments!

We've been blessed with a brain that we choose to use. We enjoy discussing issues to make us think about our views on subjects. Trying to dismiss conversation on the grounds that anyone 'thinks too much' is downright worrying!

I agree, thinking is never bad. Drives us forward as a species.

I've always thought/understood it to mean don't worry too much or been told don't think too much about something in particular rather than just generally don't think at all! But yes, it is a worrying trait, something I will now think about! (not too much)

Help please!

My stepson (17) has stole alot of valuables (2 x mobile phones, DVD player etc) and cash from me (my locked room at home) in the last few months for drugs, but has denied it up til yesterday! We have had some work being done on the house and no proof as to who may have stole previously!)

I read a similar topic a couple of months ago and some people gave some recommendations for 'rehab' temple places that may be able to help! His Dad, and Grandad gave him a beating yesterday (I wasn't invited, and was glad I stayed away) and they want to send him to 'prison'/ borstal/ army camp. It was my stuff he stole and I'm furious but I'd like to help, he's had his 'immediate' punishment! They had my stepdaughter begging them not to kill him!

I tried search, but couldn't find the topic! Direction to the topic or any other advice, please!

Thanks!

Firstly, can I say that I sympathise with your situation, it must be heart wrenching for you.

I have done some drug counselling in the Uk and worked in a prison for three years and so, have a little experience of youngsters that use drugs. I used them myself when i was your stepson's age.

I realise that the circumstances, peer pressures etc. may be different in Thailand but I think you are taking the right approach. With regard to the beating he's already got, well, whilst you may not agree with it, he was probably expecting it and now fully understands how disappointed everyone is with his behaviour.

The next few weeks/months are crucial if this young lad is not to go completely off the rails. One of two things can happen when someone realises that what was, at first, something he did for whatever reason with his mates, has now alienated his entire family and he has now been labelled, either by others or himself, as an outcast, someone who has betrayed everyone's trust.

It is vital that after everyone's understandable anger has subsided that he knows that he is still a much loved and cared for family member.

If the seperation of him from the family is allowed to take root in his mind he will come to terms with that much more easily than he will come to terms with his addiction.

I agree that it will be hard for him to remain in touch with his drug-taking mates and not relapse. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you or any other family members have with him and his mates but it would be helpful to talk to them too if you can.

Try to avoid the 'we are his parents all drugs are wrong you're all criminals' type of stance, whilst it may be true it will re-enforce the teenage rebellion mentality which has already developed.

It is hard to comment on further detailed ideas as I don't know any of the people involved but the most important thing is for everyone to try and talk about all the issues involved without any more anger. So that the boy can be open and honest now, where before he was deceitful and secretive. This will make him understand he has f*cked up royally but is still loved and cared for by his family.

It will be hard, for you and for him.

I hope you all make it.

You may not believe it now but if handled sensitively this may make your family stronger.

I hope these few words can be of some assistance,

please feel free to pm me

Regards,

Biff

what time, was he one of the SG's from the Mango?

anyone?

I too heard that he died, very sad. I'm waiting for more details, not sure where he was from, maybe Sound? I've heard (3rd hand) that it happened around 4 or 5 am.

LOL classic!

Brighton's not too clever. I agree about Gillingham i was there with West Ham too. I think the 'temporary' stand is still there! Looked to me like thay put it up that afternoon! But the all time worst has to be the old Baseball Ground (Derby).

I mean, in those days every ground was concrete terraces, disgusting toilets, old-bill who seemed to hate you from the moment you stepped off the train etc. etc. but in the Baseball ground you were stuck in the side and it had an upper 'shelf' that stuck out over the stand which was so low that when the ball went over head-height you couldn't see it! Like watching the game through a letter-box! (then fight your way back to the station in the rain and all the way back down to London) Ahhh those were the days! lol

"Comments and observations welcome" - thanks!

When I lived Karon/Kata I got the feeling that no matter how long I was there i was 'just another tourist' - same people would ask the same questions every time - the suit guy, the t-shirt shops etc i walked past every morning/evening, felt like I was a faceless wallet on legs (likely).

Shifted 'over the hill' (appropriate for me maybe) to the hillside behind Chalong, a garage shop, various roadside eating places, 1km to the main road. Supporting the local economy helped, leasing a place surrounded by 'locals', eating, laundry etc all sorted within 3-400m of home, icecreams and water delivered to my door, and so many sawasdees when I sit outside in the evening. Took a couple of months, and i made the effort to talk, introduce myself etc, and being the odd man who runs and bicycles helped, I don't mind being a curiosity!.

Interesting you mention Karon/Kata, I was only there for a couple of weeks but definitely got the same vibe. Nothing necessarily unpleasant about it just not so openly friendly like. i came away with the impression that Phuket in general was, a bit different. Nothing wrong with it, just, maybe, a bit 'cooler' towards foreigners. The 'loudness' others have pointed out didn't really strike me as a problem, maybe because I live in London, not sure.

Glad you feel happier over the other side of the hill :-)

I feel it's not a matter of language.I speak to my gf in Thai (we communicate only in Thai language) ,and never had problems when it was just the the usual stuff....Only when I get to something really deeper ,I get this almost bored look or just a change of subject.

And yes,myself as well live here in a beautiful harmony with the culture...so I really hope to be able to sort things and not just give up.

Anyone can suggest a suitable approach for the "western" mind?Can relationship survive and function well with this kind of somewhat limited communication?....

ok i've just spoken to the ex (English) and she was talking about her current b/f saying how he's disappointed because she won't engage him on this deeper level, to talk about her emotions and how she feels and she never wants to talk about that kind of stuff (she never did with me either!) and it is starting to really piss her off! She wants him to accept her as she is and if he can't then it's going to be a problem.

She said she can try and change but it would be a pretence and she needs to be the person she really is and he needs to accept that. She's not a cold or unloving person she just expresses it differently.

Some people just don't want to do it, or don't know how to. So when you ask if a relationship can survive and function with what you call a somewhat limited communication, I guess you'll have to answer that yourself. Do you think that it is vital? After all you both need to be happy. Again I really don't think it's cultural to any great degree, just personal.

What I used to do, because I'm very willing to discuss most things at any level, was talk about that kind of stuff with other people.

I hope you can either work it out or stop worrying about it so much. But I hope you end up happy.

Confused.

She managed to phone you whilst she was being beaten up?

No i was calling her

I am really sorry, but I find her story really hard to believe, and you do come across as being very naive. As a previous poster said, she is a bar girl - and dam_n it I will cop to criticism, but you really cannot trust anything they say. I can tell you now that if 5 farangs wailed down on a Thai girl, then Thai's would come out to the woodwork to give them a beating. Get out before its too late - thats my advice.

I agree with Bridge...there are Thai guys that work in Blessing bar, and the surrounding bars, not to mention all the ones milling around, and they would, almost to a man, wade in to any confrontation no matter how big the 5 farangs were...i seriously believe that youre being very naive, and possibly blinded by your affection for this girl...you wouldnt be the first and definately not the last, but come on...a 45kg 5ft girl against 5 big farangs...i somehow doubt they meant her any harm and theres more to her version of events than shes letting on...wake up and smell the coffee my friend...this is Thailand

There is not a thai man in existance that would not wade in to protect one of their own against farang especially if it's a woman.

ok, so i'm to wake up and smell some coffee am i? and i'm supposed to tell this girl i don't want anything to do with her because i can't account for her whereabouts for a few days. If i'm right you're suggesting she was off with some guy for these days and didn't want to tell me? And the bruising she must have painted on herself? I agree if she'd been in or near Blessing bar then there are guys there to help her. Some security did jump in and stop things after a few minutes but from what you're suggesting, because all bar girls lie all the time, then she was up to something more sinister and what would that be exactly? and why would you doubt they meant her any harm? because English guys don't hit women? ok now who's being naiive?

I will break this down for the people wading in the shallow end of the gene pool. It is a play on the thai word "ไม่ โกหก" (mai-go-hok) which means "to not lie".

Thanks for pointing out which end of the gene pool i'm wading in, obviously there's a genetic reason for me not being aware that "ไม่ โกหก" was being used as a screen name and the subtleties, or otherwise, of it's use.

Security guard shot in soi green mango last night after fight with group of young Thais

Anyone know if he survived ?

As far as i know he was shot around the knee area, police were there in minutes and one went with him to the hospital.

Glad to hear it wasn't worse than that!

Anyone know any more details?

Quite why judicial systems incarcerate drug users/addicts/abusers/dependents (attach whatever lable one cares to - a rose would smell the same by any other name i.e. the problem is the same whatever label is attached to it) for long periods of time - let alone time-periods like 33 years, is quite beyond me – it doesn't make sense at all - it serves no benefit to society, and if anything I think theres a strong argument that it does a great deal of psychological harm to the incarcerated individual - which I don't believe any State/Government/Judicial system has the right to do to a person.

I wish the OP all the best.

If I may say so, that was a very well informed and well written post, thank you.

isn't actually to bad. The bit about Pardew made me chuckle most.

I did like that too :-) also the replay option, there's a version from the same film (Downfall?) where Hitler's trying to get a ticket for the Millwall game. Made me chuckle too!

Is it really something cultural?anyone with similar different experience?.........

Hi,

I'm not sure it's cultural, some people just don't like to talk about deeper stuff.

For example, my ex g/f (English like me) and i lived together for 6 years and never really spoke about 'deep stuff', we now agree that maybe we should have, but it's too late now.

On the other hand my current g/f (Thai) who I don't live with, is, and was right from the start, willing to get into all the emotional stuff with me. We maybe don't have the shared vocabulary that me and the ex had but we have discussed things on a deeper level . If she doesn't have the words, I just get a kiss (and vice versa).

(unless, of course, the TV is on! 'Honey, now I look movie!')

I think the advice you got before to find someone else to offload on is very valid. In my opinion, it doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your relationship because she is unwilling to talk about stuff.

My Thai wifey has says some funny stuff and I'm sure in a farang on farang relationship I would have walked out...but here i just laugh and do not get worked up but I do wonder if its generally Thai/her sense of humour or something else..

Here goes.

Me. Do you love me?

Her. Not sure! deadpan face!

Me. Why did you marry me?

Her. Mai loo......(pause for thought).....Visa! Smiles laughs and looks away!

Her. I love your bum more than your face!

Do you think there are any issues here?

No issues mate, I think she's having a laugh with you.

Anyway you should know your own wife well enough to know that already.

Personally I like that kind of sense of humour wether it 'sounds like bar girl talk' or not.

Of course my Thai girlfriend is perfect and doesn't even know what a bar or a beer or a sense of humour is....just like everyone else at TV

The visa is issued by Thai embassy/consulate, not immigration. As long as you are not in Thailand when the visa is issued is all they are interested in. People have different reasons for obtaining visas in different places. Generally the rules around visa issue are more relaxed outside the region.

Thank you, very helpful and informative.

The problem is that they will not post back to an address out of England so you need a local friend to do that for you.

Actually, to be strictly correct, it is that they will not post back to an address outside the UK, being the geographical area covered by Royal Mail's special delivery (track and trace) service.

Ok thanks to you both for that :-)

So, the fact that you have been stamped IN to Malaysia and not OUT again for the 2 weeks but have obtained a visa issued in the UK doesn't raise any questions from the Thai immigration? Would it not be better to get the same kind of visa actually in KL, or is that more difficult?

What is the reaction when u come back to Thailand then ?

No problem.

You don't need to go in UK to get your (Hull) Visa,

you only need to be out of Thailand.

Just out of interest, when a Thai Embassy or Consulate issues a visa, a non-imm 'O' or 'B', does it state on the actual visa itself where it was issued?

If your Visa says 'Hull' on it and your passport shows you having been in KL for 2 weeks surely that is a porblem? Or are Hull ok with you doing it from KL?

Keep telling yourself that your dark skinned 30 something Issan girlfriend with two children is desired by Thai men, eventually you might convince yourself it is true!

Personally, I couldn't give a stuff if my (beautiful) dark skinned 30 something Isaan g/f with two (lovely) children is desired by anyone, Thai or farang.

With regard to the OP I know there are dangerous crazy violent people everywhere (I've seen more in East London where I grew up and live)

some farang (5 english guys wo attacked my g/f for example) and some Thai. Dangerous generalisations based on skin colour social class/background give more away about the people who express those views than those they are reffering to. In my opinion.

I just saw the 'Beggars- Raking it in' topic and to be honest I think it's sad. A great excuse not to help anyone. Or to quote Onnut "good news for me because now I dont have any reason to feel guilty for not giving nothing". Actually, not giving nothing is good. It's not giving anything that is the problem.

Do you know what I think is interesting about this post? - You all missed the point. I'm not a nice guy.

I acted only because the elements (the impending rain, the shadows, the whimpering baby) all made it Dramatic. Normally, I pass these people by. Just like you probably. I make excuses to ease my mind or to mask the fact that I'm mean. "They're not genuine. They've hired the baby". All good excuses to do nothing. Why did I act? Because it was dramatic. Would I have done the same in broad daylight, or if the baby hadn't whimpered? Probably not. I had a moment of weakness and that's why I acted.

Gotlost and others are there on the 'Beggars' post justifying why we shouldn't help anyone. Some of them aren't genuine, so we can all sleep at night if we don't help anyone , right? Another day in paradise.

The point about my post was not that I acted, it was that normally, I don't act. Sad, but true.

I have a role model. It is my wife. My target is that, maybe one day, I can be half as considerate to those around me as she is. When that day arrives, I will be twice the man that I am. If you're looking for a hero, you got the wrong one.

I've read all this thread so far and this has to be the best part, especially the last paragraph...well said that man

Although someone did PM and raised a good point that taxi drivers are not the best people to practice/learn Thai on/from as they don't speak it proper like.

I guess in London you wouldn't want to learn English from a black cab driver. "Alwight geez, pulled any birds lately? That PM is a right ***** ******. Apples n pears etc". Although maybe you would, depends who you plan on speaking to?

Unlikely that the cab driver would mention apples and/or pears unless you travelled back in time say, 50 years? Much more likely to engage in a discussion about how 'those Poles like to work tho don't get me wrong I've nuffin against 'em do a hard days graft just fink they should go back now thass all'

Quite right though, taxi driver-speak in any language might not be the best way to learn a language but it can be fun, sometimes.

Hi,

I've read several threads here on TV in which members state that the 40k/month must be the 'aliens' income but Siam legal website states the following

'I don't have an income but my Thai spouse does. Will I still qualify for a Thai Marriage Visa?

Yes, as long as your Thai spouse's income is THB 40,000 and above. This financial requirement for the Thai marriage visa is your combined monthly income so it is okay if it comes from either or the both of you. She would however need to show her income tax documents to prove that she earns the said amount of money.'

Is this out of date? Who knows the up to date requirements and when (if at all) did these requirements change?

I hope you understand that I'm not questioning the integrity of the information I've seen but it is confusing when two conflicting pieces of information are available, which one is correct?

Thanks

Thanks to everyone for the helpful and informative replies.

I will get legal advice regarding the representative office regulations and visa/work permit legislation.

Ok well there's the cultural aspect to why societies in general regard darker or lighter skinned people as 'better' or more desirable. If your country is cold richer people can go of and get a tan, if it's hot poor people have to work outside.

But for me, my previous g/f here in london was very white, the one before was very black, my current g/f (Thai) is brown, some bits lighter than others but definitely not chinese/white and whilst initial attraction is definitely a factor I love her for more than he skin, having said that i love the way she has different skin tones and darker and lighter bits! why does this brown skin appeal to me? It doesn't on it's own, but it's definitely a feature of the girl I love, that I love. If she turned white tomorrow i'd still love her, take her to the beach more often but still love her :-)

Hi,

I'm intending to come to The Kingdom and work for a UK based company. This company will not be registered in Thailand, I will be the company's representitive in Thailand, do I need or, indeed, is it possible to get a W/P under these circumstances? I will be paid by the company in the Uk so I presume a certified letter from the embassy will satisfy Immigration requirements as to the monthly income needed for extension of stay but does anyone know if it is possible to live and work in Thailand under these circumstances? The work would be the sourcing and shipping of goods to the UK.

I have read in other threads that if a Thai national does the actual 'work' ie arranging the payments and organising the shipping and all I do is basically point at what I want then technically speaking I won't be working but I know that 'working' can be anything including volunteering. Would that mean i could not enter into any negotiations regarding the price? Is that regarded as working?

The other issue would be if I'm being paid by a UK company but not officially working (ie no W/P) would anyone ask the question 'so how come this company pay you but you don't do any work?' or is that question unlikely to arise? I understand that officials who check income for extension of stay are interested only in that and wouldn't necessarily want to see W/P if they had a certified letter of income from the UK embassy. I wouldn't need/want an office or shop front for this work, it would be done from my home.

I want to do everything the right way and be 100% legal as i don't want the rug pulled from under my feet, so 'proper planning and preparation prevents p*ss poor performance will be my mantra'

Any help/previous experiences much appreciated.

Thanks

Biff

Don't know why I bothered to reply, but I agree with 'bridge' . Speaks volumes not "checking this thread" for a while, even whilst in turmoil and asking others to investigate. The 'Blessing Bar' has been there for over a decade and the girls are sound (even though I hate Chaweng now).

Haven't checked the thread because I've been in Phuket with little or no internet access. Up to you if you don't want to believe me. Why would I not believe her? I heard the noise of the fight during the last phone call with her on the night it happened and have seen the bruising first hand.

Thanks to everyone who said they're glad she's ok :-)

Turmoil ended a few days after the event when she called me. And I posted again saying that she was ok and that's when I explained about the attack. What surprised me was the lack of comment on the behaviour of the attackers, but i can see from the above posts that most think the story untrue, quite why that would be I'm not sure.

Anyway, this forum seems to be a fairly decent place to get advice on some things but not particularly useful/friendly in many many other respects.

If I'm in need of help in the future i will most certainly look elsewhere.