connda

"Hummm, I've no idea where the body came from. Must have been there before I bought the house...and the gun too."

I got a note from one of the posters asking me for an epilog. So here we go...

Wife is up and wife is down. The "Silent Treatment" lasted less than one day and by the following evening she was her old, happy self. Well, until she woke up the next day, and suddenly I have a quiet, unhappy wife on the verge of tears and quite uncommunicative. And again, by the evening she started to settle out and talk again. This morning she is fine.

As probably is apparent, my wife has her demons to deal with, as do we all. I'll share this much: A mother who told my wife (as a child) that she didn't love her and then kicked her out of the house at 15 year old to go live with her father; her first son died at 7 years old on my wife's birthday. The son lived with an Aunt while my wife worked in Bangkok (not a bargirl guys so don't go there). 24 years later and the grief and regret she experiences is truly sorrowful. Yeah, she has her demons, but she's a fighter and has worked very hard to support her surviving son.

To answer another poster, we've been together for 5 years. It's been good and bad, smooth and rocky. My wife is very un-Thai in that she thinks and plans. Yes! A Thai person who actually thinks into the future -- hard to believe. But there is a curse associated with that trait -- worry. So I have a wife who is ripped apart by the past, who has a love/hate relationship with a mother who is a nasty, hateful women (even folks in the village dislike her because she treats everyone bad), who is torn apart by grief and regret for her dead son, and who thinks too much. Yep, that's the gal I married. And she has developed a thick skin while outwardly (public side of her) she is a friendly, smiling, and one of the most service oriented Thais (at her business) that I have ever met. She's like one of those hard lemon drop candies (hard but sweet and sour on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside). But she can get her Thai Sulk on with the best of them. So we take one day at a time. I care for her, and she loves me like any Thai women does her man (no comment needed on this -- you know what I mean). We'll work our way though these little struggles and will both come out the other end stronger. And there you have it!

I'd like to thank all the posters who replied. I re-read the entire thread this morning -- A lot of thoughtful, intelligent people out there for the most part. I appreciate it -- Cheers!

Most of the people I know are delighted to tell you about the positive influences that they're parents have upon them. I was very lucky, very very laucky with parents.

I did point out that my fathers only real flaw was that he was too Directional, he wanted to run my life for me. As a result of that I was too easy on my kids.

Anyone pretending that their parents had no influence on them is a moron.

Even people that never knew their parents would have been influenced by that fact.

That being said, your personality then kicks in and it is up to you how you react or deal with the influences. Some people who have had difficult upbringings then play the part of the victim for the rest of their lives. Others use it as motivation and get on with life, and do fantastically well.

So the people that say buck up your ideas and get on with life......I'm on your side, but we are not all the same personality types.....so make space for other opinions too.

Agreed!

How can anyone complain of silence in this country???

Unfortunately when mine goes into "Silent Mode", the TV usually go on, channel changed to a good, sappy Thai soap, and the volume goes up. Ha ha ha!

About 25 years ago my sister convince me to attend a support group of adults who had shitty childhoods. I attended a few sessions with her; 2 hours of crying and moaning and finger-pointing and complaining about how their parents had wronged them.

I really did appreciate my sister taking me to those groups; I quit going after I decided that, "No, my emotional conditions are NOT my parents FAULT." I am who I am. Many factors produced the person I was 25 years ago, and the person I am today. The ONLY person responsible for my emotional state is -- Me!

My wife had a shitty childhood, and the only person responsible for her emotional state is -- Her.

Buck up and develop thicker skins gents. And by the way -- wife is back to normal today! Hurrah!!!

I don't worry anymore -- don't drink. And for everybody else -- most of the bars on Kaow San or your local bar if they pay Tea Money. But why not just take the day off, sip a Coke, and enjoy a day of sobriety.

Let's put things into perspective. The MP vote themselves 50 million baht worth of iPads and iPhones. In order to control the haze, a reward of 5000 baht is offered to turn in offenders.

What's wrong with this picture?

In a country like the US, setting fire to a national forest is arson. Rewards upward of $10000 are offered for the identification and prosecution of offenders. That would be about 300,000 baht. So, make turning in offender worthwhile. 5000 baht is peanuts for becoming a snitch, even to poor villagers. But 50,000 baht? 100,000 baht. With those sums they might start catching the folks setting the fires to the forests. And blaming it on the wealthy. Scapegoating! I'm sure it happens, but most of the fires set in the forests around the village I live in are set by the locals clearing the undergrowth in order to harvest mushrooms during the rainy season. No "Wealthy" folk involved. And I'm definitely not a proponent of the practice considering the abysmal air quality in our village in Lamphun, and the fact that two years ago we lost 1/3 of my wifes Lumyai orchard to a fire that came down out of the Khun Tan national forest. And this year the locals are burning up the Khun Tan national forest with unusual zeal. It's like pissing in your bath water -- Very ignorant people out here.

The government should reallocate some of money earmarked for pork barrel spending (like iPads for MPs), and use those moneys to focus on re-education efforts with the farmers. Instead of burning field, the farmers need to be shown how to recycle the organic materials into composts which will ultimately increase their crop yields. The farmers are "ignorant" not stupid. Slash and burn has been done for so long it's engrained into their culture. But there are too many people and farms to continue the practice. The government need to act as an agent of change. There is a solution to this problem.

Come-on fellas -- jump on the gravy-train at the taxpayer's expense. Why stop at iPads and iPhones -- Why not cars, home stereo systems, TVs, laptop computers -- you know, everything you need to be an effective MP.

By the way, this isn't unique to Thailand. Politicians world-wide are parasites who feed off of society. Nowadays they don't even try to cover it up -- they simply do it in the open. What a slap to the face of the general population. There is absolutely no shame to these creeps.

Gosh, guys, have you ever actually thought of asking the little lady what's on her mind and then listening -- really listening? You know, a real live conversation?

For example, the OP could have gotten a conversation going by saying something like "yeah, it was a real bummer that I couldn't play Songkran last year. That dengue fever really hit me hard. I'm feeling great now and really looking foward to Songkran this year. What would you like to do for Songkran?"

All this heat, smoke and dusty air (at least up here in the north) probably got the lady thinking about how much she's looking forward to Songkran. Then she remembered how she didn't enjoy it last year, then she thought about why and then....... (clearly she forgot her thii rak was ill during the holiday)

Think you know nothing about Thai women.

Well obviously I'm not a Thai woman, but I am friends with some. They aren't all that much different than western women of similar age, education and socio-economic class when it comes to interaction with men.

I know better than to try to converse once the wife is in "The Mood." I just keep it light, talk to her like normal, and wait for her to snap out of it. Anyway, I have a very good friend of mine from the US who is coming over with her husband for Songkran. She'll just put an arm around my wife and talk her into having fun, and that will be that. What I thought was interesting was after having a really nice day together, she went to the bathroom to shower and worked herself into "The Mood" about something that happened almost a year ago. An angel went into the shower and a mɛ̂ɛmót came out -- na-glua maak maak. It really confused that heck out of me, but I just kept a smile on and I'll let her work through whatever she needs to work through. I really am a pretty understanding guy.

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

That's impossible. You couldn't possible know pidgeon English as that is only spoken by the birds in Trafalgar Square in London.

Do you mean Pidgin English?

Da_m!!! My bad. Although I did speak pidgeon to the pigeons in Trafalgar Square whence I was I young lad during a Buckingham College field trip. Oh so many moons ago.

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

I speak in proper English to her. She speaks what she speaks to me, usually minus English articles (a, an, the), mixed tenses, and misplaced adverbs and adjective. But I understand what she is saying, and I like the way she talks. Me? I don't do pidgeon, and I don't recommend that any English speaker do. It's makes one sound....I'm thinking of a word......Stupid! LOL

It's guaranteed to be interesting.

Anyway, the schedule will only be finalized and then published shortly before the holiday. Local media and the tourist office will publish it; there are many parades and religious ceremonies, usually in the mornings. And then water fun in the afternoons, of course.

But for planning purposes and what to expect, here is the list from last year. You can expect something very similar for this year, but you're a bit early.

http://www.tatnews.o.../april/5406.asp

Thanks Winnie!

I waiting for someone to pipe in that the OP shouldnt have married a bargirl...

you mean then the stories he can tell us are less boring?

Sorry for boring -- you obviously haven't been married for as long as I have. Ha ha ha!

I understand how it seems like the story is out of the blue, Connda- but as a suggestion, considering her age and what she said- perhaps she is feeling insecure about getting older? I mean, I don't know either of you so it may be that this is completely unhelpful advice, but perhaps you could do/say something to reassure here about the 'real' topic, which is her getting older, while ignoring the trivial thing that set her off. Maybe buy her some flowers and remind her of how much longer you both have, etc., etc..... just a thought.

Good advice. She actually is dealing with (drum roll)...menopause! Hormone roller-coaster~~~~~ She actually called me up and asked me to buy her an Ice Coffee. Maybe she just "broke the ice" on the silent treatment. I'll toss a rose in and see what happens.

Ahhh ... a wonderful example of the renown Thai Sulk ... not to be confused with the renown Thai Silk.

You seem to have the required temperament to outlast it.

Note to self ... remember to play water with the gf this Songkran

Thank God she doesn't stick her lower lip out and give me the Thai Pout. I just get the furrowed eyebrows, down-turned lips, and silence. More like the Thai Serious Face. Probably has to do with her being over 50. The Thai Pout seems to be a younger girl's method. I see it on Thai soap opera all the time!!!

That's how you communicate?

That's how she communicates. I'll just be jai yen and mee kwam suk until she pulls her head out, so to speak.

So how do you get them to be quiet for so long again?

Find a way to piss her off without knowing you pissed her off.

Crime:

Insisting on being Politically Correct on this forum.

Punishment:

Forced to write on a whiteboard, "I will develop a thicker skin." a million times - or - until your writing hand turns black for lack of blood - or - until you are overcome by white board marker fumes.

... or a 'blackboard' if he is using chalk

Ask someone under 20 years old what a blackboard is, and watch for dazed and confused looks.

Crime: Can I extend my Visa which I got when I arrived at the Airport?

... someone else up for the punishment ?

Immediate deportation to Laos.

Crime:

Insisting on being Politically Correct on this forum.

Punishment:

Forced to write on a whiteboard, "I will develop a thicker skin." a million times - or - until your writing hand turns black for lack of blood - or - until you are overcome by white board marker fumes.

That sounds great, son!

I first came here while in the military about 30 years ago. I fell in love with the place. And I agree, every time I hit US soil after being overseas, I experienced "reverse culture shock.' Pretty amazing huh?

It isn't perfect here...there is good and bad...but you live, learn, and enjoy. If you come here with an open heart, you may never want to leave, or you'll keep coming back!

Hope you are able to realize your goal soon! The best of luck

Here we go with the "discriminated farang" thing again. Yes, Thais are xenophobic and jingoistic, and they are not the only ones in the world.

Get over it and enjoy the good things in this beautiful country, or pack up an leave.

Your indignant, self-righteousness will not change a thing. And if you feel like a "second class citizen", realize that is only in your head. I don't feel like a second class person, I don't care about status, and I could give a rip about what anyone thinks about me regardless of their color, culture, or other orientation.

You say this is only and "observation?" Dude, it's emotional and its eating away at you. If you had a thicker skin you would have stopped the post after talking about the dog pinching a loaf in front of your house.

Wake up man. Stop playing the victim -- you'll be happier.

-- Political correctness makes me want to puke!

The advice I gave you regarding building a house in Vientiane was honest and if I say so myself, quite helpful. If you choose not to take advice offered then don't. No need to throw your toys out of the pram. Just cherrypick what you consider to be good advice and laugh at the b*ll*cks....

http://www.thaivisa....s-in-vientiane/

Interesting. Nice catch Lovelaos. I looked though the thread and, by golly, I don't see a bunch of "Disgruntled Alcoholics" responding to Focus' initial post. There is good information there.

So Focus -- what is your real problem. Amazing. Yeah dude-- goodbye!

Focus, you're throwing the baby out with the bath water. On a typical post, I'll get a few stupid remarks, a few that are relatively useless, a few "trolls", and some useful, informative replies.

Yes, and you will get replies urging you to be careful. I've lived here 5 years and I've been burned and scammed more than once by Thais on various things. Most of those happened in the first 18 months I was here. Live and learn. Many of the individuals who urge caution are doing just that -- passing on their experience. Not all, but many.

Sure, there are some folks out there that have an overly negative view of Thais, and they probably always will. If you don't find their remarks useful, skip them and move on.

But let's look at your comments: You allude to all these Disgruntled Westerns who get there information from bar girls or other drunk, sloshed, alcoholics (I'm paraphrasing here). You're painting with a pretty broad brush there too, sport.

My experiences and those of a large number of Expats who have lived here for over 5 year are based on personal experience -- we're not "disgruntled" and we don't get our experiences in an alcohol induced stupor from questionable sources. Many of us are married, have jobs, are family oriented, and enjoy Thailand enough to accept the good with the bad.

So, if you're really that self-righteous sport, the only advice I can give you is, "Don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out." Otherwise, cool down and accept this forum for what it is, and accept the good with the bad.

Up to you!