Sin Sod: Why Thailand's wedding payment custom divides

ION fact ridiculous that you have to pay for your bride, no matter if it is being refunded. Thailand is a developed country as they say and than such actions are outdated. I know in other countries it happens too, but still buying a wife is more looking like human trafficking than love. I bought my wife...

Just now, ikke1959 said:

ION fact ridiculous that you have to pay for your bride, no matter if it is being refunded. Thailand is a developed country as they say and than such actions are outdated. I know in other countries it happens too, but still buying a wife is more looking like human trafficking than love. I bought my wife...

In a large number of cases it is all a pretence, simply for show and the money is returned to the couple after the ceremony.

I think sin sod is a valuable custom. It’s usually men who run away. Having an investment in his wife makes him think twice.

At first, I thought of sin sod as buying a wife. We were “engaged” (boy, that was fun!) for more than a year before marriage,

Although my bride was a city girl, her parents had lost all their money in bad land investments. She grew up rich and they became poor literally overnight.

When you marry a girl, you marry her family. My sin sod paid off her parents’ house and they felt very badly about not being able to return it to us. (They did count it, though!)

We had a very simple group marriage at the Monks’ Hospital and a table of ten relatives at a Thai restaurant. If a marriage starts off with debt because of a big show-off wedding, it’s doomed.

Her mother came with us to pick out a ring. It was expensive but by no means extravagant. We chose it not the mother.

Yes, I arrived at the parents’ house at dawn. Her siblings had put my gold chains across each doorway to symbolically keep me from reaching my bride.

Parents expect the new husband to have provided their daughter with a house and a car and gold. I drew the line at a car. No need in Bangkok, just doubling both your monthly expences and your frustration. It’s just a show-off buy.

We lived with her parents for several months before we found a house. I had the dream of a house on a klong or the river. They were cheap then but we didn’t know how to look for one.

So we ended up with a house in a five-year old mooban.The mooban has aged and gotten seedy, as have we after 37 years here.

Does sin sod make your wife more valued to you? Probably not, but it’s a good start to a lifelong marriage. Or, at least she hasn’t left me yet!

5 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Does sin sod make your wife more valued to you? Probably not, but it’s a good start to a lifelong marriage. Or, at least she hasn’t left me yet!

paying sin sot just to create the impression that your future wife has a certain value, or that you have money, feels just wrong (acting) to me ...

in my view, not paying sin sot and being honest from the start is a much more trustworthy foundation for marriage ...

Yet again, so many people on AN know little or nothing of the customs of ⅔ of Thais (most of them not ethnically Thai in any case).

I paid 100,000฿ for my b/f, negotiated down from 200,000. Counted out note after note during the village ceremony.

No sweat. I was 'rich' compared to my new Khmer peasant family. I knew the money would be well used. And already the land nearby was being cleared for the first of the 3 houses I have built for them.

What I want to know -- given the current case in Pak Chong -- is, if they continue to stiff the caterer, per the dictates of sin sod, which one of them could potentially end up in jail.

4 minutes ago, JerryM said:

What I want to know -- given the current case in Pak Chong -- is, if they continue to stiff the caterer, per the dictates of sin sod, which one of them could potentially end up in jail.

Wrong thread.

Go back there. And ask.

1 minute ago, rocketboy2 said:

Wrong thread.

Go back there. And ask.

First sentence of OP: A recent wedding controversy involving a Thai bride and a foreign groom has renewed attention on Sin Sod

43 minutes ago, akssdude said:

Never paid and was never asked to.

Yeah, you did. You ever buy a woman dinner or, even if you went Dutch, spend precious time listening to her blather on? Did you ever marry and buy her an engagement ring (as I previously mentioned)?

You ALWAYS pay something.

As I understand it, the bride is stiffing the caterer because the bride is saying she was stiffed by the non-Thai groom on her expected sin sod.

Per OP elsewhere it said the complaint was filed against the Thai-foreign COUPLE.

Police have said only that they plan to call the couple in for questioning and discussions over the alleged debt.

Edited 8 hours ago8 hr by JerryM

41 minutes ago, HappyExpat57 said:

Yeah, you did. You ever buy a woman dinner or, even if you went Dutch, spend precious time listening to her blather on? Did you ever marry and buy her an engagement ring (as I previously mentioned)?

You ALWAYS pay something.

Read it again. Now do it one more time. I never paid sin sod. Whatever expense after that is beyond the point. That's called life.

Used to be custom that the bride's parents used to pay in the UK. Also so known as a dowry. And not that long ago, either.

Different cultures, different customs.

Edited 7 hours ago7 hr by emptypockets

5 hours ago, Georgealbert said:

There is no single approach to Sin Sod. In many cases, the bride's parents do not keep the money permanently, and may return it to the newly married couple after the ceremony as help towards their future together.

However, each arrangement depends on what the two families agree. Some families want the custom observed in full, while others accept a symbolic sum or do not require it at all.

That's my understanding. It's not black and white. But I wonder how it originated. Was it a Chinese-Thai custom - so around only 100 years or so? Or was it historically a Thai/Siamese tradition going back several hundred years?

Many times the females here are 'the family buffalo': they go out and get an education, work their backsides off and support parents. Often the pampered males are treated like the big babies they are and lie around, drink, shoot pool, etc.

Of course the parents reason "if you going to take our cash cow, you have to pay for her"

Well, I paid. I saw it as social acceptance thing for her family and the village. If makes it easier why the hell not. If you want a smoothe transition into the family, play the family game. If you don't care and don't mind starting off with friction don't play the game. Easy Peasy. But it is absolutely no one else's concern. Why make a big deal out of it one way or the other.

Besides, now when she gives me grief I remind her I paid for her and I can just as easily sell her a$$ if I need. Seems to calm her down a bit to think on that......

Does she have to be a wirgin to pay sinsod?what if shes got kids and theres no tread left on the tyres..

2 hours ago, akssdude said:

Read it again. Now do it one more time. I never paid sin sod. Whatever expense after that is beyond the point. That's called life.

You're just bickering about the dollar amount.

You ask a woman to go to bed with you for $1,000000.

She says HELL yes.

You ask her if she'll go to bed with you for $5.

She asks, "You think I'm a whore?"

You say, "Yes, now we're just negotiating."

Must admit I was leery of giving her parents a lot of money. After a frank discussion beforehand they told me they didn't want the sin sod except to show what a good husband I am. I gave them the money and jewelry for the photos and benefit of guests. Two days later, they gave everything back.

Over the years I have helped them pay for food, gas and electricity etc. such nice parents I don't begrudge them.

I paid for nothing except for a wedding ring when we got married 25 years then again both of my wifes parents were deceased. My wife suggested that the money spent on a flash wedding party would be much better spent on furnishings for our recently purchased home. We did have a small party the weekend after and her 2 adult daughters and grand son attended. My wife is one of 10 and they all treat me extra well, the only down side is the language barrier. We now have 4 different properties, non really expensive so given that I'm 11 years older than my wife she's well taken care of after I die. Patience is a great virtue, something that many Thai ladies don't understand.

5 minutes ago, Rams86 said:

I paid for nothing except for a wedding ring when we got married 25 years then again both of my wifes parents were deceased.

Ditto. Also bought some land - gifted to wife.

5 hours ago, ronnie50 said:

That's my understanding. It's not black and white. But I wonder how it originated. Was it a Chinese-Thai custom - so around only 100 years or so? Or was it historically a Thai/Siamese tradition going back several hundred years?

I also thought it was a Thai adaptation of the Chinese Pin Jin.

But it seems that it is actually an ancient, indigenous Thai custom deeply rooted in Southeast Asian family values.

The Thai practice evolved independently as a way to prove a groom's financial capability, secure the bride's future, and reimburse her mother for her upbringing.

My wife and I were both 23-year old students when we met, and her mother never really approved of me. But, we're still together after over 50 years!