Girlfriend Cheated

[teacup]

I might say, being cheated is just one way of knowing the truth how trustworthy the person is. That trust is now broken…Oh well you should thank Buddha that it’s now and not after the marriage. Of course it is so hard to think that someone so close could hurt you that way. Forget about her, she’s neither worth your time nor trust…it’s just another chapter of your life and better things will come in your way.

Welcome back to singlehood….but there’s only repercussion…the other chicks gonna find u even more attractive…girls love a dude who just broke up with his gf…hahaha

[cashe]

strong? no, i dont think so. im crumbling. BUT i am gonna be ok. they say what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, hey?

well, wonder woman look out! she now has a rival. (maybe i dont have the same figure as her, but strength wise, im gonna whip her ass).

i am sorry to hear about your pain donna. we actually have the same experience, just that mine lasted for 9 months and i only found out last xmas.

yes, it truly hurts. my friends (good thing i have friends here) told me to just move on and try to forget everything. well, easier said than done.

and to read a story like this makes me wonder why the good girls ended up with the wrong guyz and good guyz ended up with wrong girls. weird i guess, thats just how the way it goes .

[donna]

i might also add that its actually Wonder Woman who has the rival, not the wife. i feel sorry for her. but also cross with her in a way because she puts up with it. but then its not my life to pity, is it. i have enough to deal with at the moment without their situation.

[ThaiPauly]

[

be told or be sorry.

Great quote Tax,,and very true.

Everyone knows SOMEONE thats been hurt in a similar way if they have lived here a while...unfortunatley

[graesta]

stevenh accept the fact that you are just a meal ticket for the moment..

you said you have money problems.. then you are out of the picture.

[pedro01]

All my housemates used to say that she clearly adored me from seeing her around me and how happy she looked.

And that, my friend, is the reason that people get screwed by BGs in so many ways. In my 9 years here - I have seen guys like yourselves lose so much $$$ and self-esteem over this. OF COURSE she appears to love you. OF COURSE she isn't like the other BGs - That's a common thread in all BG rip-off stories. They are all loving, attentive, horny, jealous etc.. Just that 99% any of them have a sting in their tails. That is why the guys are always so suprised.

99% of these girls have Thai boyfriends, many are married. All have a sob story. Some will even get married to a Farang despite the fact that they are married to a Thai. Many of the BGs go to Karaoke bars & pay Thai boys to have sex with them. Many of the BGs take drugs in some bars ALL the girls will be on drugs - the minority are those that abstain.

If you caught your girl with 1 farang, then she's likely been with many. I would doubt everything about her story - the 5K bit is bullshit, him seeing her engagement ring is bullshit. It's all bullshit - these stories exist purely to turn the tables around & gain your sympathy for the 'poor girl'. If she went back to Bangkok - she's been working on as a prostitute all the time. The salaries for bartenders just don't compare. He may be an ex-customer who's come to see her on holiday. BGs like to keep in contact with their customers & create the illusion of them being boyfriends, shit hits the fan when more than one boyfriend comes to Thailand at the same time. Or he may just have been the punter of the evening.

Anyone contemplating a relationship with a BG needs to keep a very tight reign on the girl. Sad but true. That includes removing them completely from the bar scene.

There are of course a few diamonds in the rough - there are some success stories. Like anywhere - a relationship with anyone needs time to build. One 2 week vacation followed by another followed by a marriage (as in many cases) is a recipe for disaster in any country.

Get rid of her. Look elsewhere for a girlfriend. Cultivate a relationship.

Edited January 11, 2007 by pedro01

[Boo]

Cultivate a relationship.

Amen

[pedro01]

I know she's not as cold hearted as people here tend to believe she is but the responses I got to my post are damning and have most likely pushed me towards finishing it.

I should never have let her go back to work in Bangkok and things would have been just fine. You'll all think I'm a sucker but I am truly gutted.

She IS as cold hearted as we think. Our judgement is not clouded but yours more than likely is. She went back to work as a prostitute whilst you were planning a life with her. How cold hearted can you get ?

She neither respects your feelings nor your health IMO.

Sorry to be blunt - but I've tried explaining this to friends in similar situations to yours. Mostly, they just don't want to hear it. They want to beleive it's just a one-off slip up & that she'll change. Actually - you have now seen her true colours.

[Etrigan]

I think the concensus here is clear - dump her.

Also think about the other millions of single Thai women who don't sell sex for quick cash, but who are looking for love, a life, a chance for something better, for something good. You won't meet them in bars either!

Your heart has been broken by a selfish bitch, you're just lucky this happened before marriage. My God man, THINK, she gets half of your UK property and assets when she divorces you, and she would get the right to settle in the UK if she pulled the wool over your eyes for the full three years!

Count your blessings. I wish you the very best of luck in your search for happiness.

[RAZZELL]

I was going to give you my personal experience...but it wouldn't add anything...

Unless you're with this girl 24/7...you're either going to have to accept "incidents" like this ...Or forget her...

Sorry...I know it hurts

RAZZ

[buriramboy]

i just find it hard to sympathize with people who get involved with bargirls, we all know what they are and what they are after but people still continue to get taken for a ride day after day, if you use their services just treat it as a business transaction with no emotional involvement or follow my mates 2 rules, never give them your phone number and never use the same one more than twice.

BB

[kalaminsa]

Send her more money , She obviously needs it .

Perhaps 50,000 or 100,000 baht per month would suffice ?

[gburns57au]

I will go a bit against the popular view here...

I dont think it is right for people to say outright that he dumps her...in the end it is upto him...

These girls can be under enormous pressure from family to earn money for the family....a working girl can make a lot of money and sends money home...then she settles for just one guy and the money decreases because usually the guy cant send money to compare with what the girl was earning before. So then the family puts the pressure on even more. The family thinks that she has met a rich farang and expects the money to keep flowing. The girl by now is desperate...she has to satisfy the family demands, after all we all know that the family comes first, so she starts by doing the odd one or two and hopes she doesnt get caught out. Before long she finds that she has to do more because again Mama is putting pressure on.

In this case the girl got caught...not nice for the OP or for her...he said she has gone back to the village now so she seems to be genuinely contrite.

The decision he has to make is what to do...can he put this behind them and continue on or does he cut his losses and run...That is his choice to make.

And by the way...this sort of action is not the domain of only bargirls....a lot of up country girls who work in the tourist areas in decent jobs will go with men in order to make extra money. They are under the same pressure as the BG's in a lot of cases. Lets face it...Just because a girl works in a decent job doesnt mean that she wont sleep with men for extra money...

So to the OP....if you feel that this girls actions has destroyed your trust in her and you cant forgive and forget, then yes go ahead and dump her....but you could find that the nice waitress in the restaurant will do exactly the same thing.

If you can put it behind you and are prepared to let bygones be bygones then do what you think is best. If nothing else you have learnt from this and whether you stay with her or dump her,

[markuk]

I will go a bit against the popular view here...

I dont think it is right for people to say outright that he dumps her...in the end it is upto him...

These girls can be under enormous pressure from family to earn money for the family....a working girl can make a lot of money and sends money home...then she settles for just one guy and the money decreases because usually the guy cant send money to compare with what the girl was earning before. So then the family puts the pressure on even more. The family thinks that she has met a rich farang and expects the money to keep flowing. The girl by now is desperate...she has to satisfy the family demands, after all we all know that the family comes first, so she starts by doing the odd one or two and hopes she doesnt get caught out. Before long she finds that she has to do more because again Mama is putting pressure on.

In this case the girl got caught...not nice for the OP or for her...he said she has gone back to the village now so she seems to be genuinely contrite.

The decision he has to make is what to do...can he put this behind them and continue on or does he cut his losses and run...That is his choice to make.

And by the way...this sort of action is not the domain of only bargirls....a lot of up country girls who work in the tourist areas in decent jobs will go with men in order to make extra money. They are under the same pressure as the BG's in a lot of cases. Lets face it...Just because a girl works in a decent job doesnt mean that she wont sleep with men for extra money...

So to the OP....if you feel that this girls actions has destroyed your trust in her and you cant forgive and forget, then yes go ahead and dump her....but you could find that the nice waitress in the restaurant will do exactly the same thing.

If you can put it behind you and are prepared to let bygones be bygones then do what you think is best. If nothing else you have learnt from this and whether you stay with her or dump her,

excellent view on this, all too easy to jump on the band wagon with the "oh not another poor sucker being ripped off by a BG" line but there could be a lot more to it. Lots of office girls, shop workers etc would also entertain the possibility of a 5k bump up (or less).

Its gonna come down to trust and if you feel there is a future worth fighting for, only you can make that decision...

[OneeyedJohn]

A close relative had a poor experience where the girl got brought to England was all sweety pie until she had cleaned him out completely. All very subtle, but once his money was almost diminished she buggered off tothe the bright lights of London and rich Chinese.

Stephen if you had 6 relationships with six different BG's then you would have six variations on a theme.

It'll all end in sadness.............for YOU.

[pedro01]

I will go a bit against the popular view here...

I dont think it is right for people to say outright that he dumps her...in the end it is upto him...

These girls can be under enormous pressure from family to earn money for the family....a working girl can make a lot of money and sends money home...then she settles for just one guy and the money decreases because usually the guy cant send money to compare with what the girl was earning before. So then the family puts the pressure on even more. The family thinks that she has met a rich farang and expects the money to keep flowing. The girl by now is desperate...she has to satisfy the family demands, after all we all know that the family comes first, so she starts by doing the odd one or two and hopes she doesnt get caught out. Before long she finds that she has to do more because again Mama is putting pressure on.

Where is my violin ? Like I said, they all have a sob story, it sounds like you've heard a few. ;-)

Go visit an Isaan village - it's not impossible to live up there on 3 or 4000 baht a month.

Consider the fact that many BGs simply don't earn that much cash and many blow what they do earn on bar boys, drugs and days off. Many are also supporting their live in Thai boyfriends.

It is a major EXCEPTION to the rule to find a girl who really earns 30-40k per month AND doesn't spend a high percentage of it on housing, food, clothes, mobile phones, boys and drugs. These are young girls with bright ligths all around them, they have money in their pockets for the first time in their lives. It ain't all going on buffalo's. There is money going back to Isaan - but not as much as you think.

Send a girl back to Isaan and give her 10,15,20K per month regularly & there's simply no reason for her to turn back to prostitution. It's plenty of extra money to make her Isaan family comfortable. There will be sick buffalo's but they can be taken as they come.

Ultimately what we are seeing here is an ex bargirl that went back to work in a bar in Bangkok. Let's not be naive and think this was her first punter after her return.

She could easily have a drug habit or a Thai boyfriend or a visiting Farang that gave her a reason to go back.

Sure - there's a very small chance she's a diamond in the rough - but odds are she's no good. Throw her back in the sea and start fishing again. Try fishing elsewhere though.

[buriramboy]

another reason people overlook when getting involved with bar girls, is all the lies YOU have to tell, i mean you going to introduce Nut/Noi/Lek/Om (delete as appropriate) to your family and friends back in farangland with the truth? Hi Mum/Dad this is the prostitute i am going to/have married. Of course you are not. So you end up lying to those closest to you, and also i would never be able to forget what she did for a living, but for those of you who can and do, good luck to you. Just not my cup of tea.

BB

[Thai-Spy]

I will go a bit against the popular view here...

I dont think it is right for people to say outright that he dumps her...in the end it is upto him...

These girls can be under enormous pressure from family to earn money for the family....a working girl can make a lot of money and sends money home...then she settles for just one guy and the money decreases because usually the guy cant send money to compare with what the girl was earning before. So then the family puts the pressure on even more. The family thinks that she has met a rich farang and expects the money to keep flowing. The girl by now is desperate...she has to satisfy the family demands, after all we all know that the family comes first, so she starts by doing the odd one or two and hopes she doesnt get caught out. Before long she finds that she has to do more because again Mama is putting pressure on.

In this case the girl got caught...not nice for the OP or for her...he said she has gone back to the village now so she seems to be genuinely contrite.

The decision he has to make is what to do...can he put this behind them and continue on or does he cut his losses and run...That is his choice to make.

And by the way...this sort of action is not the domain of only bargirls....a lot of up country girls who work in the tourist areas in decent jobs will go with men in order to make extra money. They are under the same pressure as the BG's in a lot of cases. Lets face it...Just because a girl works in a decent job doesnt mean that she wont sleep with men for extra money...

So to the OP....if you feel that this girls actions has destroyed your trust in her and you cant forgive and forget, then yes go ahead and dump her....but you could find that the nice waitress in the restaurant will do exactly the same thing.

If you can put it behind you and are prepared to let bygones be bygones then do what you think is best. If nothing else you have learnt from this and whether you stay with her or dump her,

excellent view on this, all too easy to jump on the band wagon with the "oh not another poor sucker being ripped off by a BG" line but there could be a lot more to it. Lots of office girls, shop workers etc would also entertain the possibility of a 5k bump up (or less).

Its gonna come down to trust and if you feel there is a future worth fighting for, only you can make that decision...

When you stop to consider that 5k ST/10k LT would represent 2 weeks to 2 months salary for the classes of Thai women most foreigners are likely to meet, it brings things into perspective. To dispel any myth of Western moral superiority, if you laid the exact same proposition in dollar or Euro terms before a Western woman with a similar education or employment, the acceptance rate would be similar.

The sin of cheating in Thailand doesn't reside in the fact of the physical act. It resides in getting caught, or more to the point the loss of face for the cheater and the one who is cheated on. Millions of Thai woman know (not "think", not "suspect", but "know") that their husbands are cheating, and the number of men in the same situation is only slightly lower. It's accepted because very few are damaged in a way they consider to be important.

The statement that "you can take the bar out of the girl, but you can't take the girl out of the bar" is largely erroneous. It's more accurate to say that you can't take the Thai culture out of the girl. Thais simply don't frame the issue of infidelity -- either mentally or emotionally -- in the same way as Westerners do.

Still, money does play an important factor, and indeed the pressures from family can be enormous. Bad debts, crop failures, familial financial irresponsibility, laziness, rural alcoholism, a parental sense of entitlement to support, early marriages and childbirth, the drive for status through ostentatious display of material wealth... It's a long list of things that can drive a girl to (and back to) the bars.

But still many more farang and ex-bar girl relationships do work out than that fail, far more than most people would assume. The main reason people assume the failure rate is high is simply that the farang male doesn't show up and boast about it, but they're all to willing to moan publicly about the relationship that failed (and usually without taking their own measure of blame). And also in those that succeed the male is willing to let the girl's past quietly disappear.

From what we've seen, at least half and possible two-thirds of the relationships do stand up for many years, and when they fail it's more usually because of intercultural stresses than the Thai woman wanting to go back to the bar.

So, to the OP, we might suggest that it's worth at least one more chance with your girl. But it is essential to get her into a different environment where temptation will not so often be placed in her path. Good luck.

[qualtrough]

I will go a bit against the popular view here...

I dont think it is right for people to say outright that he dumps her...in the end it is upto him...

These girls can be under enormous pressure from family to earn money for the family....a working girl can make a lot of money and sends money home...then she settles for just one guy and the money decreases because usually the guy cant send money to compare with what the girl was earning before. So then the family puts the pressure on even more. The family thinks that she has met a rich farang and expects the money to keep flowing. The girl by now is desperate...she has to satisfy the family demands, after all we all know that the family comes first, so she starts by doing the odd one or two and hopes she doesnt get caught out. Before long she finds that she has to do more because again Mama is putting pressure on.

In this case the girl got caught...not nice for the OP or for her...he said she has gone back to the village now so she seems to be genuinely contrite.

The decision he has to make is what to do...can he put this behind them and continue on or does he cut his losses and run...That is his choice to make.

And by the way...this sort of action is not the domain of only bargirls....a lot of up country girls who work in the tourist areas in decent jobs will go with men in order to make extra money. They are under the same pressure as the BG's in a lot of cases. Lets face it...Just because a girl works in a decent job doesnt mean that she wont sleep with men for extra money...

So to the OP....if you feel that this girls actions has destroyed your trust in her and you cant forgive and forget, then yes go ahead and dump her....but you could find that the nice waitress in the restaurant will do exactly the same thing.

If you can put it behind you and are prepared to let bygones be bygones then do what you think is best. If nothing else you have learnt from this and whether you stay with her or dump her,

excellent view on this, all too easy to jump on the band wagon with the "oh not another poor sucker being ripped off by a BG" line but there could be a lot more to it. Lots of office girls, shop workers etc would also entertain the possibility of a 5k bump up (or less).

Its gonna come down to trust and if you feel there is a future worth fighting for, only you can make that decision...

When you stop to consider that 5k ST/10k LT would represent 2 weeks to 2 months salary for the classes of Thai women most foreigners are likely to meet, it brings things into perspective. To dispel any myth of Western moral superiority, if you laid the exact same proposition in dollar or Euro terms before a Western woman with a similar education or employment, the acceptance rate would be similar.

The sin of cheating in Thailand doesn't reside in the fact of the physical act. It resides in getting caught, or more to the point the loss of face for the cheater and the one who is cheated on. Millions of Thai woman know (not "think", not "suspect", but "know") that their husbands are cheating, and the number of men in the same situation is only slightly lower. It's accepted because very few are damaged in a way they consider to be important.

The statement that "you can take the bar out of the girl, but you can't take the girl out of the bar" is largely erroneous. It's more accurate to say that you can't take the Thai culture out of the girl. Thais simply don't frame the issue of infidelity -- either mentally or emotionally -- in the same way as Westerners do.

Still, money does play an important factor, and indeed the pressures from family can be enormous. Bad debts, crop failures, familial financial irresponsibility, laziness, rural alcoholism, a parental sense of entitlement to support, early marriages and childbirth, the drive for status through ostentatious display of material wealth... It's a long list of things that can drive a girl to (and back to) the bars.

But still many more farang and ex-bar girl relationships do work out than that fail, far more than most people would assume. The main reason people assume the failure rate is high is simply that the farang male doesn't show up and boast about it, but they're all to willing to moan publicly about the relationship that failed (and usually without taking their own measure of blame). And also in those that succeed the male is willing to let the girl's past quietly disappear.

From what we've seen, at least half and possible two-thirds of the relationships do stand up for many years, and when they fail it's more usually because of intercultural stresses than the Thai woman wanting to go back to the bar.

So, to the OP, we might suggest that it's worth at least one more chance with your girl. But it is essential to get her into a different environment where temptation will not so often be placed in her path. Good luck.

So much erroneous information here I wouldn't know where to start...

[JiaJia]

if you can took her out of the bar, anyone else can. it's her profession.

she doesn't love you, even if she said so

you wanna fix it, so you're looking for some support here in the forum...

stop wasting your time ...

(it's not an example to say all thai ladies are cheating, but that's what i've seen:) one of my neighbours is a thai lady married with a farang, they have a boy and are living in a wealthy condition. but very often, i saw single men (farangs of course) "visiting" her. every time is different guys, sometimes she even drives out to the main street, then came back with either a single man in her car, or riding on a motorbike following her car. apperantly some farangs couldn't find the location. not sure if they're her lovers (if yes, too many, how can she manage it) or clients, however, definitely, she's not faithful to the husband who's supporting all the family.

[britmaveric]

Steven - there are many happy/successful relationships with ex-bg(s). However once they are in a relationship, they have to stop working in a bar for bloody obvious reasons.

You aren't there so you have to put faithe in her - I think thats gone now and you will always be wondering now what she's up to if you continue the relationship. BTW just because she says she's going home to the village - doesn't mean she is. Not like in the west - where everyone has a house phone, with mobiles she could tell you she's in the village and she's not.

[terry6337]

I was going to give you my personal experience...but it wouldn't add anything...

Unless you're with this girl 24/7...you're either going to have to accept "incidents" like this ...Or forget her...

Sorry...I know it hurts

RAZZ

I couldn't put it better myself, though I must say, for Thai bar girls money and money for their family comes first

That is FIRST before husband or anything else!

[kayo]

It's amazing.

It must be Thailand.

History never changes. Only the names.

[gburns57au]

Where is my violin ? Like I said, they all have a sob story, it sounds like you've heard a few. ;-)

I have....but I learnt not to take the attitude of the cynical bar stool ex pat. Not that I am saying you are of that ilk...But here we have people saying "dump Her"...they know nothing of him or the relationship...yet they are telling him what to do....maybe pointing out his options is a better idea without stereotyping and cynicism

Go visit an Isaan village - it's not impossible to live up there on 3 or 4000 baht a month.

I have done that many times

Consider the fact that many BGs simply don't earn that much cash and many blow what they do earn on bar boys, drugs and days off. Many are also supporting their live in Thai boyfriends.

It is a major EXCEPTION to the rule to find a girl who really earns 30-40k per month AND doesn't spend a high percentage of it on housing, food, clothes, mobile phones, boys and drugs. These are young girls with bright ligths all around them, they have money in their pockets for the first time in their lives. It ain't all going on buffalo's. There is money going back to Isaan - but not as much as you think.

I personally know of a girl who regularly earnt in excess of 50K per month, She was not a druggie nor was she a young Go Go girl. She had a son in Chantaburi being looked after by her mother and she was putting money away for his education as well as supporting her family.

Send a girl back to Isaan and give her 10,15,20K per month regularly & there's simply no reason for her to turn back to prostitution. It's plenty of extra money to make her Isaan family comfortable. There will be sick buffalo's but they can be taken as they come.

I agree

Ultimately what we are seeing here is an ex bargirl that went back to work in a bar in Bangkok. Let's not be naive and think this was her first punter after her return.

She could easily have a drug habit or a Thai boyfriend or a visiting Farang that gave her a reason to go back.

Making a few assumptions here arent you ?? You dont know this girl so you are not in a position to judge

Sure - there's a very small chance she's a diamond in the rough - but odds are she's no good. Throw her back in the sea and start fishing again. Try fishing elsewhere though.

[TizMe]

But here we have people saying "dump Her"...they know nothing of him or the relationship.

What we do know is that she was caught "about to shag a customer". What we can easily assume is that it wasn't a first offence, but just the first conviction.

Anybody that doesn't think she has been shaggin' every Tom, Dick and Harry since her fiancé left has rocks in their head.

And I also bet that she wasn't offered 5,000 baht either.

[gburns57au]

But here we have people saying "dump Her"...they know nothing of him or the relationship.

What we do know is that she was caught "about to shag a customer". What we can easily assume is that it wasn't a first offence, but just the first conviction.

Anybody that doesn't think she has been shaggin' every Tom, Dick and Harry since her fiancé left has rocks in their head.

And I also bet that she wasn't offered 5,000 baht either.

Please enlighten me.....

exactly how do you know these "FACTS"

Edited January 11, 2007 by gburns57au

[britmaveric]

But here we have people saying "dump Her"...they know nothing of him or the relationship.

What we do know is that she was caught "about to shag a customer". What we can easily assume is that it wasn't a first offence, but just the first conviction.

Anybody that doesn't think she has been shaggin' every Tom, Dick and Harry since her fiancé left has rocks in their head.

And I also bet that she wasn't offered 5,000 baht either.

Likely shagged him and got caught out after the fact.

[gburns57au]

But here we have people saying "dump Her"...they know nothing of him or the relationship.

What we do know is that she was caught "about to shag a customer". What we can easily assume is that it wasn't a first offence, but just the first conviction.

Anybody that doesn't think she has been shaggin' every Tom, Dick and Harry since her fiancé left has rocks in their head.

And I also bet that she wasn't offered 5,000 baht either.

Likely shagged him and got caught out after the fact.

Brit

We can safely assume that she was caught out at sometime either during, before or after the act. What we cant assume is if it has happened before or how many times it has happened, if indeed it has happened before.

This is the crux of the situation...too many here are assuming the worst....But the truth is that there is nothing to say so far that would indicate an on going deceit...just a lot of jaded old stereotypical responses from jaded ex pats and tourists who think that they know it all.

And before you all flame me....look at the facts as we know them from the OP's posts. This has all the hallmarks of a BG bashing thread...previously this would have had the thread closed.

[britmaveric]

gburns - point is she was working back at the bar. I think pretty much safe to say that she wasn't just working there for lady drinks. She's likely to make less at a bar behaving herself than what a normal job would be pay such as a factory.

[LaoPo]

I have a problem with my girlfriend as yyou can probably tell by the title of this post and was looking for some friendly advice and hopefully a nudge in the right direction. I hope I have posted this in the right place. I'll try and make it short

I have been in a relationship with a Thai girl for the last year now and everything has generally been ok. We got engaged last summer and plan on marrying in a further year. She was a bar girl and I got over the various issues related to this like the paranoia about continuing to do this behind my back and the fact this had been her previous work.

When we first met she continued to work until a few months later when I said I would support her and she moved back to Udon from Bangkok and she stayed with her family. We arranged a visa for her to come to england and she came for 2 months leaving just before Christmas and then went to Bangkok. She asked if she could work despite my support and I said yes but in a respectable bar, cafe, restaurant etc which she agreed to.

She was working in a bar and there were no problems until the other night. Basically I discovered she was in a hotel room with a male who had come into the bar and offered her 5000baht to stay with her for 2 hours. Luckily I called her before anything happened. She left straight away and was very very upset and apologetic. Her excuses / reasons were that 1) she doesn't want to keep asking me for more money because I will think she only wants me for my money and she is aware i currently have money problems. 2) her mother keeps asking her for money that she doesn't have and she didn't want to ask me for because of my current situation and that this is her problem and not mine even though Ive told her she can tell me anything. When she told me the other day 10000 I had given her to look after herself she had given to her mother I wasn't angry but thanked her for being truthful with me. 3) she won't stand up to her mother and tell her that she wants money than she can not possibly give her because she is indebted to her mother because she looks after her son, 4) she owed her friend 6000baht because her mother wanted money for her brothers wedding.

I obviously feel terrible. I essentially feel hurt and upset that she didn't come to me with the problem and that I feel equivalent to the 5000baht that she put before our relationship. She says she would never have done this if it had been the usual 2-3000baht a girl gets for sleeping with a man but the fact this was more than any girl earns for 2 hours and it took something like this to make her do it. Thats if it was 5000!? she has agreed to leave Bangkok and go back to her family and everything I have told her she needs to do to put things right such as moving back and she is readily agreeing because she feels so guilty and knows she has done something very bad. She is surprised I have not finsihed with her and my friends are too. She also keeps asking me to marry her in March when I was supposed to next go out, a fun trip it will be now!

To be honest I am coming through the upset now and getting to the anger phase where I am beginning to think of finishing with her because I am angry and cannot make sense of why she did this. To me she had a choice, it wasn't a matter of life or death to take this money. No one was ill and she needed the money quickly. She chose this money over her commitment to me.

Please someone offer their advice. Am I missing something culturally? Do you believe we can fix this and how? What do I need to do? I won't tell my male firends but i have told some female friends and they cannot believe I have let her do this and not finished it. I keep thinking it is just how she is because she was a bar girl before and if we are together she would never dream of doing something like this, am I foolish? from the way she talks she is detached from the act of sleeping with the man and calls it "just money" and "just work". Thsi is not like her because she is so sweet and like I say knows she has done a very bad thing. I love her still and know she loves me but can it work anymore?

I don't know what to think and just want some friendly advice. Any help welcomed and appreciated

Steven

Steven, to tell you the truth...I hesitated to answer or not but after reading all of your 9 posts you seem to be a nice and honest chap to me.

First: 5.000 Baht for 2 hours offered to your gf is highly unlikely and she must have made up that story in order to make you believe that; sorry to say.

You are obviously very much in love with her but there's a big difference in 'addicted to' and real love; you're the only one who can answer that question.

I have to go along with most posters and say: try to get her out of your mind.

If you still trust her ( ) invest a bit of money and have her checked by a private eye....

Lots of choices here:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=detective+thailand

LaoPo

Edited January 11, 2007 by LaoPo