Girlfriend Cheated

[solo siam]

If she was drunk enough to be puking who says she wasn't drunk enough to do something she wouldnt normally do?

At the end of the day she didnt have to pick up the phone, I mean why woul dshe just before going with another guy, whilst in his room?, she could have easily not answered the phone and said the next day that there was a problem, no charge in her phone etc...

buriramboy, when you introduce Western girls to your parents do you tell them how many guys they've had sex with? there's probably not that much of a difference in terms of how many guys a girl has slept with between a girl who likes to party from the Uk and a bar girl in Thailand.

Lots of very bitter people on here who probably trusted before and won't ever again, at the end of the day she didn't have to tell you - she's probably lying to you but you can never tell and there's a hint that she's not so into it (like picking up teh phone in the first place).

Remember these girls get a lot of "promises", at the end of the day, why aren't you in Thailand or her in your home country?

[Rego]

Not only would I tell you to break-up with her, but reading this has convinced me to break-up with my girlfriend as well.

My Thai girlfriend seems like see really loves me. But she has cheated on me, she pretended not to be married when she was, she always tells me about how great her husband is (eventhough she claims not to love him).

Anyway, my girlfriend will do everything exactly the way I want her to and then I will find out that she has been lying to me or cheating on me.

I know your girlfriend does amazing things for you and knows how to make you happy. But don't marry a prostitute. You will have a horrible life. I promise you. I am struggling to leave my girlfriend because she is so beautiful, so sweet, so charming, and so good in bed. But these kind of girls will only cause you more pain than joy.

[stevenh]

Hello everyone. The instigator of this post is back. I really only thought that I would get a few responses and that it would never have sparked a debate as long as this.

Thank you to everyone who responded regardless of pessimism, optimism, understanding or non-understanding.

Some people I will respond to within this post directly and I will also tell you what is currently happening. Some will wish me luck and some will thing I'm an absolute idiot. I respect this.

I have spent the last few days upset and we have argued constantly. I have asked her so many questions trying to disect what happened and trying to catch her out that I am exhausted by it. Today is the first day that we have no argued. I told her that I do not forgive her for what she did but if she was under this family pressure I can understand that this was an easy opportunity for her to get some money. She has constantly told me that this is the first time she was going to do this and trust me we have spoken so much after she has finished work she has had very little opportunity to get away with something like this. Maybe she did and maybe she didn't, I will never know because she would never admit it. I know she is under enormous family pressure to get money and that in light of this I should never have let her go back to Bangkok to work. I should also not have let her move in with girls who still work in bars and talk all day about their customers around her. This doesn't make what she did right, but she would have heard about the money they were making and as I mentioned before one of these girls has told her to think about doing this again to get the money. I foolishly told her that she can work but in a normal bar, restaurant etc not thinking it through properly and was foolish to think that she wouldn't get this kind of temptation working in a nice place.

When I first started reading peoples posts I was sure this had to finish regardless of my feelings for her and concentrate on my anger. I am already booked to go out to Thailand next month and thought I will see her and when I do I will know what I feel. She is going back to Udon and her family at my request, she asked me if she can go back to Bangkok in a few months and I said if she wants to stay with me then no she cannot, she readily accepted this. She was upset I keep asking the same questions of her and would cry through frustration (not crocodile tears!) at the relentlessness of my interogation, I told her that I would try stop but she has to understand how I feel, she accepted this and was asked if she wanted to finish and she declined. I told her that she can go find a new boyfriend easily and that she could find a much richer one (if she wasn't going back home - she could have many boyfriends and make quite an income for her family) and she cried and said she didn't want this, she had made a mistake and she knows what a bad thing she had done. She goes to work now and calls me every hour so I know what she is doing. I didn't ask her to do this, she has chosen to do this (she finishes tomorrow and goes home Sunday - thank god). She gets 15-20000 baht every month from me. Why would she stay with me and go home if she doesn't feel remorse and only things of the money. She was earning 30000+ before she met me. Do most people here believe this is not remorse and just another ploy?

Today we talked normally to each other and no questions and no arguing. She talked to me tonight about me coming to see her and what we can do. I was like one step at a time. She knows that I am heavily in debt and that over the next few months my money to her is going to go down. She said to me when she comes to live in England it is good if she can work because she can help pay for rent, have some for herself and send some home to her mother. I was stunned to be honest. Why does she want to go home to Udon away from the money she can make in Bangkok? Why does she want to stay with me when she knows my debt is going to take 7-8 years to pay off, that I can't buy my own home until it is? Why is she freely talking about paying money towards the rent and bills if she comes to live here? Is this all part of the devious plan?

I don't now everything about Thai culture but I know her family is always going to be important and that I need to get her away from the temptation.

I ask myself with the debt I have and the pressure I have because of this if someone came and offered me the equivalent of a months wages for sleeping with them regardless of their looks, if I would be faithful. I doubt it. Im not trying to excuse her for what she did but I know what pressure I'm under to find some money and do almost anything non-criminal to find some. She came here for 2 months and saw how I lived, that I'm not loaded, was she unhappy? no. did she complain? no. And eevrytime I apologised that I had no money to do something she said it was ok, she was happy to be with me. And she cried and cried about getting on the plane, she looked scared and genuinely upset.

gburns57au, Thai-Spy and Markuk Thank you for being the first to go against the grain and bringing some rationality to this thread. Thanks for offering an alternative way of thinking and looking at the bigger picture. There has been a lot of pessimism and not much question asking by people to understand the situation. Just generalising. I respect everyones thoughts on here, I really do, but I came on here for advice and feel some people have just wanted to hit me hard and wanted to make me feel foolish. Maybe I am, but time will tell.

Britmaveric - Thank you for your replies. I appreciate your points but the last one about the mobile. If she is going back to a little village in Udon if we speak regularly everyday, surely she will be caught out, Her son and young sisters are there shouting and screaming, there are chickens running around squaking. Its going to be pretty difficult for her to lie if she isn't in Udon.

TizMe - Thanks for the sensitivity of your words!!!!!!

Ben@H3-Digital - Thanks for arguing an alternative. I'm not in Thailand because my career is here for now. Its the way it is. If we work things out she will be moving here and says she is happy to do so. She just spent 2 months here and then had to go back because I couldn't support us both financially longer than this and the plan is for her to come here for a year next time on a student visa meaning she can work and this helps us out. She wants to do this and was happy I proposed this to her. Also currently Im going through some changes in my career and have to study and it would have been difficult for me to work all day and come home and not have time for her. It would have been boring for her staying.

A long post so not sure evryone will get through it. But I am going to give it one last try. I can't forgive her just yet but I will try and believe me any hint of this again in the future she will be dropped quick smart. She is doing everything I have asked of her to put things right, she knows she is with the wrong guy if she wants a quick fix and sometimes like I have mentioned she may have done a very bad thing to me but there are little things that make you realise she cares and is not all bad. A lot of people deny here that bar girls have feelings and are incapable of doing so and that maybe, just maybe they want a normal life. They may want the money, and hel_l some of them may be totally lost to their work, but how many of them really want to give over their bodies to ugly fat men and the like? (not that I am!!!). I have been with my girlfriend when she has been consoling a friend who was crying her eyes out that she hated her work so much and she'd been doing it for 4 years. She just wanted a nice life but couldn't escape it because of the pressures she had. As my girlfriend said to me a long time ago, do I really think any girl wants to work like this. They may become immune to their work but I cannot believe that most of them don't have some feelings somewhere.

Well, any thoughts are still appreciated and maybe I will be one of the pessimists here in future giving 'idiots' advice. But for now I'm going to give it a 2nd and final chance.

Steven

[JacknDanny]

Hello everyone. The instigator of this post is back. I really only thought that I would get a few responses and that it would never have sparked a debate as long as this.

Thank you to everyone who responded regardless of pessimism, optimism, understanding or non-understanding.

Some people I will respond to within this post directly and I will also tell you what is currently happening. Some will wish me luck and some will thing I'm an absolute idiot. I respect this.

I have spent the last few days upset and we have argued constantly. I have asked her so many questions trying to disect what happened and trying to catch her out that I am exhausted by it. Today is the first day that we have no argued. I told her that I do not forgive her for what she did but if she was under this family pressure I can understand that this was an easy opportunity for her to get some money. She has constantly told me that this is the first time she was going to do this and trust me we have spoken so much after she has finished work she has had very little opportunity to get away with something like this. Maybe she did and maybe she didn't, I will never know because she would never admit it. I know she is under enormous family pressure to get money and that in light of this I should never have let her go back to Bangkok to work. I should also not have let her move in with girls who still work in bars and talk all day about their customers around her. This doesn't make what she did right, but she would have heard about the money they were making and as I mentioned before one of these girls has told her to think about doing this again to get the money. I foolishly told her that she can work but in a normal bar, restaurant etc not thinking it through properly and was foolish to think that she wouldn't get this kind of temptation working in a nice place.

When I first started reading peoples posts I was sure this had to finish regardless of my feelings for her and concentrate on my anger. I am already booked to go out to Thailand next month and thought I will see her and when I do I will know what I feel. She is going back to Udon and her family at my request, she asked me if she can go back to Bangkok in a few months and I said if she wants to stay with me then no she cannot, she readily accepted this. She was upset I keep asking the same questions of her and would cry through frustration (not crocodile tears!) at the relentlessness of my interogation, I told her that I would try stop but she has to understand how I feel, she accepted this and was asked if she wanted to finish and she declined. I told her that she can go find a new boyfriend easily and that she could find a much richer one (if she wasn't going back home - she could have many boyfriends and make quite an income for her family) and she cried and said she didn't want this, she had made a mistake and she knows what a bad thing she had done. She goes to work now and calls me every hour so I know what she is doing. I didn't ask her to do this, she has chosen to do this (she finishes tomorrow and goes home Sunday - thank god). She gets 15-20000 baht every month from me. Why would she stay with me and go home if she doesn't feel remorse and only things of the money. She was earning 30000+ before she met me. Do most people here believe this is not remorse and just another ploy?

Today we talked normally to each other and no questions and no arguing. She talked to me tonight about me coming to see her and what we can do. I was like one step at a time. She knows that I am heavily in debt and that over the next few months my money to her is going to go down. She said to me when she comes to live in England it is good if she can work because she can help pay for rent, have some for herself and send some home to her mother. I was stunned to be honest. Why does she want to go home to Udon away from the money she can make in Bangkok? Why does she want to stay with me when she knows my debt is going to take 7-8 years to pay off, that I can't buy my own home until it is? Why is she freely talking about paying money towards the rent and bills if she comes to live here? Is this all part of the devious plan?

I don't now everything about Thai culture but I know her family is always going to be important and that I need to get her away from the temptation.

I ask myself with the debt I have and the pressure I have because of this if someone came and offered me the equivalent of a months wages for sleeping with them regardless of their looks, if I would be faithful. I doubt it. Im not trying to excuse her for what she did but I know what pressure I'm under to find some money and do almost anything non-criminal to find some. She came here for 2 months and saw how I lived, that I'm not loaded, was she unhappy? no. did she complain? no. And eevrytime I apologised that I had no money to do something she said it was ok, she was happy to be with me. And she cried and cried about getting on the plane, she looked scared and genuinely upset.

gburns57au, Thai-Spy and Markuk Thank you for being the first to go against the grain and bringing some rationality to this thread. Thanks for offering an alternative way of thinking and looking at the bigger picture. There has been a lot of pessimism and not much question asking by people to understand the situation. Just generalising. I respect everyones thoughts on here, I really do, but I came on here for advice and feel some people have just wanted to hit me hard and wanted to make me feel foolish. Maybe I am, but time will tell.

Britmaveric - Thank you for your replies. I appreciate your points but the last one about the mobile. If she is going back to a little village in Udon if we speak regularly everyday, surely she will be caught out, Her son and young sisters are there shouting and screaming, there are chickens running around squaking. Its going to be pretty difficult for her to lie if she isn't in Udon.

TizMe - Thanks for the sensitivity of your words!!!!!!

Ben@H3-Digital - Thanks for arguing an alternative. I'm not in Thailand because my career is here for now. Its the way it is. If we work things out she will be moving here and says she is happy to do so. She just spent 2 months here and then had to go back because I couldn't support us both financially longer than this and the plan is for her to come here for a year next time on a student visa meaning she can work and this helps us out. She wants to do this and was happy I proposed this to her. Also currently Im going through some changes in my career and have to study and it would have been difficult for me to work all day and come home and not have time for her. It would have been boring for her staying.

A long post so not sure evryone will get through it. But I am going to give it one last try. I can't forgive her just yet but I will try and believe me any hint of this again in the future she will be dropped quick smart. She is doing everything I have asked of her to put things right, she knows she is with the wrong guy if she wants a quick fix and sometimes like I have mentioned she may have done a very bad thing to me but there are little things that make you realise she cares and is not all bad. A lot of people deny here that bar girls have feelings and are incapable of doing so and that maybe, just maybe they want a normal life. They may want the money, and hel_l some of them may be totally lost to their work, but how many of them really want to give over their bodies to ugly fat men and the like? (not that I am!!!). I have been with my girlfriend when she has been consoling a friend who was crying her eyes out that she hated her work so much and she'd been doing it for 4 years. She just wanted a nice life but couldn't escape it because of the pressures she had. As my girlfriend said to me a long time ago, do I really think any girl wants to work like this. They may become immune to their work but I cannot believe that most of them don't have some feelings somewhere.

Well, any thoughts are still appreciated and maybe I will be one of the pessimists here in future giving 'idiots' advice. But for now I'm going to give it a 2nd and final chance.

Steven

Steven,

Do yourself a favour and buy yourself "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather.

Although a certain amount of poetic licence is used by the author, most of it is the truth and reality.

I am not judging you but as I said before most people have been in a similar situation.

[helicoptor]

Steven

Having read your latest post , I cannot help being pessimistic in thinking that this is ongoing manipulation - but good luck anyway; nothing more to say really, if you want to give it a scond chance then up to you.

In closing, ask yourself where you think you will both be in 2 years time in a emotional and financial sense.

[November Rain]

Good luck. And, for your sake, I really hope we're all just being cynical gits & are totally wrong!

[donna]

i truly wish you luck.

but ive been there done that. the 2nd chance will turn into the third and final chance. that will turn into the fourth and final chance........

shes got you where she wants you. only you have the power to stop this and you should do it now. someone who cares about another person does not do this.

on the scale of happiness/sadness, which way does the scale tip over a week? it should be overwhelmingly on the happiness side. even if it is balanced, thats not good enough.

you can do better.

[DragonQuest]

dude i feel sorry for you, there are plenty good looking girls in thailand, you dont need a bar girl, they are bad luck, and only want one thing from you, money! , so my advice , leave her, dump her, never see her again, and meet a better lady, she is obviously using you, and deserves no respect to that conclusion, good luck.

[Rainmaker]

Hello everyone. The instigator of this post is back. I really only thought that I would get a few responses and that it would never have sparked a debate as long as this.

Thank you to everyone who responded regardless of pessimism, optimism, understanding or non-understanding.

Some people I will respond to within this post directly and I will also tell you what is currently happening. Some will wish me luck and some will thing I'm an absolute idiot. I respect this.

I have spent the last few days upset and we have argued constantly. I have asked her so many questions trying to disect what happened and trying to catch her out that I am exhausted by it. Today is the first day that we have no argued. I told her that I do not forgive her for what she did but if she was under this family pressure I can understand that this was an easy opportunity for her to get some money. She has constantly told me that this is the first time she was going to do this and trust me we have spoken so much after she has finished work she has had very little opportunity to get away with something like this. Maybe she did and maybe she didn't, I will never know because she would never admit it. I know she is under enormous family pressure to get money and that in light of this I should never have let her go back to Bangkok to work. I should also not have let her move in with girls who still work in bars and talk all day about their customers around her. This doesn't make what she did right, but she would have heard about the money they were making and as I mentioned before one of these girls has told her to think about doing this again to get the money. I foolishly told her that she can work but in a normal bar, restaurant etc not thinking it through properly and was foolish to think that she wouldn't get this kind of temptation working in a nice place.

When I first started reading peoples posts I was sure this had to finish regardless of my feelings for her and concentrate on my anger. I am already booked to go out to Thailand next month and thought I will see her and when I do I will know what I feel. She is going back to Udon and her family at my request, she asked me if she can go back to Bangkok in a few months and I said if she wants to stay with me then no she cannot, she readily accepted this. She was upset I keep asking the same questions of her and would cry through frustration (not crocodile tears!) at the relentlessness of my interogation, I told her that I would try stop but she has to understand how I feel, she accepted this and was asked if she wanted to finish and she declined. I told her that she can go find a new boyfriend easily and that she could find a much richer one (if she wasn't going back home - she could have many boyfriends and make quite an income for her family) and she cried and said she didn't want this, she had made a mistake and she knows what a bad thing she had done. She goes to work now and calls me every hour so I know what she is doing. I didn't ask her to do this, she has chosen to do this (she finishes tomorrow and goes home Sunday - thank god). She gets 15-20000 baht every month from me. Why would she stay with me and go home if she doesn't feel remorse and only things of the money. She was earning 30000+ before she met me. Do most people here believe this is not remorse and just another ploy?

Today we talked normally to each other and no questions and no arguing. She talked to me tonight about me coming to see her and what we can do. I was like one step at a time. She knows that I am heavily in debt and that over the next few months my money to her is going to go down. She said to me when she comes to live in England it is good if she can work because she can help pay for rent, have some for herself and send some home to her mother. I was stunned to be honest. Why does she want to go home to Udon away from the money she can make in Bangkok? Why does she want to stay with me when she knows my debt is going to take 7-8 years to pay off, that I can't buy my own home until it is? Why is she freely talking about paying money towards the rent and bills if she comes to live here? Is this all part of the devious plan?

I don't now everything about Thai culture but I know her family is always going to be important and that I need to get her away from the temptation.

I ask myself with the debt I have and the pressure I have because of this if someone came and offered me the equivalent of a months wages for sleeping with them regardless of their looks, if I would be faithful. I doubt it. Im not trying to excuse her for what she did but I know what pressure I'm under to find some money and do almost anything non-criminal to find some. She came here for 2 months and saw how I lived, that I'm not loaded, was she unhappy? no. did she complain? no. And eevrytime I apologised that I had no money to do something she said it was ok, she was happy to be with me. And she cried and cried about getting on the plane, she looked scared and genuinely upset.

gburns57au, Thai-Spy and Markuk Thank you for being the first to go against the grain and bringing some rationality to this thread. Thanks for offering an alternative way of thinking and looking at the bigger picture. There has been a lot of pessimism and not much question asking by people to understand the situation. Just generalising. I respect everyones thoughts on here, I really do, but I came on here for advice and feel some people have just wanted to hit me hard and wanted to make me feel foolish. Maybe I am, but time will tell.

Britmaveric - Thank you for your replies. I appreciate your points but the last one about the mobile. If she is going back to a little village in Udon if we speak regularly everyday, surely she will be caught out, Her son and young sisters are there shouting and screaming, there are chickens running around squaking. Its going to be pretty difficult for her to lie if she isn't in Udon.

TizMe - Thanks for the sensitivity of your words!!!!!!

Ben@H3-Digital - Thanks for arguing an alternative. I'm not in Thailand because my career is here for now. Its the way it is. If we work things out she will be moving here and says she is happy to do so. She just spent 2 months here and then had to go back because I couldn't support us both financially longer than this and the plan is for her to come here for a year next time on a student visa meaning she can work and this helps us out. She wants to do this and was happy I proposed this to her. Also currently Im going through some changes in my career and have to study and it would have been difficult for me to work all day and come home and not have time for her. It would have been boring for her staying.

A long post so not sure evryone will get through it. But I am going to give it one last try. I can't forgive her just yet but I will try and believe me any hint of this again in the future she will be dropped quick smart. She is doing everything I have asked of her to put things right, she knows she is with the wrong guy if she wants a quick fix and sometimes like I have mentioned she may have done a very bad thing to me but there are little things that make you realise she cares and is not all bad. A lot of people deny here that bar girls have feelings and are incapable of doing so and that maybe, just maybe they want a normal life. They may want the money, and hel_l some of them may be totally lost to their work, but how many of them really want to give over their bodies to ugly fat men and the like? (not that I am!!!). I have been with my girlfriend when she has been consoling a friend who was crying her eyes out that she hated her work so much and she'd been doing it for 4 years. She just wanted a nice life but couldn't escape it because of the pressures she had. As my girlfriend said to me a long time ago, do I really think any girl wants to work like this. They may become immune to their work but I cannot believe that most of them don't have some feelings somewhere.

Well, any thoughts are still appreciated and maybe I will be one of the pessimists here in future giving 'idiots' advice. But for now I'm going to give it a 2nd and final chance.

Steven

Steven,

Do yourself a favour and buy yourself "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather.

Although a certain amount of poetic licence is used by the author, most of it is the truth and reality.

I am not judging you but as I said before most people have been in a similar situation.

Steven, take the advice, read Private dancer, it will give you a clearer insight,

[stevenh]

Ok. wheres the money? I owe the banks £30k, she knows this. She can stay and work in Bangkok for 30000baht a month I have given her for the last 2 months half of this. Where is the benefit for her??? What is she really getting from me? She told me that she wants to marry this March and come to England which I have refused to do as too soon for me especially now in light of what happened. If she comes to England she has been here and sees how I live and that I am not rolling in money, she knows if she works she will have a low paid job perhaps working in a restaurant and that this doesn't work out more than the money she gets from working in Bangkok as a bar girl. She has been told this and she knows this. She knows I don't own my home and that my debt is going to take 7 to 8 years to pay off. She knows that when she gets towards 30 she won't have the looks to get the money she could make now if we finished and she had to go back to her previous work so she's not going to be taking me for half my house because I won't have one and she knows this.

So someone please tell me why she is wasting her time with me when she could be out there making a hel_l of a lot more money and rinsing some guy in his 40's or 50's with a good job out of every penny he has?

If I am being short sighted then please put it right under my nose for me. I know I am taking a risk and may get hurt but Ive had English girlfriends hurt me before. Why is she going back to Udon away from Bangkok, wheres the money there? She can just say no and risk I stay with her or not. But if she stays and I finish the relationship, if she is so cold and heartless she will just move onto the next poor idiot. If she wants to exploit people, there is nothing here to exploit other than my feelings because there is certainly little money!

[Fun2Fun]

Ok. wheres the money? I owe the banks £30k, she knows this. She can stay and work in Bangkok for 30000baht a month I have given her for the last 2 months half of this. Where is the benefit for her??? What is she really getting from me? She told me that she wants to marry this March and come to England which I have refused to do as too soon for me especially now in light of what happened. If she comes to England she has been here and sees how I live and that I am not rolling in money, she knows if she works she will have a low paid job perhaps working in a restaurant and that this doesn't work out more than the money she gets from working in Bangkok as a bar girl. She has been told this and she knows this. She knows I don't own my home and that my debt is going to take 7 to 8 years to pay off. She knows that when she gets towards 30 she won't have the looks to get the money she could make now if we finished and she had to go back to her previous work so she's not going to be taking me for half my house because I won't have one and she knows this.

So someone please tell me why she is wasting her time with me when she could be out there making a hel_l of a lot more money and rinsing some guy in his 40's or 50's with a good job out of every penny he has?

If I am being short sighted then please put it right under my nose for me. I know I am taking a risk and may get hurt but Ive had English girlfriends hurt me before. Why is she going back to Udon away from Bangkok, wheres the money there? She can just say no and risk I stay with her or not. But if she stays and I finish the relationship, if she is so cold and heartless she will just move onto the next poor idiot. If she wants to exploit people, there is nothing here to exploit other than my feelings because there is certainly little money!

Its up to you wether to continue the relationship or not, presumably no one in this forum knows the particulars of your relationship and the 2 key players in it enough to really judge the situation properly.

[buriramboy]

of course you are being short sighted, she will never "dump" you while you are continuing to give her money every month, regardless of how much/little. there is no point in her doing it, do yourself a favour accept you've been taken for a ride, and stay away from bargirls if you want a relationship. a decent non-bargirl is not exactly hard to find in Thailand, again why i find it hard to sympathize with peeps who get rolled by BG's. anyway good luck with whatever you do, as i feel you will take the wrong option and need all the luck you can get.

BB

[stevenh]

of course you are being short sighted, she will never "dump" you while you are continuing to give her money every month, regardless of how much/little. there is no point in her doing it, do yourself a favour accept you've been taken for a ride, and stay away from bargirls if you want a relationship. a decent non-bargirl is not exactly hard to find in Thailand, again why i find it hard to sympathize with peeps who get rolled by BG's. anyway good luck with whatever you do, as i feel you will take the wrong option and need all the luck you can get.

BB

Apologies, are you talking from a bad experience? And that is not a provocative question.

Of course there is a point to her dumping me. She can be making a hel_l of a lot more money than she's getting from me and string me along for as long as she can and when I wake up find another mug to replace me. Why is she prepared to sit down with her mother when I go and explain that the money just isn't there at the moment and that her mother is asking too much of her and essentially me. Her mother has told her not to mess up the relationship because she can see I am good to her and not through money but how I am around her and her family. And why does she want to marry in March and come here because thats a little bit more serious than just giving her money and is she really going to come here and not be happy because there is no money?

And why do people keep telling me to read certain books. Theyre one element and one story, it doesn't necessarily apply to everything. Is everyone here going to say that Thai-Spy is wrong in his assessment of BGs?

Does anyone believe that a BG can have genuine feelings for someone or are they just heartless beings? I am absolutely stunned by peoples pessimism and refusal to see anything other than all BGs are bad and should be avoided. This is regardless of my situation.

[Mid]

stevenh

friendly advise from one who has this t-shirt also ...................

there are plenty more fish in the sea , even if it doesn't seem that way right now ................

good luck

mid

[BKK90210]

...... And why does she want to marry in March and come here because thats a little bit more serious than just giving her money and is she really going to come here and not be happy because there is no money?......

On negative side

1-You’re her obvious free pass to England and British Passport. I have heard some girls will dump their farang husband after that.

2-Or if she hasn’t found any rich farang in Thailand by now, she might think why not go to the source. There is higher probability for her in finding one in England…. even richer and younger?

3-About her wanting to study and work part time in England. Right! Well I know a few in the US who have been selling their muff during the study breaks.

Well I can go on and on. But If I’m wrong about her then good for you!... cause you just have found one of those diamonds in the rough.

Obviously you're head over heels with her, I don't think anyone of us can make you see any sense. Because seems to me you're already made up your mind about her and just looking for validations on your points of view

Edited January 12, 2007 by BKK90210

[sbk]

Obviously you're head over heels with her, I don't think anyone of us can make you see any sense. Because seems to me you're already made up your mind about her and just looking for validations on your points of view

Most sensible post so far, personally, I see no point in the endless rehashing of your relationship online. You've gotten answers, you've listened to the ones you like and rejected the ones that you don't.

Clearly, you must make your own decisions about your own life and none of us can really know or understand the route you choose to take. As my wise father taught me "you can never know what is going on in another man's head or another man's bed".

Besides, I don't see the need for endless Thai bar girl bashing. This is one girl and one guy. There are good and bad of everything and I, personally, have had enough of it here.

[PhilHarries]

steven,

the example I quoted about the ex bg was meant to demonstrate that no matter how much wealth these girls have some of them just can't give up the game. There are exeptions to this rule, granted, but we have to go by the accepted norms for bg behaviour and many of us have significant experience to pass on.

I was one of the lucky ones, my ex bg lived with me for ten years and never gave me so much as a fleeting doubt about her fidelity (but I still couldn't ever say 100% she never ever wandered as they can be bluddy devious). If my contract hadn't ended we'd still be together but she wouldn't come back to UK with me (can't say I blame her) so we split. Different circumstances I'd have married her but it wasn't to be and she's now met and married another Brit and as far as I can tell she is not on the game despite him not being there.

So it does work out. It also does not.

I've seen grown men, head in hands, openly weeping at the bar. I've seen men smashing their heads against a concrete pillar, threatening suicide, threatening murder of either the girl or her current fella and many other sad scenes.

There are those with the rose tinted specs giving you opposing scenarios, there are those demanding facts and evidence to support the overwhelming views expressed on this thread. It's funny how many people demand solid evidence before they believe anything but quite happily worship a god for which there is no evidence at all. But these folks are entitled their opinion and I can't say 100% they're wrong or the rest of are right but we have to weigh up the facts as presented and apply probability to our advice. This is not a court of law and no one is going to jail or the gallows, you wanted advice and you've got it.

It's now entirely "up to you" as they say but another factor that has to be taken into account is your debts. I'll say nothing more except take a good look at their value and ask yourself "at my current earning level how long will it take to pay them off?". Then look at your current lifestyle and ask "how long would any girl, given her previous form, live like this given the temptations of other guys with more disposable income?".

Enough, I honestly wish you the best of luck for the future and hope, whatever you do, your life works out for you.

[qualtrough]

To the OP: Why are you putting yourself through this? As others have pointed out, there are plenty of other women around, in Thailand and elsewhere. Many of those women come with all kinds of problems, but for the most part they pale in comparision with the cartload that any woman involved in prostitution hauls around. And on top of those issues you have another pile of cultural differences which by themselves can require an enormous amount of work. Your relationship should be a source of comfort, not an endless worry. As is so often the case it sounds like you will pursue this to the bitter end. I wish it were otherwise, and we may see you again here before too long.

[britmaveric]

Steven - be careful mate and keep your eyes open. I think this is all anyone here is saying. If you want to make a go of things then thats certainly your choice. Her family's behaviour at this juncture is extremely worrying. You sorted out the family monetary obligations once you marry her and bring her back to UK?

Wish I could find those Youtube Videos of the baker who brought his thai wife back to england. (be relevant watching for you)

[thaiprivateeye]

stevenh,

It's all been said before, both good advice and not so good advice, so I won't labor the point and go over it all again.

All I will say to you though is Trust But Verify....

TPE II

ps. Good luck

[Jonson83]

Why start a thread asking for advise if your not going to take any?

I think you have really deluded yourself(no offense) with the money situation.If you were as poor as you make yourself out to be.You would not be sending her 20k baht monthly.Ofcourse no matter how poor you think you are,you are still incredibly rich to her.Remember that.

As for her having nothing to gain by coming here to live,christ....If she gets citzenship her family are set for life,simple as(why do you think shes so desperate to marry you!).She can earn thousands here,i really do not know how you came to the conclusion that a bangkok BG earning 30k monthly is better off then say a western waitress.Minimum wage in England is about 400baht p/hour,if she worked just 25 hours a week,she'll be taking in more than 60k baht monthly and living cheap won't be a problem for her.Ofcourse she could get two jobs and she would be raking it in and whos to say she won't turn to prostitution/porn industy etc in England??? The guy in your story offered her 5k Bht and she was sold! 5k baht is not a lot of money in England..think about it.. You say she is really beautiful? ,hel_l she could make thousands over here,thousands!

Sorry for being so blunt,but its just how i see it.To her your a walking ATM/passport to farangland.

Bottom line,shes using you m8,dump her for your own sake.

[Mahout Angrit]

All lies and jest;

Still, a man hears what he wants to hear

And disregards the rest.

Paul Simon - The Boxer.

[JacknDanny]

Advise is what we ask for when we already know the answer......but wish we didnt!

[Sheryl]

Steven,

The forces which lead a woman into prostitution are multiple and very complex. It is never as sinmple as needing money or family pressure, although these can be part of it. But much more is involved, and the exact mixture of reasons and motives differ with each woman and they usually don;t have all that much understanding of it even themselves.

Then come the efects on a woman of having been a prostitue. They also are variable but always complex and almosty always pretty profound.

Between the bundle of factors and issues which led a woman to going ionto the business, and the pyshcological and (especially in Thailand) social impact of having done so, getting out is no easy matter...even if the woman really wants to.

It is just not as simple a matter as you may imagine it to be. And no matter how much you want to help, you can have only a limited influence on how much she can change. (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she does want to. I'm certainly in no position to judge otherwise).

I detect a tendency to take on too much responsibility for someone else's actions and for things that are outside your control in your most recent post. It's easy for me to spot that because I have that tendency myself. Be careful, it can cause you quite a biot of unhappiness without doing the person you want to help any particular good.

If you decide to still tyry to see it through with her, be under no illusion that in the best case scenario it will be a long, hard and rocky road. It is NOT just a matter of her really wanting to change (although if she doesn't then of course it is hopeless). Chnage isn't as simple as it might sound. And money is not going to make the difference either way, believe it or not.

All of what I just said holds true for any kind of rescue/rehabilitation mission, be it of a substance abuser, gambler, or even just a very poor person or under achiever. I'm not aying no one should try, just that you have to understand that the odds are formidable and that a lot of the outcome depends on things you cannot influenec, however much you might want to.

If you feel you want to go ahead and try, fine, but do ity knowing that you should not expect smooth sailing and that there are a lot of dynamics under the surface that neither you nor even she fully understands...and that your best efforts cannot guarantee success. You can love a person, but you can't change them. And it's not easy for anyone to change themselves, either.

Last bit of advice -- if you do decide to try to make a go of it, get her into therapy. If she is sincere about wanting to change she'll agree and she'll need it. If she doesn't agree then she either doesn't have the motivation to change or lacks the courage to face all the factors that got her where she is, which means that she won't succeed in changing.

might not be a bad idea to get some counseling yourself -- not to help you decide what to do but to help you keep avoid feeling overly responsible for her choices and actions.

[paulsmithson]

Many Thai prostitutes want to come to England. Why?

Rate for L/T Thailand £14-£21

Rate for L/T England £ 1500

Rate S/T Thailand £ 7

Rate s/T England £40-£60

I have even had bar girls ask me to get them here to work and offered me a deal -they would work 4 days for me---and 3 days for themselves.

Last time I talked to an ex bar girl married to an Englishman here in the UK she told me anyone could have her for £10 or £20!

ONLY A FOOL LETS A DOG BITE TWICE !

[pap]

Pretty simple. Without trust you have nothing. So forget it.

That leaves you with 2 choices.

Accept that she will sleep with others for money and don't worry about it OR move on with your life. Many have over analyzed this and brought in variables that don't matter. Like where she lives. It is not relevant. Accept it as it is or move on. You can not change other people. Only they can change themselves.

How many guys can fall for this routine. This does not just happen in Thailand. It happens wherever there are men and women. Relationships take effort and love at first sight is extremely rare because you have to know someone to know if you love them.

Sex is not love and relationships take 2 to work. Not 1 but 2.

Lots a luck.

[pap]

Steven,

The forces which lead a woman into prostitution are multiple and very complex. It is never as sinmple as needing money or family pressure, although these can be part of it. But much more is involved, and the exact mixture of reasons and motives differ with each woman and they usually don;t have all that much understanding of it even themselves.

Then come the efects on a woman of having been a prostitue. They also are variable but always complex and almosty always pretty profound.

Between the bundle of factors and issues which led a woman to going ionto the business, and the pyshcological and (especially in Thailand) social impact of having done so, getting out is no easy matter...even if the woman really wants to.

It is just not as simple a matter as you may imagine it to be. And no matter how much you want to help, you can have only a limited influence on how much she can change. (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she does want to. I'm certainly in no position to judge otherwise).

I detect a tendency to take on too much responsibility for someone else's actions and for things that are outside your control in your most recent post. It's easy for me to spot that because I have that tendency myself. Be careful, it can cause you quite a biot of unhappiness without doing the person you want to help any particular good.

If you decide to still tyry to see it through with her, be under no illusion that in the best case scenario it will be a long, hard and rocky road. It is NOT just a matter of her really wanting to change (although if she doesn't then of course it is hopeless). Chnage isn't as simple as it might sound. And money is not going to make the difference either way, believe it or not.

All of what I just said holds true for any kind of rescue/rehabilitation mission, be it of a substance abuser, gambler, or even just a very poor person or under achiever. I'm not aying no one should try, just that you have to understand that the odds are formidable and that a lot of the outcome depends on things you cannot influenec, however much you might want to.

If you feel you want to go ahead and try, fine, but do ity knowing that you should not expect smooth sailing and that there are a lot of dynamics under the surface that neither you nor even she fully understands...and that your best efforts cannot guarantee success. You can love a person, but you can't change them. And it's not easy for anyone to change themselves, either.

Last bit of advice -- if you do decide to try to make a go of it, get her into therapy. If she is sincere about wanting to change she'll agree and she'll need it. If she doesn't agree then she either doesn't have the motivation to change or lacks the courage to face all the factors that got her where she is, which means that she won't succeed in changing.

might not be a bad idea to get some counseling yourself -- not to help you decide what to do but to help you keep avoid feeling overly responsible for her choices and actions.

Your thoughts are well thought out but you can't over emphasize that the other person is the only one who can change this.

Trying to have a farang/Thai relationship is hard when both people have their head screwed on straight and are willing to try to understand each others cultures and accept them.

They don't get easier when you throw this kind of baggage into the mix. The only real advice is for him to move on because he can't be the person she leans on to get her out of this type of life because ....as I understand it....he is not there. And you sure don't marry someone to save them. That is almost doomed from the start because to save them you have to tell them many things they may not want to hear. This is true of anything that a person may need to be saved from.

There is always the possibility that this person has made a choice and is ok with doing this for a living as well and therefore can't be saved.

[pedro01]

Heard the Expression -- There is no fool like an old fool.

This is the message I recieved from the thai girl I first met and loved

Hello Papa Bazu,

I'm worry you so much when you have sick. I'd like to take care you and it's

very difficult for me because you love me in the past time too much... I

understand that you 'd like me take care you again, If you want me take care

you all your life, you can transfer the money in my account about 3,000,000

Baht and alittle salary too... for my security life and my child too. If I

make decision to live with you , I can't have the other one..And if in the

one day, what's happened with you, I can't find anyone to take care me... I

hope you will understand me because it's my future. I have to live with you

and if you think that you can't give for me and I can't stay and take care

you too...

We only are be friend, please take care of yourself..

Miss and worry ...

Kaw

two months after she came back she told me she wanted to go home for a week for mother's day -- I gave her money -- She went ---- Two men one week golfing holiday -- one bed - two men -- one week -- 20,000 bt I did not find out till a long time later -- both men I thought were friends. --

look for another -- and I hope you will be as lucky as I have been

You didn't put up the 3 million did you ?

Very sorry to hear about that.

[GuestHouse]

might not be a bad idea to get some counseling yourself -- not to help you decide what to do but to help you keep avoid feeling overly responsible for her choices and actions.

Good advice.

There is a reason why people CHOOSE to put up with this <deleted>, there is a reason why people CHOOSE partners from this line of business - Don't just get rid of her, go get some help getting rid of why you made the choices you have.

[meemiathai]

might not be a bad idea to get some counseling yourself -- not to help you decide what to do but to help you keep avoid feeling overly responsible for her choices and actions.

Good advice.

There is a reason why people CHOOSE to put up with this <deleted>, there is a reason why people CHOOSE partners from this line of business - Don't just get rid of her, go get some help getting rid of why you made the choices you have.

Can you the most respectable GH enlighten me where you think these people should end up? Should these women be executed? Sent to concentration camps? Since you suggest any men with a right mind wouldn't be choosing them, they should deserve no love from men or perhaps no one? They should be punished for what they have done, is that right?

From what I've seen here, you are a nice man, a good-hearted man, an intelligent man, an educated man(without doubt), a sucessful man businesswise......etc(the list goes on with everthing good) I can only figure you as one of the toppest people on earth. But not all people are borned that capable. So are they less human than you are? Should they be looked down on? I never look down on people. But maybe I should learn to do so in order to make myself at least closer to as successful as you are.

I really did not want to post as 1)this is a ladies forum 2)hijacking the thread, but I am really eager to know if you think you are better than them. And for what reason you think you are.

Thanks.

P.S. I have never been treated badly by any BGs. No BGs had ever tried to scam me for money. In fact I have always been treated with a lot of respect. It does so make me wonder why people get into so much trouble.