4 Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

Real Canadian Coffee

A Newfoundland woman "of a certain age", visited her physician

to ask for his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?"asks the doctor.

"Oh, no, Doctor, I couldn't do dat," she said. "He won't even take an

aspirin.

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't

even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how

things went"

It wasn't a week later, that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as

to the progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, Doctor, 'twas horrid.

Just terrible!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee. Lard de effect

was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his

eye, and with his pants a-bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his

arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters he

did, and then, Lard Tunderin Jaysus, didn't he take me right then and there,

making wild, mad passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare,

I tell you!"

"Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"

" No, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I had in

25years. But, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton's ever

again!"

MAN PRAYER

I Pray for a Deaf Mute Nymphomaniac with Huge Boobs

Who owns a Liquor store and a Bass Boat

This doesn't Rhyme and I Don't Give a Sh**.

Amen

A truly Canadian apology to the USA Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour

Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the

United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently

and for that I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but it wasn't nice

of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron

shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like

you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than

you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and

better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse

would be that our team was much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against

a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it

took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler and

three years against the Kaiser, but that was different. Everyone knew they

had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly

apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a

thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset at.

Thank You.

Only in Canada

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps

out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. At the next light the trucker hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!!!!

Edited January 15, 2007 by Jamesyboi