3 Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several

years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice with picnic tables,

horseshoe pits, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. When he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come here to watch you ladies swim

naked or make you come out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he

said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his

regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby

table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle

of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman,

saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and

sends a note over to the man.

Her note reads:

For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a

million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own

back to her. Hs note reads:

"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850, and

a Volvo in my garage. I have over twenty-five million dollars in the

bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three

inches off. JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."

I GUESS THIS HUSBAND LEARNED THE HARD WAY!

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through

traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything

she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds

or less.

"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday the 12th, due to the

condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the

'Think before you say things to your wife club."